Vive, Vale, Gaude
by Haggath
Summary: She was prepared to do everything she could to help her friends. No one ever told her it would be easy. No one could have possibly told her how high the price was going to be. Ryou-centric.
1. To Change the Fate

Disclaimer: _Clannad_ the visual novel is the property of Key and their respective partners. I'm not sure how much of _Clannad _the anime belongs to Key and how much belongs to Kyoto Animation, but nonetheless none of its content belongs to me. I'm not making any money with this fic.

Author's notes: _Vive, vale_ is a Latin farewell greeting, which translates to 'Live, be well'. Due to the nature of this story, I saw it fitting to add _gaude,_ 'rejoice' to that ancient phrase. So, practically 'Vive, vale, gaude' stands for a farewell combined with best wishes for the future.

Many thanks to my beta-reader, Anya Anthony, for all her help.

Read and enjoy.

* * *

The halls of Hikarizaka general hospital were quiet and murky, the only light shining from the vending machines and lamp posts outside. The tiled, glistening floor reflected the artificial light, forming an impression of sterile, tranquil atmosphere. Rows of closed white doors leading to the patients' rooms decorated the otherwise plain empty walls, and save for an occasional cough or snore from behind the doors; nothing disrupted the hospital's nocturnal harmony.

A sudden click could be heard as one of the doors' handles' pressed down and the door swung open silently yet swiftly. A figure, clad in white and blue nurse's uniform stepped outside, pressed the door shut in her wake, and began to walk down the hallway, her shoes making a barely audible sound against the floor.

Fujibayashi Ryou stifled a yawn and checked her watch. Now that she had completed her final round, there was only an hour of her shift left. By the time it was over and she could go back home, the day should've already dawned, too.

Ryou sighed softly and rubbed her eyes, trying to ward off the approaching sleep. She didn't particularly dislike the night shift, but she had to admit it didn't do exactly wonders to her sleep pattern.

_Well,_ she reminded herself silently with a small smile. _At least I'm not as bad as onee-chan_. Fujibayashi Kyou's ability to sleep in remarkably well, as well as having severe headache due to insomnia – which some claimed was a big factor behind her temper – was nothing short of legendary amongst the twins' friends and family. Ryou was grateful for the fact that her sister had chosen to become a kindergarten teacher instead of a shift-worker like her.

Ryou, herself, had become a nurse like she had always wanted. For her, taking care of others welfare was like natural instinct, and the years she had spent studying to become a nurse had only strengthened that trait. Her twin sister often said that her studies had done wonders to her self-esteem, too, at least in comparison to her high school years; No longer did she need to hide behind Kyou's back, stuttering and blushing. Although, Ryou often thought it was simply because she had grown up - she was, after all, twenty-five already – and there were still going to be situations where she needed her big sister's support.

Fujibayashi Ryou sighed, suddenly feeling old and nostalgic. She really had grown, hadn't she? Graduating from high school, graduating from nursery school, moving out of her childhood home, getting a job in the recently built hospital... The last six years had seemed to float by. At some point, she had realized her life had deviated of her twin sister's – even though they still shared the same apartment – and that her mother had started to urge her to find a decent husband to spend the rest of her life with. It had been a shock to see how much had passed by, and how much more would be waiting ahead.

Still, Ryou was happy with her life. She was content on how things had turned out so far; in high school, nursery school, and working in society – she had made many good friends, graduated with good grades, and managed to get an occupation she had wanted. She was positive about the future; how she would find a good, understanding husband through either chance encounter or arranged marriage. She was grateful for having her friends, her dear parents, and her beloved sister.

She was happy.

* * *

She saw him when she was passing through the intensive care unit on her way out. At first glance, she couldn't recognize him; slumped down in a hallway chair in a miserable posture, draped in a soaking wet, brown coat and worn-out jeans, messy dark hair plastered on the side of his face - the image belonged to no one she could recognize.

But, upon closer inspection, her eyes widened.

"O-Okazaki Tomoya?" She couldn't believe it herself. This miserable-looking man was nothing like the Okazaki Tomoya she remembered; the cool, easy-going delinquent she had had eyes for during her high school days.

Of course, those days were in the far past. In the end, Tomoya had chosen Nagisa, and as far as Ryou could tell, hadn't even noticed she had been after him as well. Promptly after that, she had settled as his friend - as Nagisa's friend, she simply couldn't bring herself to step between those two, especially when they seemed so perfectly suited for each other. She hadn't come to regret it; Tomoya had become a dear friend to him, especially after Nagisa had managed to 'hammer some manners into him', as Kyou had put it.

Suddenly, a lump rose into her throat, and she could feel a tear forming in the corner of her eye before she hastily wiped it away. Even five years after Nagisa's tragic childbirth which had claimed her life, Ryou still found it unbearably sad and unfair - why had such a sweet girl had to die, and in such a sorrowful way, too? Her chest constricted painfully as she thought of what Tomoya and Nagisa's parents must have felt like - must still feel like.

"Okazaki-kun?" Breaking out of her reverie, she called his name again, this time like she had used to all those years ago. No response. "Okazaki-kun, are you alright? Why are you here in the hospital?" Perhaps it wasn't the best way to start a conversation with a friend you hadn't seen in many years, but the fact that he was here in the intensive care unit in the early hours of the morning was enough to tell Ryou things definitely weren't alright.

When he still didn't reply, she hastily made her way to his side.

"Okazaki-kun?" Crouching low so that her eyes were on the same level as Tomoya's, Ryou repeated his name softly. His face was cast down, the only visible feature the tip of his nose, and he showed no reaction - much less intention of raising his head. "It's me, Fujibayashi Ryou. Has something happened?"

His complete lack of reaction, even to the mentioning of her name, was enough of a trigger to act.

"Okazaki-kun!" Acting on instinct, Ryou firmly grasped his wrist and began to search for a pulse. A small part of her mortified: She, grasping Tomoya's hand forcefully? Such a thing would've been nigh impossible the last time she had seen him. In this situation, however, she was a professional nurse, and he was but another patient to him.

Confirming that he had a pulse did little to ease her worry: Tomoya hadn't, despite her yell and action, moved a muscle. She was about to check his breathing and call for active duty nurses when suddenly the nearby operation room door opened, causing her to stand up quickly.

"Oh, Fujibayashi-san?" called out the doctor who had stepped out of the room, removing his white gloves. "I thought your shift had already ended?"

"Tanuka-san," she greeted him with a small bow. "That's right, I was just leaving. However, I noticed my friend here, and grew worried because he didn't react to my calls." Throwing a sideways glance at Tomoya, Ryou confirmed that he was still as passive as ever. "He has a pulse and seems to be conscious, but he's not reacting to stimulus. Please, if you could take a better look at him..."

"Fujibayashi-san," he interrupted, a frown marring his face. Nurses and doctors weren't supposed to take care of their friends and family - attachment to the patient wasn't healthy for either party. "Now might not be the best time to talk with him. In fact, I think it'd be best for you to leave." Ryou took a step backwards from Tomoya, an ashamed blush on her face - but she didn't leave yet. The doctor arched an eyebrow.

"Uhm, as his friend, I would like to hear what is wrong. That way, I can perhaps be of help and support." She glanced quickly at Tomoya. "Ah, but only if it's okay with Okazaki-kun," she added as an afterthought. As she had expected, the abnormally passive Tomoya didn't react in any way.

"Very well," the doctor sighed, turning to Tomoya. "Okazaki-san, I'm sorry to bring this up at this situation, but we need you to fill in some papers, as well as question you for a clear image of what happened last night. I'm terribly sorry, but it's the protocol." Ryou brought her arms together and clenched her hands, a cold feeling of dread settling in her stomach. She recognized those words, knew in what kind of situation they were used. "Of course, if you wish to go see your daughter, take your time."

Tomoya drew in a wavering breath, and then let it out, a visible shudder running through his body. Ryou brought her hands in front of her mouth, biting her lip as she struggled against tears. _No, no, no, no, please don't let it be true. Please, tell me I've misunderstood._

"Thank you, doctor," Okazaki Tomoya said, his voice hollow and quiet, confirming her fear. "But I'd rather remember her alive."

As her friend was led away by the doctor, Fujibayashi Ryou wept bitterly for the family that had lost everything. She wept for Nagisa, for Tomoya, for Ushio.

She wept for the unfairness of it all.

* * *

Ryou wandered through the streets, navigating past the swarming pedestrians hurrying to their work. It had finally stopped snowing, and rays of sunlight were beginning to pierce through the dissipating clouds, already melting the early snow that had fallen during the night. Familiar shops and streets passed by without her even glancing at their direction, and even acquaintances who called out their greeting were left without reply.

Ryou was virtually blind and deaf to her surroundings, staring off to the distance with glazed eyes as her legs carried her onwards. In the end, she hadn't been of any help, much less support to Tomoya. By the time she had gotten a hold of herself and stopped crying, he had already been gone. After that, she had wandered off, her mind wiped blank. She knew she couldn't return to the apartment she shared with her sister - she would immediately see something was troubling her, and Ryou simply couldn't lie to her sister, especially not because she was Ushio's teacher.

Ryou felt a pang in her chest as she thought of how Kyou would react to the news. She almost began crying again, but somehow managed to keep the tears in.

_Why?_ she questioned silently for the umpteenth time. _Why did it turn out like this?_ She knew well what Tomoya had been like ever since Nagisa's death, being informed about it by her sister who in turn got some insight via Nagisa's parents. She, Kyou, all of his friends had been uneasy to hear what kind of emotional wreck he had become - he had not even kept in touch with his daughter, leaving her to the care of her grand-parents. Even the ever-cheerful, joking Sunohara had been at serious loss of what to do to help his friend. In the end, they had left him be, not coming up with any kind of way to aid him, and prayed for time to heal his wounds.

Then, a few months ago, Tomoya had apparently pulled himself together. Ryou remembered how her sister had come home cheerful that day, claiming 'Okazaki Tomoya is back!', and then going into a lengthy, detailed explanation on how he had become a responsible father for Ushio-chan, working hard for her sake and devoting his free time for her welfare. Kyou had claimed that his awakening must've been thanks to Ushio's sweet influence, and she had found herself agreeing - call it maiden's inspiration if you like. Needless to say, she had been overjoyed as well for having her friend back.

Ryou clenched her fists, tears rolling down her cheeks again: _Ushio-chan._ She knew. She knew that without his daughter, there wasn't much - if any - hope left for Okazaki to pull out of his misery. No matter how many times she thought the situation over, she couldn't come up with any words or actions that could've helped him. Just like when Nagisa had passed away, there was nothing that could be done for him.

There was nothing she could do for him.

Ryou's feet stopped abruptly, and she was temporarily shaken off her thoughts. She realized she must've walked for quite a distance, for she had ended in the smaller streets she didn't know very well. Just when she was about to turn around and head back, her eyes caught the sight of a strange shop.

Strange, for it didn't seem like a shop at all: There was no display glass, no signs or nameplates, no picture or logo of what kind of items the shop traded in - not even the name of the boutique could be seen anywhere.

Yet still, Fujibayashi Ryou knew it was a shop the moment she saw it.

Before she knew what she was doing, she opened the door and stepped inside.

The interior was even more peculiar than the outside. The room she stepped in was wide and spacious, walls painted clean white. There were a few armchairs placed on one side of the room, and a table with two high chairs around it was situated in the middle of the room. Two sliding doors on the far side of the room seemed to be the only way deeper into the building. Had she not known it to be a shop, Ryou would've thought she had accidentally stumbled into an office lounge - the only thing missing was the reception desk.

"Yes? How can I help you?" Ryou turned quickly around, her heart skipping a beat.

"Ah, I'm terribly sorry for coming in without a notice," she stammered, instinctively bowing low in apology. "I didn't mean to sneak around..."

"It's fine, it's fine," the feminine voice told her, and she raised her gaze from the floor. In front of her stood a tall, beautiful woman in an exquisite, decorated kimono. Her raven-black hair cascaded half-way down her back, strands of it tucked behind her ears or twirled around frail-looking, beautiful hair ornaments. "If you have managed to step inside, it means you were supposed to come, so it's fine." Ryou's confusion over her words was over-lapped by the amazement of how young yet old, fresh yet archaic she sounded. The small smile she wore, accompanied by the sparkle in her eyes further deepened her awe.

To Fujibayashi, she seemed like some other-worldly queen, dignified and mysterious. At the same time, she realized how plain she must've looked in comparison.

"I, I was supposed to come?" That was the first thing she managed to get out of her mouth. The woman's smile spoke of amusement.

"Quite. Only those who have business in this shop may enter, and every customer has been pre-destined."

"So it is a shop after all..." Ryou mused, half to herself and half to the mysterious woman. "But what do you mean, 'pre-destined'? You knew I was coming?" The woman simply smiled, and sat down in a chair next to the table, gesturing her to come over and do the same.

"I knew someone like you was coming at some point, yes," she gave her a vague answer, and before Ryou could ask what she meant by 'someone like you', the woman clasped her hands together. "But we're drifting away from the actual subject. We're here to do business, not to talk philosophically." The woman's smile became a little bit more cryptic. "At least, not to _solemnly_ talk philosophically. Do sit down, please."

The Fujibayashi twin complied, seating herself on the other side of the table, her confusion not clearing up one bit by the mysterious woman's words. "Umm, what kind of business do you mean? What kind of shop is this?" Although strange, the woman didn't seem threatening in any way, but Ryou knew that there were many kinds of shady dealers around the world. She hoped she hadn't accidentally stumbled into a shop that traded on organs.

As if sensing her distress, the woman smiled warmly. "This is a wish-fulfilling shop, a place where you can make your wish come true."

Ryou blinked. "What?" The woman's smile didn't falter.

"Believe me or not, but the fact that you managed to find this place means you have a wish you wish to be fulfilled. Given, of course, that you're willing to pay the price for it." Now she was simply lost. Was the woman speaking on a metaphorical level? For the sake of any kind of sensible discussion, she decided to presume she was.

"Price?" Not that her responses became any more intelligent after presuming so, but at least she managed to somehow keep herself on the map.

"Nothing in this world is free; Everything you obtain comes with an equal price," the woman said, nodding. "This includes trading of wishes and dreams, too." Her softly-spoken words hung in the air for a while, swirling around the two women as if creating a barrier between them and reality. The whole situation was beginning to feel like a dream. Ryou found herself nodding in understanding, before she frowned.

"But, how do you know how much something abstract like a wish is worth, and how would you pay for something like that?" In the woman's smile, she thought she could catch a trace of something that resembled weariness.

"You don't need to bother yourself with that question; that is something for me to worry about. All you need to do is to voice your wish, and I'll tell you the cost."

Ryou fell silent. She certainly hadn't had anything like this in mind when she had entered the shop. More so, she still suspected the woman was talking on some metaphorical level rather than concrete, and that 'making wishes come true' was just another way to phrase some shady goods or something like that.

Then again, if the woman meant literally what she said and dreams could come true in this shop... Perhaps, she could...

"Uhm," she began hesitantly. "I, I met an old friend today." Perhaps, this way, she could help Tomoya. "He has had much misfortune, and he has lost two very dear people to him. He is... very sad." Her voice faded towards the end, and her gaze turned downwards. "There's nothing I can do for him." Suddenly, she straightened herself, and fixated her gaze on the woman's unreadable eyes.

"My wish is for him to find happiness again." The woman stared at her, the burgundy eyes staring deep into Ryou's teal orbs. For a long while, neither spoke a word, until suddenly:

"Forget it."

"Eh?" The woman sighed and stood up. Ryou's widened eyes trailed her as she walked away from the table. "But... But, didn't you say you could make my wish come true?" For a short while, she had truly believed she could help her; she had allowed herself to believe that wishes could really become true. Now, when it became obvious that it wouldn't happen, she felt ashamed that she had believed it in the first place.

"I did, and now I'm telling you to forget it," the woman replied curtly with her back turned to her. When it became obvious she wouldn't talk anymore, Ryou pressed on.

"Why?" A very child-like question, she absently realized, but right now she felt like a tricked child anyway. The cryptic woman sighed again.

"Because it's impossible. Your friend's fate has already been decided, and there's nothing that can be done about it." There weren't many situations where Fujibayashi Ryou felt irritated - some would even debate there was no such a thing as 'angry Ryou' - but right now, she felt herself very vexed. She had been humiliated, tricked into believing that some kind of impossible miracle could happen and then had the truth slammed into her face - hard. And now, she was told that it was all because of 'fate'.

"I don't believe in fate," she responded crisply. The woman glanced at her over her shoulder, her eyes reflecting something between pity and amusement. She challenged that gaze with her own, and continued on. "I don't believe there's just one future or destiny. There are several choices we can make, leading us to different places via different paths - we make our own fate, choose our own future. That's what I believe." The words came out smoothly, without any hesitation. Numerous times, she had told the exact same words to people who had come to ask for her fortune telling - and repeated them every time afterwards, when her fortune telling had turned out inaccurate.

The woman stared at her for a while longer, and then suddenly burst out laughing.

"It, it isn't polite to laugh at other people's beliefs," Ryou stammered, startled by the unexpected reaction. Eventually, the raven-haired woman's laughter died down a bit.

"Little girl," she said, sounding like she was stating a fact rather than insulting her. "We're talking of the exact same thing." She laughed a bit more at her empty expression. "What would you call someone who has reached a dead end, who has no more choices to make, no more options to take? Someone whose choices have brought him in a situation where there's nothing that can be done anymore?"

Ryou blinked. There was no way she could find an answer to such a deep question in such a short time. Yet, as she thought it over, she felt something click in her mind - as if a gate had just been opened. Her answer came out on its own.

"Someone who has met his fate." Eyes widening, she clasped her hands over her mouth. A wave of sorrow swept over her again, and she couldn't stop the tears pooling in her eyes. "What... What did I just..."

"That's right," the woman said, clasping her hands together with a cryptic smile. "You were able to figure it out. Turns out I wasn't wrong about you after all."

"F-figure out what?" Ryou tried to stop the tears, but to no avail. She knew the answer even without asking - she had just said it herself. There were no more options. There was nothing she could do.

_There's no way I can help Okazaki-kun._

At some point during her crying, the woman seated herself again. Patiently, she waited for the Fujibayashi to finish, and finally:

"Now that you have accepted this, you should also realize something else."

"What's that?" She asked, wiping her tears away with a handkerchief. Was there something even more tragic she hadn't yet realized?

"That somewhere out there is a world where your friend is happy," the woman told her, smiling.

"... What?"

"You said it yourself, remember," she said, sighing. "'There's not just one future, but several choices that lead us to different destinations'. Following that logic, there's not just one world, either, because there must exist a world for each different future. Do you understand where I'm getting at?" She didn't - at least, not intentionally. Again, the words seemed to ring true in some deeper part of her mind, and she found herself answering again.

"You mean to say that... That because we can make so many decisions, there must exist a huge number of worlds." The woman seemed pleased.

"Yes, but I think 'infinite' is a better word." The thought made Ryou's eyes widen and her mind swirl. An infinite number of worlds, each different from the others - it wasn't a concept you could picture clearly with human mind. "Go on," she nonetheless urged her.

"And..." she continued hesitantly, feeling how she slipped further and further away from reality. "And because there exists a world for each different future..." Squinting her eyes, Ryou could feel a headache approaching her at mach speed, but ignored it. She was very close to realizing something, but what? "Then there must also be a world where..." Her eyes widened. The woman broke into a wide smile.

"There must also exist a world where Okazaki-kun is happy! A world where he made the right decisions, and Nagisa-chan and Ushio-chan never died!"

"Spot on, little girl," she said, applauding. For a brief while, she felt proud for solving the mystery the woman had laid before her - and then reality came crashing down on her, and her frustration returned. She had been tricked again.

_How's that supposed to make me feel any better? It won't matter even if there is a world where everything is happy if the reality is __this__! _Before she had a chance to voice out any of this, the woman continued.

"At least, in theory." Ryou resisted a very strong urge to stand up and leave the shop.

"... So you admit it being just a theory." The woman shook her head.

"Hmm, no, that's not it. It's just that Okazaki Tomoya isn't quite your average person. He's a bit special - or rather, very special. Normal rules don't really apply in his case," she replied cryptically, causing Ryou held her head in her hands. How much longer was she going to continue this? And just how did she know Okazaki's whole name? This whole thing was really giving her a headache.

"Just, just say what you mean, _please._ I don't think I can figure out any more riddles." She could hear the woman sigh.

"I _am _saying what I mean. If I worded it in a clearer way, you wouldn't understand - or wouldn't want to understand - what I mean." Again, a sigh. "Fine. Listen, then." Ryou raised her head and faced the woman again, looking deep into her eyes.

"It's unlikely for Okazaki Tomoya to obtain happiness, because this town won't let him - at least not until he has paid the price. He will succeed, eventually, but he must go through a lot of pain and sorrow before that." The woman stood up and looked down upon her, her gaze hard and unyielding. "That's his fate." With that, she turned around and made her way towards the sliding doors, leaving Ryou sitting still.

The woman was right about one thing; She really didn't understand what she was talking about. The talk about town not letting him didn't make any sense, she couldn't fathom what she meant by paying the price, and all that blabber about eventually succeeding went totally over her head.

But, there was one thing Ryou did understand. Her friend would go through all the sorrow, all the pain, again and again.

She wouldn't, _couldn't_ let that happen.

"Wait!" The woman stopped. "I, I have a wish I want you to fulfil." As she glanced over her shoulder, Ryou thought she could briefly see curiosity in her burgundy eyes. She drew a deep breath, mustering her courage.

"Take me there." It was just slightly, but she could see how the woman's eyes widened. "Take me there where I can help him make the right decisions, where I can make his happiness come true." Silence reigned for a while.

"Why are you so persistent about this?" The woman inquired eventually, sighing. "Isn't your happiness here enough for you?" Ryou shook her head gently.

"It's not that. I'm grateful, really grateful for all the good things that have happened to me - for all my friends and my family, for my happy past and future. And, if possible, I want people around me to be happy as well. I want to do what I can to help my friends, my family." Biting her lip, she pressed on. "When... When Nagisa-chan's condition worsened, there was nothing I could do. I could do nothing to her condition - even though I studied to become a nurse, there was nothing I could to help her. And, and when she passed away... There was still nothing I could do. There was no way I could help Okazaki-kun." Back at that time, she had been told that there was nothing _anyone_ could do about it - not that it had made her feel any better.

"And now... Now..." she stammered, wiping away tears. _Why am I such a cry-baby?_ "Now Ushio-chan is dead, too, and there's still nothing I can do." Ryou shook her head violently. "That's why I want to do anything I can! Please, fulfil my wish!" Clasping together her hands, she bowed low at the woman's direction.

"... You don't have to beg," came out the reply after a while. "Raise your head." As she did so, she could see that the woman was smiling. "All you need to do is to pay the price. I warn you, though: it will be heavy." She shook her head again.

"It doesn't matter. I'm prepared." The woman tossed her shoulders.

"Very well, then." She coughed, and her voice gained a hard, official tone in it. "The price for Okazaki Tomoya's happiness will be an equal amount of happiness taken from you. Do you accept?" Ryou's reply came without a trace of hesitation.

"I accept." Again, the woman sighed.

"I really can't tell whether you're a saint or a fool. To think you're willing to pay such a heavy price, and for such reasons..." She shook her head once more, and when she looked up again, she was smiling. "You must really love him."

"Yes," she answered steadily, with a gentle smile of her own. Six years ago, such a statement would've made her stutter and blush uncontrollably like a schoolgirl - which she had actually been. Now, however, there was no need for such things. She was perfectly honest with her feelings - of course she loved him. "He is my dear friend, after all. Same goes with Nagisa-chan and Ushio-chan. All my friends are precious to me."

"I see your heart is already set," the woman said, a smile dancing on her lips. "The transaction is now complete. When you step out of that door, your wish will be granted. After that, it will be up to you."

Ryou stood up, the room becoming more and more blurry with every passing second. Was this caused by her wish? She took a few staggering step towards the door - or at least where she thought she could see the door -, and then stopped abruptly. She turned around to face the woman who was now only a misty, ethereal figure dancing on the edges of her vision.

"T-thank you," she told her, bowing low. "Thank you very much." With that, she pulled open the door and stepped into the morning sun.

The mysterious woman looked at Ryou's figure that evaporated into hundreds of small lights in the sunlight. Those orbs in turn rose up, up, into the sky until they, too, disappeared. She remained there for a while, staring outside even after nothing remained, until she closed her eyes and sighed.

"You won't be thanking me when you're done paying."

* * *

Author's notes: I've never considered myself a real fan of Ryou, and I haven't had a sudden change of heart during writing this story. However, when I saw how minor role she played in the anime and how little of the Ryou-centric content from the visual novel was put into it, I decided to write a story with her as the protagonist. My aim is to give her a story as deep and issue-filled as Okazaki Tomoya's, build her character and background, and portray her in a way she rightfully deserves. And so far, I've had a great time doing so.

With that said, I believe you already have a hunch that this story isn't the jolliest one out there. I wish to stay true to the game's and anime's theme, meaning you can expect some crying, a lot of issues, a few supernatural elements, and some humour mixed into all of it (which is so dry you probably won't laugh anyway). If possible, I would've chosen the genre to be Drama/Friendship/Romance/Angst, but since I'm not allowed to have that many, I just had to go with the ones that are present the most.

I'll be using author's notes like this in the future, too: to sum up my thoughts and explain some of my decisions. I'll be placing them at the end of each chapter, so if you don't wish to read them, you can easily skip them.

I hope you'll enjoy reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it.

EDIT (9/10/10): I noted that for some reason, the *'s I kept using to mark the change between scenes have vanished, making the story almost impossible to read. I've re-added them as lines - hopefully, the story is more readable now.


	2. Lapse of Memory

Disclaimer: _Clannad_ the visual novel is the property of Key and their respective partners. I'm not sure how much of _Clannad _the anime belongs to Key and how much belongs to Kyoto Animation, but nonetheless none of its content belongs to me. I'm not making any money with this fic.

Author's notes: Here's chapter two. Again, a big thanks to my beta-reader, Anya Anthony. Thanks to Vaarsuvius as well for reviewing.

* * *

Fujibayashi Ryou woke up well before her alarm clock that morning. Through the curtains, she could see how the first rays of the rising sun were dying the sky, and she sat there for a long while, staring at the breaking dawn deep in thought.

She felt she was supposed to remember something.

Shaking her head, Ryou looked around her still-dim room, hoping to get a clue of whatever she had forgotten. She had never been one to have morning amnesia, but for some reason she felt she really needed some directions for today.

Everything seemed to be in order in her room. Her few books were piled up on her desk, her bag was at its proper place, her clothes folded neatly next to her futon. When her alarm clock went off, she would put on her school uniform and go help her mother prepare the breakfast as well as wake up her sister.

Her eyes darted to the far side of her room, fixing on the set of clothing on the hanger. That's right; the Hikarizaka high school uniform which she had already used for the last two years. She would put it on today and head to school, and thus would begin a completely normal day.

So why did the thought of putting it on feel so strange? What had she forgotten?

"Ah, that's right," she murmured as her eyes caught the colour of the uniform's emblem. The deep blue background indicated that she was a senior student, and today would be the first day she was clad in that colour.

Today would be the beginning of her third year.

But even as Ryou put on the uniform and headed downstairs to begin her day, the feeling that she had forgotten something important didn't disappear.

* * *

"Hmph. It seems we're not in the same class," Fujibayashi Kyou said with a scoff. They were standing in the front yard of the school, reading the signboards for the seniors' class structures. "I'm in 3-C, and you're in 3-D."

"So it would seem," Ryou agreed quietly, nodding. For some reason, she had had a hunch this was going to happen. Not that it mattered that much - she and her sister spent so much of their time together that being in the same class wasn't really that much of a loss. They had spent their second year in separate classes, too. So why was she feeling so uneasy?

"Ryou, are you alright?" She wasn't surprised her sister could sense her uneasiness. "You've been awfully quiet today. What's bugging you?" She shook her head and managed a small smile.

"I, I'm alright, onee-chan," she told her. "I just feel like I've forgotten something. I'm trying to think of what it is..." Kyou raised an eyebrow. It wasn't normal for her to forget things. Then she shrugged and patted her shoulder.

"Don't worry about it, I'm sure it'll come back to you soon!" With that, she pointed at the signboards again. "Do you recognize any names from your class?" Ryou fixed her gaze on the name list. To her relief, she knew a few people from her previous class, and some she could talk to during breaks if her sister wasn't around. Suddenly, her eyes caught a name that was eerily familiar.

"Okazaki Tomoya," she muttered, loud enough for Kyou to hear. She couldn't tell for certain from her point of view, but she thought her twin just twitched slightly. She didn't fully register it, however, for her mind was fully occupied, trying to recall why the name sounded so familiar.

"Oh, are you in the same class as Tomoya? Lucky you!" her sister exclaimed, wrapping her arms around her shoulders and snuggling her playfully. "Now's your chance to make a move for him!" Ryou blushed deep scarlet. That's right: Okazaki Tomoya was the tall, handsome delinquent she had seen sometime during her second year. When she had told with a slight blush to her sister that he 'looked kind of cool', she had winked at her and told her to let her take care of all of it. Apparently, her sister had taken into knowing Okazaki after that, to pave way for her twin's feelings.

Yes, he was the boy she had a crush for. How could've she forgotten that?

And why did she feel there was something besides that, too?

"O-onee-chan!" She squeaked, frantically looking around, trying to make sure he wasn't around. "P-please don't say such things out loud. I, I wouldn't dare... Something like that..." Sighing, Kyou let go of her.

"You're way too kind for your own good, you know - you're not gonna win his heart that way." Then she flashed a grin, and gave her a thumbs-up. "But don't worry, I'll help you out. Let your big sister take care of everything." Blushing, Ryou could only nod her thanks. She was right - with her stuttering and blushing, she wouldn't even be able to start a normal conversation with Okazaki on her own. She would be wise to rely on the help of her sister. However...

"Onee-chan?" Nevertheless, why did she have a feeling that it wasn't appropriate at all? It felt as if she was... "Okazaki-kun is not dating anyone, is he?" It felt as if she was stealing someone's boyfriend. As she glanced sideways at her twin, she could see surprise written clearly on her face. Surprise and something she thought she recognized as guilt. Nevertheless, it was all blown away when she suddenly laughed.

"Of course not," she said with her usual mirth. "If he was, I'd know about it. I was in the same class for a year, and if someone like him managed to find a girlfriend, I would notice." The feeling didn't entirely go away, but Ryou trusted her sister - if she said he was free, she wouldn't have to have guilty conscience. She murmured a quiet 'OK', and gave a nod.

"Aw, geez," Kyou muttered, quickly changing the subject. "It looks like you're in the same class with Sunohara, too. I suppose it was too much to hope those two would be separated."

"Sunohara Youhei?" Ryou repeated the full name without looking at it on the signboard. Why did that name sound familiar, too? Her twin was equally surprised.

"You know him?" She shook her head, to which Kyou just shrugged. "I must've mentioned the name. He's the idiot friend of Tomoya, always seeking trouble and playing pranks that fail _miserably _every time. His idiocy is probably infecting Tomoya, because when they're together, he seems to come up with something equally stupid." Ryou resisted the urge to back off from her sister who was clenching her fist tightly, the air around her getting thicker with every spoken word. Of course, now she remembered the numerous times she had told her about 'the two idiots at school I had to straighten up - _again_'.

However, she knew her sister well enough to tell that she wasn't nearly as vexed about it as she pretended to be. In all honesty, she often seemed a little amused because of the duo's antics - and if nothing else, glad for the opportunities to vent her frustration on them.

"Well," she said eventually, her usual smile returning on her face. "If he gives you trouble, just call for me and I'll beat him up, ok?" Before Ryou had the chance to tell her that there would probably be no need for violence and that Sunohara would most likely behave well - even though something told her that that _definitely_ wouldn't be the case -, the bell rang. Her twin glanced at the direction of the school.

"Ah, that's the signal for the opening ceremony. Come on, we don't want to be late," Ryou nodded, and trailed after her sister among the mass of students entering the school building. Perhaps her anxiety would fade after the official ceremonies were over and they could properly begin their school life.

However, she wasn't feeling very confident about that.

* * *

As she had predicted, the unexplainable uneasiness didn't vanish that day. She had managed to get in touch with the classmates she knew after the opening ceremony, and was feeling a bit better by the time their homeroom started. However, the peculiar feeling returned the moment she set her eyes on Okazaki Tomoya - who spent the whole homeroom lesson staring outside the window, clearly not interested one bit in what the teacher was talking about.

Ryou, on the other hand, listened intently like a proper student and even volunteered - hesitantly, but volunteered nonetheless - to become the class representative when it became obvious no one else was going to take the job.

However, the sideways glance she got from Okazaki because of her nomination seemed to tell her it had been worth it, even if it further fuelled her anxiety.

"You're just nervous because you're in the same class," Kyou said in a knowing tone that evening when she was having her hair combed by her sister. "With your nature, it's no surprise."

"I wish you weren't so blunt about it, onee-chan," she scolded her quietly, even though she knew her sister was telling the truth. Compared to Kyou - well, compared to anyone, really - she was meek to a crippling level.

"I'm just teasing you!" Her twin's laughter rang softly. "Don't worry about it; you'll get over the shock in no time! Or at least you better:" she added, mirth dancing in her eyes. "It simply won't do if you just blush and stutter during your dates with Tomoya." Ryou's cheeks flared.

"Onee-chan!" Again, her twin laughed, and this time she felt some of that joy touch herself as well. She resumed combing her hair in comfortable silence.

"Hey, Ryou?" Kyou spoke after some while.

"What is it, onee-chan?"

"How about you do your fortune telling for me?" For reason she couldn't understand, she stilled completely.

"What?" Her twin glanced over her shoulder to see her face.

"Read the cards for me. You know, to find out how this year is going to turn out." When she didn't respond, but simply stared into distance, she raised her eyebrow slightly. "You don't want to?"

"N-no, that's not it," Ryou replied, shaking her head. "I was just a bit surprised about you asking that all of a sudden." Why was she spacing out? Fortune telling was her dear hobby, wasn't it? She had read her twin's fortune numerous times before - why did it suddenly feel so unfamiliar? Why did it suddenly feel so… distasteful? Her sister turned her face away.

"If you don't want to, it's okay," She shook her head again.

"No, I'll get the cards," she told her, reaching for her school bag. After rummaging through it, she pulled out a deck of playing cards. "Ah, there."

"_Ryou, could you do your fortune telling for me? To find out how our family life is going to turn out?"_

Her muscles came to a screeching halt. As she stared at the deck of cards in her hand, an image of a young brunette seemed to flash in front of her eyes. Her stomach had swelled to ridiculous proportions in comparison to her otherwise small frame, but she still held a warm, happy smile on her face as she rested her hand on her abdomen.

"Ryou?" Her twin's voice brought her back to reality, and she found her peering over at her face, worried. "Is everything alright?" She nodded on reflex.

"Everything's fine. I just thought… Ah, never mind." Her sister still appeared troubled, but didn't press it. She began shuffling the cards, trying to concentrate on the task at hand. However, her memory was acting on its own, flashing images in front of her eyes.

"_Are you sure? My fortune telling isn't all that accurate…" The pregnant woman nodded, and smiled again. _

"_Even if it turns out wrong, it's still better than nothing. Plus, it seems like a fun thing to do," she explained, clasping her hands together._

"Heh, I know that," Kyou said, startling her. Had she spoken out loud? "But it's still better than not knowing anything at all, right?" With a flashed smile, she laid herself on the floor in front of her sister, gesturing her to lay down the cards. Ryou complied, placing three cards in front of her sister, and frowned at her slightly trembling hands.

"_Jack of hearts, three of hearts, and an ace of diamonds," the brunette read the cards. "What does that mean?" She looked silently over the cards, pondering about their possible meanings for a while before she cleared out her throat._

"_W-well, heart symbolises love in this case, and the jack is referring to male. Three of hearts means probably three people who love each other, and the ace of diamonds is referring to either something precious or something ever-lasting," she explained, and then smiled. "In short, you could sum it up as 'A boy who will bring much love, ties together three people in precious times.'" The brunette looked down on her stomach._

"_A boy who brings much love…" she repeated quietly, rubbing her stomach gently. She then raised her gaze, and stared at her in awe. "That's amazing, Ryou-chan. How can you read the cards like that?" the Fujibayashi blushed slightly and gave a nervous laugh._

"_Well, it's all self-taught, to tell you the truth." Then she sobered, and fixed her gaze on the woman sitting across the table. "B-but like I said, it's not always accurate. Even if I say it will be a boy, it might also be a girl - the future is not set in stone. Either way," she told her with a warm smile of her own._

"_You're going to have much happiness, Nagisa-chan."_

"Ryou? Ryou, are you… Crying?"

* * *

Even after Ryou had stopped crying, she hadn't been able to give her sister a proper explanation as to why she had suddenly burst into tears. Even after having the strong flashback about the pregnant woman, she hadn't managed to convey her strong feeling of sorrow appropriately to her. Moreover, when she had tried to describe what she had suddenly remembered, the memories had kept on slipping out of her touch.

It had pained her greatly to see her twin's face, struck with worry, confusion, and helplessness when she had realized that she couldn't help her sister with whatever it was that was eating her.

In the end, Ryou had almost burst into tears again, apologizing for being such a messed-up bunch of trouble for her sister. That, in turn, had earned her a whole-hearted scolding from Kyou, mostly revolving around 'being too sensitive over some stupid déjà-vu' and 'my sister isn't messed up' - followed shortly by a pep talk of how she was just stressed out or slept badly and how everything would become normal in just a few days.

Once again, she was reminded of how lucky she was to have such a strong, caring big sister.

By the time she went to bed, she was feeling a bit better, but Kyou still insisted that she had better not go to school tomorrow unless she was feeling one hundred percent healthy and rested. She promised to think about it in the morning, after a good night's sleep.

It was not something she was going to get. Ryou's sleep was restless; plagued by memories she didn't remember having, people she couldn't remember ever seeing before. Every now and then she woke up with a start, deeply troubled by the scenes her sub-consciousness unfurled in front of her. In addition, every time she tried to recall what she had seen, the accurate details kept avoiding her, leaving her with only blurred images and ghosts of memories.

By the time the dawn broke, she felt like she hadn't gotten any sleep at all.

* * *

"You definitely aren't coming to school today," Kyou stated matter-of-factly the instant she laid her eyes on her sister. "Judging by your looks, you must've slept horribly."

"Ah, just a bit," she protested timidly. The flat look she earned from her was enough to tell her that they were both well aware that she was lying. "But I'd still like to go to school. Today would be the first proper day..." Her voice trailed off. She didn't have the courage to tell it to her sister, but she had a slight premonition that something important would happen today. "I'd really like to be there." Unrelenting, her twin shook her head.

"Not gonna happen. You promised last night that you wouldn't go unless you were perfectly healthy - and I can tell you're far from it. Don't worry," she assured her, smiling. "I'll tell your teacher and your friends that you've caught a cold. You just focus on getting better, okay?" Ryou wasn't entirely okay with that, but because she didn't want to cause her sister more worry than she already had, she didn't have the heart to start driving her mindset through.

Instead, she just nodded and thanked her sister for all the effort. Shortly after her sister left for school, she tried to fall into sleep again, only to find out that even though weary, her body wouldn't let her drift into unconsciousness on such a strange hour. Instead, she ended up laying wide awake on her futon, staring the ceiling and spacing out, losing the track of time completely. By the time she looked on the clock again, she realized absently that the morning lesson were about to begin.

Suddenly, her eyes flew wide open, and she sprung up from her futon. Wrapping her arms around her frame, gasping for air as if drowning, Ryou was hit with such a strong feeling that it left her paralyzed for a better part of a minute.

"W-What..." Not knowing why, she raised her gaze and stared outside her window, to the direction where the Hikarizaka High School was. Shivers ran down her spine, and the anxiety that had plagued her for yesterday returned stronger than ever, the tension almost causing her to break into tears again.

Something important would _definitely _happen today.

Kicking away the sheets, the indigo-haired girl reached for her school uniform with hands that should've shaken uncontrollably after such a strong, violent reaction. However, her grip and actions were strangely steady. Likewise, even though a part of her mind was in absolute turmoil of what she had just felt, there was a functional, determined part of her mind that intended to get to the school by any means necessary.

For the first time ever, it felt truly essential to go so brutally against Kyou's wishes.

Her parents had thankfully left for work already as she rushed down the stairs, haphazardly putting her shoes on. She didn't think she could've whipped up a good excuse for going to school regardless of not feeling well - especially not in the state she was currently in.

Normally, she took a bus to the school, for the trip was quite lengthy to cover by foot, but she was certain that it would take a while for the next bus to come. Plus, the nagging premonition told her that the bus would go a route that would make her miss out the... Whatever it was that she had set out to see.

Instead, Ryou ran as fast as she could. She was certain that she appeared as someone who had just badly slept in, and silently prayed that no one who could recognize her would see her - it would be a horrible and embarrassing hassle to sort out with her twin and her parents if word came to them about this.

Ryou wasn't a strong, enduring athlete like her sister, and she soon had to stop and lean against her knees, trying to ease her breathing. Looking up, she determined she was only about half-way through to school and already at her limit. Reaching the school in time seemed impossible, and she found her spirit waning. Was this really how little she could take when faced with such odds?

A determination she didn't realize having suddenly flared through her.

"No..." she huffed, getting her breathing under control. "I... I must do this... I must help... Must help..." She couldn't get the last few words out of her mouth, the ones that would've told her just what it was she had to help. No matter how hard she tried to nail the thought down, it kept avoiding her touch. Giving up, she figured that the only way to really find out was to make it to school in time.

So she ran.

* * *

"Do you like this school?"

She had never made it to the school. The last obstacle that remained between Ryou and her school was the natural hill upon which the school had been built. All the new students had found the long uphill climb to be vigorous exercise, and some - mostly those with lower scores - joked that they had often considered turning back and going back home to sleep. Eventually, however, everyone got used to the everyday routine of climbing it. But even then, some people still had difficulty going over that obstacle.

"I really, really do. But... Nothing, nothing can remain the same."

She had never made it to the school, because she had run into two people she just couldn't pass on the foot of the hill. Okazaki Tomoya was there, his schoolbag under his arm, one hand placed care-freely in his pocket. As the famous delinquent, he probably saw it fitting to come to school at such an hour, when everyone else was already attending lessons. His visage was facing left, locks of dark hair twirling in the air for a brief while as a gust of wind got a hold of them, and Ryou couldn't get a proper view of the expression he had.

"Even fun things... And happy things. They can't possibly stay unchanged."

Her gaze rotated right, towards a girl slightly shorter than her wearing the same uniform. Ryou couldn't tell the colour of her badge from her point of view, standing several dozen feet behind her back. The schoolbag rested against her knees, her petite hands clutching the handle as she spoke softly to herself, the cherry petals falling gently around her. Even though far away, she could hear what she was saying like she was standing right beside her.

Ryou didn't know her. This chestnut haired short woman, she had never seen her before, never exchanged a single word with her, didn't know anything about her.

"Even so… Can you keep on loving this place?"

Yet still, Fujibayashi Ryou felt her tears budding again as she looked at her. This unknown woman, the sight of her filled her with happiness and warmth and heart-breaking sorrow all at the same time; She was supposed to be here, supposed to be here where she could love and be loved - yet still it was impossible, for she had gone to a place where there was no return. It was sweet to the brink of painful to see her standing here, but Ryou knew it was also supposed to be impossible.

_Nagisa-chan. _She remembered. She remembered being in the funeral, gazing upon her friend's urn and her picture next to it. They had all been there, all her friends and family - all who had loved her. She remembered crying. She remembered mourning. She remembered how unfair it had felt to see Nagisa-chan taken from her family.

Yet here she was in front of her eyes, very much alive. She wanted to call out to her, wanted to run at her side, wanted to talk with her. She wanted to cry out her happiness, to renew their friendship into what it had been, to once again be her beloved friend and to have her as a beloved friend.

But some part of Ryou held her completely still, made her stand there and look at Okazaki and Nagisa from the distance. Some part of her remembered that she must not interfere with the scene in front of her eyes.

"Just find them," he said after a brief silence, breaking her out of her monologue. With a start, she looked at him, and Ryou couldn't tell whether she was more surprised about him talking to her or about the fact that there had been someone hearing her loud inner debate. The two locked gazes, the cherry petals swirling in the wind around them as he continued. They did not notice her. It was as if the two of them were in a world completely of their own.

"Just find new happy and fun things." Nagisa simply stared at him, her mouth slightly ajar. Eventually, he turned his gaze away and sighed. "Come on, let's go." She complied and walked on his side.

Ryou was left standing there, staring after the two figures that ascended the long climb without pause, together.

And then she fell on her knees as the surge of memories kicked in.

* * *

She was home again, lying still on her futon, her gaze fixated on the ceiling. As soon as she had made it back home, she had changed back into her nightgown and went back to bed to get some rest, just like Kyou had told her to. When she and her parents got back home, everything would seem perfectly normal again.

The only thing was that _anything_ wasn't normal anymore.

On the foot of that hill, she had remembered everything; Ushio's demise, Tomoya's lapse into deep depression, and her own inability to do anything to help him. She remembered the strange shop and the mysterious deal she had made - a deal that had, as impossible as it sounded, apparently thrown her back in time. Or, if what the woman had said was true, into another world.

If Ryou hadn't had such strong memories of the previous six years of her life, she would've considered this just a dream - or herself having very bad mental issues.

She still hadn't counted that last option _entirely _out, mind you.

After getting a hold of herself and walking home, however, she had managed to make a truce with herself and somewhat convince herself that what she faced now and what she remembered were both reality. Just how that was possible, she didn't even want to find out, but she had a growing suspicion that the shop she had visited and the woman there had been much, much more than she had thought.

As shocking as the situation was, Ryou's confusion had slowly turned into mirth; Now that she was here, be it the past or alternate world, she had a chance. With her memories about how the future, she _finally _had a chance to help Tomoya, a way to grant him the happiness he couldn't obtain before. The cheerful thought had lasted for a better part of a minute, until reality had come crashing down upon her.

Just how was she going to do that?

She remembered claiming to the woman that she could make him become happy by 'helping him make the right decisions'. Initially, she had thought that Tomoya had made an err at some point of his life and all she needed to do was to fix that mistake - but how was she supposed to know what that mistake was? Had there been just a single wrong decision, or several? Could she discern the right option of the wrong ones? Was there just one right option?

Ryou shook her head vigorously, trying to clear out her jumbled thoughts. Despite the confusing situation and the number of questions swirling in her head, there was one thing she could tell for certain: However Tomoya obtained his happiness, it wouldn't happen without Furukawa Nagisa.

As much as she hated to talk ill of her friend, she had to admit that Okazaki Tomoya, despite his carefree appearance, was a rather troubled person. She didn't know all the details, of course, but the little titbits she had gotten in the time she had known him told her of problems with family even before Nagisa's death. The little she had gotten out of Sunohara - who had been uncharacteristically reluctant to talk - had suggested that he had had to stop playing basketball due to medical reasons, and that had left its mark on his whole high school life. Ryou had concluded that all this mustn't have done exactly wonders to his attitude towards society in general, and she had often wondered - even during the time she harboured tender feelings for him - how he would fare in the everyday life after school.

But all that had changed; Tomoya had joined a club and partaken in school activities, graduated, found a job, and at least part of the problems with his family had been sorted with his marriage. She, like many others, had found a valuable friend in the previously so distant and indifferent Okazaki Tomoya.

This had all been thanks to Furukawa Nagisa. Ryou had been there to prove the transformation: How Tomoya had gradually begun to change under her sweet influence. Of course, at that time, she had been heartbroken to have her own feelings ignored, but she had soon realized that it wasn't only Okazaki who was changing - Nagisa, herself, had slowly but surely grown stronger and happier because of him. As far as she could tell, the two _completed_ each other - how could she - or anyone else, really - compete against that?

No, the Fujibayashi was certain that those had been made for each other. Tomoya wouldn't find his happiness without Nagisa, and vice versa.

So, in order to grant him his happiness, she had to make sure those two would end up together. That, she reckoned, would be the easy part, with the aid of her memories of the school years - all she would have to ensure that the two got the drama club up and running, and the rest would happen on its own. Then, she would have to make sure that whatever disease had claimed Nagisa the last time wouldn't do it for the second time - that would be the hard part, for if not even professional doctors hadn't been able to help her, what could she possibly do? She would have to find a way.

"I'm home!" Then there was the nigh impossible part: Acting normally in front of everyone, especially her sister, so that anyone wouldn't be able to suspect she was from the future - not that she considered anyone to have that as their first guess, though. However, she was certain that pretty much anyone could tell something had happened to her if she suddenly became to act against her 'old self', and she wagered that she couldn't give anyone - much less her sister - a proper, reasonable explanation for her sudden 'change'. Ryou sat up just a few seconds before the door was opened and her twin stepped inside.

"Welcome home, onee-chan," she welcomed her, waving her hand slightly. Kyou frowned, and then dropped down her schoolbag, making her way to the other twin.

"Why aren't you resting? Don't try to tell me you're feeling better already," she accused sceptically. She gave a small, embarrassed laugh.

"Yes, well, I'm feeling fine, actually," before she had a chance to elaborate, Kyou placed her hand on her forehead and raised her eyebrows in surprise - not because of her temperature, but normally Ryou was so timid that physical contact even from her sister caused her to tense up entirely. Now, however, she hadn't reacted in any visible way. "It was a wise decision to skip school today, after all." She had to refrain from frowning. She was trying to act as naturally as she could, yet she was already going against her old personality.

It was so difficult it almost hurt. She had never been one for acting, and now she was supposed to forget all about her twenty-five-year-old self and return into the horribly timid schoolgirl she had once been - and in front of her sister, the person who knew her the best, no less! She could no doubt pick up even the slightest deviation in her personality, and it felt just plain to futile, not to mention horrible, to even try tricking Kyou.

"Ryou…" her twin said, puzzled. "Did something happen today? You didn't hit your head or anything, did you?" The look in her eyes was almost enough for her to burst into teary explanation of what had happened. Pouring out everything, no matter how absurd it must've sounded like, seemed like a fitting price to erase that lost, confused gaze. Yet, she knew she couldn't do that. She shook her head as she replied.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, nothing really happened." There was a smile on her face, even though she felt like crying on the inside. Having to lie to her felt just plain _wrong_. Every day, now and in the future, she was reminded of just how much Kyou did for her, how much she came out of her way to come to her aid. She really was an ungrateful little sister for not being entirely honest with her.

But Ryou couldn't bring herself to tell her the truth. Kyou would probably conclude that there was something major wrong with her brain and get her some professional help or become her personal shrink herself. Ryou didn't want to have her sanity questioned - and more than anything, she didn't want to cause her twin any more worry. Worse still, what if she actually _believed _her? Just how would Kyou react to the news that her twin had been replaced by someone who was still _technically_ her sister, just an adult version of her? Whatever happened from that point onwards, Ryou was certain that the relationship between them would change. Who would take the role of the elder sister from that point on?

Would she even consider her a sister anymore?

She had to mentally steel herself in order not to shake visibly as the thought filled her stomach with ice and made her throat constrict painfully. Her sister's love and support was something she could never, ever think of losing. She simply _couldn't _take the risk, no matter how miniscule it was, that all that would vanish.

So, she would have to get her act straight. _Fast._

"I just focused on regaining my health," she concluded meekly, turning her gaze on the floor, feigning timidness. From the corner of her eyes, she could see that Kyou looked doubtful still, but eventually sighed, a smile forming on her face.

"Fine, if you say so. If you rest for the rest of the day, too, do you think you're in a condition to go to school tomorrow?" She nodded, resisting the urge to sigh in relief. For now, she had managed to convince her.

"I think so. If I'm not, I'll let you know." Kyou grinned.

"That sounds awfully like what you said yesterday, too." Ryou could only smile sheepishly, while her twin gave her a pat on the shoulder. "But I see you're really feeling better. I'm glad for that." That simple gesture warmed her heart; It felt like concrete proof that whatever the time, whichever world she was in, her big sister would be there for her. She felt her confidence returning, and smiled warmly at her twin.

If she could achieve things with her will alone, nothing would harm the relationship between them.

The conversation moved on to lighter topics shortly after that. As Kyou handed over her homework, Ryou asked her casually:

"How was school today?" Her sister fumbled down a textbook, cursing silently as she picked it up and handed it to her without making an eye contact.

"Feh, the usual," she told her, shrugging. "Nothing real eventful happened, our lessons for this course began with place assignments and the usual hassle. I heard Sunohara was picking a fight with a second-year girl and got his ass handed back to him. Can you imagine that? With a second-year?" Ryou smiled, hiding her mirth behind her palm. It wasn't really acceptable to laugh at his friend - well, future friend, actually - but her sister sounded as if Sunohara losing, even to a second-year - and a girl, no less -, was perfectly normal. She had almost forgotten already what the chemistry between her twin and Sunohara had been like during their school years.

However, if her twin knew her like the palm of her hand, it worked the other way around, too. Ryou didn't need but a glance at her sister's direction to tell she was hiding something, and was now covering up for it the best she could.

"What about Okazaki-kun?" She didn't feel satisfaction seeing Kyou flinch. If she had decided to not tell her something, it was most likely to spare her, and she must've felt as horrible as she did when she had to lie to her other half.

"Don't worry about it," she announced to her before anything else, flashing a self-confident smile. "It's just a minor setback, and probably didn't mean anything anyway." Even though she should've probably taken the hint and not pressed the matter further, it felt necessary to question her more.

"Please, onee-chan, if it isn't anything awful, I'd like to know." Kyou didn't respond immediately.

"Well," she said after a pause, her eyes staring into distance, purposely ignoring Ryou's gaze. "I saw him sitting with a girl in the school yard today. I think they left the school together after that." The more timid twin turned her gaze down on the floor in order not to show her face. An image of Okazaki and a chest-nut haired girl sitting together on the yard in the setting sun flashed in her mind.

_That's right,_ she mused. _I remember seeing that, too. _Back then, she had hurried away, probably as flustered as Kyou was now, but now she was simply content. It seemed that even without any action from her behalf, Tomoya and Nagisa would end up together. "I see," she muttered out loud.

"It's not that they were doing anything strange!" her twin exclaimed swiftly. "They were just sitting there and talking casually." She had taken Ryou's quietness as a sign of resignation - which was exactly what she had hoped for. "Like I said, it probably didn't mean anything." Ryou nodded and then raised her head, hoping that Kyou couldn't determine what the source of her smile really was.

"If you say so. And, starting tomorrow, I'll be there for him." _Just not like you think, onee-chan. I'm sorry, but it seems I won't be going on a date with him after all. _she finished mentally. Unaware of her inner monologue, her twin flashed a smile and gave her a thumbs-up.

"That's the spirit!"

She still took her encouragement to the heart.


	3. Getting Started

Disclaimer: _Clannad_ the visual novel is the property of Key and their respective partners. Likewise, _Clannad _the anime belongs to Key and Kyoto Animation. I'm not making any money with this fanfic.

Author's notes: Again, my gratitude goes to the people who have reviewed. This chapter is up earlier than I intended, thanks to my beta-reader's swiftness. Many thanks to her, once again.

* * *

Fujibayashi Ryou was only barely listening to the monotonous voice of the teacher, scribbling down notes from the blackboard absently. She had never been one to dislike mathematics - or any subject, really - but it really ate her motivation having to take lessons of subjects she had long since graduated from with flying colours. One could think it was a splendid opportunity to get full scores from the tests, but Ryou knew better; she had never been particularly outstanding student, and if she suddenly got perfect scores, she knew people would be amazed and start treating her differently. Among those people was a handful she absolutely didn't want to surprise - her sister in particular.

_Thankfully, we're not in the same class, _Ryou thought quietly, knowing that Kyou could tell from her posture alone that something was really hammering down her motivation. She really didn't want to start explaining her sister why she had suddenly become so passive concerning the teaching. She shook her head slightly to clear her thoughts, and shot a side-ways glance to the far left of the classroom, towards the reason she was here in the first place.

Okazaki Tomoya was gazing out of the window in his usual manner, leaning his face against his hand. He had been late, as usual, but had at least made it to the third period - which made this clearly one of his better days - not that it made him focus his attention on the blackboard, though.

Ryou bit her lower lip. She had been rather confident about her plan for the first few days: Let Nagisa and Tomoya progress on their own pace and not meddle until she would be straight-forwardly invited to the drama club. That was how she remembered it working the 'last time', and she had no reason to doubt the same thing would happen this time, too.

However, it had already been four days since the two had met on the slope of that hill, and now that confidence was crumbling. If something didn't happen soon, it would indicate that things weren't going to happen in the same way as before and that she couldn't trust her memories at all. How on Earth could she save Tomoya's happiness if that happened?

_Something is supposed to happen soon. Something…I'm supposed to be…Invited…_

Turning her gaze down on her desk, she squinted her eyes shut and rubbed her temples, trying to ward off the headache that seemed to come more and more easily these days. Even though she had regained her memory, there were still gaps here and there, and she couldn't recall everything in their sharpest detail. Was it simply because so much time had passed since then, or was there still something blocking some part of her mind? She couldn't tell.

The chime brought a halt to Ryou's inner struggle, and the hassle of the students hurrying to lunch caused her thoughts to scatter. Collecting her belongings, she too left the classroom.

_Perhaps I should find onee-chan. _Right now, she could really use her twin's strength.

* * *

Kyou hadn't been in her classroom, in the cafeteria, or their usual lunch spot. After asking around, she had learned that her twin had taken off to the small park-like inner yard as soon as the chime had rung. After several minutes of looking around, she finally found her, crouching among the trees and bushes.

"Onee-chan," she called out, walking to her. "What are you doing here?" It was then she spotted the brown, round shape at her feet.

"Ah, sorry, Ryou!" she replied, stroking the thing that in turn snuggled against her hand. "But I saw Botan sniffing around, and I had to run here as soon as the class was over - I couldn't risk some wild animal eating him, after all." Kyou's pet baby boar, Botan, made noises she thought she could determine as frightened - sometimes it felt the beast could understand very clearly what its owner was saying. "He must have followed me here, again."

"What are we going to do with him?" she asked, keeping a safe distance to the small animal - for its comfort, not her own. As far as she could tell, the boar was still afraid of her, ever since she had attempted to give it a bath without checking the temperature first - and she still hadn't managed to make it understand she really, honestly hadn't been about to make him into a stew. "We can't take him to the classroom with us… And we can't take him home during school."

"Oh, don't worry about it," she replied cheerfully, patting her pet. "I'll have Sunohara or Tomoya babysit him for the rest of the day - they shouldn't have a problem with skipping class." She was about to protest, meekly, that she shouldn't make those two skip any more classes than they already did on their own, but a sudden déjà-vu sealed her lips.

_Yes, yes, I remember this! _She cheered silently. Finally, she could find a connection between this life and her memories. Both she and Kyou had been here, trying to think of what to do with Botan, when something had happened. _Soon, Nagisa will come and ask for my help with the club regulations, and then…No, wait…There was something before that… _

Being so absorbed in her thoughts, she completely missed the person approaching them. It was Kyou who first took notice.

"Sunohara, great timing! I have a favour to ask of you - and if you appreciate your health, you better not say 'no'!" Sunohara Youhei took an unintentional step backwards upon hearing the tone of her voice and seeing the look in her eyes, but soon braced himself and marched all the way to the twins.

"Sorry, Kyou, but I'm not really here for that." Before she could reply - either with her words or fists - he pressed on. "I'm here as a messenger." She gave him a dubious look, but he chose to ignore it and turned to the other twin instead. The small smile dancing on his lips didn't exactly fill Ryou with confidence, and she found herself tensing up, even though she couldn't tell for the death of her why.

_What's with this feeling…? It's as if I'm… Embarrassed? Just what is about to happen?_

"Fujibayashi, there's someone who wants to ask you out on the rooftop." Kyou stood up so abruptly that she actually dropped Botan on the ground. Ryou, herself, let out a voice that resembled something akin to a frightened squirrel, and then covered her blushing cheeks with her hands as her memories of this particular event came back in full detail.

This was definitely not going to be one of her most prideful moments.

* * *

When Ryou had thought about her reunion - or first meeting, rather - with Nagisa, she had had a vision of a friendly, warm introduction between two rather similar girls. She had envisioned exchanging personal preferences and some views on mundane, everyday topics, forming a good basis for their future friendship. She had planned to fish out Nagisa's desire to re-establish the drama club and volunteer to help her in any way she could.

"I'm Furukawa Nagisa from class 3-B. I'm glad you came, even though I called you so suddenly."

The two would've met in the classroom, where Nagisa would've come to ask for her aid with the drama club - or perhaps during lunch break, so that Ryou could've invited her to eat lunch with her. Tomoya would've most likely been there as well, and she could've told if he was already fully devoted to helping Nagisa, which would've helped her future planning considerably.

"I-it's alright. I'm Fujibayashi Ryou from class D."

Whatever she had expected, it _definitely_ hadn't been a repetition of her 'confession' on the rooftop.

"Okazaki-san told me that you're the class representative," she said, averting her eyes on the ground. "That's really amazing. I couldn't do anything like that, so I really admire you." Her gentle, honest tone was enough to send a shiver down the Fujibayashi's spine. Words like that coming from a person of the same sex didn't exactly make her feel very comfortable.

Of course she knew that there was no way Nagisa would aim to ask her out. She remembered well enough that the awkward situation was caused by Sunohara's and Tomoya's combined mischievousness and Nagisa's obliviousness to it. Still, the memory of the event and the possibility of having to go through it again was enough to light up her cheeks and reduce her into a stuttering, writhing, spineless heap - no matter how many years had passed since then.

"I-it's really nothing," she answered, making dismissive gesture with her hand, trying desperately to think of a dignified way out of the situation. If this was the way it had gone the 'last time', should she just grit her teeth and continue so that nothing would change? Or would it really matter if she, just this once, changed things so that she wouldn't have to _die of shame_ every time she thought back to this day?

"I need to ask you something! Will you listen to me?" Ryou had to take a step backwards at the determined tone of her voice. From the corner of her eye, she could see mirth dancing in Okazaki's eyes, and Sunohara was openly grinning. Those two were apparently having great fun watching this, and she had an awful feeling that they probably found it exciting, too - those perverts.

"She's being serious about it, so answer her back seriously, too," piped in the lesser of the two evils, adding gas to the fire with the double-meaning words. Ryou only barely held herself from shooting a glare at him; As much as she loved her friend, she really didn't appreciate the situation she was currently in, nor his part in it. She made her decision.

_No, I won't have this. This much I can at least do differently. _Breathing out, the Fujibayashi straightened herself. _Onee-chan won't be here to see me act so strangely, either. _

"Please wait," she called out steadily, stilling not only the chest-nut-haired girl, but the two boys, too. Okazaki's eyes widened slightly in surprise, and Sunohara's mouth actually hung open. She wasn't surprised; this was probably the first time they had seen her show some backbone. "Let's clear out one thing. You're not really here to ask me out, are you?" Nagisa blinked.

"What? I, I wanted to ask for your advice on re-establishing the drama club..." The little determination she had gathered for this meeting _visibly _went down the drain as Ryou's words sunk in. "What, you thought I was going to... Going to..." Now, it was her turn to blush deep scarlet and clasp her hands over her mouth. "I, I would never dare to ask for... S-something like that... And, and a girl, no less..."

"Oh, man!" Sunohara seemed to come over his surprise first, face palming. "Now the mood is utterly ruined. And it was so cute, too..." Before he could elaborate, the door leading to the rooftop was kicked off its hinges, revealing a nightmarish image. Sunohara went from pale to deathly pale. "Ack! Kyou!"

"Why... You..." hissed out the elder Fujibayashi, the bloodlust radiating from her eyes. "How dare you make fun of my little sister!" Ryou was pretty certain Sunohara had attempted, for a split second, to dash towards the edge of the roof, probably calculating that jumping off the roof was more healthy for him than facing Kyou's wrath. Not that it really mattered even if he tried; Her sister had closed the distance between her and the blonde in a few heartbeats, and was soon holding both him and Okazaki in a pincer-like neck lock, screaming bloody murder.

And Ryou was left trying to assure the furiously blushing, verge-of-tears Furukawa that no harm had been done and that the misunderstanding _definitely _hadn't been her fault.

* * *

"I'm really sorry, Fujibayashi-san. I'm bad at explaining things," Nagisa apologized for the umpteenth time - and like every time before, Ryou smiled and forgave her.

"It's alright, really. I was just surprised, and it wasn't your fault to begin with. And please, call me Ryou."

"That's right," Kyou scoffed and pointed at the two delinquents in front of her. "It's their fault." They were in the drama clubroom now, where they had retreated after Nagisa had explained her situation thoroughly.

"It's Sunohara's fault," corrected Tomoya.

"It's your damn fault!"

"Are these two really your only friends?" Kyou asked, sighing. Nagisa looked at the two a little hesitantly.

"Well... I'm having them help me re-establish the drama club..." she trailed off. Ryou could see how she tasted the word 'friends' silently. Apparently, she was uncertain whether Okazaki's and Sunohara's status counted as friends or not.

"Sounds fishy," Kyou muttered, eyeing the two - particularly Sunohara - suspiciously. "I bet they have some hidden motives." Then she turned at Nagisa and smiled. "Why don't you just forget about them and hang out with us instead?"

Ryou's heart skipped a beat as she heard her twin's suggestion. If Nagisa took heed of her advice, the chances of her getting together with Tomoya would become very slim. However, as she heard her reply, she relaxed.

"Um, thank you for your thoughts, but I can't abandon those who've come out of their way to help me. Okazaki-san and Sunohara-san are both good people." Ryou smiled.

_That's right, Nagisa-chan isn't someone who forgets those who have helped her, _she thought silently. Kyou, on the other hand, looked at the two delinquents as if she and Nagisa were talking about different people altogether.

"You sure you're talking about these two?"

"That's harsh!" Sunohara protested, before Okazaki silenced him by elbowing him between his ribs. "We're doing our best to help her, you know... Where's our dignity?" he wheezed.

"You're only in it for the bread, though," Okazaki muttered in response, just loud enough for her to hear.

Ryou, too, fixed his gaze on the duo. If she remembered correctly, both Okazaki and Sunohara had indeed been set to help Nagisa with the club since the beginning. Back then, she hadn't been able to determine just _why_ had Tomoya been so eager - well, at least on his standards - to help a girl he barely knew on such a long road, and now she didn't find herself much wiser. With six years' worth of experience, she thought she would've been able to tell just what was the depth of his devotion and what fuelled it, but as she looked upon Tomoya's face now, she could find no such things.

She could remember him answering 'I had nothing better to do' when he had been asked why was he helping Nagisa. Personally, she didn't believe in such vague reasons - there had to be a bigger motivator, some unseen factor that drew him to her. Ryou refused to believe that two people who suited each other so well would get together just due a chance encounter.

And Sunohara, well, she really had no idea what had sparked his interest on the drama club - and, frankly, she had a hunch she didn't even want to know.

"Looks like you've won her over, but are you... You know, after her?"

_Onee-chan, please talk a little quieter, _she grimaced mentally as her twin kneeled next to Tomoya to ask him the question. Apparently, she had been wondering the same subject as Ryou. _She's standing right next to you._ As she glanced at Nagisa, however, it seemed she hadn't heard the question.

"Heck no."

_And you're not even trying to lower your voice... _

In the end, she gave up on trying to figure out whether Okazaki was already harboring feelings for Nagisa or not. The two had progressed remarkably slow in their relationship anyway, so it might be possible that the two simply hadn't realized the worth of each other yet.

_Well, if that's so, I'll just have to do my best to make sure you two understand what you mean to each other as fast as possible._

"To restart a club that's inactive," she piped in, figuring this was as good time as any. "You just need to find new members. The rules state you need at least three members and an advisor."

"Well, at least the member count won't pose a problem," Kyou said, nodding, and her twin nodded in sync. "After all, there's three of you already." She pointed her finger at the two boys and Nagisa, all of whom sported uncomfortable expressions. Ryou's eyes darted between the three, confused, before she remembered just what the problem was.

"Eh, we're only helping Furukawa rebuild the club," Okazaki explained.

"Yeah, it's not like we're interested in acting or anything," Sunohara chorused.

Fujibayashi Kyou sighed and face palmed, and Ryou had an urge to repeat the gesture.

"Some help you two are."

* * *

"What do you think of her, Ryou?" her twin asked as they walked down the hallway, heading back to class. She glanced over her shoulder at the drama club room, where the two delinquents and Nagisa remained.

"She seems like a nice person," she answered honestly. Kyou frowned.

"That's not what I meant. Do you think she's after Tomoya?" Ryou didn't look at her sister, in fear that her anxiety would show. Would she have to lie to her twin again? Or should she answer honestly, and pray that Kyou wouldn't think of any too drastic measures? She settled for a half-truth.

"I think that she only wants to re-establish the drama club, onee-chan," she reassured with a slight smile. "I don't think she has any other motives."

"You might be right," Kyou muttered. "She has that kind of honest presence, doesn't she?" Ryou's smile lit up a bit more.

"That's what I thought, too." They walked in silence for a little while, with the elder twin deep in thought, and the younger one mustering her courage for what she was about to say. Would she be acting too much against what her sister expected if she voiced out her thoughts now? "In fact," she continued, a little hesitantly. "I think I want to help her."

Kyou didn't react in any visible way for a while. She simply stared forward, her thoughtful expression not changing at all. Ryou began to get nervous. Had she upset her sister that much?

"I see," she responded, halting her thoughts. "I didn't think of it like that." Then, she broke into a smile. "That's very clever of you, Ryou!"

"W-what is?" She grinned and patted her shoulder.

"If Tomoya is going to help her, he's going to stick around her - and that means you should, too!" Ryou had to restrain herself not to fidget uncomfortably. She knew she had to deceive her sister into thinking she was after Tomoya, but she couldn't help feeling very pained about the thought of stealing him away. She chose to respond with silence and a forced smile, not being able to come up with a sensible answer. Fortunately, her twin interpreted her silence to be her usual nervousness, for she continued: "Don't worry about it, I'll be there as well! I won't let you face Tomoya alone, and I'll kick Sunohara into tomorrow if he so much as _thinks _of anything funny!"

This time, Ryou was able to smile honestly.

However, the smile died as Kyou spoke her next words.

"You stood up for yourself very well, back at the rooftop." Her stomach tightened painfully and she held her hand in front of her mouth. She didn't dare to look at her sister. This was exactly what she had not wanted to happen! How could've she witnessed that?

"You, you were listening...?" Kyou nodded and scoffed.

"Of course. I wasn't going to let my little sister face some mysterious confessor all on her own. Who knows what kind of molester or pervert could've set up such a trap - and when Sunohara brings a message, something's definitely off!" Then she sighed, and from the tone of her voice, Ryou could tell she was smiling. "But you showed them that all you weren't going to play their game, even though I can't tell how you were able to figure out they were up to something. I'm proud of you."

Looking at her sister, she confirmed that she was indeed smiling, and didn't seem troubled at all. Had she over-reacted when she had thought how her sister would take her 'change'? Had she really under-estimated her tolerance and adaptation so badly? Or was this something she could pass as her natural development?

Just how horrible little sister was she, not being able to understand her own twin good enough?

"I-I just, didn't think I would be confessed to..." she stuttered, her nervousness sincere. "And especially not by a girl... And with Okazaki-kun and Sunohara-kun there, I thought this would be something they thought up..." she explained the best she could, her thoughts in disarray. Kyou scoffed, and clenched her fist.

"Those two idiots... Makes me want to go back and pummel them again, just to be sure." Then she relaxed and turned at her twin again, placing a hand on her shoulder with a smile, changing on the topic she had brought up. "But just so you know, one of these days, you'll be confessed seriously. You shouldn't think of it as something impossible." Ryou nodded, her gaze turned down on the floor, a blush on her cheeks. Times like this, she really had trouble telling which one of the two was _really _the elder twin - and for that, she was glad. Apparently, the years had changed her less than she had thought.

But there was one thing she had to disagree with. Despite what her sister thought, there wouldn't be anyone confessing to her in the next six years - at least, no one like that had appeared the 'last time', and Ryou was fairly certain that the history would repeat itself.

"If you say so, onee-chan," she answered meekly despite her knowledge of the future. Kyou sighed, and placed her hands on her hips.

"Looks like you still need to work a little on your self-confidence." Ryou noticed that the expression on her face spoke of defeat, but it didn't go in sync with the tone of her voice.

_Is she... Relieved? _Before she had a chance to investigate further, Kyou stopped. They had arrived in front of her classroom.

"Well, I'm going to go back now. You'd better not be late, either."

"My class is right next to yours, onee-chan," she informed her calmly, but she was already inside the classroom, heading for her seat. Ryou shook her head in defeat before entering her own classroom.

_Well, at least I've made some progress with helping Nagisa rebuild the drama club, _she thought. _And it seems that onee-chan will help her, too._ She frowned slightly at the possibility that her sister's presence would sabotage Tomoya's and Nagisa's budding relationship, but soon discarded the option. The relationship between those two hadn't wavered because of the twins' actions the last time, and besides: _Onee-chan doesn't resort to any kind of dirty tricks. _No, she was positive that her and Kyou's presence would only help them.

But right now, if she remembered correctly, she could only wait. It would still take a while for Tomoya to fully devote himself to the drama club and Nagisa. Until that happened, she didn't think she could be of any use - she didn't recall being helpful the last time, and she didn't want to risk it by acting so grossly differently this time.

But, when the time came for her to finally make a difference, she definitely wouldn't miss the opportunity.

* * *

Yet, for several days nothing happened concerning the drama club. Several times she had an urge of going to Nagisa to progress their friendship, but always held herself at bay, telling herself that 'it's not the time yet'. The only way left for her to monitor the situation was through Okazaki - who spent most of his time with Nagisa, much to Kyou's chagrin.

"We have something else on our hands right now," he had replied vaguely as she had asked about the drama club's progress.

"Oh? I thought you dearly wanted to re-establish the club?" For a while, she had been rather nervous - had she somehow ended up changing the course of events after all?

"Of course the drama club's still important to us," he had replied swiftly, shattering her ominous premonition. "But it's just that what we're doing now is important as well. Rather urgent, too." Before she had had a chance to ask for more, he had handed her a wooden sculpture.

"Oh yes, I would like you to have this. Please participate in the wedding of Ibuki Kouko sometime in the near future, if you can." And with that, he had dashed off to find Nagisa before she had been able to thank him for the present. She would've had also liked to ask just why he had given it to her, had he made it himself, and just why staring at the star-shaped piece of wood was giving her a major headache.

Later on, she had learned that Okazaki and Nagisa together with a first-year girl were handing out similar sculptures to everyone in school. She had been described the girl, and her twin had even pointed her out from a safe distance.

However, the accurate details of what she looked like, the way she acted, and even her name just didn't stick to her brain. She wondered many times during those days just where Nagisa and Okazaki were, and every time it was quite an effort to remind herself of what they were doing, and with whom. Even her sister had become somewhat worried of her selective amnesia, and encouraged her to 'stop worrying about those two' for 'I have it all covered'.

In the end, she had decided to let Okazaki and Nagisa be until something concerning the drama club happened - no matter how anxious she felt about the wait.

"Hey, Fujibayashi, what have I been doing for these past few days?" Ryou blinked at his strange question. She had brought the homeroom - which he had missed yesterday - printout to him, about to tell him how he should properly attend the homeroom in the future, but he had opened his mouth first.

"Uhm, I believe you and Nagisa-chan had some kind of project you were working on," she answered vaguely. Truth to be told, she couldn't recall the exact details of what he had been doing, either. "Was it something concerning the drama club?"

"No," he responded, shaking his head. "I think I would remember if it was something like that. It's strange, I can't quite put my finger on it..." his voice trailed off.

"How's that coming along, by the way?" she asked when it became obvious Tomoya wouldn't continue. "The drama club, I mean." He shrugged.

"Same as always. We still can't recruit members via posters or advertisement, so we have to find them the old-fashioned way. So far, no luck."

"You and Sunohara-kun still aren't willing to put your names to use?" she asked with a sigh.

"It's not like I like theater, you know."

_But you like Nagisa-chan, _she countered silently, almost having to bite her tongue not to say it out loud.

"I suggested that we could give our names so that she could have the club up and running and be able to recruit some new members. We could've left at that point," he defended after a while, a bit troubled by Ryou's accusing silence. "But Nagisa didn't want to do it. She said it'd feel like cheating."

"I see," she responded, more at ease now. Things seemed to be going to right direction, with Tomoya being at least _partially _willing to join the drama club. What's more, he was now calling Nagisa by her first name, which she recalled being a rather big step in their relationship.

However, there was something that troubled her. She could tell that the time for her and Kyou to join the drama club was soon coming, but there was supposed to be something worthy of noting before that. Moreso, she had a nagging feeling that she was counting out something very important, something so vital that it had been present to the very end of her 'future'.

_Something... Something sweet... Something a bit childish... Something kind..._

Then she remembered it - or, rather, _her_.

"Okazaki-kun, have you tried asking Ichinose-san yet?" That's right, Ichinose Kotomi had joined the drama club before Okazaki or anyone else. It had been the introduction with her that had ultimately made her and her sister join the drama club, and from that point on, things had started finally rolling onwards. She scolded herself and her muddy memory for forgetting someone so important up until now.

"Eh? Who's Ichinose?"

But, apparently, she wasn't the only one who had forgotten something.

* * *

Author's notes: As much as I like Fuuko, I simply can't find a role for her in this story. Ryou never dealt much with her in neither the anime nor the game - save for a few comedy scenes - and I didn't see how that could change in my story. Then there's the fact that save for a lingering feeling, everybody forgot about her in the end - and since our heroine was wrestling with her memories in the first place, I thought I'd save her from future headaches. The story would've become far too complicated and I would've probably messed it up somehow, anyway.

Sorry, Fuuko, maybe in the next story.


	4. Making a Difference

Disclaimer: _Clannad_ the visual novel is the property of Key and their respective partners. Likewise, _Clannad _the anime belongs to Key and Kyoto Animation. I'm not making any money with this fanfic.

Author's notes: Thanks to Anya Anthony for her swift beta-reading, as well as the people who have reviewed. I'm glad you've enjoyed the story so far, and hope you'll stay interested 'til the end.

Chapter four, right here.

* * *

The teacher's voice droned on about the wonders of English grammar, the chalk leaving markings on the blackboard almost constantly. Most of the students copied down the notes into their own papers at a feverish rate, and the chorus of pens and pencils filled the classroom air - third year was, after all, in full swing and entrance exams would soon be upon every senior student. In class 3-D, however, were three students that didn't seem bothered by the frantic atmosphere at all: Okazaki Tomoya, who was sleeping, Sunohara Youhei, who was absent, and Fujibayashi Ryou, who was violently trying to think just _what had went wrong_.

"_Eh? Who's Ichinose?" She stared at him, confusion written all over her face. Couldn't he remember Kotomi's family name?_

"_Ichinose Kotomi-san," she decided to remind him, expecting recognition to dawn on his face. When his expression remained curiously puzzled, however, she began to feel the uneasiness building up. "The genius girl of 3-A, who ranks top ten in every national exam. Do you remember, Okazaki-kun?"_

"_We have someone like that in our school?" His tone was honestly amazed. Ryou's hands gripped the hem of her shirt. "How would I know someone like that? Sounds like someone who's in a completely different world than me."_

"_But, Okazaki-kun," she exclaimed, not able to hide the desperation in her voice. "Didn't you meet her once, in the library? I clearly remember telling you about her before..." Her eyes widened, and her words were cut short as the realization dawned to her. _No, _she thought. _He hasn't asked me about her. Not this time. _Tomoya shook his head and confirmed her fears._

"_No, I think you're mistaken, Fujibayashi. I would remember if I had met someone like that."_

Ryou's eyes trailed towards Okazaki for the umpteenth time during the class. It was hard to believe that he really hadn't met Kotomi in the library, but he had seemed honest with his claim - and even a bit troubled by the intensity of her question. She really didn't believe he would be feigning ignorance over this, not under any circumstances. However, that meant something had gone horribly, horribly wrong.

She recalled that Tomoya was originally supposed to pick up secluded genius girl from the library, where she had isolated herself from the rest of the students, surrounded only by books she kept reading through day after day. She didn't know why, but the timid girl hadn't apparently felt herself so uncomfortable around him, and due to his request, she had begun to make friends - most of whom were Tomoya's acquaintances. In the end, she had introduced herself to the Fujibayashi twins, too, which had eventually led not only to their joining to the drama club, but also a deep, lasting friendship between the three girls. The three had made several precious memories in their senior year and afterwards, even though Kotomi had ultimately moved to United States in order to continue her studies.

But now it seemed that none of that would happen.

_What have I done so differently? _she inquired herself, staring down at her lap. _What have I done to make him miss something important like this? _No matter how many times she shifted through her memories, she couldn't recall doing anything that would cause something of this magnitude. All she could think of was how she had skipped the first day of school - but that couldn't possibly be the cause.

Could it?

Once again, she glanced at sleeping Tomoya. _Or is this my doing after all? Is Okazaki-kun simply doing things differently on a whim? Is he just making different decisions? _The thought was frightening and depressing. Up until now, she had thought she could rely on things to happen exactly like before if she just thoroughly stuck to her memories. It had been an easy plan to follow, but if things actually differed from the last time, how was she going to keep herself up to date with _anything? _As far as possibilities went, everything could end up happening entirely different. She had a sudden urge to bury her face in her hands as desperation washed over her. _How am I supposed to get anything done now?_

"_There are several choices we can make, leading us to different places via different paths."_

That was what she had said, wasn't it? That was what she had always believed in, right?_ I shouldn't have expected this to work in the first place, _she accused herself bitterly, realizing how naïve her plan had been. How was she going to save Tomoya and Nagisa if she just sit idly and watched things escalate out of control? _I should've been more active since the beginning. I shouldn't have left this up to fate._

"_I don't believe in fate."_

That, too, was exactly what she had said to the mysterious woman, back at her 'future'. _That's right, _she told herself silently, becoming more and more disappointed in herself with every passing second. _There is no such thing as fate. It's only natural for Okazaki-kun to make different decisions. I'm in this situation now because I didn't keep that in mind. _She clenched her fists silently.

_So, Ryou, what are you going to do about it?_

_

* * *

_As the chime rang, indicating the end of their lesson, Ryou was one of the first to get her belongings together and stand up. With determined steps, she made her way to Tomoya, who hadn't yet woken up completely. "Okazaki-kun," she called out in her usual soft voice but with a touch of steel in it. It hadn't taken her but a few seconds to agree that she had to do something drastic to remedy the situation, but she had debated long with herself to come up with the best way to do it. She couldn't afford to lose any more time, so whatever she was going to do, she had to do fast. At the same time, however, she would have to stick to the way the meek and polite Ryou would act as much as possible. It was a dilemma she could find only a few ways out, and none of them had really satisfied her.

"Okazaki-kun," she called out again, stronger this time. In the end, she had run out of time, so she had to go with being as fast as possible - if she acted fast enough, he would be too dumb-founded to realize just how strangely she was acting.

"What, Fujibayashi?" he muttered half-loud, squinting his eyes as he tried to focus on the girl standing in front of her.

_Good, him being only half-awake should help, too,_ she mused contently. "I'd like you to come with me." She might've as well dropped all but the last three words, so commanding was her tone - at least on her standards. Okazaki seemed a bit startled and confused.

"What?"

"Now, Okazaki-kun," she told him steadily before turning around and heading out of the classroom. She was certain that he would be too amazed by her order to just ignore it - and true enough, she could hear him catching up to her before she had taken five steps in the hallway.

"What's this about, Fujibayashi?" Ryou only threw him a glance over her shoulder and flashed a small, reassuring smile, trying to make him a bit more at ease. The effect, however, seemed to be exactly the opposite, for Tomoya's expression became only more confused and troubled.

"I'm going to introduce you to someone who might be interested in joining the theatre club," she decided to explain. "Hurry up, we don't have much time left until the next lesson." With that, she quickened her pace a bit, not looking back at him. Tomoya couldn't catch up to her to present anymore questions thanks to the students loitering in the hallway, for which she was glad. She wanted to get away from other people before she would explain more to him, in fear that someone would gossip about the conversation to her sister.

However, with her hasty exit, she had missed out completely the long-haired Fujibayashi twin standing in the other end of the hallway, staring after her and Tomoya.

"What makes you think this person wants to join the theatre club?" he asked with a puzzled face once they had made it to the old school building. Ryou wagered he was more surprised about her actions rather than the question he presented.

"Well, she's very smart, so she doesn't need to study for entrance exams, which means she has the time to join a club," she explained calmly, doing her best to fade out the commanding tone she had previously used. "Besides, I think you can make a good first impression on her," she added vaguely, which earned her another curious look from him. She couldn't just outright tell him that he was probably the only one who could drag her out of the library.

"What makes you think that?" Despite the situation, she couldn't help smiling a little.

"Call it maiden's inspiration." Judging by his silence, he couldn't think of anything to say back at that. "Ah, here we are," she exclaimed as they stopped in front of the library. A sign hanging from the door read 'closed', but if one looked closely enough, one could see a tiny gap between the sliding doors. There was definitely someone inside.

"The library? Didn't you say something about that genius girl being here?" He raised an eyebrow at her. "Fujibayashi, she and I probably live in different worlds altogether. I don't think I'm going to achieve anything talking to her." Ryou shook her head, not having any success forcing down her cryptic smile.

"I think you'll be surprised," she told him and swung the sliding door open. Like she had hoped, she could make out a girl sitting barefooted in the far corner of the room, reading a book. Her smile lit up a bit more. "Just act natural." With that, she gestured him to step in and slid the door shut in his wake. A few seconds later, she leaned against the wall and sighed deeply.

_I suppose I could've gone with him, _she mused. _Just to make sure everything would happen fine. I don't want to take any more risks. _She peeked quietly through the miniscule gap between the doors and confirmed that the Tomoya had engaged in some kind of conversation already. She smiled. _But I think it'll be fine from here on out._

Ryou dug through her memories, trying to remember what would happen next. Either today or tomorrow, Tomoya would take Kotomi outside the library and have her introduce herself to Nagisa and her. Soon after their introduction, they would go get the old violin from the music club together. Ryou wondered briefly if she should prevent the genius girl from getting her hands on the instrument that seemed to turn into a deadly weapon in her hands, but soon decided against it; Playing violin made Kotomi happy, and if she had endured it the last time, she could do it now, too.

She made a mental note to buy some ear plugs nonetheless.

Her sister would teach Kotomi in the ways of jabbing, and she would hold her first violin recital. The whole drama club crew would go hang out in the town together, and they would prepare the run-down yard of her house for her birthday. _Birthday..._

Ryou frowned. She had forgotten about the genius girl's family problems, how her parents had died when she had been little and how she had lived alone in her house ever since, no doubt traumatized by the tragic event. They would have to help her come over the painful past. Once again, she peeked through the gap. The two seemed to be sharing lunch. _Well, I'll leave that up to Okazaki-kun, _she concluded. _He was the one to thank for Kotomi-chan's opening up originally, so he can probably do it this time, too. The rest of us will support her in any way we can. _

She let out a relieved sigh. From now on, if things happened like she estimated, everything should end up fine and she could concentrate on being a good, supporting friend to Kotomi. As long as she kept a close eye on the development of the situation, she could fix the course of events with small, subtle actions before things got out of control. There would be no need for anything drastic like today. She hoped no one other than Okazaki had been there to witness that.

"Yo, Fujibayashi." Her heart skipped a beat as she heard the call, and she whipped her head to the direction of the voice. She had been so absorbed in her thoughts that she hadn't seen him approach her.

"S-Sunohara-kun," she greeted him in turn a bit shakily. "You surprised me." He scratched his head, laughing.

"Yeah, people say that all the time. I suppose it's a trait of mine," he explained with something akin to pride. Why would he be proud over a trait like that was beyond her understanding.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, a bit more sharply than she had intended, still a little off-balance because of Sunohara's sudden appearance. Realizing this, she tried to patch up her inquiry. "I mean, It's not often you visit to the library." _Ah, now I'm implying he's stupid, _Ryou scolded herself. _This isn't going too well._

However, it seemed that Sunohara didn't mind it. "You could say that. There's no manga here, only boring books. Not really my place." He smirked a little before tilting his head to the side. "No, I saw you and Okazaki coming here and decided to follow you guys. It's not often I see you dragging him around." Ryou's cheeks became rose-red, and a heavy uneasiness settled in the pit of her stomach. He had seen her and she hadn't noticed? Just who else could've seen the two? "I was wondering what you two were up to, but I don't see Okazaki anywhere anymore."

"I wasn't dragging him around," she tried to protest, but he only scoffed.

"Yeah well, the only thing missing was the actual physical contact, but asides from that, it was obvious that you were taking him somewhere. Besides, Okazaki isn't one to follow someone unless he's forced." Ryou bit her lower lip. Sunohara was right, it would take quite something to make Tomoya do something that wasn't by his own initiative. And, normally, she wasn't supposed to possess such willpower. He pressed on. "So what were you doing? And where did he go?" If Ryou had been as strong as her sister, she would've probably been able to tell Sunohara to go mind his own business - both Tomoya and Kyou did so on a daily basis. She, however, couldn't do it. She couldn't go against her kind nature and tell him something so blunt - she didn't want to say such things to her friends. However, right now the blonde was treading on dangerous grounds; If he continued on, he could ruin the discussion between Tomoya and Kotomi.

"I wanted him to meet someone who might be interested in joining the drama club," she decided to explain, stepping in front of the library doors. "Right now, they're in a middle of a conversation. Please don't disturb them." He blinked.

"So this is for the drama club?" The Fujibayashi nodded. Sunohara looked down at her with confusion, inspecting her with his gaze.

"Wh-what's with the look?" she asked, fidgeting uncomfortably. He turned his gaze away and shrugged.

"I guess it's nothing. Is it someone I know?" he asked and pointed at the closed library doors, changing the topic. She shook her head, glad to be no longer under his gaze.

"I don't think so, but if all goes well, you'll get to know her." Again, the blonde looked at her, puzzled.

"Yet another girl?" Ryou frowned. Just what was he insinuating?

"Something wrong with that?" If possible, he looked even more lost. Then he sighed and shook his head.

"Nothing," he muttered. "I just thought girls were more vicious when it came to this kind of thing. Maybe you're an exception."

"Sunohara-kun," she told him calmly, yet with a hint of steel in her voice, earning a small shudder from the blonde. "You're approaching a dangerous topic. Please drop it." Thankfully, the point seemed to get through.

"Fine, fine," he said and turned his back to her, leaning his head against his hands. "I just thought you wouldn't want any other girls get close to Okazaki, but it seems you're okay with Nagisa-chan, and now you're introducing him to yet another girl." She felt all of her irritation vanish in an instant, along with the colour of her face. This definitely wasn't what she had expected to hear - not from someone like him!

"What?"

"You know, because you like him," he said nonchalantly, as if he was talking about weather. Ryou could only stare at his back, mortified. She had always kept her feelings for Tomoya hidden deep inside her heart; Her twin was the only person she had ever spoken to. Even though she had come to terms with her feelings long ago, it didn't make her feel any less violated knowing that _Sunohara _had, somehow, found out about it. Had she really been that easy to read? Had he figured it out because she had done something differently, or had he been aware of it the last time too? And if he had been able to see through her, who else knew?

"H-how did you know?" Had Kotomi known all along? Had Nagisa known all along? How big of a fool had she made out of herself in front of those two? Then Sunohara turned back to her and shrugged, chuckling self-contently.

"I just thought about it from the way you kept looking at him when you thought no one else was watching," he explained, shattering some of her fears. "I've had this hunch since our second year, and now you finally confirmed it." It wasn't as bad as she had thought. Sunohara, it seemed, hadn't had any kind of strong, evidence-based conclusion; As far as she could tell, he had simply been following his intuition and made a lucky guess. She didn't have to worry about losing her face in front of her friends.

However, now Sunohara knew about her feelings for Tomoya. Even though not as bad as having the other girls know, Ryou was still far from comfortable about having her secret shared with yet someone else. She chewed her lower lip, thinking furiously. Should she ask him to be quiet about it? Despite his foolish antics, she knew that he was - or at least would be in the future - a trustworthy friend, and if she asked him to keep something a secret, he would keep it solemnly to himself. However, if she did that, she would give him the impression that she still was competing for Tomoya's heart with Nagisa - her sister already thought that way, and she didn't want anyone else to have such thoughts.

"Sunohara-kun," she began. No, she should tell him the truth right away. If he already knew this much, telling him the rest wouldn't hurt. "It isn't exactly like you think." Unfortunately, before she could get further, the blonde begun his rant - and there was no stopping it.

"Ah, don't worry," he assured. "I won't tell Nagisa-chan about this."

"No, that's not-"

"I'm really a good guy, you see; I believe in fair competition, and I think you both should have a proper chance at going for him."

"No, I don't-"

"Too bad you're both my friends; I have no choice but to cheer both of you on. Ah, it's tough being a good guy!"

"Sunohara-kun, I-"

"So, best of luck with your battle of hearts with Nagisa-chan, Fujibayashi! And please, remain civil - I wouldn't like you guys to get in an open fight or anything like-"

"No!" she surprised even herself with the ferocity of her voice, and silently prayed Tomoya and Kotomi hadn't been disturbed by her yell. Sunohara stared at her with wide eyes, and for a good reason; She, herself, was aware that Fujibayashi Ryou raising her voice was about as likely as Earth suddenly stopping rotating. However, the stress of the past few weeks, of today, of talking with Sunohara - all of it had come to a point where she couldn't simply stay silent anymore. "No, I won't."

"Eh?"

"I won't do something like that. I, I couldn't go against Nagisa-chan. I don't want to." She shook her head fiercely. The pent-up words she had thought over so many times in the last few days came out on their own. "It's true that I like Okazaki-kun, but not in that way - I just want to be there for him as a friend. I want him to be happy..."

"I want him to be happy with Nagisa-chan." With that, she turned her gaze down on the floor and fell silent. Surprisingly, Sunohara didn't say anything either for a long while. Ryou had always thought he would never be the one left speechless, that he'd always have a retort - no matter how stupid or immature. Now, however, the atmosphere was heavy and she could feel it beginning to weigh down on her. Then the blonde scoffed, breaking the silence.

"What, so you've given up already, without even a fight?" Ryou shook her head and raised his gaze to meet his own.

"This is for both of their happiness, Sunohara-kun."

"Don't give me that crap...! Do you even realize what you're doing? Happiness or not, you're letting her just stomp over you!" His stare was extremely vexed, angry even, and she could tell he was pouring all of his strength into that look, trying to make her think over her decision. With his mindset, it was no surprise; She knew her friend well enough to tell he despised people who just bowed out of conflicts, letting others step over their own goals and dreams.

"You... You... You little coward..." He couldn't understand her decision at all, but she didn't blame him. After all, he hadn't seen Okazaki's misery. He couldn't know the depth of the misfortune that had fallen upon that family. Even though his words stung her, Ryou met his stare head on, something she didn't think she would've ever been able to do. Even as her twenty-five-year-old, adult self, she had rarely had enough strength of will to face such hard gazes.

Now, however, her strength was backed up by her determination. _Sorry, Sunohara-kun, but this isn't something I'm going to give in._ She could see how he clenched and unclenched his fists, clearly wanting to say something, _anything, _back to her. However, he didn't seem to be able to overcome the deathly serious stare of the teal orbs. Eventually, he tore his gaze away. Ryou sighed and looked the other way, too.

"Tch, fine." He sullenly put his hands in his pockets. "Do as you like. It's not like it's my business, anyway." With that, he set off to the direction he had come from.

"Sunohara-kun," she called after him. She really wanted to apologize to him, to explain just why she thought it was necessary not to interfere with Tomoya and Nagisa. But, as he looked over his shoulder at her, she was once again reminded that she couldn't do that. Just like with her sister, she couldn't tell him she was from another world, sent here to save Tomoya's happiness - there was no way he would believe something like that. "I'm sorry, but could you please not tell anyone what we just talked about? Especially not onee-chan." The blonde frowned at her request at first, but soon gave in, sighing.

"Fine. I'll do it, since I'm really a good guy. But that still doesn't mean I like this." She smiled and bowed slightly at his direction.

"I know. Thank you, Sunohara-kun." With a wave, he left, leaving her alone once again. She sighed and returned to her previous position, leaning against the wall with her gaze set up to the ceiling.

It had felt surprisingly good to speak a piece of her mind to someone - had she kept the bottled-up feelings all to herself, she was certain she'd have broken sooner or later. The conversation with Sunohara hadn't really solved any of her numerous problems; she still had to act like her old self in front of her sister and be ready to correct any mistakes Tomoya might make, but at least she was feeling a bit more at ease now. Had she known the blonde be of so much help, she would've sought him out sooner.

Ryou hadn't really considered Sunohara Youhei her friend until well after their school years. Both her sister and Okazaki had held him a safe distance away from her, and she had only observed his antics from afar, being mostly horrified of them. After their graduation, the blonde - who was no longer a blonde after he had had to stop dying his hair - had moved back to his hometown in search of work, and she or anyone else hadn't seen him very often afterwards. However, the few times the friends had gathered together, she had become more and more used to him, and had finally accepted the idea that Sunohara Youhei, too, was one of her precious friends. Eventually even Kyou had admitted, reluctantly, that 'he isn't as bad as he used to be' and that 'he's got his good points, too.'.

She glanced quickly at the already-distant back in the far end of the hallway and smiled softly. Despite what everyone - Sunohara himself included - said, he had never really been that bad - well, at least not _that_ bad. The Fujibayashi was certain that he would prove to be an irreplaceable friend this time too. She only hoped the others, particularly Kyou, would realize that before he moved away again.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the library door sliding open. She turned her eyes on the emerging Tomoya, waiting patiently him to close the door before she opened her mouth.

"How did it go?" She could barely contain her anxiety. He sighed and gave a small chuckle.

"I was right: She really does live in a different world. Having a discussion with her was harder than the courses in algebra. And you should've seen those books she was reading; I could barely just make out the titles." Ryou fidgeted nervously; She was rather certain that he was procrastinating just to tease her. "But," he told her eventually. "For whatever reason, she didn't seem to dislike having me there - she even offered me part of her lunch. She promised to consider joining the drama club. I promised I'll come to talk to her again soon, the next time she's in the library." The Fujibayashi clasped her hands together, beaming.

"That's wonderful, Okazaki-kun. You should ask her again tomorrow around this time, then." He raised an eyebrow at that.

"How can you be so sure she'll be here?"

"It's not like she does anything other than sits in the library," she informed him, which only further confused him.

"You mean she does nothing else? Doesn't she have friends to talk to during lunch or something?" Ryou glanced away, a small, content smile on her face. Even if he had missed out his initial meeting with Kotomi, it seemed that his heart was still in the right place. All it would take was a cherry on top, and he'd be sold.

"As far as I can tell, she's all alone," she said quietly, casting her eyes down to increase the dramatic effect. When she peeked quickly up, she noted contently that he was gazing at the library doors, determination forming on his face. She smirked and quickly turned her head the other way. _Hook, line, and sinker._ "Anyway, we should head back to class now. Lessons are about to start." Tomoya nodded absently and trailed after her a few steps behind. Her mood was bright as she navigated through the hallway.

Finally, the crew would start getting together.

* * *

"Hey, Fujibayashi."

The following day, she was approached by Tomoya and a girl who was tailing him so closely one might've thought the two were glued together. Hiding behind his shoulders, she was throwing nervous glances all around her, never more than a step behind the delinquent. Every time they passed another student, she seemed to inch even closer to him. "There's someone I'd like you to meet. C'mon, introduce yourself." The shy girl fidgeted nervously in response to his encouragement.

"Hello, Tomoya-kun." He sighed and took a hold of her shoulders, pushing her from her hiding place towards Ryou, who was currently hiding her smile behind the palm of her hand.

"Okay, good enough for practice! Now, the real deal."

As the two girls faced each other, Ryou noted that Ichinose Kotomi was much like she remembered: the child-like hair ornaments, the dreamy, lost look in her eyes, the nervous twitching of her fingers. She summoned the warmest, friendliest smile she could muster, hoping to ease the genius girl's discomfort at least a little bit.

"Umm," she began hesitantly, pointing a finger herself. "I'm Kotomi. You spell Kotomi with three hiragana. When you speak to me, call me Kotomi-chan." Then she fell completely silent, staring her as if watching the effects of some strange charm. The Fujibayashi had mixed feelings because of her introduction. The child-like presentation, in all its naïve innocence, tickled a corner of her heart and made her feel like hugging her sweet friend-to-be - she didn't think she could find someone as pure as her no matter how she tried. However, her heart sank as she reminded herself what was the cause of it: Kotomi's parents' passing and the social void it had created had brought a halt to the genius girl's mental development, and she was still at least partially on the level of a child when it came to social skills.

"Nice to meet you, Kotomi-chan," Ryou greeted her as warmly as she could. "I'm Fujibayashi Ryou - please call me Ryou-chan. I'd be happy if you became my friend." The genius girl looked at her with surprise, throwing a questioning glance over her shoulder at smiling Tomoya, who seemed a little surprised himself. She couldn't remember exactly what the first meeting between her and Kotomi had been like the last time, but she was fairly certain she hadn't used those same words.

But, frankly, she didn't really care too much for none of that - the most important thing to her right now was to form a friendship with Kotomi. "Did you think I'd bully you, Kotomi-chan?" she asked her gently.

The shy girl dropped her gaze on the floor guiltily, fidgeting. Ryou could make out a small nod and a mumbled 'yes', which further fuelled the sympathy she felt for the child-like genius. It seemed her social skills were far worse than she had thought - without Tomoya standing there, she wagered Kotomi would've run away already. She took a step forward and placed her hand gently on her shoulder, earning a small twitch from her. Originally, she had thought her sole reason was to ensure Tomoya's and Nagisa's happiness, but as she gazed upon the slightly shaking girl in front of her, something inside her stirred. She couldn't rate her friends; She couldn't tell whether she wanted to help the family Okazaki or the genius girl more - she wanted to help all of them. She absolutely _had _to make sure that Kotomi would be drawn out of her lonely house and that the shell she had created around herself would be broken.

"Don't worry, I'm definitely not a bully. I'll be happy to be your friend - if you want me to, that is." Slowly, she raised her gaze from the floor into her eyes, and this time she was smiling too.

As her friend, she would do everything she could for her.

* * *

"Hello. Nice to meet you. My name is Ichinose Kotomi, a senior from class 3-A. My hobby is reading books. I would be happy if you became my friends."

"I am Furukawa Nagisa from 3-B. My hobby is acting. I would be happy if you became my friends."

"I am Fujibayashi Ryou from class D. My hobby is fortune telling. I would be happy if we all became good friends."

"A really strange group has just formed," muttered the elder Fujibayashi as she gazed upon the three smiling girls.

"You're part of it, too," commented Okazaki. A heavy sigh.

"I suppose so. Just what have I gotten myself into…?"

* * *

"Kotomi, listen to me. Put. The violin. Down."

"It is so beautiful... I'll play the second part now."

"Kotomi, no!"

"All crew, brace for impact!"

* * *

"What the hell, Tomoya-kun. I can't get along with you. Bye now."

"... Kyou, are you responsible for this?"

* * *

"Fujibayashi?"

"What did you say, Sunohara-kun?"

"I asked: Why are you wearing ear plugs? And where's this girl who Kyou said would take my breath away?"

"Why don't you take a seat over there and wait for her to show up? Kotomi-chan's violin recital is about to start."

* * *

"What the hell. What the hell. What the hell."

"... I'm not even going to ask."

* * *

"Onee-chan, Okazaki-kun. Kotomi-chan told her birthday is this coming Saturday. She said she'd like to have a stuffed bear as a present."

"We were thinking of winning her the one we saw in the arcade. The huge one from the crane game."

"What if we don't win it?"

"... We have a back-up plan."

* * *

"You seem to be working hard, Okazaki-san."

"I want to get Kotomi's yard done by her birthday. It's only three days 'til, so I must hurry. Can you guys handle the present?"

"Yes, leave it to us. We have the perfect gift in mind for her."

* * *

"Watch out!"

"That, that was a close one - my heart is pounding really hard!"

"Good thing you noticed the bike in time, Ryou. That could've ended up really bad! If I ever see that idiot again, I'm going to dramatically shorten his life span!"

"Is, is the violin still intact?"

"... Seems so."

"Thank goodness."

* * *

"We're all with you, Kotomi-chan."

"That's right. Don't be afraid to open up the suitcase, Kotomi - we won't leave you."

"..." Click.

"... Well, looks like she got a teddy after all."

* * *

"Happy birthday, Kotomi-chan! This present is from all of us. We hope you really like it."

"... This, this is..."

"We got the permission from the violin's former owner to claim it for us. It's all yours, Kotomi. Happy birthday."

"... I'm going to play a birthday serenade."

"Oh, you won't be having any time for that today! The rest of the guests are arriving soon, and we're going to have a great time! I hope you prepared plenty of food!"

"... Kyou, just how many did you invite...?"

* * *

"We had lots of fun, didn't we, onee-chan?" she asked later on that evening, when they were walking home. The birthday party had drawn on long to the evening, and the twins, along with Tomoya and Nagisa had stayed behind to help Kotomi clean up her house afterwards. By the time they set home, it was already dark. The cool night air brushed through the desolate streets, sending shivers down Ryou's back. Despite it being late spring already, the nights still weren't too warm.

"Yeah, the party was really great," she replied. "Although I had to straighten up Sunohara for trying to drink too much punch a few times - the idiot just wouldn't believe there was no alcohol in it! Sheesh." Her sister giggled softly, and then gazed up to the cloudless sky.

"I think Kotomi-chan liked her birthday, too." After a while, she added. "But I wasn't just talking about tonight. I've really enjoyed myself this last week, being with everyone. They're really great friends." Kyou's voice was faint as she replied.

"... Yeah, they are."

"... Onee-chan?" Ryou turned to look at her twin, who threw a few quick glances at her but always averted her eyes a heartbeat later. Eventually, she sighed.

"I just think how hard this all has become. At this rate, Tomoya isn't going to even look at your direction." This time, the younger twin turned her gaze away. She had held a faint hope that her sister would've forgotten about her quest of swaying Okazaki's heart to her direction already, even though she knew she wasn't the type of person to give up that easily. The faster Kyou accepted the fact that he wouldn't so much as glance to anyone else other than Nagisa, however, the faster she would get over the shock - and the faster she could stop acting like she was after him.

"Friendship is important, too," she pointed out softly. "You've enjoyed the time we've spent with Nagisa-chan and Kotomi-chan, haven't you?" This time, her sigh was more vexed than before.

"That's not the point. It's just that..." she held out her hands, frowning deeply. "Argh, I don't know! This whole situation pisses me off! Why does everything have to be so complicated!" Ryou looked back up again, towards the stars, letting her twin vent off her worst frustration. As much as she wanted to give Kyou an answer, she found herself at a loss of words, too. On an impulse, she placed a hand on her shoulder, realizing absently that she was doing it quite often nowadays.

"I feel the same way, onee-chan," she told her honestly. "Everything is so complicated that it almost hurts. But, you know," With those words, she turned to face her, smiling. "I think we should stick on the important things we have now. Like friends and each other." She couldn't make out her sister's face completely in the darkness, but the expression she had wasn't anything she could recognize. They looked at each other for a while, and then the elder twin chuckled.

"That's deep. Really, you're so mature that you leave your big sister to shame. I don't think I need to look after you for much longer." Ryou stumbled abruptly. Judging by the tone of her voice, Kyou had meant her words as a light-hearted joke, but she really couldn't take it as one.

"Th-that's not true!" she protested feverishly, trying to regain her balance. "I couldn't do a thing without you, onee-chan. It's thank to your strength that I've gotten this far!" Again, the elder twin chuckled, no doubt trying to tease her as was her usual fashion. To her, however, each chuckle caused a painful pang in her heart.

"Brute strength is one thing, and maturity is another. You have more than plenty of the latter to make up for your own strength. But still, I'm glad you think so highly of me." Ryou could only stare at her, anguished. Very rarely she had heard her sister use such a degrading tone of herself, and those times had been during their early twenties, when both had been troubled by the changes aging had caused them to undergo. To hear Kyou use such a tone now felt just _wrong_. Suddenly, every bit of her timidity and uncertainness she had had during her high school years seemed to come crashing back. Her twin sighed. "Come on, what's with the face? I'm praising you here!"

"N-no," Ryou protested, shaking her head. She could feel tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "It's not true. I still need you, onee-chan. I don't think I can ever face the world without you. I don't want to." She couldn't control her trembling. In the last few weeks, she had merrily forgotten the horrible scenario that she could one day lose the support of her sister. Now, when that possibility was once again shoved into her face, all the maturity and mental strength she had built up in the last six years went down the drain. Kyou, too, seemed to notice this, for the usual playfulness in her voice vanished as she realized she had gone too far.

"Ryou," she murmured gently, wrapping her arms around her little sister. "Don't worry. As long as you need me, I will be here for you." Then she laughed again, even though there wasn't the usual mirth in it. "In fact, I'll be sticking around you even if you don't need me anymore, just to be a pain!" The younger sister shook her head vigorously, sniffling as she fought back the tears.

"That'll never happen, onee-chan. Like I said, I don't think I can ever manage without your support." Fujibayashi Kyou didn't reply, but simply stroked her twin's back.

"If you say so," she mumbled soothingly. Her eyes, however, stared off into the distance, doubt and sadness pooling deep inside those purple orbs.

* * *

Author's notes: In my opinion, Kotomi played a rather big part in the anime, her arc influencing her friends and their relationships, as well as the progress of the general storyline by quite a bit. In that sense, it's really regrettable that I couldn't concentrate on her more than this - in this story, I can't find a very big role for her.

Perhaps in the next story, Kotomi.


	5. No More Lies

Disclaimer: _Clannad_ the visual novel is the property of Key and their respective partners. Likewise, _Clannad _the anime belongs to Key and Kyoto Animation. I'm not making any money with this fanfic.

Author's notes: Warning. This chapter is almost double in length in comparison to the previous chapters. I intended to originally cut it in two parts, but it turned out such that I couldn't find a place to properly do so. Bear with it.

As usual, my gratitude to my beta-reader and to the people who have reviewed.

* * *

"Ryou-chan, are you alright?"

"Mmmh, yes, I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You seem kind of absent… Do you have a cold?"

"It's really nothing, Nagisa-chan. I just slept a little badly, that's all. You should just focus on thinking what to say to Koumura-sensei."

"… Okay."

It was finally the day when the Fujibayashi twins and Kotomi had decided to lend their names to the drama club. It wasn't like any of them were actually interested in theatre - they were all in for it just for the sake of having the club the sufficient amount of members, so that Nagisa could find an advisor and _finally _properly re-establish the club. Of course, she had been rather hesitant about this, claiming it'd feel like tricking everyone, but encouragement from Kyou and Tomoya had silenced her.

Ryou, too, was particularly silent as they made their way to Koumura's - the only teacher who wasn't an advisor already - office, but for different reasons. This morning, she had woken up with the familiar, uncomfortable feeling of amnesia again. It wasn't as bad as on the first day of her third year, but there were disturbing gaps concerning the near future and this day in particular. She had remembered that today the drama club would get enough members - and true enough, her sister had indeed suggested they would lend their names for the club to use. Her delight, however, was muffled by the ominous hunch that re-establishing the club wouldn't happen that easily.

By the time they left Koumura's office, her mood had sunk lower still. When the aged teacher had mentioned talking to Nishina Rie first, Ryou remembered how complicated the situation was. Rie and her friends were in need of an advisor as well in order to establish the choir club, and had unfortunately gotten in touch with Koumura first. Nagisa hadn't been able to persuade the choir club to give up on the teacher the last time, so it wasn't a surprise to see her come back from the negotiation with a troubled look on her face this time, either. The group was unusually quiet as they left the school.

"Nishina-san and her friends have worked very hard to get the choir club together, too," she explained. "And they're all interested in singing, whereas I'm the only real member of the club. Plus, they got to Koumura-sensei before we did…" her voice faded away, and everyone could tell the same was happening with her confidence.

"Hey, you're not planning on giving up now, are you?" Kyou asked, but Nagisa didn't reply. Ryou glanced at the silent Furukawa.

_It's no good, _she concluded. _She can't bring herself to step on their dreams. It's just like the last time._ From a neutral point of view, she understood Nagisa's reasoning. The members, the timing, everything indicated that the dramaclub would be the one that would have to step down. She, neither, wouldn't attempt to forcefully drive her own dream through in a situation like this.

But, in her current situation, she knew they would have to get Koumura to advice the drama club. For the sake of Nagisa's dream, for her happiness, the drama club had to be re-established by any means necessary._ If only I had thought a little ahead, _she accused herself bitterly. _If I had talked to Koumura-sensei a week ago, no, a few days ago, about how the drama club would become active again shortly, I'm sure he would've promised to become the advisor. _She sighed, shaking her head. _Why am I so useless? I'm supposed to know the future, so how come I can't remember anything until it's right upon us? _

Ryou straightened herself. At least there was one thing she could clearly remember happening.

"Don't worry, Nagisa-chan,"she reassured her, smiling. "I'm sure someone will come up with a way to convince them that our cause is important, too. We shouldn't be left without an advisor now that we've come this far."

The brunette smiled slightly, but the expression didn't reach her eyes.

* * *

The following day, she had paid very close attention to Nagisa's doing. She had seen her find the threatening note, observed her as she had discussed with Okazaki and Sunohara about it, and witnessed from afar her meeting with the girl from the choir club. She hadn't heard the discussion, but what she saw was enough to tell her she had, ultimately, given up on her dream. Everything seemed to happen exactly like her sister had originally described it - Ryou had been too occupied in school work the last time to witness the events herself. She knew that if things followed the usual track, the problem would soon be solved; In a few days, Okazaki, Sunohara, and her sister would play a match of basketball against the boys' basketball club and their victory would convince the choir club to share the advisor with them. Everything had ended up nicely without her having to do anything.

This time, however, Ryou was going to take a far more active role in the course of events. She had been shown once what could happen if she just idly by - Kotomi had been _this _close to being left all alone in the library -, and right now she really couldn't afford to repeat same kind of a decisive blunder. So, she had decided to seek out the person who had been responsible of the basketball match, wanting to make sure that the match would happen this time, too. She had found him in the backyard of the school, raging mad.

"Sunohara-kun, have you heard about Nagisa? How she's going to give up on the drama club?" She had been a little hesitant about approaching him. After all, their last conversation hadn't probably left him with a very good aftertaste. Judging by his reaction, however, he was too occupied with the current situation to think about such things now.

"Have I heard?" the blonde bellowed, kicking an empty can with all his might. "I was right there! I don't know what Nagisa-chan said to you, but let me tell you, she was cheated big time! That Sugisaka bitch isn't playing fair!" Ryou inspected him silently with her gaze, a bit taken aback by his violent reaction. Sure, she had always known him to be a hot-head and she knew he hated losing, especially if one just gave up, but this time it felt more than just his usual ire. In fact, to her it seemed as if Sunohara had been personally insulted by the course of events.

"Argh, man! This pisses me off!" She stood there, patiently waiting for him to finish letting off his steam. Her puzzlement was yet another embarrassing reminder of how poorly she knew the delinquent, even though she was supposed to be his friend.

"What's going to happen now?" she questioned him when it seemed he had calmed down a little bit. Hopefully, he already had at least a vague idea of what to do. His reply, however, ate away her confidence.

"How should I know?" he grumbled, throwing her a vexed glance. "But if it was up to me, I'd crush the choir club with force!"

"Y-you shouldn't do that," she protested, bothered by his violent suggestion. "That would only make Nagisa-chan sadder." It seemed he hadn't yet thought of an alternative. Ryou bit her lip, thinking furiously. How should she phrase her suggestion so that he would be motivated to have the match?

"That's what Okazaki said, too," he muttered. "If you're asking me, she's way too kind for her own good. She shouldn't be swayed by other people so easily, especially when they're resorting to cheap tricks like that!"

"Cheap tricks?" Ryou asked, frowning slightly. She couldn't recall the choir club resorting to anything dramatic. Sunohara flinched slightly, and he seemed to realize that he had let out something he shouldn't have in his anger.

"It's just some drama she pulled to make Nagisa-chan feel more sympathy for them. I don't like people who do something like that," he answered vaguely. It didn't take a genius to figure out that the blonde was leaving something out.

"What kind of drama? What do you mean?" Despite the situation, the Fujibayashi couldn't help feeling intrigued. She hadn't heard Sunohara ever use a tone of voice like this before; Whatever it was, it was definitely important. Besides, maybe she could find a good way to hint him about the basketball match.

"Well, y'know," he explained hesitantly. "Some teary stuff about Nishina getting in an accident and having to give up her dream of becoming a pro violin player. Sure," he gave in a bit, looking down on the ground. "It's probably sad and all that, I'm not saying that it's nothing. But!" Clenching his fist, his ire seemed to return. "But, it's not like she's the only one out there to lose her dreams! We all-" Suddenly, he shut his mouth tightly and squeezed his eyes shut. When he opened them again, the worst blaze had cooled off, even though the frustration was still there.

"We all want Nagisa-chan to have her dream. I can tell she's not very strong, but she has never asked for pity because of that. It's damn unfair of the choir club to use some handicaps and broken dreams as an excuse to step over hers," he finished, but to her it didn't sound like what he had originally intended to say. However, Ryou acknowledged pressing for more would be considered terribly rude. Whatever Sunohara was hiding was probably very personal.

There was nothing stopping her from making her own speculations about it, however.

"Sunohara-kun," she said after a moment of silence, a smile forming on his face. _I think I understand you a little bit more now. _"Why don't you show them?"

"What?"

"I think we've all had at least one dream broke at some point of our life," she explained, blushing slightly as she thought of her past affection for Okazaki Tomoya. "Show the choir club that they can't use their past as an excuse. Show them that handicaps and odds mean nothing if you really want to achieve something." The blonde flinched a little, staring at her.

"Just how am I supposed to do that?" His voice lacked some of his usual strength. Apparently, she had hit closer home than she had even thought; He, too, must've had his own share of broken dreams. She smiled reassuringly.

"I think you can come up with a good way, Sunohara-kun. I have faith in you." The delinquent actually blushed and looked away, causing her to almost giggle. It seemed that Kotomi wasn't the only one of the group who had this inexperienced little kid side to her.

"Y-yeah, of course!" he exclaimed loudly, an embarrassed grin still on his face. "Just leave it to me! I'll definitely come up with something mind-blowing!"

"Nothing violent, remember," she reminded him calmly, feeling like a teacher instructing an impatient child. Sunohara nodded, grinning mischievously as he set off. _A really impatient and disobedient child, _Ryou added mentally.

"Oh, and one more thing," she called after him. The blonde stopped and turned to look at her, a look of 'what, still more?' on his face. "I'd advice including Okazaki-kun in whatever you're planning." He laughed and dashed off.

"As if I'd do this _without_ him!"

Fujibayashi Ryou let out a relieved sigh. In the end, it seemed like she had succeeded in waking him to take action. She was certain this was not the way Sunohara had been motivated the last time, but she wasn't about to take any chances. _As long as we play the basketball match and the choir club will be impressed, what does it matter how it is done? I'm sure there was no harm in doing this._ With that thought, she set off from the backyard, too.

She wouldn't have probably been in such high spirits had she seen her sister looking down at the yard from one of the classrooms.

* * *

A few days passed by without nothing happening. Then:

"Fujibayashi! We're having a match against the basketball club tomorrow. The choir club will be there to witness it, so when we win, they have no choice but to give in and let us have Koumura as an advisor!" Sunohara exclaimed, his spirit so high it almost radiated off him.

"That sound like a great idea," she claimed honestly, beaming.

"Of course," he said smugly. "Since _I _thought of it." Ryou wasn't bothered by his egoism - on the contrary, she was glad that the blonde had adopted her suggestion as his own idea. It would be much less of a hassle for her if her friends thought Sunohara had come up with the idea all on his own. "Make sure you'll be there!"

"I will," she assured with a smile. But when the blonde took off, his parting words caused that smile to vanish.

"I don't have time to find Kyou, so tell her to come and see us as well!"

* * *

"They're doing pretty well," Kyou commented as she looked at the figures dashing in the court. "They might actually pull this one through."

"Yes," Ryou replied absently, her eyes tracing every movement in the game. In the end, it had not been her sister that had joined the team of the two delinquents, but instead the junior Sakagami Tomoyo - apparently, her little pep talk with Sunohara had ended up changing things after all. No matter how hard she had tried, she hadn't been able to think of a way to change the course of events; The little she knew of Tomoyo told her that she wouldn't give up her place on the team now that she had decided to take part in the game - as far as she could tell, her stubbornness rivalled that of the elder Fujibayashi.

She could only hope that she was on par with her as an athlete, too.

"I have faith in them," Nagisa announced firmly. "Okazaki-san used to be a captain of his basketball team, and Sakagami-san is very strong. Sunohara-san, too, is giving it his all. I think they will win." Her eyes, following the game keenly, shone with awe and a level of seriousness Ryou had only seen a few times before. Even though her friends had declared many times that they would do everything to help her, she didn't think the petite brunette had ever dared to even dream anyone would go this far for her. Now, when she saw the depth of her friends' devotion, she was thoroughly impressed, and was currently repaying their efforts by placing all of her trust into the team.

_That's right, _she reminded herself mentally. _Sakagami-san is probably the best person to replace onee-chan on the field. Even if the game had come very close the last time, they should be able to win. _

"Mmmh, I suppose you're right." Kyou seemed to share her twin's sentiments. Letting out a sigh, she frowned. "Geez, watching this makes me want to be there myself. I should have accepted Sunohara's invitation."

"What?" Ryou stared at her sister. All this time, she had thought the blonde had, for some reason, not even tried to get her join the group. "Y-you mean he asked you to join?" The long-haired twin grumbled in response.

"Yeah, and I turned him down. But if I had known he would invite some junior girl instead of me, I would've joined right away."

"Why did you refuse?" She asked, and immediately regretted the slightly pointed tone of her voice. Kyou turned her head the other way, hiding her face from her. "A-ah, I'm sorry, onee-chan. I, I'm sure you had a good reason for it - I was just surprised because I thought you'd like to do something like this." When she didn't reply, Ryou dropped her gaze on the floor. "I'm sorry, onee-chan," she repeated softly. "Please forget I asked that." Obviously, her nerves were far more rattled because of the match than she originally thought; She definitely hadn't intended to lash out at her sister.

"I just..." Kyou said abruptly, still facing the other way. Then she let out a vexed sigh and shook her head. "I just didn't feel like it." As she turned back to her little sister, there was a slightly embarrassed smile on her face. "I was a little grumpy that day, so I did some things I probably shouldn't have." Then, with her familiar laugh, she shrugged. "Well, all's good now; the idiot got the team together, and he's even able to play - something I wouldn't have thought possible after the kick I gave him yesterday." Even though her tone was back to usual, Ryou could detect an underlying tone of sadness in it. True enough, after a short silence, her twin's shoulders drooped.

"I really should be there, shouldn't I?" she muttered, only barely loud enough for her to hear. Even still, the younger sister couldn't think of anything she could say back at her. "I'm an idiot."

"That's not true, onee-chan." She protested, finally getting her mouth to function. Placing a hand on her shoulder, she gave her a reassuring smile. "There's nothing wrong with your decision. Forget I asked about it, okay?" Before Kyou could reply, a yell rang through the basketball court. Over half of the match had already passed, and the basketball club was changing the freshmen players to the seniors. This was the turning point; Now, the real match would begin. All of her thoughts concentrated on the court now, pushing the conversation with her sister away from her mind.

Had she so much as glanced at her, however, she would've noticed the unshed tears in her eyes.

* * *

In the end Ryou's fears proved out to have been for nothing: the drama club had won the match, and it had happened in the same fashion as the last time. The narrow victory and Tomoya's climatic throw in the last few moments had been exactly as she could recall happening in her memories. The haphazard escape from the sports teacher's wrath and the celebration that followed suite were quite the same, too.

Unfortunately, the victory was short-lived, because the events of the following day seemed to follow the exact same pattern as before, too.

"They said no..." Nagisa had told the group, crestfallen, as she had returned from her meeting with the students council. "They said sharing advisors is forbidden." Even though they had managed to get the choir club to compromise, it had been far too early to celebrate; There was still the student council standing in their way. From what Ryou knew of the council's nature, she could tell they would be far more difficult to beat than the men's basketball club.

And then Nagisa had collapsed, feverish and weak. Despite knowing in advance that it would happen and that the brunette would get well in a few days, it still anguished her to see her friend in such a condition and not be able to do anything about it. Yet again, it was a painful reminder of what she would have to overcome in order to save her friends' happiness.

On top of that, she wasn't feeling too great next morning, either.

* * *

"Onee-chan, could you please tell my teacher I'm not coming to school today?"

"I was about to suggest that myself - you look like you barely got any sleep at all. What's wrong?"

"I have a horrible headache," Ryou explained, rubbing her temples. "I think I'd better take a day off."

"Mmmhmm," her sister agreed, nodding. "Alright, I'll handle it. Try to get some rest, I'll see you later today."

As soon as her sister left, Ryou threw herself on the futon, sighing deeply. It wasn't like she had lied; Her head really did feel like it would split in half any minute now. However, she could tell this particular sensation wasn't just simple headache - by now, she had learned the difference between natural ailments and the ones caused by her 'condition'.

_It's worse than before, _she thought with a frown. _I don't think I've ever had this much gaps in my memory. _She didn't have a single clear memory in her mind concerning the next few days; The closest detailed memory was about having Koumura accepted as an advisor of both the drama club and the choir clubs, but she couldn't recall how that was supposed to happen - she couldn't even tell if it had to do with her!

_Just what is causing this? I'm sure something important is going to happen soon, so why can't I remember anything about it? _She heaved out yet another deep sigh.

Times like this, she really wanted to have someone to talk to.

* * *

"Welcome home, onee-chan. How was school?"

"Tch, boring. Now that Nagisa is bedridden, everything seems to have stopped. Kotomi is focusing on making friends from amongst her classmates, Sunohara didn't show up at all, and Okazaki is just idling in the club room."

Ryou frowned slightly. "I see." Kyou's description made sense - with Nagisa gone, no one really had a clear view of what to do with the problem the drama club was facing now. It seemed to go hand to hand with her blurred memories, too.

But why did it feel like there was supposed to be something else, too?

"Onee-chan, I think I can come to school again tomorrow."

* * *

"Good morning, Okazaki-kun," she greeted him, more than just a little surprised seeing him come to the school in time. And, judging by the murmur around her, she wasn't the only one in the class to think that way.

Tomoya grumbled something she couldn't make out in response as he brushed past her and promptly laid himself flat on his desk. Ryou had to stifle her giggle. "Looks like you're a little tired."

"You'd be, too, if you were woken up by Tomoyo at such an early hour." The Fujibayashi blinked, and then nodded to herself as she remembered. That's right: Now that Nagisa was stuck in bed, Sakagami would take it her mission to make sure he was never late for school anymore - or at least she would try; Ryou could tell Tomoya's bad habit couldn't be broken so easily. She wondered briefly if the junior's involvement with her friend was what she had tried so feverishly to recall, but soon decided against it - the thing that had bothered had been of far greater magnitude.

"I think this is a normal time to come to school," she pointed out matter-of-factly, and added as an afterthought: "I think this'll be good for you."

"You're heartless," he whined, face still against the desk. "Be a friend and let me sleep, okay?" Giggling, Ryou complied and went back to her seat. Midway there, however, something suddenly occurred to her.

The last time Sakagami Tomoyo had taken into looking after her friend, she had been rather troubled about the emergence of yet another girl on his side. That time, she had thought of her as someone else who might be competing for his heart.

_Could it be that I'm having a hard time remembering the uncomfortable things? _She shot a glance at the delinquent, pondering. _It would certainly explain some things, such as why I couldn't remember the drama club's problems very much in advance. _When she thought about her lack of memories for the next few days, she felt a shiver go down her back. _Just what's going to happen?_

"Oh yeah, Fujibayashi," Tomoya mumbled, interrupting her thoughts. "Please tell your sister to stop trying to make me eat lunch with you guys. One busybody is enough as it is." The girl blinked as yet another memory cleared up.

_Ah yes, that's right._ Kyou had never stopped in her efforts of swaying Tomoya's heart for her sister; She had simply been discreet enough to not continue her pursuit when Nagisa had been around. Even though both the brunette and Okazaki had always claimed that they were not dating, Ryou knew that her sister was sharp enough to tell there was definitely _something _going on between the two. Now, however, when Nagisa was ill and Tomoya was all alone in school again, she probably saw it a perfect opportunity to make her move.

_Onee-chan will give up on it soon, _she told herself silently. _I can't remember this lasting for much longer. But, _she suddenly thought, frowning. _Why hasn't she talked to me about this? I'm sure she should've told me well in advance if she tried to have him eat lunch with us... _Shrugging, she went back to her seat.

Surely, Kyou would talk to her about it very soon.

* * *

However, there was no word from her sister about her plans concerning Okazaki Tomoya that day. They had lunch and went home together, chit-chatting merrily as usual, but the elder Fujibayashi didn't even hint towards the subject of the delinquent or winning his heart over. Ryou had hidden her confusion the best she could and done her best to enjoy the spring day with her sister, but later that night she had laid still on her futon, plagued by her swirling thoughts and unable to fall asleep.

There were a lot of things that didn't add up. Tomoyo was buzzing around Tomoya, yet her sister hadn't said anything about it - it wasn't like she was deliberately avoiding the subject, but it was more like she hadn't actually acknowledged the situation. Yet still, according to Tomoya himself, Kyou had increased her efforts to win him over. Most importantly, she hadn't told her anything about it and was acting like nothing had changed at all - if it weren't to her memories of the situation, Ryou would've actually been convinced about that. Something was definitely off, but she couldn't determine for the death of her what; Whenever she tried to dig through her memories for some insight of the future, the events kept stubbornly avoiding her.

The younger twin knew she should've been content that she didn't have to act love-sick over Tomoya in front of her big sister, but an ominous premonition prevented her from enjoying the situation.

The next day, she learned that Tomoya had been suspended from the school for three days for getting into a fight with students from other school. Kyou asked around - read: interrogated Sunohara - and found out that he had sacrificed himself for the sake of Sakagami Tomoyo, whom the offenders had been originally after. That, finally, triggered Kyou into action against the silver-haired girl.

"Look, I'm really sorry because of this, and just as shocked as you are," the junior girl had told them.

"How dare you push this upon Tomoya? I thought you thought him as your friend!" The elder Fujibayashi's ire hadn't been put out with simply that, however. Ryou, herself, had been a little vexed too about what had happened, but because she knew the true nature of things and had lived through this once already, she couldn't really stay mad at the junior.

"I do! And I didn't push this on him!" she had protested, revealing the course of events to the elder twin, too. "He chose to do this himself! When I was about to tell the teachers who was really at fault, he told me to stay silent, or else I'd make his sacrifice go for nothing!" The legendary strong girl had turned her gaze on the ground, suddenly looking uncharacteristically weak and hurt. "Even now, I think of going to the principal's office and turning myself in. But I can't do that, because I know that'd hurt Tomoya." Her voice had grown weaker and weaker towards the end, and her last words were but a murmur.

"What would've you done in my shoes?"

Her sister had been unusually silent for the rest of that day.

* * *

Now that both the president and Tomoya were gone, the rest of the drama club crew seemed utterly paralyzed, spending their days idling in the club room. Even Sunohara's and Kyou's daily jabbing felt spiritless and done out of habit more than anything. Kotomi seemed to revert back into her old, nervous self, fidgeting silently with her stare set into the floor. Ryou had to constantly remind herself that the situation was only temporary and would get better in a matter of days, but her mood was gnawed by her own worries revolving around the slightly odd behaviour of her sister. By now, she was fairly certain there was something troubling her, but she couldn't tell what and she didn't want to pry - someone like her didn't have any right to start questioning people about their hidden issues. As much as it pained her, she knew she would just have to wait until her sister sorted out her worries herself or shared them with her.

Then, on the third and last day of Tomoya's suspension, when the twins were on their way home after school:

"Hey, Ryou, would you like to go see Tomoya? Sunohara said he's spending his days in his dorm." The younger twin blinked and glanced at her sister. There was a tone she couldn't quite place in her voice, but she concluded it was simply because of the stress the events of the few days had caused.

"Yes," she agreed. "I'd like to see how he's doing." Not only that, but she could remember that she had gone to see the delinquent with her sister the 'last time', too; There shouldn't be any harm in following the same pattern.

* * *

"Hmm, they've set the atmosphere here pretty well," Okazaki commented as the three of them crammed into the fortune-telling machine of the arcade. He had been rather reluctant to come out of the dorm, but eventually Kyou had managed to get him to hang out with the twins in the town. The younger twin had immediately adopted the role of her old, timid self, letting her sister handle most of the talking with the boy she was supposed to have a crush on. Judging by how easy the change was, she wagered she must've gotten a lot better at it, which in turn dropped her mood considerably. She had never wanted to fool her sister and her friend in the first place, and she _definitely _didn't want to become better at it.

"Only guys can have any love for arcades," Kyou grumbled with distaste in her voice, eyeing the gaming centre. "But, if it's a fortune-telling game, Ryou can enjoy it, too, right?" The younger Fujibayashi couldn't think of anything to say back at her sister, her mind fully occupied with the situation she was in. As much as she hated to lie to her important people, she had to whip up an _extremely _convincing performance. Seated next to Tomoya, right under the gaze of her sister, this was probably the worst situation she could be in.

_I shouldn't have come, _she thought for the umpteenth time. _Why couldn't I remember this before it was too late?_

"Alright, I put my name in. Your turn, Fujibayashi."

"Ah, y-yes," she muttered, her eyes cast downwards. Hopefully, her sister would mistake her stage fright as her usual nervousness. After she had entered her name, the screen flashed and the scene changed. Words 'Friends', 'Lovers', and 'Married' glowed on the screen. "... Eh? The couple's relationship?" Unsure of what to do, she withdrew her hand from the controller, letting Tomoya take care of the selection.

"Let's see..." Before she knew what was happening, Kyou grabbed her hand, and pressed it on his.

"Onee-chan!" In the dim light, she couldn't make out the expression on the face of her sister.

"It says on the instructions to put each others' hands on top of each other."

"... I'm sorry," she mumbled, casting a glance at Tomoya, who gave her a small smile in response.

"Eh, I'm fine by it, don't worry." After a moment of silence, she felt him move the controller. "Here goes."

Ryou had wondered briefly what would've happened had he chosen something other than his original decision. Re-living the whole situation exactly the same as before had filled her with strange sensation of nostalgia - for a while, her timid affection for the delinquent boy didn't feel as awkward or wrong as she had learned to think of it as. For a very brief while, she had toyed with the possibility that Tomoya would choose the word 'Lovers'.

But then the emerald-coloured 'Friends' lit up, and the moment was gone. All three stared at the screen in silence.

"Wha-what do you think you're doing? That's not the choice you're supposed to make in a situation like this!"

As her sister bellowed to Okazaki, Fujibayashi Ryou felt a small, sad smile touch her lips.

_Some things just won't change, right?_

* * *

They had left the arcade with a printout from the machine, pondering over its meaning as they walked. She had wondered briefly if she should've continued to act as timid as in the fortune-telling machine, but decided against it. She had a very strong feeling that the moment had changed something in both herself and her sister, and that going with whatever felt natural in this situation was the best choice.

So, she walked a few steps after Tomoya in silence.

Soon, Kyou announced that she had something to take care of and dashed off, ordering him to walk her sister home as her parting words. As she vanished from their view, Ryou let out a soft sigh. Finally, she didn't need to be so deathly afraid of doing something uncharacteristic.

"Hey, what's going on between you two?" Okazaki's question came so out of the blue that for a few seconds, all she could do was to stare at him.

"W-what do you mean?" she finally asked. He frowned and stared off into the distance.

"Kyou was keeping a very close eye on you, especially in the fortune-telling machine. It might be just my imagination, but it was like she was trying to find out something by watching you. Did you get in a fight or something?" Ryou shook her head, her mind racing as she tried to think of a reason why her sister had watched her so closely.

"No," she replied. Had she not been convincing enough before? Had she made her suspicious after all? Or was this something that had happened before, too? "It's just that..." she tried to explain, but she didn't have anything she could give as a good answer. Eventually, she settled with an honest answer, casting her glance on the ground. "I, I don't know."

"Come on, aren't you supposed to be twins?" Tomoya said, and she could tell he was surprised and worried because of her vague answer. "You're supposed to know every little thing about each other, right?" Ryou shook her head slightly. True, they did spend most of their time and did most of their daily activities together. It was also true they held very little privacy of their own, telling each other almost all of their secrets. There was no doubt that the twins loved each other very much, and were willing to do almost anything for each other.

"It's not that simple." However, they were by no means entirely bound to each other. Their personalities almost mirrored each other's, and even though their opposite opinions and habits most of the time completed each other, they were bound to disagree in many things, too. These differences gave them a way to take the sometimes direly needed distance to each other, and the twins had long since come to the agreement of not violating this personal space.

Besides, this was all when she had still been the same age as her sister - now, the situation was entirely different. Ryou bit her lip, trying to hold herself from crying. Her friend's question, innocent as it had been, had struck into a very tender subject.

"It's just not that simple," she repeated, and then fell silent.

"Well," Tomoya said after a while, probably trying to just break the atmosphere she had created. "You're probably right; It's not like I can really understand the relationship between you two - I don't have a twin, after all." He looked up at the sky, a small smile dancing on his lips. "But I do know that you two must be very dear to each other, and I can see that this thing between you - whatever it is - is hurting you both." It was no use. Tears were pooling in the corners of her eyes already. She tried to wipe them off quickly before Okazaki could notice, but he was already looking down at her, smiling.

"You two are my friends, and I'd like you to be happy. So please sort things out with your sister, Fujibayashi." As she reached for her handkerchief, Tomoya turned his face discreetly the other way. They walked on, him staring off into the distance while she was silently wiping away her tears. She wouldn't fall apart - not now, not in front of her friend. About half a minute later, she had managed to will most of her tears down.

"Okazaki-kun," she began hesitantly. "If, if you had a secret, a very big secret that would probably end up hurting very much a person dear to you if you told them..." Her voice trailed off, before she steeled herself and pressed on. "But, but if not telling them and trying to keep it a secret would hurt you much, much more, what would you do?"

"Honestly, if it was me," he answered with a small laugh. "I'd probably keep the secret if I could." Ryou nodded silently. That was the conclusion she had reached, too. However, the delinquent continued with a frown a few seconds later. "But, if there was a chance that they would find out about it on their own eventually, I think I should reveal the secret. They'd be better off hearing about it directly from myself." With a sigh, he added: "Plus, I'd need to apologize for trying to fool them in the first place."

Even though Tomoya could probably see the hidden meaning behind her question, he didn't press the matter further, leaving her pondering his words. They walked to the bus station in silence, where he kept her company until the bus arrived.

"Okazaki-kun," she said as she was about to step on the bus. "Thank you for today." Even though his heart-felt words hadn't entirely convinced her that letting her sister know everything was the best option, she couldn't just completely ignore them. "You... You've given me a lot to think about." His encouraging smile further ate away her resolve.

"Thanks for your company, too. I hope you'll manage to sort everything out. I'll see you tomorrow in school."

_That's right, _she reminded herself, trying to put her thoughts at ease. _There's always tomorrow. I'm sure I'm able to come up with a good answer of what to do soon. It's not like I'm running out of time or anything._

_Right?_

* * *

Ryou wasn't able to come up with a good answer that night nor the day after, not even when it became obvious that whatever had been bugging her for the past few days hadn't vanished when they had hung out with Tomoya, but on the contrary. On the outside, Kyou seemed to act just like usual, chatting about mundane topics and having lunch with her, but the miniscule changes in her body language and voice told Ryou very clearly that she wasn't acting natural. Had she not been tip-toeing around her for the last few weeks, she would've probably missed those details, so slight they were.

Tomoya was right: She had to sort things out with her sister. Each time she tried to think of a way to bring the topic up, however, she was struck with waves of uncertainness and fear, preventing her from getting a word out of her mouth. Cursing her helplessness, the only thing she could do was to grit her teeth and play the role of the timid younger sister, pretending not to see her sister's anguish - pretending not to see that her sister was troubled by _her_ presence.

And her headache was only becoming worse.

* * *

"Welcome back, Nagisa!"

"It sure has been a while."

"I'm very glad to see you healthy, Nagisa-chan."

The girls crowded around the chestnut-haired girl and the boys sported wide smiles on their faces as she stepped into the club room. In an instant, the general atmosphere seemed to become brighter and livelier; Just the mere sight of their president was enough to fully revitalize the discouraged drama club.

"I'm so sorry I worried you all," she said, giving an apologetic bow.

"None of that!" Kyou cut in sharply. If Nagisa was left uninterrupted, there would be no end to her apologies. "We're all glad to have you back here, and none of us wants to hear any kind of apologies. You can't help it if you get sick." The president looked like she was able to protest at first, but then she broke into a smile.

"Yes. Thank you, everyone." Then, her eyes wandered off, towards the delinquent at the back of the class. "Ah," she muttered, and a strange look passed over her face. "Sorry, but I have to apologize properly to Okazaki-san." She took a few steps towards him, but then her eyes caught a glimpse of the younger Fujibayashi, who stood a little aside from the others, her gaze cast on the ground.

"Ryou-chan? Are you alright?"

"... Mmmh, Nagisa-chan?" she mumbled. Then she seemed to realize that someone was addressing her, and raised her chin. "I'm sorry, what did you say?" The brunette leaned in closer, inspecting her friend with worry in her eyes.

"Are you feeling okay? Should you go see the school nurse?"

"No thank you, I'm feeling fine," she lied, her stare returning on the floor again.

"I told her that she should stay home today," Kyou told Nagisa, her voice laced with worry as well. "But she insisted that she wanted to come to school today. She was so adamant about it that I couldn't tell her no." The younger twin fidgeted slightly.

"I'm sorry for causing you worry," she apologized meekly. "I just think today is a very important day, and I didn't want to miss it."

"Oh? Is something going to happen?" Nagisa's eyes darted between the other members of the club, looking for someone who could answer her. The look they gave her, however, told her that they were just as ignorant about this as she was.

"I... I'm not sure, actually," Ryou muttered, looking like she wanted to sink through the floor. "I'm having trouble remembering things today... I'm very sorry..."

"Don't worry about it," her sister said, stepping forward. "I'm sure it'll come back to you. You sure you don't want to go to the nurse's office?" She shook her head.

"No, no thank you. I'm fine, really. Thank you, onee-chan." A pained look flashed on the elder sister's face, but it was gone as quickly as it had come.

"By the way, guys," Okazaki piped in, changing the topic and easing the atmosphere a little bit. "Tomoyo is having a match against the tennis club after school. Me and Sunohara are going to see her match, and I was planning on taking Nagisa to meet her, too. Would any of you like to come?" The younger Fujibayashi twitched suddenly, a motion so small only her sister caught it. Bringing a trembling hand in front of her chest, she quietly gasped for air a couple of times, apparently trying to steady herself. Kyou was about to take action, determined in taking her to the nurse's office no matter how much she would complain, but her movement came to a halt as she raised her gaze from the floor. It seemed like something had just changed in her - the pained, brink-of-tears look had been replaced with something akin to determination, and her whole posture was much more at ease now.

"I'd like to come, if you don't mind," she turned to her sister and gave her a small smile. "You're coming too, right, onee-chan?"

"Uhm, sure," Kyou answered a bit hesitantly, but recovered a few seconds later, grinning in her usual fashion. "I've heard very much about her strength, and I'd like to see if she's really stronger than me!"

"You're much more brutal, no doubt about it," Sunohara commented with swiftness that spoke of the many times he had jabbed her. She responded by flinging a nearby book between his eyes only a fraction of a second after the words had left his lips - she, too, had had much practice.

"Care to repeat that?"

"I was praising you!" Thump. Another book and the blonde was knocked off his chair. Nagisa seemed a bit intimidated by their antics, but as she glanced around her, she noticed that the atmosphere seemed to be getting lighter with every line Kyou and Sunohara exchanged. No doubt about it; The drama club was finally back in business. Then she turned to Tomoya, realizing something.

"Okazaki-san? What's this about a match?" Nagisa asked, a bundle of question marks upon her head.

"Ah yeah, I haven't told you about it yet. Let's just say we've been doing some things for the drama club while you were gone…"

* * *

Ryou had had a strange dream. She had dreamt that she had graduated, became a nurse, and grown old. In her dream, Tomoya and Nagisa had gotten married, they had had a baby, and Nagisa had tragically passed away promptly after the childbirth. Tomoya had fallen into depression, almost abandoned his child, and when he had gotten back to his senses and become a proper parent, little Ushio had followed her mother to the grave. She had dreamt that she had somehow mysteriously managed to come back in time, her goal to make sure both of her friends would have a better future this time.

Then she had fallen asleep, woken up, and noticed that the dream was actually reality.

"Nagisa! Are you okay?"

_I can't believe that I almost got lost, _the Fujibayashi scolded herself. _Because I was such a coward, because I didn't want to remember, I almost lost sight of the reason why I'm here. _She glanced at her sister, who was staring at Tomoya. He had dived at Nagisa without a moment of hesitation after she had been hit by a stray ball. _I'm so sorry, onee-chan. I'm sorry that I couldn't remember everything right away. If I had, I could've helped you, too._

"I'm fine, it's j-just a bruise," she answered, trying to put on a brave smile even though it was obvious that just moving her injured leg hurt.

"We'd better get to the nurse's office, right away." Before she could protest, Tomoya had already slung her arm over his shoulder and pulled her up. Without another word, the two set off from the court, the delinquent supporting her every step. Several pairs of eyes followed the duo, but Fujibayashi Kyou's wasn't one of them. She could only stare forward, as if paralyzed.

Ryou had finally remembered everything, and she no longer had to wonder why there were such huge gaps in her memory she couldn't recall no matter what. After all, what greater discomfort there had been in her life other than realizing the misfortunate love triangle between herself, her sister, and Okazaki Tomoya?

"It's… It's really of no use, is it?" Kyou muttered out loud. "It never was, right? Well, I suppose I knew it right from the start." She gave a small chuckle and tried to bring some of her usual strength back into her voice, but failed miserably, the laugh ending up sounding something between a sob and a scoff.

"Onee-chan," she told her gently, her own voice laced with emotions, too. Even though she had lived through this once already, her feelings about it had faded out very little - this was the day she had realized how deeply she had hurt her big sister all along. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry about all this." _I'm sorry I couldn't understand your love for him, not even for the second time._

"Ryou," she said, trying desperately to act surprised. "Come on, what are you saying…?" It was of no use. The younger twin could tell that the tears she had held inside her for so long were about to burst out. She, herself, didn't even try to hold them back - the first drops of tears were already rolling down her cheeks. Everything was happening exactly like before. But then Kyou turned her gaze away, buried her face in her hands and let out a pained sob.

"So, you knew about this, too…"

"O-onee-chan?" Ryou asked, confused. This wasn't like she remembered. "I'm really sorry," she repeated, reaching gently for her twin. "So please, don't be mad at me…" However, as her fingertips brushed her shoulder, she jumped a few feet away from her, shuddering.

"No! It's me who's at fault! I'm sorry, Ryou!" Her twin's face, contorted with sorrow and self-loathing, caused her to flinch visibly. Never, ever, before had she seen her strong sister have such an expression, not even the last time when this had happened. Before she could say or do anything, Kyou turned around on her heels, and dashed full speed to the direction of the school, wailing her last words.

"I'm so sorry!"

She stood there, unable to call out for her, unable to run after her - unable to do anything. Slowly, she began to grasp the situation, the weight of it pressing down on her without mercy.

Something had gone horribly, horribly wrong along the way.

* * *

She had searched for her everywhere. The class, the cafeteria, the locker room, the gym, the yard, and every other place she could think of. She had asked everyone who could have seen her, both her acquaintances and the people who knew her sister. In desperation, she began to call out for her sister, earning startled glances from the people who were still in school, but to no avail. Kyou seemed to have vanished without a trace. Still, she didn't stop her in her pursuit, not even after the sun began to set and the school was dyes in different shades of orange. She had to find her sister. She absolutely had to.

Eventually, Ryou's feet guided her to the school's inner yard, even though she couldn't tell why. She had already made certain that her sister hadn't been anywhere in the vicinity. At this point, however, her search for her was nothing more than desperate dashing around the school, so she was more than willing to take advice from anyone or anything - even her vague gut instinct.

It was there where she finally found her elder sister, sitting in the small park-like yard, leaning against a tree. The bushes surrounded her from almost every direction, and if it hadn't been for the gust of wind that had caused her hair to flutter, she would've probably missed her this time, too.

"Onee-chan." Her voice was soft but pained and uttering even that one familiar word made her throat constrict as if she was choking. She wanted nothing more than wrap her arms around her twin and cry against her shoulder like she had used to do so many times - like she had used to do _up until now_. But, right now, the situation between them was so delicate, so frightening, and so _unfamiliar _that she could only take slow, careful steps towards her. She didn't know what she would do if she ran from her the second time.

"Ryou," she called out in a small voice, her back turned to her. "Could you please stay back? Right now I... It's better if you don't see me." Even if her words hadn't made her stop, the tone of her voice certainly did. She fell on her knees on the turf, her spirit crushed. She had hoped, desperately hoped that Kyou had gotten over whatever it was that had driven her away, but now it seemed that the damage it had done to the twins' relationship was not so easily fixed.

"Onee-chan, I'm so sorry." She couldn't even cry. Her voice was hollow as she repeated her apology. "I'm sorry for all of this." Kyou didn't react in any way to her apology, and her already beaten spirit seemed to reach an all-time low. She became aware that her words, her apologies held very little value right now, and it would've been the same had she not said anything at all.

Regrettably, words were all she could offer.

"Onee-chan, I'm sorry for everything. I, I should've understood you better. I should've seen that you were in pain all along," she rambled, speaking out her mind without thinking about the words. "I've been selfishly relying on your help, and all this time you've sacrificed yourself for me." A pained sob. "I'm such a despicable, horrible, childish sister, am I not? You'd be better off without someone like me."

"That's not it!" Kyou lashed out, finally responding. She glanced over her shoulder and Ryou could see that there was a stream of tears running down her cheeks. The repulsion she could see in her eyes was enough to bring her into brink of tears, too - and even more so when she realized that that hatred wasn't directed at her, but rather _herself. _"It's me that's the horrible one! _I'm_ the one who's relying on _you_! _I'm the one that's childish!"_

"O-onee-chan, wh-what are you saying?"

"I didn't understand," she sobbed. "I didn't understand at first why you had given up on him. But now, now that I saw how deeply he cares, I finally understood." Mirthless laughter escaped from her mouth. "I realized that I've been a child: a horrible, hateful, dishonest child." Ryou felt the colour drain from her face. She wanted to protest, wanted to deny that her sister was nothing like that and that description fit only herself - but no words came out.

She knew. She knew that she wasn't really in love with Okazaki Tomoya.

"All the things you've done, I can finally understand them all: Why you weren't embarrassed in Tomoya's company anymore and were able to even order him to follow you around, why you were so determined in helping him and Nagisa establish the club, how you even went to talk to Sunohara about doing something to the choir club so that the club could get an advisor." Ryou could only listen, mortified. "You must've realized, right from the start, that Tomoya only had eyes for Nagisa and did your best to make sure they would be together - and now, I can see why." She gave a small, sad smile. "That idiot obviously loves her like crazy, no matter how much he tries to say otherwise."

_She saw all of it. She saw through everything. _Kyou's sob brought her back to her senses.

"But you tried to act like you were still after him, you even agreed to go on a date with him. Even though it must've felt horrible, you acted so that you wouldn't hurt my feelings, so that I still had a reason to buzz around Tomoya." She buried her face in her hands. "And I, I... I just played along! I pretended not to see he loved her! I pretended to prepare him for you, pretended to be the good, supporting big sister! B-but, but I was really just a selfish child, riding on your feelings so that I could steal him from Nagisa." She raised her face to look into the eyes of her younger sister.

"I've always been like this, haven't I? I've always used you as an excuse to be strong and bossy - if it was for the sake for my little sister, I could get away with harassing Tomoya, beating Sunohara to death, and being just a general _bitch _to everyone. I've always relied on your gentle nature."

"No, onee-chan, just no!" she cried out, getting her mouth to function again. "I, I don't want to hear you say something like that! I've always relied on _you_ - it's thank to you I've gotten this far!"

"That's probably true," she admitted, a corner of her mouth twitching upwards even as her tears fell down. "We both have probably relied on each other very much to make us feel better. And believe me, Ryou, I really had nothing against that - as long as it was mutual, I thought it was alright to continue doing what I did." Then her eyes turned down again. She hugged her knees against his body, squeezing them so hard that her whole body began to quiver. "But I've realized that that can't continue anymore."

"Wh-what are you saying? Why not?" Her voice was about to break. Her worst fears were now becoming real in front of her eyes. _"I don't want to lose your support, onee-chan! I don't want to lose my big sister! I need you!" _The words boomed in her mind so hard that she wasn't sure if she had actually spoken them out loud.

"No, Ryou, you don't." Her voice was hollow of all emotion. As the terrible verdict left her lips, she finally understood the depth of her sorrow. She finally saw just how _much _she had hurt her sister. "From what I've seen you for this past month or so, it's clear which one of us is the more mature one. You're strong, dependant, considerate, caring, bold - compared to you, I'm just a child. A child can't be a big sister for an adult."

Her voice became less than a whisper. "I don't deserve to be a big sister to you."

_I've truly ruined everything, haven't I?_

Her body moved on its own. In a few heartbeats, she had leapt for Kyou and wrapped her arms around her. She tensed instantly at her touch, but she didn't care - she only hugged her tighter, with all the strength of her small body. The tears stung and burned her eyes, reducing everything in her field of vision into a blur and making her unable to see what kind of face her sister was making. She didn't even try to say anything to her, for she knew her words would be nothing more than incomprehensible wailing. She could only press her frame against her sister and sob quietly in her ear as her tears stained both of their uniforms. For a long, painful while, Kyou didn't respond in any way, stiff as a board.

"Ryou... Ryou..." she mumbled eventually. "Ryou, I..." But, whatever she was trying to say ended up in yet another sob. Not being able to suppress her sorrow anymore, she forcefully twisted around under her arms and wrapped her own around her sister so that the twins were crying against each others' shoulders'. At that moment, Ryou realized that however lost, however afraid, however desperate she had felt during the last month, her sister had felt those exact same emotions, too. Even though their relationship had been tormented and turned upside down, they still shared the same heart - despite everything that had been said, they were still twins. And right now, both sought comfort from the only person they knew would understand them the best - each other. For a long while, the twins simply sat there, neither willing to let go of the other.

"I'm sorry, onee-chan," she muttered quietly when it seemed most of their tears had dried. "I'm sorry that we became so messed up. It's all my fault." Before Kyou could say anything, she took a hold of her shoulders and pushed them apart and nailed her gaze on her eyes. Teal met amethyst, and for the first time in this world, Ryou exposed all of her feelings and thoughts in that stare.

"I'm going to tell you everything. It's long and it sounds impossible, but please listen to it and believe me, onee-chan." Struck speechless by the determined look in her eyes, the elder sister could only nod.

With that, Ryou began to tell the tale of a girl who had wanted to do anything to help her friend.

* * *

"... And this is where we are now," she concluded, her throat aching. She had talked almost non-stop with only a few interruptions for a long time now, and it was already dark in the school yard. The twins were sitting a few feet across each other, having moved very little from their initial position.

"That's... Quite a story," Kyou said eventually, her eyes straying upwards, towards the cloudless night sky. When she didn't say anything more, Ryou swallowed nervously.

"Don't you believe me?" She replied almost instantly upon hearing her small voice.

"I do, I do; You asked me to listen to you and to believe you and I agreed - I don't go back on my word. Besides, your story explains many things." Then, with a troubled face, she added. "It's just that... It's a lot to chew on, you know?" Her chuckle was tired, but honest. "I feel like my head's about to burst." Following her sister's example, she dared a small smile as well.

"It took a lot of time for me to get used to it, too, when I finally remembered it."

"Huh? Remembered? Don't tell me you managed to forget something like this?"

"Well, yes." A meek blush tinted her cheeks rose-red. "I couldn't remember anything at first, and even afterwards, my memories returned to me only bit by bit. If I had remembered everything right from the start, I would've..." Her voice trailed off as the memory of Kyou trying to turn Tomoya's head to her direction flashed by. "... I would've done some things differently," she concluded quietly, turning her gaze away. Her sister seemed to know what she was thinking, for a pained look flashed in her eyes, too.

"Say, Ryou," she said after a brief silence. "Was Tomoya's and Nagisa's kid cute?" Despite her memories of her passing, Ryou couldn't help smiling.

"The cutest child I've ever seen. She was the spitting image of her mother."

"And I was her kindergarten teacher, right? Was I any good at that job?"

"You did splendidly, onee-chan: the children loved you." With a smile, she added. "I'm sure they will this time, too."

"Yeah," she muttered, a strange expression on her face. "I hope they will." Then, she burst out laughing, blushing slightly. "Damn, it feels strange to talk to someone who really knows the future!"

"I don't know the real future," she reminded her. "I just know of one possible future, out of billions of other possibilities."

"Yeah, that's what you said," she said, sighing. "Way to ruin the mood." Ryou giggled softly, but that joy died down as her sister continued. "Hey, are you really fine calling me 'onee-chan'? You're really the older one of the two of us now - I should be calling you that instead."

"O-of course I am!" she exclaimed. "L-like I said, I will continue to look up to you, relying on your strength - I really do need you, onee-chan." She scoffed.

"Come on, you should claim your rightful position, _onee-chan_!" Ryou shuddered visibly at her using the word. "Your silly little sister is in need of your guidance!"

"P-please don't say that, onee-chan...!" By now, her cheeks were flaming red, and she had to wrap her arms around her torso to stop her quivering. Never before had she thought one word could feel so _wrong._

"C'mon, onee-chan..." And the pleading tone didn't help, either. Not one bit.

"Onee-chan...!"

"Onee-chan..."

"Onee-chan!"

"Onee-*giggle*chan!" In the end, Kyou's voice broke, and her giggling turned into a full-blown laughter in no time. Ryou gave her a vexed look, trying to tell just how bad joke it had been, but her gaze melted as she watched her sister's mirth. Before she knew it, she was laughing as well. With that laughter, it seemed the twins came into a wordless consensus of the dilemma; She would still call her 'onee-chan', and she would still be just 'Ryou' - and that was that.

Eventually, they stopped laughing, and sat in silence for a long while. Ryou felt drained; Releasing all the stress that had been building for the last month, coupled with the drama she and her sister had gone through today had left her with very little energy, and she wagered Kyou was just as exhausted, if not even more. It was a wonder they were still able to even joke, let alone laugh so heartily.

"Onee-chan, how about we head home?"

"Yeah," she agreed wearily, standing up. Ryou followed suite, dusting off her clothes. "After all, we have a busy day tomorrow."

"Oh? Why's that?" She flashed a smile before responding.

"Even if you hadn't told me, I would've bet my money on that Sakagami girl to become the next student council president. Now that Tomoya has helped her so much, she can't help but pay back the favour and make it so that Koumura-sensei _will _become the advisor of the drama club. We'll be able to take part in the School Festival, and Nagisa can perform her play there - we'll all be there to make it come true. Didn't you say that was going to be very important to her and Tomoya?" Ryou could only nod and stare at her, her eyes wide as saucers. "What? Don't look so surprised! You think I'm going to let you do all this by yourself?"

"N-no," she protested, blushing. "It's just that, that... Well, I thought, since it was Nagisa, that you..." _Wouldn't be able to get over it so easily. _She finished mentally, not daring to voice out her thoughts. Her sister, however, proved once again how accurately she could tell what was going on in her mind.

"Nagisa is my friend, too," she told her gently, with just a hint of sorrow in her voice. Then, she steeled herself, pumping her fist in the air. "And it's no use crying over spilt milk! What's lost is lost, so we must make the most of the things we still have!" Ryou shook her head slightly, ashamed that she had even doubted her sister's forgiveness.

"Yes," she agreed, smiling. "Yes, you're right. Let's help her any way we can." With that, the twins left for home, both of their sights finally set on the same goal.

Ryou knew that their relationship would never be the same anymore - as much as they wanted everything to stay unchanged, they just couldn't ignore the things that had been said today. But, they would learn to cope with the situation the best they could, supporting each other in their own ways on each step. They would learn from each others' strength, and even as they grew old and years would force them apart, they would never be too far from each other.

They would always be there for each other.

* * *

Author's notes: As you can probably tell - at latest after this chapter - one of the themes of this story is the bond between the Fujibayashi sisters. Even though I've spent many hours thinking about their relationship, replaying scenes from the anime as well as the game, I doubt I'll ever come to understand the true depth of it. After all, I lack personal experience; I don't have a twin - I don't even have a sister! Alas, all I can do is speculate and try to bring forth the most reasonable and realistic way to describe the bond between the twins - hence the major angst/drama in this chapter. I hope I've been doing a decent job so far.


	6. Fruits of Labour

Disclaimer: _Clannad_ the visual novel is the property of Key and their respective partners. Likewise, _Clannad _the anime belongs to Key and Kyoto Animation. I'm not making any money with this fanfic.

Author's notes: My sincerest thanks to the people who have reviewed. I'm very glad to hear you have enjoyed the story so far, and I'm content to see I've succeeded in waking some speculations and thoughts in you concerning the story.

With the five previous chapters, I've always had the next chapter ready, but lately I haven't been able to keep up such pace or write so much in advance. I'll do my best to update the story weekly, but if I don't have the chapter in a good enough shape by the weekly date, it can't be helped - my apologies for the delay.

In any case, here is chapter six.

* * *

It was the day the student council president election's results were published. As expected - at least by the drama club - Sakagami Tomoyo won the election with a clear majority. Her first regulation was to make Toshio Koumura an advisor for both the choir club and the drama club, thus allowing their activity.

Promptly after the decision had been announced, the drama club crew held a small party to celebrate the long-waited event.

"You finally did it, Nagisa!" Kyou cheered, patting her shoulder.

"Congratulations on getting the theater club re-established," her sister said formally with a small bow.

"I made lots of food to celebrate the occasion." Kotomi chorused, placing a box of food on the nearby table.

"Ahh, I really did a lot, didn't I...?"

"... Did you do anything at all, Sunohara?"

"What? I was the one who put the basketball team together! I was there taking hits from Tomoyo to help her with the election, too! How heartless can you get?"

"If it wasn't for everyone here," Nagisa said with a blush, cutting in Kyou's and Sunohara's jabbing. "I don't think I could've done anything. I'm really grateful to all of you." The elder Fujibayashi flashed a small, knowing smile at her sister.

'If it wasn't for you, nothing would've happened,' her gaze seemed to say. An embarrassed smile formed on her face. After she had given a fully detailed explanation of the things she had done to make drama club active, Kyou had been awe-struck, claiming that she alone was to credit for the fact that drama club was active again. Even though she had tried to explain that she had, actually, done very little, her sister hadn't been convinced.

_Besides, _she thought. _It's not yet over. We've still got a long way to go._ As if sensing her sentiments, Okazaki spoke up.

"We can't relax now, though. The School Festival is coming up, right before the summer break - and we aim to take part in that."

"Ah, but will we still make it in time?" Nagisa asked, uncertainty written all over her face.

"What are you hesitating about now? This was your dream, wasn't it? Now that it's right in front of you, it's no time to hesitate. You need to reach out for it, no matter what!" The others nodded and muttered 'yeah', chorusing Tomoya's pep talk. The brunette seemed a little taken aback by the intensity of their encouragement, but she soon straightened herself.

"You're right," she admitted, a confident smile dawning on her face. "I'll work hard for it!" Once again, the Fujibayashi sisters exchanged glances, nodding.

_And we will help you make it come true, Nagisa-chan._

* * *

The next few days were filled with practice, work, and preparation for the oncoming School Festival. Ryou couldn't remember how much she had done 'last time', but now she and her sister were taking part in every kind of errand and practice they could find time for, just to make sure nothing would important be forgotten in the midst of all preparations. Now that the issue of the advisor had been sorted out, the choir club became their official business partner, lending them advice and help concerning the music for their play. She wasn't certain whether they had guilty conscience or if they just couldn't resist Nagisa's sweet influence, but she was glad that they were now on friendly terms - even if Sunohara did shoot a vexed glance at Sugisaka every now and then, apparently having more trouble accepting the former rivals than the rest of them.

Koumura gave them a lot of advice concerning plays in general, as well as more specific details about lighting, sound effects, dresses, and so on. With a total of six drama club members, the workload could be divided into smaller, individual parts, and no one was in danger of becoming over-burdened - especially when Nagisa's mother promised to take care of preparing the costumes, further reducing their worries. All in all, everything seemed to be progressing swiftly, and Ryou couldn't see anything standing in their way - not even when Nagisa announced that she couldn't remember in full detail the play she wanted to perform. She remembered that she had written the manuscript for the play herself the last time, too, and had done a wonderful job at it. She was certain that history would repeat itself.

However, if that happened, there was one thing she couldn't let come to pass.

"Okazaki-kun," she called out after him as he and Nagisa were about to leave the school. They had just held the final rehearsal for their play, which had gone splendidly; Everyone had been certain that tomorrow's performance would be a complete success. However, Ryou's memories told her differently. "Do you have a moment?"

"Ah, sure," he agreed. "Something about the play you forgot to mention? Nagisa's still changing her uniform on, though, so if you wait a moment, you can talk to her directly."

"No," she said. "This is for your ears only." He raised an eyebrow.

"Huh?" Ryou looked around quickly, just to make sure the brunette really wasn't around, and took a step closer to Tomoya, lowering her voice.

"We've all worked very hard for tomorrow, to make sure Nagisa-chan's dream will come true. We want tomorrow to be a huge success. However, this is about as far as we can support her. The rest is up to you." The delinquent blinked and stared at her for a few seconds before tilting his head, his expression utterly confused.

"I don't really understand what you're saying, Fujibayashi..." She frowned slightly in response. She had never expected - at least not seriously - such a vague hint to go through. She decided to take a risk - she really needed him to understand.

"We can't follow her home. If something were to happen to her there, we couldn't do anything. If... If she were to find out something that would make her uncertain about tomorrow, we couldn't do anything about it." The confusion was replaced with something akin to shock, even more so when she added her last words in a dead-serious tone. "Okazaki-kun, make sure nothing upsets or hurts her tonight." For a while, he didn't say anything, but simply stared at her. Then:

"... What makes you think something like that would happen?" Confusion, surprise, suspicion, worry, even slight anger and fear all mixed together in his voice. Ryou had to bite her lip in order not to further elaborate. Nothing good would come out of it, and he didn't need to know anything more but to protect Nagisa. Instead, she looked away, shrugging, and replied in a non-chalant manner.

"I'm just thinking what could go wrong, that's all." The suspicion in his eyes didn't disappear, however. She scolded herself silently. Even by hearing only such a vague hint, Tomoya was already in full alert - she might've as well shouted out 'Nagisa-chan's in danger!'. For a lengthy while, he simply stared down at her. Ryou bit the inside of her mouth, trying not to let her nervousness show. With him acting the way he was now, he would be of no help - and she didn't want him to become more suspicious about her than he already was.

"Ah, I'm sorry for saying something like that out of the blue, Okazaki-kun," she soon gave in, sighing. "My nerves are a bit rattled right now. Like I said, we all really want Nagisa-chan to achieve her dream. Don't you think we should make sure nothing happens to her?" Silence reigned for a few moments, until:

"I suppose that's true," he admitted, and she saw how some of the tension left his posture. She had to resist sighing in relief. Then, he added with a small smile. "Alright, I'll make sure that Nagisa is in full health for her play tomorrow, even though I think this much caution is a bit paranoidal." Ryou, however, wasn't smiling.

"Perhaps. Still, I'm counting on you, Okazaki-kun. Really make sure nothing happens." Turning around on her heels, she gave him a wave. "See you tomorrow." He stared after her for a while before he set off to the opposite direction. Because of that, he didn't see how she stopped abruptly, or how her sister slipped out of hiding from behind a nearby corner.

"Ryou, that was so cold it was almost frightening!" she exclaimed, her voice laced with awe. "You should've seen his face when you left; I don't think he's ever looked that surprised." The younger Fujibayashi blushed, embarrassed.

"You think? I really didn't want to shock him that much..." Despite herself, a small, content smile wormed its way on her face. "But, if it really did scare him, I'm glad. That means he'll be extra cautious tonight."

"Cautious enough to prevent Nagisa from fumbling it on the stage?" Ryou sighed. Up to this day, she still didn't know all the details of what had caused Nagisa to break into tears on the stage and almost to foil up the entire play. She knew it had to do with her past and her parents, and that it had sounded far too private for her to further investigate. She wasn't certain if anyone besides Nagisa and her parents knew, but it was very likely that Tomoya had been told as well. Even though she wanted to prevent the incident from happening again, there were borders she simply couldn't cross - thus, all she could do was to leave the matter in his hands.

"I hope so, onee-chan."

* * *

In the end, Tomoya didn't manage to prevent the disaster. The next morning, he led the silent Furukawa who looked like she hadn't gotten any sleep at all to the clubroom, and even though he claimed everything to be alright, even Sunohara could tell something was definitely off with her. Likewise, even though Okazaki himself put on a smiling, encouraging face, Ryou could tell with a glance that he was deeply troubled over what had happened, and that he put the blame wholly upon himself. That pained, guilt-wrecked look was probably the only thing that kept the royally pissed off elder Fujibayashi from strangling him.

_I suppose it couldn't have been helped,_ Ryou stated silently. _If I want things to change, I have to actually __**do **__something._

"Onee-chan, I'm really going to need your help today." By now, however, she had learnt that she didn't need to do everything by herself.

* * *

"That was a real blast, wasn't it?"

"Nagisa-chan was really great. And the song was so beautiful, too."

"I thought the song kind of killed the mood... It didn't fit with the ending."

"But I wanted to sing about something, and the Big Dango Family is very cute! ... Even though I really shouldn't have any right to, with me bursting into tears like that..."

"We already said: Don't worry about it! You managed to pull it through like a real pro! The audience was totally in it, too!"

Ryou sighed contently, basking in the warm atmosphere of the club room. They had done it. They had really done it. Even when Nagisa had disappeared and Kyou had found her in the old library, shifting through videos of her father's performance; Even when it had seemed like Tomoya had been about to lower the curtain and shield the crying Nagisa from the audience's confused murmur and Ryou had had to stop him; Even when he had stood there as if frozen and the twins had had to push him down from the monitor room to yell out encouragement for his beloved; Even when all the hardships had just kept on piling on Nagisa, Tomoya, the drama club, her, and her sister...

Even so, they had done it. The play had been a complete success in the end - more than enough of a reason to celebrate.

"I propose a toast! A toast to Nagisa-chan, to drama club, to all of us!"

"For once, I agree with you, Sunohara. A toast!"

Yet even as everyone cheered loudly for the blushing Furukawa, Ryou could only raise her own cup of juice in silence. Even though she, too, was glad for their success, she couldn't really find it in herself to cheer and celebrate along with the others. No matter how brightly she tried to look at the situation, she simply couldn't forget what could happen in the future.

_Even though we managed to pull the play through, it still doesn't mean Nagisa-chan is safe. _Like her absence a few days ago had proved, the brunette's mysterious illness was still affecting her life. Her hand trembled slightly, threatening to spill the contents of her cup. _Even though I've made it this far, I still haven't actually changed anything. Nagisa-chan's health is still so frail..._

"Hey, Ryou, you should take part, too." Her sister appeared in front of her so suddenly that she almost stumbled. With a wink, she added quietly. "It's probably not as great as the parties you used to have, but try to bear with us youngsters for now."

"O-onee-chan," she protested frantically, blushing. "You, you shouldn't say that when we're around others... And, and I really like this kind of non-alcohol party better."

"Oh," Kyou continued with a raised eyebrow, michievous mirth dripping from her voice. "You have some embarrassing experiences with alcohol?"

"N-no, it's just that... Rather, it's _you _that always ended up going over-board..."

"... You absolutely _have_ to tell me all the details later." Then, sobering, she added with a sigh: "But really, you shouldn't be standing all alone here. You look so gloomy that it's killing the mood, sheesh."

"Ah, I'm s-sorry," she stuttered, looking ashamed. "It's just that..." Unwillingly, her worried eyes trailed after Nagisa. A deep frown appeared on her sister's face as well as she realized what she must've been thinking. A heavy sigh.

"Ryou, try not to worry about it, okay?" she said eventually, patting her shoulder. "I'm worried, too, but I don't think you should be fretting over it all the time. From what you've told me, I can't see how Nagisa could be cured over-night, no matter how much you worry for her health." Ryou kept her eyes locked on the cheerful Furukawa who seemed to be in perfect health. She knew, however, that looks could deceive and that she could collapse again on a very short notice - she just couldn't ignore that.

"But-" Her sister, however, wasn't going to have any of that.

"Look, right now your fretting is only going to make her worried about you - that can't be good for her either, right?" Her words, combined with the slightly troubled look Nagisa happened to throw at her, caused Ryou to sober. "If you want to support her, you need to be strong and show her your smile, not that kind of morbid face. That's what you want to do, right?" Silently, she nodded, and forced a small smile on her lips, giving a small wave at her friend. She didn't seem entirely convinced, but smiled back nonetheless.

"Besides," Kyou added with a gentle tone in her voice. "It's not only Nagisa who's troubled seeing you like that." The younger twin turned her gaze on the floor, not being able to look her sister in the eyes. She had promised not to hurt her sister anymore, yet what was she doing?

"Sorry, onee-chan," she muttered. She didn't say anything for a while, but eventually gave a soft chuckle, ruffling her hair gently.

"Just smile and have fun, Ryou - it's not like you're forbidden from being happy."

"Y-yeah," she mumbled, blinking. "… You're right, onee-chan."

"Yeah! Now come on, let's go see Kotomi. She claimed to have learnt another joke from the TV - I can't wait to see it!"

* * *

"... Phew." The drama club had eventually left the clubroom and had made their way to Sunohara's dorm, where the celebration continued - in a far more cramped atmosphere but not any less merrier. After her sister's little pep talk, Ryou had managed to enjoy the atmosphere a bit more, talking and laughing with her friends like she was supposed to. Eventually, however, she had had to step outside to breathe some fresh air. Breathing deeply with her eyes closed, she could feel how her thoughts became clearer and clearer. In the silent darkness, gazing at the night sky, her sister's words echoed in her mind.

"_It's not like you're forbidden from being happy."_

"True, I'm not," she mused out loud. "But, it's not that simple…"

"Talking to yourself, Fujibayashi?" She almost jumped in the air; someone had managed to catch her by surprise for the second time today. Turning around, she found Sunohara standing there with an amused expression. "Don't you know what people say that is?"

"Th-the first sign of madness, right?" She heaved out a sigh, trying to ease her pulse as he nodded, grinning playfully.

"Out of all the people I know, I wouldn't have thought you'd be the one closest to snapping."

_You'd be surprised, Sunohara-kun. _"I didn't think anyone would listen. You surprised me," she almost accused, but the blonde only chuckled.

"Yeah, people say that all the time. I suppose it's a-" Then he stopped, frowning. "Wait, haven't we had this conversation before?" Ryou had to refrain herself from rolling her eyes to the irony of his statement.

_Welcome to my world. _"I think so. It was that time in front of the library, when Okazaki-kun was talking with Kotomi-chan." She, too, frowned as she remembered the discussion. At that time, he had scolded her for just giving up on Tomoya and letting Nagisa walk all over her, whipping her with his words. It seemed he remembered those words, too, because his expression turned into a more sour one and he looked away.

"Yeah, that time." Ryou didn't respond, not even when he didn't continue for a while. Judging from the way he was chewing his lower lip, he was gathering his courage to say something quite extra-ordinary, and she didn't want to break the atmosphere by saying something.

"Look," he muttered eventually, forcing the awkward words out of his mouth. "About that time. I, I think I might've gone a little over-board... I might've said some things too harshly." As clumsy as the apology was, the fact Sunohara had come over his stubborn nature was more than enough to tell her he was truly sorry.

"Don't worry about it," she said, smiling. Scoffing, the blonde turned his face away, his ego surfacing.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm not taking back what I said - I still don't like your decision," he grumbled sullenly before sighing. "But, I think I understand a little better both Okazaki and Nagisa-chan now. I can see why you didn't want to compete with her - especially when Kyou was involved in all of the hassle, too." Ryou's eyes widened in surprise and amazement. Again, the blonde was off-handedly throwing around secrets she had thought no one but the twins knew - first her feelings for Tomoya, and now even Kyou's? Even though she wanted him to explain how he had found out about it, she knew this was not the time and place for that. "If it hadn't been for Nagisa-chan, I would've been much more pissed off, though."

"If it hadn't been for Nagisa-chan, I wouldn't have done it." Sunohara glanced at her, but she was no longer looking at him. She had turned her gaze back to the sky, a content smile on her serene face as she spoke softly. "Of course, if she hadn't been there, I'm certain onee-chan's feelings would've gotten through. If not, I would've helped her - just like she helped me." Even though he had apologized, he had promptly claimed that he wasn't really backing down on his beliefs. Likewise, even though Ryou had forgiven him, she was now telling him that she hadn't had a change of heart, either. She wasn't trying to provoke her friend, but she also had to make sure that they wouldn't have any misunderstandings about this matter. The point seemed to get through, because the blonde was unusually quiet.

"Tell me, Fujibayashi," he spoke after a moment of silence. "Did you really do it because you wanted to?" Her answer came without a moment of hesitation.

"Yes." She glanced at Sunohara over her shoulder, giving him an honest smile. "If... If you thought I gave up on Okazaki-kun because of fear, pity, guilt..." She shook her head, closing her eyes. "You were wrong. I _chose_ to do this because I love both him and Nagisa-chan, and I can see they're most happy when they're together."

"... Heh, you really have changed." Upon his response, she could feel her heart skipping a beat. Ryou opened her eyes and turned to face him, trying to keep her expression calm.

"What do you mean?" The blonde tilted his head to the side, an uncharacteristically thoughtful look on his face.

"Y'see, if you had asked me a month ago, I would've named those things as reason for you giving up on something without a second thought. Even with Kyou supporting you, you were so horribly timid that I would've never thought you would be able to stand up for yourself."

"You don't need to be so blunt about it," she mumbled, giving him a slightly scolding stare before she could help herself. This, in turn, caused him to point his finger at her.

"That's exactly what I mean. You've been doing things I never thought you'd dare to do, such as dragging Okazaki around or scolding me. You've grown stronger." Ryou absent-mindedly bit on her lower lip. Why, oh why did Sunohara prove to be so sharp-sighted when it came to things she _didn't _want him - or anyone besides her sister, really - to find out? "But that's not what bothers me; On the contrary, I think it's good that you've actually grown some spine." She was about to scold him, again, but his pointed eyes kept her from saying anything.

"It's great that you're helping out Nagisa-chan," he said in a low tone. "But can't you see that you're sacrificing yourself?" For a long while, no words came out of her mouth. When she finally got her mouth to function, her words were only slightly more comprehensible than rambling.

"Wha-What do you mean? I've never thought of... It's not like that..." The blonde sighed.

"Come on, I'm supposed to be the idiot here, not you. With all the work and effort you've put to helping Nagisa-chan and the drama club, you can't have attended to your own life and your own dreams very much." The Fujibayashi turned her gaze on the ground. "From what I've seen, you've dedicated yourself to her dreams and her happiness - that's supposed to be Okazaki's job, right?"

He was right; She _was _sacrificing herself. Just like her sister had said, she was worrying over Nagisa all the time, neglecting herself.

"When are you going to concentrate on your own happiness, huh?"

However, neither of the two really understood. Even though Sunohara was entirely right in his plight, even though she had told everything to her sister, neither of them could understand just how deeply she had dedicated herself to this. She had…

"_The price for Okazaki Tomoya's happiness will be an equal amount of happiness taken from you."_

She had already sold her own happiness in order to save her friends.

"This is my happiness."

"... Huh?" She couldn't help herself. Even though she should've probably maintained a calm, serious expression, she couldn't stop her mouth from curving into a small, sad smile.

"Being with onee-chan, Okazaki-kun, Nagisa-chan, Kotomi-chan, you... Just seeing you all live, be well and happy... That's enough happiness for me. It's already more than I should have." Now it was Sunohara's turn to stare at her without a word, trying to make sense of her words.

"... I don't know if I should be angry or happy after hearing that..." he mumbled eventually, and Ryou could see how his cool was starting to fall apart as his usual character returned. "But I know that wasting your dream, your _life_ for the sake of others-!"

"Sunohara-kun." Her voice whipped through the air, causing him to stop immediately. Nailing her eyes on his, she tried to express the depth of determination through that gaze. "This, too, is what I want to do. This is my choice." The ire in his eyes didn't disappear so easily, however.

"How can you say that crap? This is your life! Don't throw away your dreams so easily! Don't do like-" Once again, his mouth snapped shut as he became aware of what he was saying. However, Ryou had already heard enough. The puzzle behind the blonde's temper was finally solved - finally, she could see why her friend was so irked when it came to this subject.

"Don't do like you did?" she finished for him, and judging from the way the colour drained from his face, she had guessed right. For a brief while, the blonde's expression held so many emotions: Surprise, anger, regret, sorrow, self-loathing - all mixing together to produce an expression that could only be called _naked._ Without a word, he turned around, and was no doubt about to dash away. His muscles came to a screeching halt, however, when a hand grasped his shoulder. Even though her grip was definitely not strong enough to hold someone as strong as Sunohara at bay, he stood still like a statue. Had the situation been a bit better, Ryou would've allowed herself to be amused how innocent the delinquent really was when it came to something like woman's touch.

"Sunohara-kun," she called out softly, feeling how he quivered under her grip. Whether it was from nervousness or suppressed tears, she couldn't tell. "You're a good friend. I appreciate everything you've said to me, and I'm glad that you put so much effort into telling me what you really think - it speaks very highly of you. Thank you." She could feel how his posture slumped slightly as his worst tension gave in. Still, he didn't do anything to indicate he was going to turn around, much less talk. She supposed she couldn't blame him, not after something like that had been revealed. "Just so you know: if you ever want to talk to me about what happened, I'll be happy to listen to you." In this situation, the least she could do was to repay the favour to him and be as good friend as possible. The nod she received was so small that it could barely be seen. She could feel how a shudder ran through his body, and she decided not to say anything more of the subject.

"Would you prefer if I didn't tell anyone about this conversation?" She asked after a while. A curt nod. "Not even onee-chan?" Furious nodding. With a smile, Ryou let go of his shoulder, and he took a stumbling step forward. "Alright. Thank you for talking to me, and for listening to me, Sunohara-kun." His reply was something she thought she could make out as 'you're welcome', but his prompt exit and low voice made it impossible to tell for certain. Her eyes trailed after him for a while, before she turned her gaze back to the night sky and heaved out a sigh.

_I really have changed, haven't I?_ She remembered that she had mused on the same subject some time back, too, back when she had been still been the age she was supposed to be. This time, she wasn't talking about what had happened after her graduation, but rather what had happened _before _it. Ever since she had made the deal in the mysterious shop, her life had been nothing like she had imagined. The people she knew, the places she visited, the situations she faced - they were all familiar, but somehow everything also seemed so different and unexpected. Dealing with such phenomena had turned her life upside down, practically _forcing _her to change: her options were either to adapt or to go insane - and she wagered she had been bordering the latter more than just once lately.

Of course, it wasn't as horrible as it sounded. She had learned so much not only about herself, but also about her precious people: Her sister, Sunohara, Tomoya, Nagisa, Kotomi. The deeper her understanding of them became, the more she found herself valuing them. Even though her life had changed entirely, even though she had agreed on giving up on her own happiness, she was confident that it had been worth it.

_That's right. If things stay like this, I'm happy - onee-chan and my friends are enough for me._Closing her eyes, she lowered her head into a voiceless prayer. _Please, let it stay like this. Let me be able to cure Nagisa-chan. I'm not being greedy; I'm not asking for anything more._

For some reason, she feared that asking for more would bring everything to an end.

* * *

A few days later, Fujibayashi Ryou sat on the terrace of her favourite cafe, drinking her lemonade under a large parasol, grateful for its cool shade in the hot morning sun. She had changed into her free time clothes: A plain white t-shirt, coupled with a knee-length, casual dress in order to properly accommodate for the arrival of summer - and more importantly, the summer break that was naturally much anticipated among almost all of the students.

Of course, she didn't count herself in that number.

_Should I really be doing this?_ She mused, tapping her finger absently against the now-empty class, letting out a soft sigh. Yesterday, when the summer break had officially begun, she had promised her sister to spend today with her and Kotomi in the town, 'taking a break of her worries for a change' - as her twin had put it. Feeling like she owed her at least that much to make up for the drama between the two - which she still considered solemnly her fault -, she had agreed to Kyou's plan. Of course, a part of her was looking forward to spending the day with her and her friend, toying with the warm thoughts of how much fun the three could have. Shortly after agreeing, however, that care-free part of her had been hammered down, and she had begun to have second thoughts about the whole idea.

_Shouldn't I be concentrating on something entirely different?_ She let out another sigh, followed by soft, troubled murmur as she twirled her straw among the melting ice cubes.

"Nagisa-chan… Okazaki-kun…" The day after their successful performance in the School Festival, the drama club president and her long-time support had gone on a date, and according to the pieces of information she had gotten out of the blushing, embarrassed Furukawa had indicated that Tomoya had confessed to her, asking her to become his girlfriend.

Upon learning this, Kyou had scoffed and commented 'Finally' - and she hadn't had anything to add to that, really.

Now that those two had oh-so-unforeseeably gotten together, the younger Fujibayashi's heart had become a little more at ease, even though her pessimistic thoughts had weighed down on her soon after; Right now, she could only conclude that everything was happening exactly like before. A shiver ran down her spine despite of the warm sunshine; As far as she knew, the tragic outcome could be entirely similar, too.

She exhaled deeply, trying to relax her body and dissipate the looming threat that haunted in her mind.

_Calm down. Nagisa-chan is supposed to stay completely healthy for the entire summer break and even a few weeks into the second semester. Just like onee-chan said, there's no use worrying about her health twenty-four-seven. In fact, isn't that exactly what I'm __not__ supposed to do?_

The timid Fujibayashi turned her gaze to the sky, marvelling the near-cloudless sky silently, sighing. _Even though you told me to enjoy myself, onee-chan, it's not that easy to shrug off all of my worries no matter how hard I try. _After a while, she let out a quiet chuckle.

_Without you around, I'm really hopeless, am I not?_

With that thought, she rose from her seat and left the café, heading for the place where she was supposed to meet Kyou. Just like during the drama club's celebration, she knew that her sister could make her worries disappear - at least temporarily, until Nagisa's health would demand her attention.

She looked up at the sky again, allowing a small smile to touch her lips. Really, it would be a shame to waste such a great day - such a great summer.

_I suppose I'll do my best to enjoy this summer._

* * *

Ryou soon found herself standing in front of the station where she was supposed to meet her sister. Looking around, she tried to spot Kyou's long indigo hair or her clothes from the crowd. Thankfully, the station wasn't very crowded, and she could soon determine that she hadn't yet arrived.

_I suppose I'm a little early, _she mused, confirming her hunch by glancing at the station clock. There were still about ten minutes left before the given time. Finding herself a shady, secluded spot, she bid her time observing the people arriving and leaving the bus station, trailing their movements with her eyes lazily.

Soon enough, she heard the familiar patter of her sister's scooter, approaching from the direction of their home. A few moments later, Kyou's riding form appeared in her view, approaching the station parking slots swiftly - a little too swiftly to her, and probably the police's liking, in fact. She was about to set off from her vantage point and make way to her, when something caught her eye. A lone person was standing still on the sidewalk, gaze turned up to the sky - as far as Ryou could tell, he was deep in thought and oblivious to his surroundings.

"Move aside!"

Too bad for him that he was standing near the entrance of the parking slot, exactly on Kyou's set course. Her yell, accompanied by the electric buzzer of the scooter, did little to wake him up from his reverie, and he didn't show any signs of moving even when the vehicle was becoming dangerously close. Ryou was too far to do anything but watch, mortified, as the scooter closed the distance between them. She prayed that the man would realize the danger approaching him and made a leap to the side at the last second, or that her sister would listen to the voice of reason and steer her vehicle the other way before it was too late.

As if that would happen.

Accurately enough, a loud, muffled sound of a lump of flesh and bone meeting a vehicle soon echoed on the parking slot, followed by a grotesque 'thump' as the body hit the ground. For a few seconds, all Ryou could do was to stare at the horrid scene in front of her - a man laying on the ground, and her sister inspecting her scooter carefully in case of dents and scratches.

"O-Onee-chan!" she exclaimed soon, gaping. "You just crashed into that person!" As if realizing what had just happened, Kyou turned to look at the run-over person and grimaced, scratching her head.

"Ah, I'm sorry! Take my apologies instead of any compensation, okay?" she called out to her victim. His lack of response filled the younger twin with unease, but she seemed only content because of it. "Great, that's settled. Now, Ryou, shall we go?"

"Y-you can't be serious! I can't possibly leave an unconscious person lying on the pavement." Kyou shook her head, grimacing again.

"Argh, this is such a pain…"

As Ryou rushed over to her sister's latest victim, she couldn't help feeling uneasy about the possible number of people Kyou might've felled with her bike. The only other person who she knew had been hit by her was Tomoya almost a month ago, and it seemed that her driving skills had improved little since that incident. Since no one has pressed any charges, however, it seemed she had been more careful with her vehicle than she had thought - or, alternatively, she had left them in a condition where they _couldn't _press charges anymore.

Thankfully, though, the person she had crashed into seemed to be still alive; Ryou detected both a strong pulse and regular breathing. It seemed the unfortunate pedestrian had simply been knocked out could.

"Is he okay?" the culprit asked, worry and fear creeping into her voice as she peeked over the victim. It seemed that she did have a conscience, after all.

"I think so. There don't seem to be any injuries - at least not visible ones," she replied as her eyes scanned efficiently all over his body, mumbling her notes out loud as she proceeded. "Regular breathing, strong pulse, no fractures in limbs, no damage to the neck or head area, no cuts or wounds, no external bleeding… He might have a concussion, though, and internal bleeding - although I don't think that's very likely."

"Wow, Ryou, you really are a professional nurse…" Even though she wanted to reply in her usual manner that she wasn't as great as she thought and that this much was basic medical knowledge for any civilian, her training was already kicking in - she wouldn't get distracted over such things when she had a patient on her hands. Opening a bottle of water, she splashed some of its contents over the person's face, hoping to wake him up.

As she inspected him for signs of consciousness, she noted that the person probably wasn't from anywhere nearby. Not only was he someone she couldn't recognize at all, but the slight deviation in the tone of his skin, the unusual tone of his dirty, blond hair, the shape of his face - all of it spoke from another, perhaps distant region. On top of that, the condition of his clothes and the heavy bag he carried indicated that he probably had travelled here from somewhere far away.

"… Ah." All of a sudden, she found herself staring into yellowish brown eyes. Apparently, she had been more lost in thought than she had thought, to miss out his awakening before his eyes were wide open. "Uhm, do you hurt anywhere? Can you stand?" A brief pause, and then a few vigorous shakes of head, followed by a nod - all without a word. Standing up, Ryou extended her arm. "Here, let me help you up." Again, a pause and no words. Then, a few seconds later, the man took a hold of the offered hand, and she blinked in surprise at how slim his fingers felt. Likewise, his body weight was nothing like she had expected a man to weigh.

"… Uh," he muttered eventually, the lost look in his eyes slowly being replaced by wild astonishment. "What happened! At first, I was wondering how far the deep blue sky can reach… And suddenly there was a screech, and then a bump, a smack, followed by roll roll roll…! … And why is my face wet?" Ryou blinked, not quite sure of what to make of the rambling speech. A glance at her sister told her that she was as dumb-struck as she.

"Here," she said, handing him her handkerchief as she took a step forward. "Dry your face with this."

"Ah, tha- thanks," he muttered, his rambling coming to a sudden halt.

"Did you hit your head?" she asked, trying to look into his eyes to determine if his incoherence was due to a concussion. However, the handkerchief she had given him proved to be quite an obstacle as he vigorously dried his face. He wasn't trying to avoid her eyes, was he? "Do you have a headache? Nausea? Feeling faint?" The blonde shook his head furiously.

"No, I, I think I'm fine, thank you," he said, eventually lowering the handkerchief and looking Ryou into her eyes. After a few seconds of careful inspection, the Fujibayashi smiled softly.

"Yes, you really seem to be fine. However, if you start feeling ill, you should get yourself checked in the health centre, okay?" The man nodded mutely in reply, still staring into her eyes.

"Okay, now that that's settled, we really need to get going!" Kyou, who had remained silent until now piped in. "Kotomi should be waiting for us at the shopping centre already, and we don't want to make her wait more than this, right?" The younger twin turned to her sister and nodded.

"You're right. Let's get going, onee-chan." With that, the twins turned around and began heading towards the centre of the town, leaving the man standing there without another word.

After a few steps, however, Ryou glanced over her shoulder at him. For a split second, she thought that he looked like he still wanted to say something - but then the moment passed, and his eyes morphed back into a peculiar expression she couldn't quite place.

"Take care now, alright?" she told him with a smile and a wave, to which he replied by bowing haphardly.

"Ah, y-yes. Thank you very much."

And he stood there, staring after her, his fingers absently caressing the handkerchief she had left behind.

* * *

Author's notes: And this chapter concludes the first half of the story, which I've shamelessly dubbed as Ryou's 'school life'. As you can probably guess, the latter half of the story will be 'After Story', and it concentrates on the same time as the original AS, with the protagonist being Ryou, of course. These six chapters have been following the storyline of the anime very closely, but the latter half - at least according to my current plans and ideas - will include much more original content, as well as very much material from a certain path of the visual novel that wasn't included in the anime. Moreso, the theme will probably be more fitting for After Story. Expect more drama (drama's the only thing I can write of, really…).

I thought I'd declare out loud that I really like Sunohara - if it wasn't already obvious at this point. He's the comedian, the punching bag, the clown of the group - yet despite all the laughing and punches he gets, he still throws in some very deep insight of the people and relationships around him, and has given Okazaki - the radiant hero - some of the best advice he's ever gotten. He's an idiot and full of faults, but he's also probably the most valuable person to Okazaki of the whole drama club asides from Nagisa. He had more worth and backbone in the game, but I'm glad most of it followed him to the anime as well.

As a character, he's fun to write about - yet he's also a rather difficult person to handle. I don't want to make him out-of-character by making him a level-headed genius, suddenly dropping all of his idiotic antics - no, much of his worth comes from exactly that. On another hand, I don't intend to make him a complete idiotic pervert, either - because he's not, period. Instead, I have to balance between his antics and his insightful wit that's hidden beneath his exterior. That is a rather tolling task, but by no means distasteful. Sunohara Youhei is, after all, one of my favourite characters of Clannad.

I'll definitely write something with him being the main character someday.


	7. The Cheerful Poet

Disclaimer: _Clannad_ the visual novel is the property of Key and their respective partners. Likewise, _Clannad _the anime belongs to Key and Kyoto Animation. I'm not making any money with this fanfic.

Author's notes: I'm sorry for taking so long writing this chapter, but like I've already warned you, I've run out of written chapters, and the last few weeks have been rather busy. There's light at the end of the tunnel, though; I should be able to write to my heart's content during the whole August, so I expect to get a lot of it done then.

Many thanks to my beta-reader, Anya Anthony, for her diligent help. Likewise, I'm very grateful for all the reviews I've gotten and all the positive feedback they've contained. Thanks to all of you!

Without further delay, here's chapter seven.

* * *

It was warm. The town of Hikarizaka bathed in the morning sunlight, its inhabitants chit-chatting merrily with one another as they passed through the lively yet tranquil streets, visiting the numerous boutiques and restaurants as they went on their daily shopping routines or socialized with one another. The high school students who normally wore their school uniforms were now dressed in less formal outfits which consisted mostly of t-shirts and shorts, enjoying the warm weather like everyone else.

Summer was here.

Okazaki Tomoya glanced up at the near-cloudless sky, shielding his eyes from the bright sunshine as he sighed contently. It was finally here; the long-awaited summer break he had been waiting for the last few… Well, ever since the start of his third year, really. For the next few weeks, he didn't have to worry about going to school and sitting through the boring lessons or having to avoid the career counselling or his homeroom teacher. The daily dosage of Tomoyo's busy bodying, Kyou's vicious man-handling, and Sunohara's idiotic antics would be at a much more tolerable level, too. Finally, he had some time all for himself.

"Tomoya-kun?" And, naturally, time for someone else as well. "What are you smiling so care-freely for, Tomoya-kun?" Walking by his side was Furukawa Nagisa, tilting her head curiously as she inspected his unusual expression with astonishment.

"It's summer, isn't it? That's enough of a reason to be happy, right?" he replied, and with a mischievous tinge in his eyes, added a few heartbeats later. "And if that wasn't enough, I also have the cutest girlfriend in town. What more can I ask for?"

"Ah, y-yes, of course," she muttered hastily, looking away. "I'm, I'm sure she is a very beautiful person…" Not knowing whether to laugh or groan, the delinquent decided to remain silent and suppress his mirth the best he could as he waited for the brunette to reach the eventual conclusion as she chewed on his words. "… Wait, I, I'm not beautiful at all!" she soon exclaimed, modestly trying to take back her self-praise as she realized what she had said.

Tomoya couldn't help it any longer. He chuckled heartily, and the chuckle became laughter as Nagisa shot him a disapproving glance.

"Tomoya-kun, don't tease me like that! You know speaking like that confuses me." Twitching her fingers nervously, she glanced away with a blush. "I was worried that you had gotten a really cute girlfriend, someone much better than me, even though you… Well, even though on that date, you… Or we…" Now, it was Tomoya's turn to blush deep scarlet. By thinking back to their date a few days back and how he had confessed his love to her, asking her to become his girlfriend, she had turned the situation on him: It was like he was being teased by her now.

"Yeah, that's…" he muttered hastily, trying to come up with a dignified way to say that it was still exactly like before: That he loved her, and she was his girlfriend, and he had eyes only for her. "That's, um…" Problem was, how was he supposed to say those words without making a fool out of himself? As the silence drew on, he could feel the atmosphere weighing down on him, and the pressure became almost unbearable.

_Come on, say something!_ he urged himself on, trying to force the words out of his mouth. "Ah, don't worry," he spoke eventually, feeling like his face was on fire. "It's just like I said: You are my, well, my girlfriend. Of course it hasn't changed." Tomoya hastily looked away, hoping that Nagisa would soon forget his poor attempt at teasing her.

"Um, alright," she replied sheepishly, apparently just as willing to put the conversation behind them as he. Her relieved tone of voice, however, told him that maybe it had been a good thing to go through the embarrassing conversation. Even though he could see that Nagisa had gotten a lot stronger than since they first met, he still occasionally doubted her self-esteem and confidence - her strength of will still seemed abnormally frail. Perhaps she still thought that she wasn't 'good enough' for him, as she had commented on a few occasions, even though he had promptly crushed that doubt and claimed that she was more than enough for someone 'as worthless as me' - which, in turn, had caused her to go to lengthy and particularly vicious explanation in defence of his good personality.

It was strange, Tomoya realized, how eager they were to defend each other so viciously - and chide themselves in the same breath. Both of them were flawed people, that much was true: She was a weak cry-baby and he was a delinquent bum, worthless to the society by any standards. Even though painfully aware of their own flaws, it was as if they were insulted themselves when it came to talking bad about the other. Perhaps it was out of sympathy for a fellow weak person or, perhaps this way, standing up for each other, they could find ways to cope with their own faults.

_But_, he concluded wordlessly. _It doesn't really matter, not as long as we'll be together. It's not like we need a reason to support each other._

Wordlessly, he reached for her hand. She threw an uncertain, startled glance at the sudden touch as if to ask 'is this appropriate?', but as their fingers intertwined, her expression melted into a content smile. Again, Tomoya felt a smile forming on his own lips as well. That's right; he had all the reason to smile on this summer day.

* * *

"Hm? What's this?" A little later, when they had been walking around the town leisurely, Nagisa had spotted out something out-of-place on the sidewalk. "An envelope?" Tomoya looked down at his girlfriend and the white piece of paper she had picked up. "… There's no address or sender's name here," she mumbled, turning it around in her hands, soon proceeding to give it to the delinquent for examination, too. "How are we going to find out who it belongs to if we can't find any info about… Tomoya-kun, don't open it! There might be something personal inside!"

"We don't get to know anything by just staring at it, do we?" he retorted, tearing the envelope open and pulling out a single sheet of paper, ignoring Nagisa's protests. "… Looks like it's a résumé. There's a line for work experience, motivation, strong and weak subjects, desired salary, and so on." After reading through the paper a bit more carefully, the delinquent let out a scoff, frowning. "Nagisa, this is a piece of garbage. I'm going to toss it away."

"You mustn't do that!" Snatching the paper away from his hands, she began reading it aloud. "Name… Blank. Age… Blank. Telephone number… Blank. Address… Blank, too. Work experience… Blank. Strong subject… Lunch. Weak subject… Homeroom. Motivation… I want money." With each passage, the brunette's frown deepened a little bit. "Tomoya-kun, I don't think this is a very good résumé."

"That's why I said I'm going to throw it away." He tried to snatch the paper, but the brunette kept it away from his grip, giving him a scolding stare.

"No! Even if this isn't done properly, I'm sure someone did their best with this. Because this was on the ground, it means someone has lost it and is probably looking for it as we speak. We should return this to its owner." Nodding to her little speech, Nagisa gave the delinquent a look full of responsibility.

"But we can't return it if we don't know the name or address, can we?" he retorted, sighing, which seemed to eat away her confidence.

"That's right," she muttered, running her fingers over the paper as she looked through it one more time for anything she might've missed. Then she sighed and folded the paper neatly in half, handing it to him. "But we can't just throw it away, either. We'll just have to keep our eyes and ears open in case we meet this person. Promise me that you'll hold onto this, Tomoya-kun." A sigh.

"Fine," he yielded, taking the paper and putting it inside his shirt pocket. _It's not like I can say no when you're that determined,_ he finished mentally. "But we probably don't get a chance to return this; This is a big town with a lot of people, after all."

"Still, we must do what we can." With that statement, the conversation was over, and the two continued their walk.

_Well, it's not like this little piece of paper is going to ruin my summer or anything._

* * *

The following day, Tomoya had already happily forgotten all about the envelope and the mysterious résumé in it. Nagisa hadn't said another word of it either; it seemed that she, too, had realized just how impossible finding the owner was. As far as he could tell, their best bet was to hope that they'd bump into the owner by chance. Just how likely that was in a town as big as Hikarizaka?

However, as the two were on their way to the city centre to do the Furukawas' shopping, they encountered the unlikely sight:

"Oh man, oh man… Where is it? I could've dropped it anywhere…" A young man, walking down the street, vigorously scanning his surroundings and nervously fumbling the bag he was carrying. "I don't have time to write another one… Oh man, why is this happening to me…?"

Tomoya and Nagisa exchanged surprised glances, and set towards the man at the exact same moment.

"Excuse me," the brunette called out. "Have you lost something?" At first, it seemed that her words didn't have any effect; he continued walking down the street, stopping neither his mumbling nor his continuous searching. "Excuse me!" Even after raising the volume of her voice, he still didn't seem to hear or register her. Tomoya took a step forward, placing himself right in front of the approaching man.

"Hey, you!" Now that the distance was merely a few feet, the yell seemed to get through. Halting, the person straightened himself as he turned his eyes on the delinquent. Yellowish brown eyes stared at him, the look in them speaking of confusion.

"I'm sorry, did you say something?" Tomoya wondered briefly if he was making fun of the two of them - how could he not have heard their yells? However, he could see no traces of mischievousness or jesting on his face, only honest wonder. Sand-coloured blonde locks swung as he tilted his head to the side, inspecting the delinquent and the brunette curiously.

"We asked you if you had lost something," Nagisa said, stepping on his side. The man's eyes darted hesitantly between the two for a few seconds, until he seemed to understand what she was saying. The previous worry and unease returned on his face.

"Ah, yeah," he muttered, looking around. "I lost a very important paper yesterday, and I've been looking around for it all morning. I wonder where it could be..."

"Was it a white envelope?" she asked, her voice quivering with excitement and anticipation - could they have really found the rightful owner of the envelope so easily? Even before hearing his reply, Tomoya was already reaching for the envelope from his pocket - this was too much to be a coincidence. And, accurately enough:

"Yes, exactly!" he exclaimed, eyes wide and filled with hope. "Have you found it?"

"We found it around here yesterday," Tomoya said, handing the envelope to the man. "Inside was a résumé of sorts. But, I'm not sure if it's-" Before he managed to get further than that, the blonde took the envelope and pressed it against his chest, his mouth curving into a relieved smile.

"Yeah, this is mine! You guys are life saviours, thank you so much!" Then, sobering a little, he continued. "By the way, do you know what time it is?"

"Oh? It was a fifteen to ten when we left, so I think it should be almost ten by now." The man's expression turned from glad to horrified in an instant, all the colour draining from his face as he heard Nagisa's reply.

"Ah, not good, not good! I'm gonna be late for my interview!" Clutching the envelope in his hands, the blonde made a sudden turn and dashed to the direction of the city centre, leaving the two standing here without another word.

"He's very fast," Tomoya spoke his thoughts out loud as he stared after the figure of the man, his voice laced with slight awe. "I wonder if he's an athlete."

"I hope he manages to make it to the job interview in time," Nagisa in turn commented with a worried frown. "It doesn't make a good impression if you're late."

_If he's planning to use that résumé, it doesn't matter if he's late or not,_ he thought, rolling his eyes. "Well, it's out of our hands now," he chose to respond instead. "We've done our part." The brunette nodded in reply, and her frown turned into a small smile.

"Yes, we did the right thing." With that, the two continued on with their errand, neither considering it very likely to meet the young man again.

* * *

However:

"Tomoya-kun, isn't that the person we met yesterday?"

"… You've got to be kidding me. What's he doing here again?"

"He doesn't look very happy. Perhaps he was late for his interview after all?"

"I don't think that's the problem… Hey, Nagisa, where are you going?"

"To talk to him, of course."

"… Sheesh…"

True enough; the young man was strolling down the street with a troubled look on his face. Every now and then, he stopped to look at the sky and let out a deep sigh, muttering something neither of the two could make out from the distance.

"Hello there," Nagisa called out as she approached him, the delinquent a few steps behind him. This time, he heard her on the first try and turned to look at her, his eyes squinting as he was obviously trying to recognize the petit brunette and the man that accompanied her. After a few moments, recognition dawned on his face.

"Ah, you're… You're the envelope siblings from yesterday, right?" Tomoya didn't know whether to laugh or become annoyed; just how did they look like siblings? And couldn't he think of anything better to remind them of than the envelope? Then again, they never had told him their names, had they?

"Envelope… Siblings?" Nagisa repeated, and he continued from that.

"Do we look like a brother and sister at all?" It seemed that he couldn't understand his sarcastic tone, because his eyes began darting between the two, comparing their features. "That was a rhetoric question, just so you know," he said, sighing. The blond was silent for a while, and then let out an embarrassed chuckle.

"I'm sorry, it seems I jumped to conclusions. So, envelope cousins, thank you for-"

"We're not cousins!" he protested, exasperated. This guy was _definitely_ doing this on purpose. The look in his eyes, however, told him otherwise.

"Sorry, but now you've lost me," he admitted, scratching his cheek. "Are you just friends, then? Envelope friends? That doesn't just sound right…"

"Just how slow can you get…" he muttered bitterly. _Am I surrounded by idiots outside school, too? Isn't the word 'lovers' part of this guy's vocabulary?_ Even though he had to admit that even thinking of the word caused him embarrassment, he wasn't about to let anyone misunderstand his relationship with Nagisa - plus, thinking of her as a relative just felt _wrong._

"I apologize for Tomoya-kun's words. He has a filthy mouth sometimes," Nagisa piped up, throwing a scolding glance at the delinquent. "But he's right: We're not relatives or just friends." Upon her last words, her cheeks became tinted red. "He's my, um, my boyfriend."

"Ah, I see!" he said, realization finally dawning on his face. "So you're envelope lovers, then." Tomoya had been right; He could feel how his cheeks heated up upon just the mentioning of the word. And, judging by the way the brunette's cheeks were burning, she was no less embarrassed. The man bowed formally. "Envelope lovers, thank you very much for your help yesterday! … Huh, you both are burning. You have a fever or something?"

"Could you… Please not say the word?" he pleaded, trying to lower the temperature of his cheeks and avoid looking at Nagisa.

"Huh? What word; Lovers? But I thought I finally got it right…" Then, scrutinizing the blushing couple closely, he seemed to understand. A strange kind of a giggle escaped his lips, and his eyes became dreamy. "Ah, I see, I see… You two must've just started dating… How wonderful it must be, spending each day in rose-coloured bliss with each other, to fall into sweet slumber at night with your beloved in your arms… To drown yourself in the warmth and scent of your beloved… Ah, love is so beautiful! I'm so jealous of you two!" Tomoya hadn't considered it possible to become more embarrassed than what he had already been, but the blonde had proved how horribly wrong he had been. He wouldn't have been surprised if someone had told him he was steaming.

_What's with this guy! This is at least twice as bad as Yoshino Yuusuke's lines!_ _I've got to get out of this!_

"A-a-anyway," he stuttered, cursing silently how difficult it was to speak. Absently, he realized that this must be what Nagisa felt like when he teased her. _If I get through this, I won't tease you anymore, Nagisa - not for a week, at least._ "Ho-how did your interview go?" Desperately trying to change the subject, it seemed that talking about the interview did the trick: The dreamy rambling came to a halt, and his expression turned sour.

"Not very well. He didn't seem very interested in me, and the whole thing took only ten minutes." A vexed sigh. "I don't get it, I did everything properly! Résumé and all, everything that I was asked. Geez!"

"…You mean, with the résumé we picked up? You didn't add anything?"

"Yeah, just like it was."

"Then it's no surprise it didn't go well," Tomoya deadpanned.

"Huh? Why's that?" The blonde tilted his head to side, his expression honestly surprised.

_This guy really doesn't have a clue, does he?_

"Um," Nagisa said hesitantly, traces of blush still remaining on her face. "You should at least put your name and address on. I don't think anyone will hire anonymous with an unknown address." The young man blinked. Then, slowly, realization, followed by an embarrassed smile and a laugh.

"Ha-ha, I suppose you're right. But, that's impossible right now. I don't have a home."

"Don't have a home?" the delinquent repeated, inching up an eyebrow. He nodded.

"Yeah, I'm in the middle of travelling, and I need to find a job so that I can afford to live somewhere. A job with a dormitory would be great." Tomoya and Nagisa exchanged glances, uncertain of how to respond to this. The delinquent was the first one to respond.

"You'd need to make that clear in the paper, then," he said, sighing. "And at least add your name to it."

"Ha-ha, yeah, that was my bad… Force of habit, I suppose." Then, clasping his hands together, he seemed to finally become aware of his anonymity. "Oh yeah, I'm Hiiragi - Hiiragi Kappei. Who are you guys?"

"Okazaki Tomoya."

"My name is Furukawa Nagisa. Nice to meet you, Hiiragi-san." The blonde gestured dismissively.

"Ah, just Kappei will do, no need with the formalities. That said, do you mind if I call you Tomoya-kun and Nagisa-chan?" The brunette responded with a smile and a nod, and the delinquent simply shrugged.

"Call me whatever you like," Tomoya said nonchalantly. Deep inside, however, he couldn't help doubting the serenity of his summer vacation.

_Just who have we gotten involved with?_

* * *

The following day when Tomoya was on his way to Sunohara's dorm he supposed he should've been surprised when he caught sight of a familiar figure on the street. Lately, however, far too many coincidences had been revolving around this particular person, wearing off the novelty. For a while, he considered just passing him without a word, but decided against it in the end - something he later on found himself wondering about.

"Yo, Kappei," he called out to the blonde who was intently reading a magazine on the sidewalk. Blinking, he lowered the magazine, a smile forming on his face as he recognized him.

"Ah, Tomoya-kun, morning. Nagisa-chan isn't with you today?" he asked after looking around.

"A friend came by and I was driven out of the house. They said they'd like some time without any guys around," he explained, shrugging. "So I'm heading for a friend's place, too." Sunohara Mei had decided to fill her promise of visiting the Furukawas again now that summer break had begun, and Akio and Sanae had invited her to their house with open arms. Tomoya, too, was glad to see her again, but he was a tad worried about the lack of reaction from Sunohara, especially when Mei had told him that she had also come to check on his brother. This visit wasn't simply to kill time; it was also to make his blonde friend aware that her sister was worried.

Of course, there was no need to tell his new acquaintance any of that. It wasn't like he was part of it, anyway. It was already strange enough how friendly he and Nagisa had gotten with him, meeting him only a few times and even then by complete chance.

"You were driven out?" Kappei repeated, and his expression turned into that of awe. "That means you're already living with her. You're quite bold, Tomoya-kun, to make such big moves when you're both still in school!" The delinquent's eyes widened and he felt his cheeks heating up again. He had become so accustomed to his peculiar living style that he no longer considered it strange that he was living under the Furukawas' roof. After all, it was more for the sake of the relationship with his father - or what was left of it - rather than to promote his and Nagisa's relationship. But of course, from someone else's point of view, Kappei's conclusion was very logical.

Still, he found himself regretting letting Nagisa tell the blonde so much about the two of them yesterday - it wasn't like it made him exactly comfortable to have people drawing conclusions about their private life.

"It isn't exactly like that," he protested before he could help himself. _What am I doing, trying to correct a guy I barely know? It's not like I can just pour out my life story. Didn't I decide long ago that I don't care what people think?_ Looking at the smiling man in front of him, however, dissipated some of his reserved attitude. How could he be unfriendly to someone who could smile so genuinely?_ What a strange guy._ Shaking his head, he continued.

"Anyway, how did your interview yesterday go? The one for Moff Burger?" Again, the mentioning of his past interview caused Kappei to frown. Yesterday, too, he had rushed to his interview as they had parted ways.

"This is my answer," he said bluntly, raising the magazine's title for him to see. 'Open Jobs'.

"That bad, huh?" The delinquent muttered, unsurprised. "Do you know what you did wrong?"

"I didn't do anything wrong!" the blonde protested with a scoff. "It was the manager who was damn cold; As soon as I found out there was no service, I realized what a horrible place it was! They didn't even serve me tea. I wouldn't even want to work in a place like that!"

"Just so you know," Tomoya said, sighing. "They don't have to serve you anything at all in the interview." The puzzled look he was rewarded with made him want to bury his face in his hands.

"Really? But they've offered me at least tea and cookies in every other interview. I was expecting hamburgers in this one." Shrugging, he pointed out a line from the magazine. "Ah well, what's gone is gone - I've already set my sights on something new. Here, look!" Tomoya leaned a little closer to make out the petite announcement.

"…Pizza home delivery? With a bike?" Kappei nodded with a smile on his face.

"Sounds nice and easy, doesn't it? I bet it's kind of cool, too!" The delinquent nodded mutely, unsure of what to say - it wasn't a job he'd like to do, but it wasn't the worst one out of them, either. It seems like he didn't need to say anything at all, though, because the blonde soon continued with a dreamy tone in his voice. "What's more, it's delivering food… Imagine what kind of situations I might end up in…"

"… Huh?"

"To bring food, something people need to live… Maybe someone who's on the verge of death will muster all of his strength just to order pizza… And in that case, their fate would be on my hands. Being caught by a single traffic light could mean the difference between life and death... Something like that feels so thrilling…!" Blinking, Tomoya began slowly inching away from the blonde in his land of dreams. Then the dreamy look was gone, and he became aware of what was happening. "Uh, Tomoya-kun, why are you distancing yourself?"

"Could you please not look this way," he pleaded, frantically trying to make sure no one he knew was around. "It would be a problem if people thought I know you." Then the blonde laughed and patted his shoulder playfully. He was surprised of how light his arm felt like and how slim the fingers were. _He can't possibly have much body mass. Was I wrong about him being an athlete? Come to think of it, why would he be hunting for petty jobs in the first place if he was?_

"It's just a joke, Tomoya-kun! Don't take it so seriously!" Then, sobering, he folded the magazine and put it inside his back. "But really, delivering pizza is a man's job after all; entrusted with something, delivering it to people. It just feels so numbing!" Again, he was over-whelmed with the urge to make some distance between the two. Was he actually aware what kind of words he was spouting? "Anyway, I've got to go now for my interview! See you later!"

"Y-yeah," he responded, but Kappei had already dashed off with a smile. _It's just a delivery job, but for some reason, I'm really worried about him doing it._ Shrugging, he continued his walk for Sunohara's place. _Better not to order pizza for a while, just to be sure._

* * *

The next day, when they were on their way home after seeing Mei off at the station:

"Ah, Hiiragi-san, good afternoon."

"Yo, Kappei."

"Hello, Tomoya-kun, Nagisa-chan," the blonde replied curtly, a frown marring his usually cheerful face.

"Why such a bleak look?" Tomoya asked. "Ah, let me guess, you didn't get the pizza delivery job?" He grumbled sullenly, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Isn't it obvious?" The delinquent had to bite his tongue in order not to reply sharply. _When it's you, yes._

"What was their reason?" Nagisa asked in turn, a look of genuine sympathy on her face.

"Yeah, that's just it!" Kappei exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air. "It was just a tiny little thing, too!"

"You seem angry about it," she commented sheepishly, taken aback by the abrupt reaction.

"Of course," he scoffed, pacing back and forth. "Even I get angry about something like this. When they asked me if I had a licence, I had to tell them that I don't have one! You don't even need a licence for a bike nowadays, right? I can drive it just fine as I am now! There's a limit to making a fool out of people!" Again, the two exchanged glances, Nagisa's gaze speaking of uncertainty, whereas the delinquent was just downright annoyed.

"You'd be arrested for getting on a bike without a licence," he explained, straining to make his voice remain calm. The blonde's reply only further increased the strain.

"Yeah, but if you won't screw up, you won't get arrested, right? I see no problem!"

_You_ _are the problem._

"But, Hiiragi-san, the shops are thinking about what will happen if you do fail." Thankfully, Nagisa was here. Tomoya didn't think his nerves could stand this much idiocy all by himself.

"They're thinking about something so small," the blonde complained, sighing in defeat and kicking away a nearby can, the loud rattle seemingly making him feel a bit better. Was it the therapeutic effect of kicking trash or his natural optimism, Tomoya couldn't tell, but a few heartbeats later his usual care-free expression was on his face again. "In any case, this means I'll have to pass on jobs that need a licence." Digging the familiar employment magazine out of his bag, he quickly looked through it and sighed promptly. "Man, as I thought, this really cuts down my choices… I suppose I'll go for that one next…"

"What, you already have something planned out?" Tomoya asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Of course!" Kappei responded with a laugh. "It's not very manly to just lie down and weep; what's gone is gone - we have to always move forward!"

_What a positive attitude he has,_ the delinquent couldn't help thinking, and judging from Nagisa's impressed expression, she was thinking much along those lines, too. "So, what will today's interview be?"

"Moving company." Tomoya inched up an eyebrow again.

"Physical work, eh? Are you sure you're okay with that?" Remembering how frail his arms had felt like, he just couldn't help asking. The blonde grinned.

"I'm sure I'll be fine. It's all about balance and timing, right?" Before he had a chance to tell that physical strength might also have something to do with it, the dreadfully familiar dreamy look appeared in his eyes again. "Besides, moving things is really a job for a guy - it really shows one's manhood, don't you think? The employer is going to be dripping with guts as well. As a bonus, you also get paid on the same day. Isn't that cool?"

"Uh, yeah, good luck with that," he managed to mutter, once again struck speechless. Almost instinctively, he inched closer to Nagisa, ready to grab her and run in case the blonde would embark on his trip to never-never-land again. It seemed there was no need for that, however, because he snapped out of his reverie swiftly. Stuffing the magazine back into his bag, the blonde gave them his trademark smile and a slight wave.

"Thanks! I'll be sure to treat you two to something from my salary later on." And with that, Kappei set off, heading towards the office buildings of the town.

"I'm sure Hiiragi-san will do his best with the interview," Nagisa commented. Before he could help himself, Tomoya had already spoken his thoughts out loud.

"He probably won't get it," he deadpanned, earning a startled look from her.

"Wh-what makes you say that, Tomoya-kun? He's clearly very enthusiastic about this interview - how can you say so easily that he'll fail?" Her voice sounded almost hurt, but the delinquent apparently couldn't catch that slight undertone.

"I know it sounds harsh, but trust me: I don't think he's fit for that job," he reasoned, recalling his memories of the blonde. "His arms are far too frail for lifting things, and he doesn't seem very muscular otherwise, either. He can run, yes, but otherwise he seems physically weak. He should be seeking some other job." The brunette turned her gaze on the ground, bringing her arms together and twitching her fingers nervously. "Eh, Nagisa, what's wrong?" he asked, finally realizing something was wrong.

"You really think so?" she asked quietly, and Tomoya cursed his words as he realized the effect they had on his girlfriend. 'Physically weak' were the exact words that she used to describe herself - right now, he was crushing not only Kappei's hope for future, but Nagisa's, too. Did his trust of overcoming nigh-impossible odds by giving it one's all limit only to her? Was he really such a big hypocrite?

Reaching for her small hand, he gave it a gentle squeeze, causing her to look up at him with a small blush dancing on her cheeks. Traces of uncertainty still lingered on her face, so Tomoya smiled as reassuringly as he could.

"I'm sorry, Nagisa." _I'm sorry that I doubted you._ "You're right: He may be weak, but he's got one hell of an attitude. If he gives it his all, he can't possibly go wrong. I'm sure he'll be fine." At first, her expression spoke of confusion, but it melted into a confident, warm smile a few seconds later.

Silently, however, he still considered it very likely to find Kappei reading an employment magazine tomorrow, too.

* * *

"Ah, good morning, Tomoya-kun! … Say, why are you wearing an apron?" The next morning, he happened to meet the blonde man in a very unlikely place: In front of the Furukawa bakery. He and Nagisa had volunteered to take care of the shop for today, letting Akio and Sanae take a day off. He had taken a step outside to marvel the weather, and by coincidence, Kappei had walked by soon after.

_Although I probably shouldn't be talking about coincidences when this guy is involved,_ he mused quietly. "Morning, Kappei. I'm giving Nagisa's parents a hand at taking care of their bakery." Immediately after the words had left his lips, Nagisa stepped outside, wearing her favourite apron.

"Good morning, Hiiragi-san," she said with a small bow, a surprised look on her face. "I thought I recognized you through the glass. How did you know to walk to my house?" The blonde gave a chuckle and scratched his neck.

"Ha-ha, to be honest, I happened to come here by accident. Every morning, when I'm not busy hunting jobs, I walk through the town looking for that person." Tomoya and Nagisa exchanged glances, trying to find out if the other knew what he was talking about. Upon seeing their confused expressions, Kappei tilted his head to the side. "Huh? Haven't I told you about this?" The delinquent and the brunette shook their heads in sync, and the blonde let out an embarrassed laugh, deciding to elaborate.

"Y'see, when I came to this town a few days ago, I was introduced to two people after I was hit by a bike. The other one took care of me, making sure I was not hurt or anything. At that time, she gave me her handkerchief - here, see? - and I've been looking her all over so that I could return it and properly thank her." Then he let out a deep sigh, dropping his shoulders and almost losing his grip on the pink, frilly handkerchief he was holding. "But it has almost been a week, and I haven't met her since… Oh man, am I ever gonna find her?"

"You didn't ask for her name?" Upon seeing him shake his head, Tomoya let out an exasperated sigh. "Why not?"

"I was so shy, like some carrier boy, that I didn't have the courage to ask before they left," he admitted, regret and shame lacing his voice.

"What did they look like?" Nagisa asked, which caused his face to morph into a blissful smile.

"Very, very beautiful," he muttered, his eyes becoming clouded. Sensing danger, the dark-haired man decided to press on in order to keep the man in this world.

"Anything else?" Again, he shook his head.

"I was so out of it after being knocked down that I can't be sure. But once I see her, I'm sure I'll recognize her. _If_ I ever get to meet her again, that is." Another sigh, after which he turned his gaze on the cloudless sky. For a long while, he didn't say anything. When he did, his voice had the familiar dreamy tone Tomoya had learned to dread. "Hey, Tomoya-kun, Nagisa-chan… Since you two are a couple you know what I'm talking about… Are my feelings that of love?"

"… Uh…"

"Um…"

"I mean, just meeting her once, not knowing her name… And still, my chest tightens and my heart beats fast as I remember her. I've never felt this way before…"

"Uh-huh," Tomoya muttered, taking a hold of Nagisa's shoulders and slowly beginning to back towards the bakery. She gave him a confused look but, strangely enough, didn't resist. Kappei pressed on, his phrases becoming less and less connected to this world with every spoken word.

"Ah, where did that cloud go…? Where will winds head tomorrow…? Where will a person's mind go to, where will they struggle to…? … Hey, Tomoya-kun, Nagisa-chan, where are you going?"

"Well, you seemed to be in your own little far away land, so we thought we'd give you some privacy," Tomoya responded, keeping himself situated between Kappei and Nagisa. He highly doubted that he would pose any kind of threat to her, but there was no telling for certain - not about someone who could spout such lines. The blonde laughed.

"Ah, you say such interesting things, Tomoya-kun."

"Rather, it's _you_ who's saying interesting things… Whatever that was you were saying." Again, honest puzzlement shone from his face.

"Eh? Did I say something?"

"To me, it sounded like you were saying a poem, Hiiragi-san," Nagisa commented, making his words sound a little more comprehensible. "'Where did the cloud go, where will the winds head' - or maybe those were lines from a play?" Once again, Tomoya found himself extremely grateful for her presence - had it been him only, he would already be on the other side of the town, trying to get as much distance to the young man as possible.

"Ah, no, that was just something from my head," he responded, scratching his cheek. The brunette smiled.

"It seems like you're a poet, then." Her words caused a blush to rise on his cheeks, and he muttered something incomprehensible under his breath, his gaze nailed on the ground. The delinquent simply stared at him, awed by the event he had just witnessed.

"Nagisa, you're really amazing," Tomoya muttered into her ear. "You managed to strike him totally speechless." Was it his praise or his warm breath so close to her earlobe, we may not know, but the brunette's face nonetheless became entirely rose-coloured as she, too, turned her gaze on the ground. "A-anyway, how did that moving job interview go?" he asked loudly, trying to change the topic when he realized the two weren't going to speak another word on their own.

"Ah, yeah, that," the blonde said as he raised his eyes from the ground, blinking. "Yeah, that's my new job now."

"The interview went well?" Tomoya wasn't able to hide his surprise as he spoke his words. Kappei nodded vigorously.

"Yup. I'm really enthusiastic about it!" The delinquent sneaked a glance at the brunette who, even though still blushing, sported a wide, happy smile. Seeing that, he couldn't help smiling himself.

"Congratulations, then. You really made it."

"Of course! I had a good feeling about this right from the start; This is a manly job, with lots of work and sparkling sweat! Oh man, I feel so pumped up right now!" Then, sobering, he added with a bitter smile: "Although I don't think I'm lucky enough to find that person working alongside with me, hehe."

"Yeah, you rarely see girls in moving companies," Tomoya said dryly.

"But, you'll get to see a lot of different places, right?" Nagisa said, smiling. "There's a good change that you'll meet this person." Her words seemed to cheer him up: With eyes glinting, the blonde struck a fist in the air.

"Yeah! I'm going to work like hell and meet her! Tomoya-kun, Nagisa-chan, it was great to see you again. Later!" As he was about to dash off, the delinquent yelled after him, halting him in his tracks.

"Kappei!" When he turned around to look at him, he gave him a deadly serious stare. "If you don't think you can't handle the job, don't do it." There was no need to add anything more. A pained, guilty look flashed over the yellowish brown orbs, confirming Tomoya's suspicion. _He's really not in the condition to do it. But he can't help but try._ Then, the look was gone, and he was smiling in his usual manner again as he set off.

* * *

Almost a week passed without any sight of Kappei. Summer break drew to a close even though the weather remained warm and clear, and the autumn semester was about to start. On the last evening of the break, Okazaki Tomoya was strolling through the town like he had used to for his whole high school life - save for the last few weeks when he had been living at Nagisa's place. Even though he had to admit that his situation had definitely improved compared to what it had used to be, he still occasionally needed to have some time for himself.

"Ah, Tomoya-kun, good evening." It seemed, however, that he wasn't going to get it tonight. "Taking a late stroll?" On a nearby park bench, slurping down instant noodles, sat Hiiragi Kappei. He had an old mantle on his shoulders, and next to him was a portable water boiler. The bag he always carried was on the ground, its contents - spare clothes, mostly - visible for anyone to see.

"Kappei," he spoke, surprised by the odd setting in front of him. Even though he had told him when they had first met that he was travelling around and didn't have a home, he had never been fully aware of it. It was nothing less of a shock to have the situation slammed on his face like this. "Isn't it cold to spend the night outside?" Perhaps he should've answered the greeting instead, but he couldn't help himself. The blonde shrugged and gave a smile.

"Right now it's summer and the nights are warm, so it's not a problem." A chuckle escaped his lips. "Of course, it was different in the spring - that wasn't really nice."

"So you've always slept outside," Tomoya concluded with a somewhat shocked tone in his voice.

"Nah," Kappei responded, shaking his head. "Only when my wallet is not feeling well, like now. I usually seek out cheap hotels." The delinquent sighed.

"So the moving job was no good after all?" The man chuckled, and swallowed some of his noodles with a loud noise.

"Turns out cardboard boxes are too heavy for me after all." For a while, neither of the two said anything. After a while, Tomoya sat down on the bench next to him and sighed.

"Well, I did tell you to quit if it became too much to handle - I can't really blame you." After a moment of silence, he snuck a glance at him. "Is that why we haven't seen you for a while? Nagisa has been worried, you know." He shook his head vigorously.

"No, that's not it." Then he fell silent, and with an embarrassed expression, began: "Well, maybe that had a little to do with it. But mostly," he added upon seeing his flat look. "It was because I've been busy hunting for a new job. I've been practically running from interview to interview."

"As expected, huh?" he remarked, amusement and relief leaking into his voice. Seeing him prepared to spend a night on a park bench, having instant noodles for dinner, he had been shocked of how poor his situation really was. For a brief while, he had been scared that he might've lost it - had it been him, he would've probably fallen into brooding depression already. _Come to think of it, why am I so worried about him? We barely know each other._ Tomoya shook his head slightly. _It's funny how good I'm at worrying about others, even though my own life is such a mess._

"Hey, Kappei?" he said out loud, earning a curious look from him. "You told me you've been travelling all around, right? Why are you so hell-bent on finding a job and apartment here? I mean, it's not like you're planning to stop your travels here, right?" As he turned to look at him, his eyes were set off to the distance, looking to the direction of the town. For a while, he didn't respond, and when he did, his words carried a tone he couldn't recognize.

"Do you like this town, Tomoya-kun?" Upon hearing those familiar words, that familiar tone of voice, the delinquent flinched. "Because, ever since I arrived, I've felt something special about this place. I mean, I've been to many towns before, but this is the first place that felt this nice." The slim fingers clutched the cup tightly. "It feels almost like a family. Even though I can't find a job, even though I have to sleep outside every now and then… I still really, really like this place, Tomoya-kun." Looking into the brown orbs, the delinquent tried to find traces of that familiar dreamy confusion, but he found none. He was completely aware of what he was saying. For a while, he just stared him, dumb-founded.

Then, he let out a laugh, turning his gaze to distance as well. _I suppose that explains why I feel so friendly around him._

"What so funny?" Kappei asked, puzzled. "You don't think so?" Tomoya shook his head before replying.

"No, it's just that… That's more or less what Nagisa told me on the first day we met, too. You two are very similar, you know: Bottomless optimism, physically, err, not very strong, a bit air-headed at times…" Again, laughter escaped his lips. "Myself, I'm more or less the opposite of you guys."

"Err," the blonde muttered, apparently trying to decide if to take his words as insult or praise. Eventually, however, he seemed to end up with the latter. "Ha-ha, you say such interesting things, Tomoya-kun." He said with a laugh, proceeding to stuff some more noodles in his mouth. "I'm not entirely certain what you mean, but thanks anyway." The dark-haired man chuckled once more, until he fell silent, staring in the distance. Kappei, too, didn't have anything to add, and the two sat in silence for a while.

"By the way," Tomoya eventually said, breaking the silence as the thought entered his mind. "How's the search for her going on? You know, the handkerchief person?" A dreamy look overcame the blonde's visage upon the mentioning of that person, startling the delinquent. Hanging around Sunohara for so long, he had become accustomed to his 'ever-lasting love with a girl who just happened to walk by' -rants - that had never lasted for longer than an hour. In that sense, it wasn't surprising that he hadn't treated the other blonde's words with much serious thought. Now, however, it seemed that he was really dealing with something entirely different. "Wow, you're actually serious about this?"

"Of course!" Tomoya had to grimace at how offended his tone of voice sounded like. "Don't you dare doubt a man's pure heart! I'm very serious about my feelings!" However, the delinquent's expression clearly spoke that he wasn't convinced, and the blonde sighed. "Fine, I'll tell you, since you clearly are dying to know."

"No, I don't really-"

"Tomoya-kun, have you ever had anyone help you without any kind of an edge or hidden motive? Usually, people help others only it benefits them in some way - they expect either a reward or some kind of a counter-favour. During the time I've travelled, no one has helped me as unselfishly as she did!" Unwillingly, he inched away, trying to get away from that dead-serious stare. "The least I can do is to at least thank her properly, and to tell her how she made me feel! That's what anyone would do, right?"

"Uh, no, I think that's only you, Kappei." He tried to protest, but his words had no effect. The blonde clenched his fist, staring up at the night sky.

"Even if she won't respond in any way, I have to get these feelings off my chest. I must find her and tell her what I think with my head held high - a man could do no less!" A brief silence, after which he let out a mournful sigh, dropping his head. "Oh man, will I ever find her…?" For a few seconds, Tomoya couldn't think of anything to say at his sudden turn of mood, and silence ensued once again.

_Unselfish, huh?_ The delinquent chewed on his words silently. _Now that I think back to it, has there really been anyone besides Nagisa who has helped me like that?_ For some reason, the thought made him feel slightly uncomfortable, as if he was making a grave mistake. _No, that can't be it,_ he soon countered, shaking his head slightly. _I have friends, don't I? I'm sure they've helped me like that too - I just haven't always paid that much attention to their doings._ Judging by the way his heart felt at ease, Tomoya concluded that the conclusion was the correct one.

_Then again,_ he thought, sneaking a glance at the blonde next to him. _Can the same be said for me?_

"Fine, fine, I get it," he said after a while, breaking out from his thoughts and resuming the conversation. Seeing how down the man was, he wagered some encouragement wouldn't hurt. "I'm sorry I doubted you, Kappei. Don't worry about it; I'm sure you'll find her very soon."

"You think so?" he instantly perked up, hope radiating off his eyes. Tomoya could feel a vein twitching on his temple.

_I can't keep up with this guy. Nagisa, where are you when I need you?_ Suddenly, a thought entered his mind - thinking of Nagisa had given him an idea.

"Yeah," he said as he stood up abruptly. "Yeah, I'm sure you'll find her. Now, pack your things, we're going."

"Huh? What's this about, all of a sudden? Going where?"

"Nagisa will never forgive me if she finds out I let you sleep outside. If she was here, I'm sure she'd told you to come over at her place. You can sleep with me in the guest room." Kappei stared at him with wide eyes.

"You sure it's alright?" The delinquent nodded, giving him a reassuring expression.

"Don't worry about it, old man and Sanae - uh, Nagisa's parents, that is - are very hospitable. Once I explain that you're our friend, there shouldn't be any problem." Suddenly, an image of Furukawa Akio with a baseball bat flashed in his mind. "Uh, at least not something Nagisa can't sort out - I hope," he added quietly, but it seemed the blonde couldn't hear his words, for he had a wide smile on his face.

"Thank you so much, Tomoya-kun! I really owe you and Nagisa-chan a big one for this!" Seeing his reaction, he felt himself smiling, too.

_I suppose I can do something unselfish too, huh?_

* * *

As he had suspected, Nagisa had been horrified to learn Kappei was sleeping on a park bench and Sanae had loudly chorused her. Both of the women insisted that the blonde stay over, and even Akio agreed that it wasn't very fair abandoning someone in such a need - after his daughter had managed to convince him to lower the baseball bat and reconsider, that is. Kappei had deeply thanked his gracious host family, and promised that he'd leave the first thing tomorrow to resume his job-hunting so that he would not become a burden. True enough, when Nagisa and Tomoya had left for school, the blonde had bid the Furukawas goodbye and set off, promising to come back and repay the favour someday. The two hadn't expected to see him doing it as fast as on the same day.

"Yo, Tomoya-kun, Nagisa-chan! School over for today?" They hadn't so much as stepped out of the school gates when they had been greeted by the familiar voice.

"Hiiragi-san," the petite brunette greeted him. "That's true, we have no lessons or club activity today… But what are you doing here?"

"Ah, I brought something for you two!" he answered with a wide smile. "Y'know, to pay you back for giving me a place to stay yesterday."

"Ah, if it's that, you should rather thank my parents," she responded humbly. The blonde nodded a few times.

"No problem, no problem. I'm sure it'll work out between all of us! There's plenty of it to eat - oh, and your mother is probably a much better cook than me, so I think I'd best give it to her." Tomoya and Nagisa exchanged glances. Work out? Plenty of it? For some reason, his words didn't exactly fill the delinquent with confidence.

"Uh, what are you thanking us with?" he couldn't help asking.

"Ah yeah, I caught sometimes really delicious, see?" Ruffling through his bag, the blonde pulled out a brown object, and Tomoya could feel how all the colour drained from his face. It was unmistakable; a small, round boar with three stripes on its back. "This was the only thing walking on the road. It was a piece of cake to capture it!" Seeing its empty stare and obvious limpness, he felt how something cold and dreadful nestled in the bottom of his stomach. "Ah, if it's still alive, it'll be fresh - all the better!"

"Uh, isn't that…" Nagisa began, but he recognized it without her telling it.

"Yeah, that's Botan…" Frantically looking around to make sure Kyou was nowhere in the inside, he stepped in front of Kappei. "Hurry up and revive it! You'll be dead if you don't!"

"Eh? Why? What's wrong with this, Tomoya-kun?"

"You idiot!" he hissed through clenched teeth, panicking. "What do you mean, _why_ - That boar is-" Suddenly, his entire body froze up as he heard the voice from behind him.

"Ah, Nagisa-chan, Okazaki-kun. I thought you two had left home already?" Recognizing the voice of the younger Fujibayashi, Tomoya turned around ever-so-slowly, silently begging that she wasn't in the company of her sister today. He _really_ had no desire to sort out Kappei's funeral arrangements.

"Y-yo, Fujibayashi," he managed to creak out, sighing in relief as he confirmed that she was alone. _Thank God._

"Hey, Tomoya, we're looking for Botan. Do you know where he might be?" Then, from the edges of his vision came a voice that sounded nothing less like a whisper of death. "I thought he might still be around here when the sixth period ended." Turning to the source of the voice, he saw the elder sister looking around dubiously.

"Kyo… Kyou…" he muttered, making sure that he was between the indigo-haired woman and the blonde, blocking him from view. _Shit, how is he going to get out of this alive? Hell, forget him, what about me when she finds out I'm his friend?_ Silently, he prayed that the man would remain as quiet as a mouse for once.

"Umm, excuse me… You are…" Fat chance.

"Hey, don't say anything-!" he tried to hiss out, but to no avail: Kappei had already taken a step towards Ryou, leaving his hiding place - all while still holding Botan in his arms.

"Ah, Botan!" the elder twin said, causing Tomoya's heart to skip a beat. _It's all over now. Better pray before it's too late to do even that._ The blonde, however, showed no response to her yell, approaching towards the younger sister as he addressed her.

"Uh, do you… um, do you remember me? You, you helped me when I was hit…" With uncertain steps and wavering words, he could see how Kappei's cheeks heated up and beads of sweat began forming on his brow. Ryou inspected the man with surprise, trying to recognize him. Soon, recognition dawned on her face, and she gave him a smile.

"Ah yes, you're from that time. Yes, yes, I do remember you. It seems you really weren't hurt - I'm glad." Tomoya's eyes darted between her, Kappei, Kyou, and eventually he turned to his girlfriend looking for anyone who could explain things to him. Her stare told him that she was as oblivious as him, however.

"… Fujibayashi, you know him?" he finally decided to ask, and was responded with a nod and an embarrassed smile.

"Yes. Onee-chan ran over him with her bike some time ago." With that, three pairs of eyes all nailed on the elder twin, who sported a pained expression.

"I guess I'm still not used to driving it yet, alright?" Tomoya let out a vexed sigh.

_I suppose I should've guessed_ _it as soon as he told me was run over. There's no one who's as professional running over people as her._ As he looked at Kappei again, he noticed that he didn't sport any kind of hostility towards Kyou, however - in fact, he wasn't even looking at her. Instead, his eyes were locked on Ryou's.

"I'm glad that we meet again. I hadn't had a chance to properly thank you the last time." With that, the blonde bowed low, causing her eyes to widen. "I'm very grateful for your aid!"

"Ah, no, it's really nothing," she said dismissively, a blush dancing on her cheeks as well. "You already thanked me back then, and I, um, I'm glad to see that you've recovered from it… That's good enough for me," she tried to modestly protest, but Kappei pressed on.

"Ah, no, it's really important for me to thank you properly. That, and, um…" He turned his gaze on the ground, the words dying on his lips. "Uh, here!" he changed the topic, digging a pink handkerchief out of his pocket. "This is the handkerchief you gave me. I've been holding it all along, hoping to return it to you. You got to return the things you borrow, after all!" She seemed reluctant to take the piece of cloth, and Tomoya couldn't blame her: It was ragged and unwashed, obviously seen much use in the last weeks.

"Uh, you really don't need to return that. I'm happy if you found it useful, and you can have it if you like." Surprisingly, the blonde seemed happy because of the rejection, and soon stuffed the piece of cloth back into his pocket

"Wait, does this mean that Ryou-chan was the person he was searching for all along?" Nagisa asked her boyfriend quietly, eyes wide in amazement. "What an amazing coincidence, don't you think so?"

_I'm not surprised of anything anymore, not when it comes to him,_ he responded silently, but gave a nod nonetheless before turning his attention back on the conversation in front of him.

"Really? I'm so glad to hear that! Thank you very much!" Then, he took a hold of the boar he had been holding, and presented it to them. "We can celebrate our reunion tonight, with miso and-" Acting swiftly, the delinquent leaped for the blonde, tying him down and clasping a hand over his mouth. Kyou inched up her eyebrow.

"Huh? What's wrong?" Tomoya shook his hand in a dismissive gesture.

"Ah, nothing, nothing, just playing around!" He was rewarded with a look that spoke of pity and shame, but pointedly ignored that. "Besides, what about Botan? Here, he's managed to catch him." That, thankfully, seemed to divert her attention.

"Yeah, that's right. Botan, Botan!" she began calling out to her pet while Kappei struggled under his grip.

"Tomoya-kun, what are you doing, that's tonight's din- mmph!"

"S-somehow, he ran into a wall, so his eyes are kind of rolling around, see?" The blonde struggled some more, mumbling incoherently. "Hmm, what's that? You think we should give him back? Yeah, that's a good idea; we should return him to his owner. Here, Kyou, catch!" With that, he flung the boar at the long-haired Fujibayashi.

"Hey!" she protested, barely managing to catch the boar. "Don't throw Botan around like he's a thing!"

"We found him safe and sound, so don't worry about such minor things. Show some gratitude, will ya?" Finally, Kappei began to understand the situation. With a hushed voice, he asked:

"Could it be that… That she's this boar's master?"

"Yeah," he muttered, straining to keep the strength in his voice. "If you were caught trying to make him into a dinner… Oh man… I can't even imagine the pain you'd be in…"

"She's damn scary," he responded, and Tomoya felt how he quivered in his grip - and rightfully so.

"Well, whatever," Kyou said. "I'm just glad you found him. I was worried someone might try to eat him." Letting go of Kappei, both men let out a dry, nervous laugh.

"Yeah, as if that would happen."

"Yeah, ahaha…" Suddenly, the blonde became aware of the other twin again. "Ah yeah, that's right, the other sister…" he began hesitantly. "If, if you don't mind… Could you please tell me your name?"

"Eh?" she responded, taken aback by surprise. "F-Fujibayashi Ryou," she stammered out a few seconds later, her habit of stuttering surfacing. Tomoya frowned.

_Come to think of it, didn't she_ _get over her stuttering already?_ he mused quietly, recollecting his encounters with her last spring. Asides from not stuttering anymore, he had noticed on various occasions that she was displaying strength of will he didn't think she'd have, such as talking back to him and Sunohara. He knew he should probably be glad to see she wasn't so horribly timid anymore, but he still couldn't help wondering the sudden change in the character. _Well,_ he soon added, deciding to drop the subject - he was probably simply over-thinking it. _At least now it's understandable if she's nervous._

"Ryou-san…" Kappei repeated with the familiar dreamy tone in his voice, and Tomoya could feel how the atmosphere was beginning to get heavier. If even he could feel that much, he didn't want to know what Ryou must've been feeling like. "What a cute and beautiful name." Her cheeks reddened promptly on his praise, and she averted her gaze. "My name is Hiiragi Kappei - nice to meet you, Ryou-san."

"Um, likewise, it's nice to meet you, Hiiragi-san. Umm, your name is also very nice," she returned the praise stiffly, her gaze nailed on the ground.

"Ryou-san, d-do you mind if I accompany you home today? I'd like to talk with you a little, if you don't mind." Hesitantly, the Fujibayashi nodded as a response to his proposal.

"I'm so glad to see Hiiragi-san found who he was looking for," Nagisa mumbled, her voice on the brink of tears as she watched the two, reaching for a handkerchief. "It's a happy ending after all."

"Come on, don't cry," her boyfriend encouraged her. "We're at a public place. Try to hold it in, okay?" _Even though, truth to be told, I feel happy for that guy as well,_ he added with a smile. Nagisa sniffed and nodded, drying the corner of her eye with her sleeve. He let out a quiet chuckle. _It really is a happy ending._

However, seeing the troubled look in both of the sisters' eyes, he couldn't help feeling uneasy.

_Right?_

* * *

Author's notes: In this chapter, I've finally managed to introduce the only character that wasn't included in the anime. In the visual novel, Hiiragi Kappei had a path all for himself, consisting mostly of humour, but sliced with serious drama - just like all the paths in the game. His path influenced Tomoya (naturally), Ryou, and Sunohara - of which the latter was just there for comedy relief, but still. I've taken parts of that path directly into my story, some I have included after modifying them a bit, and then there are those that I've left out altogether. Those who have played the visual novel understand him a bit better, but I've tried to portrait him as such that even the anime-watchers get the gist of his personality.

But don't take it from me; Go play the game! Not only for Hiiragi's path, but most of your favourite arcs are also much better developed and detailed in the game, too - if you teared up watching the series, you'll cry buckets playing the visual novel.


	8. Complications and Determination

Disclaimer: _Clannad_ the visual novel is the property of Key and their respective partners. Likewise, _Clannad _the anime belongs to Key and Kyoto Animation. I'm not making any money with this fanfic.

Author's notes: It has been almost a month since I lasted updated my story. I won't make any excuses: I've been feeling lazy. Combine that with a writer's block, as well as translated light novels of Suzumiya Haruhi, and you get a delay as bad as this. Okay, I've been also trying to sort out things with the lecturers in university and sprucing up my apartment, but like I said, I won't make any excuses.

To make up for it, I'm going to post two chapters at the same time! Originally, I intended for chapters eight and nine to be one single chapter, but seeing how it drew on and on (as my chapters usually do) I saw it best to divide it in two halves. I also planned to post them separately, but seeing how consistent their string of events is, it's best that you'll read them with as short interval as possible.

As usual, my utmost gratitude to the people who reviewed, and to of course my beta-reader, who with her double-hit made it possible for me to post two chapters at the same time. I humbly apologize for the delay, and hope that you'll enjoy these two chapters - I sure did, when I wrote them.

* * *

They say a vacation has been successful when one is glad to return back to daily life when it comes to an end. This means that one has successfully refreshed their body and mind during their break - or, alternatively, that the holiday has been so poor that studies or work will feel like bliss in comparison. Fortunately, on the morning when the autumn semester began and Fujibayashi Ryou returned to Hikarizaka high school, the case was the former. She could say she had truly enjoyed her short summer break.

Of course, she had been more than just a little hesitant about relaxing at first and had had serious second thoughts about it even during the break. However, her sister had kept a close eye on her, crushing any budding doubts and unease with her requests to go shopping, eating outside, going to see Kotomi, and so on. Even though it must've been hard on her to keep up such an up-beat attitude, she didn't waver at all in her duty to make her little sister have fun - and her efforts paid off, because looking back to it now, Ryou had enjoyed every moment she had spent leisurely. Naturally, she had thanked Kyou many times, causing her to smile that genuine smile of an older sister that she had at one point thought to have disappeared.

Had she not already enjoyed her summer, that smile alone would've been enough to make it all worth it.

Nonetheless, Ryou had been glad to return back to school, invigorated and refreshed, ready to tackle the problems the semester would bring. Of course, she wasn't talking about the school work or the upcoming entrance exams; her hardships weren't such a mundane sort and couldn't be so easily solved. Instead, she had a lifelong happiness to save and an unknown, incurable disease to be remedied - talk about challenges. Naturally, she had been about to begin combating those problems as soon as she had the chance.

So, when the drama club had regrouped during the lunch break that day and the younger Fujibayashi had met with the friends she hadn't seen during summer, she had promptly yet discreetly asked how Furukawa Nagisa had been that summer - from both her and Okazaki Tomoya. After she had gotten a semi-detailed description of the couple's summer, she had let out a silent, relieved sigh; Even though originally nothing had happened, she would've probably choked on guilt if Nagisa's health had suddenly deteriorated during the time she had taken her eyes off her.

With that first step out of the way, she had relaxed visibly, spending the rest of the day sorting through her memories and making plans for the near future. Ryou recalled that Nagisa was supposed to stay healthy for the next few weeks, during which she was planning to do her best to enjoy her company, as well as to try to find out something about her mysterious disease; hereditary traits, environmental factors, past accidents and illnesses - anything the doctors might've initially overlooked. Even though Ryou had a lot of respect and trust for doctors, working with them in the hospital had taught her that they were only humans, too, prone to make mistakes. As if that wasn't enough, when it came to identifying diseases, one had to consider so many options and factors that one could never give a completely certain answer. In fact, most doctors' opinions greatly deviated from each other when it came to the rarer illnesses - and Nagisa's condition was nothing if not a mystery.

When the brunette would eventually be bedridden - Ryou was fairly certain she couldn't prevent her late-summer fever no matter how hard she tried - she would have the opportunity to inspect her condition closely. If all went well, she would be able to identify the illness there and then and begin the treatment swiftly - Nagisa would be able to graduate at the same time with Tomoya and all her friends! Even if she couldn't cure her completely, just making sure she didn't have to repeat her third year anymore would be enough of a victory for now. An excited shiver ran through her as she toyed with the scenario. It would mean that she really could change the course of events, and strongly suggested that she could make sure she could safely give birth.

In any case, when the first day of the semester ended and Ryou left the school with her sister, she had a proper, detailed plan of what to do - something she had horribly lacked in the weeks preceding the drama club's performance. In comparison to those messy days, everything seemed to be progressing smoothly this time.

That was, until she met him.

"Uh, do you… Ahem, do you remember me? You, you helped me when I was hit…"

It took a while to recognize him - not because she had forgotten about him, but rather because the context was so bizarre. Setting her foot outside the school gates, finding him talking with Tomoya and Nagisa, it certainly wasn't a scene where she had imagined seeing him again. Even after she recalled the unusual tone of blond hair, the yellowish brown eyes, the shape of his face, and the somewhat worn clothes, she had trouble pin-pointing just _where_ she had met him. However, when he looked upon her with those nervous, slightly baffled eyes, speaking his hesitant words, it dawned on her.

"Ah yes, you're from that time. Yes, yes, I do remember you. It seems you really weren't hurt - I'm glad," she told him with a smile. Back at the time when Kyou had knocked him over, she had been worried she had missed something, or that there had been some complications - seeing him here in good health finally disposed of her doubts. However, she couldn't help wondering what his purpose here could be. Was he a friend of Tomoya's and Nagisa's she hadn't known about? She was about to ask him, but the situation didn't let her get a word in - the blonde's voluble expression of gratitude and the embarrassment it caused her, as well as his and Tomoya's antics kept her continuously in a state of confusion, hoping that someone would explain the situation to her. Judging by the looks Nagisa and Kyou gave her, however, indicated that neither of the two could be of help. And, before long:

"Ah yeah, that's right, the other sister…" the blonde began hesitantly. "If, if you don't mind… Could you please tell me your name?"

"Eh?" she responded at first, taken aback by the unusual demand. "F-Fujibayashi Ryou." The look that clouded his eyes filled her with slight unease - that was not an expression she was used to seeing.

"Ryou-san…" he repeated with a dreamy tone in his voice. "What a cute and beautiful name." She could feel her cheeks reddening at the sudden praise, making her even more restless. On an instinct, her gaze turned on the ground. "My name is Hiiragi Kappei - nice to meet you, Ryou-san."

_What, what's with the atmosphere here? This, this isn't… I don't recall this happening!_ Uncertain of what to do, the only thing she could think of was to return the praise. "Um, likewise, it's nice to meet you, Hiiragi-san. Umm, your name is also very nice." Never before had she been put in a situation such as this. Sure, she had received formal expressions of gratitude and even praises during the six years between her graduation and going back in time - some of them had been even more detailed and longwinded than Kappei's lines. However, the atmosphere had never felt like this; There was an underlying tone she couldn't recognize no matter how hard she tried. Likewise, the look on his face, the tone of his voice, his posture - it was all different from what she had previously seen, putting her nerves on the edge. It didn't come off as unfriendly, hostile, or intimidating - something like that she could handle - but rather the opposite: friendly and tender - and that was what bothered her.

_This is like something I remember feeling when I read a book or watched a TV drama,_ she mused silently, desperately digging through her memories as she tried to find something, _anything_ she could relate this situation to. _If anything, this is close to the feeling I had when Nagisa-chan approached me on the rooftop all those years ago…_ Suddenly, Ryou's eyes widened, and the rate of her heartbeat peaked.

_This, this can't be a… A confession, can it?_

"Ryou-san, d-do you mind if I accompany you home today? I'd like to talk with you a little, if you don't mind." His words, hesitant as they were, seemed to confirm the dreadful feeling she had. She stared on the ground for a long while, paralyzed, until she gave a weak nod - just what else could she do? Unconsciously, she threw a pleading, confused gaze at her sister, who seemed just as shocked as she. To her horror, the look Kyou gave at her seemed so say 'Sorry, but at least for now, you're on your own'.

With hesitating steps, she began to walk towards her home, Hiiragi Kappei walking on her side.

_What am I supposed to do now?_

_

* * *

_

"Here you go, Ryou-san."

"Ah, thank you."

Per Kappei's request, the two had halted their walking and sat on a nearby park bench. He had also insisted on buying her some lemonade from a nearby vending machine to 'properly express my gratitude', as he had put it. Had she been feeling a little more confident, she would've argued that he didn't need to go that far - but right now, the only thing she could do was to accept the offered drink with a meek 'thank you'.

The two had engaged in a nervous, hesitant conversation soon after they had left the school gates, Kyou, Tomoya, and Nagisa following them, discreetly keeping their distance. Even though Ryou had been glad her friends weren't there to hear the discussion, she sure could've used to have her sister on her side - for emotional support, if nothing else. As the blonde had begun on self-introduction rather than some kind of a dramatic confession, however, she had managed to calm herself down a bit; Certainly, she must've simply over-reacted or otherwise misunderstood his words in her surprise. As some of her reservation had died, so did the awkwardness of the conversation, too, and soon the atmosphere between the two was at the level you could call almost normal.

In a short while, Ryou had already learned much about Kappei. She had learned that he had been travelling around ever since graduating from high school, going from town to town in search of 'life befitting for a man'. She had learned that Hikarizaka was the first town where he had been that long, going as far as tirelessly trying to find a job here, something he credited for 'this certain feeling' - he didn't elaborate more about that, and she had promptly changed the subject, fearing that the atmosphere would become as awkward as before. Having probed him about how he knew Nagisa and Tomoya, the blonde had given her a summary of how he had befriended with the two, as well as what had been happening during the time he had spent trying to find her. In turn, she had told him about herself, her current situation, her plans for the future, hobbies, and other mundane things. He had, however, been surprisingly interested in getting to know even such everyday topics, and had eagerly begun conversation on them.

As Kappei had rambled on, his words and phrases occasionally becoming almost poetic, Ryou had felt how the rest of the reservation she had initially held towards the man vanished. Sure, he had come out of the blue, dropping the bomb with his over-whelming words of gratitude and by claiming that he had tried to seek her out ever since he had met her - how was anyone supposed to _not_ be pushed off-balance because of that, really? However, after talking with him, getting to know him, the timid Fujibayashi couldn't help feeling friendly towards the man. It was obvious that the blonde had an honest heart: the open look in his eyes, the direct manner of speech, the rambling lines, it all spoke to her clearer than any words that he held nothing hidden, that he was displaying his entire personality for her to see. Secondly, Ryou just had to admire the seemingly bottomless optimism Kappei had: after he had told her how many job interviews he had fumbled and how many jobs he had quit, she was surprised and awed to learn he was still pushing onward with full speed, looking everywhere in his search for a proper vocation.

Also, although she wouldn't have admitted that out loud, she actually found Kappei funny. Even though she probably shouldn't have, she couldn't help feeling amused by the messy events he had gone through, and when he described with puzzlement why Tomoya occasionally acted so strangely around him, getting distance between them whenever he was approaching a 'deep' topic, she had to hide her smile behind her palm. She wouldn't have believed it at first, seeing how baffled and nervous he had acted, but Hiiragi Kappei was very delightful company.

However, all the friendly feelings she had developed towards him in the short time had been forgotten when the blonde had suggested they would sit on a nearby park bench and she would listen out what he had to say. In an instant, the dreadful feeling she had had when they had left the school gates returned in full power, and her confidence had _visibly_ shrunk.

_Is this how it's going to be?_ She questioned herself as Kappei seated himself on the bench too, keeping a discreet distance to her. _I would've never thought I'd be stuck in a situation like this, especially not with someone I barely know!_ She threw a quick glance at the blonde, but quickly averted her eyes back on the ground. Even though she had to admit that the blonde had ample of good points and seemed overall a good person, definitely worthy of knowing and perhaps even befriending in the future, she simply couldn't act natural in his company anymore - not when it had become obvious that he was about to present her with her first confession ever.

As embarrassing as it was to admit, she had never been confessed to, save for the time when Nagisa had approached her on her third year of high school - for obvious reasons, she didn't count that as a proper confession. The romance of her high school life had died along with her hopes for Tomoya's heart, and in the nursery school where all of the students had been female no such thing as romance could've existed - unless, of course, one fancied the same sex, but Ryou had never counted herself in that number. When she had graduated, finding a good place to work in had been the number one priority, and she simply hadn't had time to spare to trying to find a boyfriend. As a deathblow, shortly after she had finally stabilized her life, she had chosen to be sent back in time, efficiently putting a halt for any kind of development of her love life.

_Am I supposed to begin the discussion, or is he going to do it…? What should I do when he starts talking? Should I look at him, or look away, or say something back immediately, or let him talk until he's finished? Oh no… What if he goes into a teary vow or pulls something other overly dramatic? I can't lie; I don't know him well enough to say 'yes' - but how am I supposed to put it so that he's not hurt when I don't return his feelings? And what if…_ The numerous questions and possible scenarios flashed through Ryou's mind as she desperately tried to think of a way to handle the situation. When there seemed no end to the flood of thoughts, however, she shook her head slightly in an attempt to clear her head.

_No, no, no! Pull yourself together, Ryou!_ She whipped herself, clutching the can of soda in her hands. _You're twenty-five already, it's not like something ripped off of a high school drama is going to turn you into a pile of mush!_ As much as she tried to steel herself, however, the uneasiness and nervousness didn't vanish; her inexperience and uncertainty seemed to make all of her quiet reasoning why this kind of reaction was downright silly go down the drain. Kappei hadn't opened his mouth for a good while, and the silence between the two seemed to become more and more ominous with every passing second, eating away the little what was left of her confidence. Biting her lower lip, Ryou was slowly realizing that with her being the way she was, there would be no dignified way out of the situation.

As humiliating as it was, she had to admit that she was still on the level of a schoolgirl when it came to the subject of the opposite sex; The same old inexperienced, timid Ryou who in her time hadn't even managed to keep up an eye contact with the boy she loved.

_No,_ she suddenly perked up silently, the thought finally returning some of her strength to her. _There's no 'same old' anymore. Nothing is the same anymore._ Concentrating on those words, she was able to close off most of the nervous rambling, and her resolve began gathering again. _Yes, nothing is the same anymore._

She snuck a glance at the blonde next to her who was twirling an unopened can of soda in his hands with a nervous look on his face. _This situation is but another proof of it: This is yet another change I must handle._ It seemed that he noticed her inspecting gaze, because he suddenly fumbled the can on the ground with an abashed blush and quiet mutter, picking it up a few seconds later and opening it swiftly - and getting a stream of soda on his face thanks to the shaking the can had received. Despite her inner turmoil, she couldn't help a corner of her mouth tugging upwards, but that little mirth died soon.

_It doesn't matter if it's a good or a bad thing, or if I like it or not. I have to handle it, no matter how embarrassing it is._

"Um, Ryou-san, about the thing I told you about, about having something important to tell you," Kappei began with a hesitant voice, drying his face as he spoke. "It's that, uh, when I… I mean, when you…" his words faded into silence, and his mouth gaped for words that wouldn't come out. Then, shaking his head and beating his chest, the blonde straightened himself and turned slightly on his seat so that his yellowish brown eyes were locked on her teal ones. "B-back then, when you helped me, I was very deeply moved by your act - to me, it seemed like an act of a saint, to help a haggard stranger in need. B-because of it, I thought to myself 'I really want to meet this person again, no matter what!'. I've never, ever had such a strong feeling about someone. I spent all those days in this town trying to find you, trying to find a job so that I would have some money in my pockets and maybe a place to stay at when I finally find you." He exhaled deeply, closing his eyes for a brief while, mustering his courage. Ryou's posture did not change, her eyes did not stray away. Even though she wanted nothing more than to hide her face in her hands and crawl into a ball as the waves of uncertainty washed over her, she held herself still. She had no other choice.

_Because this, this is…_

"Ryou-san," he continued with a thick voice, opening his eyes slowly. In those eyes, she could see a maelstrom of emotions - even in a situation like this, he didn't do anything to suppress his feelings. Ryou could feel how her limbs began to tremble, and she had to calm herself down forcefully. "I, I don't know if what I'm feeling is love - but I do know that I want to get to know you better, become close to you, become precious to you. I want to end my travels here and live my days so that I can see you every day. That's, that's what I'm feeling - I'm certain of that." Swallowing hard, the blonde extended his hand hesitantly towards her, his voice becoming so thick with emotions that he had trouble speaking his words. "Will you… Will you let me do that…?" For a few seconds, neither of the two moved, but sat still like that, eyes still locked on each others'.

Slowly, Fujibayashi Ryou reached towards his hand with both of her hands. A multitude of emotions flashed through the brown orbs, ranging from surprise to joy as their hands touched. His fingers were warm and slightly sweaty, no doubt thanks to the emotions raging through him. Just like during the time their hands had touched the first, she was once again amazed of how slim his fingers felt like. For a short while, she rested her hands on his open palm, letting him drink on the sensation of her skin against his. He sat still as if paralyzed, and she could feel how his arm trembled under her palms - absently, she realized that no matter how nervous she felt, it was _nothing_ compared to the blonde's feelings.

_This is but another obstacle on the path I've chosen._

Gently, Ryou closed his hand and withdrew her arms slowly, turning her gaze on the ground.

"Ryou-san?" The voice was laced with puzzlement - even without looking, she could imagine that honestly surprised, lost look in his eyes. It would've been better if he had sounded at least a little hurt or sad or had otherwise just _understood_ without saying what her gesture meant.

_Then again, this couldn't have been so easy, could it?_

"I'm sorry, Hiiragi-san," she spoke softly, surprised by how steady her voice sounded like despite of the churning inside her. If she had felt like crawling into a ball before, right now she wanted to just _vanish_. "But I can't let you do that." Raising her gaze, she gave the man the most apologetic look she could muster. "I'm very grateful for all the kind words you've given me, and I'm happy to hear you feel that way about me… And it's not like I dislike you or anything, but it's just that…" Ryou's gaze fell a little and she let out a sigh. _Why is this so hard?_ Kappei listened intently without sound, as if silenced and paralyzed by some dreadful spell. Straightening herself, she continued, forcing the words out of her mouth despite knowing how much they'd hurt him.

"I'm sorry, but I can't return those feelings. My life, as it is now… There's something I've devoted myself to, and I can't let myself be distracted from my goal. Something, something like you suggested would be…" Her throat constricted painfully, and she could feel the tears forming on the corners of her eyes. _No, I have to be strong! I, I have to make this clear - there can't be any misunderstandings!_

"It would be nothing but a hindrance," she managed to squeeze out quietly, staring down at her feet. "I can't let you take such a role in my life. Please understand." Breathing deeply, Ryou did her best to fight against her tightening throat and the tears that threatened to spill out. Even though she had done it, told him clearly that there was no way she could return his feelings, it did little to ease her anxiousness; her stomach still felt like one big, painful knot that sent waves of dread all over her body. Seconds passed in painful silence as she waited for his response. She had no idea how he would take the fact that he had been rejected, but she was certain that it couldn't be anything good.

However:

"You're amazing, Ryou-san," he muttered, his voice laced with awe.

"W-what?" She looked quickly up at him, eyes wide. She hadn't misheard, had she? No, the blonde was looking at her with respectful eyes, with just a tinge of sorrow and disappointment lingering there. She couldn't hide the surprise in her voice as her words came out in a blur. "W-what are you saying? I'm not- I mean, I just rej-… Aren't you hurt or sad at all because of what I said?" The blonde closed his eyes and smiled warmly, shaking his head.

"No - well, yes, I suppose I'm a little sad - it wasn't exactly the response I was hoping for," he admitted before leaning backwards, turning his yellowish orbs up towards the sky. "But I can't really stay down after hearing something like that. I mean, it's obvious you didn't even like to say it, and, well," he sighed and then added quietly: "I respect your determination. It's something I can understand." His last words caused her gaze to fall slightly.

_No,_ she told herself silently. _There's no way you can understand just how determined I am._ Glancing at the man, however, she started to have second thoughts. Something about the look on his face, about the tone of his voice when he spoke his words told her that it might've not been as she thought. There was a deep, deep undertone that spoke to her of something very heavy, of a side of his personality she had initially missed. That slight deviation in his normally cheerful tone caused her scepticism to falter ever-so-slightly. Maybe, just maybe he could actually understand a fracture of her devotion to her goal.

Then Hiiragi Kappei let out a chuckle, and the moment was gone. Had she imagined it after all? "Well, I let out everything that was on my heart and I don't regret a word I said. A man just can't keep his emotions bottled; he has to get them off his chest!" With a smile, he bowed his head at Ryou, even the slight remnants of sorrow vanishing from his voice. "Thank you for listening to me, Ryou-san, and giving me such an honest answer."

"Are… Are you really okay?" she couldn't help asking hesitantly, still worried that the blonde might be suffering on the inside after the response she had given him. However, the carefree, optimistic smile she was given wiped away her doubts.

"Yup, I feel great now, don't worry!" The timid Fujibayashi inspected him with her glance, trying to determine if he really was telling the truth, even though she had learned by now that the blonde wasn't someone to hide his emotions. When she once again confirmed that no, there really wasn't anything hidden in his eyes, she could only stare at him. How he could be this quick to recover was beyond her understanding. She, herself, was still feeling the pain of having to reject him - shouldn't he be suffering at least twice as much?

"Ryou-san." His call brought her back to her senses, and she realized with a startle that she must've been staring him the entire time.

"Y-yes, Hiiragi-san?" Ignoring her slightly flustered appearance, Kappei smiled warmly as he continued.

"Would it be a hindrance to have me as your friend?" Ryou's eyes widened slightly, but her honest answer came out without hesitation.

"N-no, not at all! I'd be very happy to be your friend!"

His smile was so wide it threatened to split his face in half.

The two talked for a short while still, Ryou telling him where she lived and around what time she'd leave the school in case he'd want to seek her out. He, in turn, told her around what time he was usually busy hunting jobs or rushing to interviews, but promised to come to see her as often as he could - 'or as often as you'll allow me to', he had added hastily, to which she had responded with a smile that anytime save for the times she was busy was fine. After that, the two had parted their ways, Kappei heading towards the city centre and Ryou taking course towards her home. She managed to take just a few steps before her nerves were once again rattled.

"Well, how was it? What did he say? He didn't do anything funny, did he - 'cause if he did, I'm gonna take after him and run my fist through his-"

"O-onee-chan!" she stammered out, jumping to the side in surprise as Kyou appeared from a small alleyway. "Y-you were listening?" The thought of having even her sister hear the discussion was enough to turn her cheeks bright scarlet.

"No, no," she denied vehemently, shaking her head. Ryou sighed in relief. "I couldn't find a hiding place close enough to you to actually hear what you were saying." The younger twin felt a small twitch on her forehead and was about to give her sister a scolding glare, but she pressed on before she could do so. "So, what did you two talk about? And did he do something? Tell me, I might still have a chance to run after him if you're fast enough!"

"Onee-chan, calm down, please," she pleaded, trying to ease her heartbeat. "He, he didn't do anything funny, he just…" Pressing a hand on her chest, she let out a wavering breath as she recalled the discussion. Kyou looked ready to dash after Kappei and pummel him to the ground on a moment's notice. "He just… Confessed to me." The elder Fujibayashi's eyes widened and her appearance became - if possible - even more rattled than before.

"And? And?" Another wavering breath.

"And, and I turned him down," she said, trying to calm herself down. _That's it, breathe in and out deeply,_ she ordered herself silently. _Don't panic. Stay in control. No, don't shake all over, keep it cool. Hold your legs steady. No, no, no, don't start hyper-ventilating!_

"O-onee-chan…!" she blurted out, gripping the front of her school uniform with her hands as her control began falling apart. She couldn't keep it up anymore. Now that the situation was over and the amount of adrenaline in her body began lowering, the after-effect hit her head on. She lurched towards Kyou, who caught her in her arms, pressing her trembling frame against her own. "T-t-that was my f-first c-c-confession!" Her words came out in a blur between sharp breaths.

"My first, first confession…! And, and, and… And I r-rejected him!" Letting out a pained sob, she felt how tears began falling down. "Onee-chan, onee-chan, it was so painful, so horrible to s-say those words to him!" Her words coming out on their own, she poured her heart out to Kyou: How nervous she had been at first, how she had become even more nervous as time passed, how the words Kappei had spoken to her had made her feel unexplainably warm and embarrassed, how hard it had been to steel herself and push the feeling aside, and how much it had pained her to ultimately reject him. Eventually, her words ended up as nothing more but incomprehensible mumble, her uncontrollable sobs muffling everything she tried to say.

"It's alright," her sister muttered into her ear as she held her, gently caressing her hair. "It's alright, Ryou, don't try to talk anymore. I'm sure you did what you had to do. You did your best."

* * *

The following day when the drama club grouped up for lunch in the club room, Ryou was barely paying attention to the friendly chatter around her. Even though normally she listened intently to what her friends said, trying to pick up signs of deviated future and forming basis for her future plans, she just couldn't put her thoughts into order this time. Kyou, who had naturally noted her slight absent-mindedness, had suggested that it was probably due to the emotional exhaustion yesterday had caused. However, she knew herself well enough to tell that wasn't the cause; Although she had to admit that yesterday had been extremely rough on her psyche, she had had plenty of that during the last few weeks - she couldn't be put this much out of it so easily. Instead, it was mostly confusion and wonder about yesterday's events that clouded her thoughts. Now that the situation was past her, Ryou could finally look more closely to its finer details, and the things she recalled puzzled her greatly.

First of all, how had the whole situation come to be? She could no longer remember in full detail the things she had done the 'first time' during her senior year summer break, but she had also come to notice that she instinctively ended up doing similar decisions when it came to the more mundane subjects. However, she had never originally met Hiiragi Kappei, of that much she was certain, and his presence so far had proven to be a _major_ difference to her latter school life. Could it be simply coincidence? Could she have simply done a seemingly trivial decision that had caused her to bump into him? As much as she tried to tell herself that it was entirely plausible, some part of her insisted that it couldn't be the case; Meeting him was far too much of an event to be a coincidence.

_Then again,_ she thought, absently chewing on pickled vegetables she had packed in her lunch box. _If it's not a coincidence, that means it happened on purpose. And if it happened on purpose… What__** is**_ _its purpose?_ Had someone told her three months ago that she would be debating with herself whether the events in her life were orchestrated, she would've probably stared at them as if they were crazy. However, after the deal she had made with the mystic woman, she was willing to consider everything possible.

Ryou's thoughts shifted to the second greatest enigma of yesterday: Hiiragi Kappei himself. The man piqued her curiosity on a normal, social level; where was he from, what were his hobbies, exactly why was he travelling, did he have any particular interests, and other questions that she hadn't yet presented to the man rose to her mind as she thought back to the conversation with him. She was aware that part of her interest for him was born from her sense of sympathy, for trying to make it up to him for rejecting him. However, then there was the genuinely interested part that valued his personality, perks, and enjoyed his company. In any case, it all amounted to the same thing: She really wanted to be friends with the sympathetic blonde, to get to know him better.

Then there was the unknown side of him that she had - probably on an accident - caught a glimpse of yesterday. Even though Ryou had to admit she could've just misunderstood the slight deviation in his voice, her gut instinct told her otherwise: There was definitely a side of Kappei he didn't let others see, something he went to great lengths to keep hidden. As much as it embarrassed her, her curiosity over this air of mystery was far greater than that of the normal, social side.

"Ryou-chan, you're chewing your chopsticks." Nagisa's voice brought her back from her thoughts, causing her to blush and go into a flurry of apologies.

"Ah, ah, I'm s-sorry! I didn't mean to fall so deeply into… I mean, I'm sorry for behaving so poorly in your company! I j-just have a lot on my mind…" The positive responses she got, as well as the approving laughter and teasing - Sunohara got most of his sandwich stuffed in his nostrils by Kyou thanks to his remark - eased her embarrassment a little bit, but did little to lighten her thoughts. Despite of her plans to enjoy the company of her friends to the fullest, she was mulling over useless philosophy and a man she had just recently met - this was _definitely_ not the way it was supposed to be.

_Or maybe,_ she suddenly thought, ignoring the loud and nasal-pitched protests of Sunohara - you try talking with your nose full of bread. _This is a test of some sorts to measure my determination, to see if I can be strayed away from my goal._ The more she thought about the possibility, the less far-fetched it became. _And even if it's not like that,_ she reasoned contently, sneaking a glance at the cheerful Furukawa who was currently handing out her mother's special product-of-the-day for everyone to try out. Tomoya passed. _It doesn't hurt to act like it would be._ Then, as her thought carried onwards, she frowned. _… However, that means the easiest way out would be to forget about Hiiragi-san altogether._ She debated silently on the subject as she toyed with the sea urchin-shaped piece of bread in her hands, absently wondering how she could hide it so that it would appear like she had eaten it.

_No, that won't do either,_ she eventually concluded, tossing the horrid bread out of a nearby open window when Nagisa wasn't watching. _I promised Hiiragi-san I'd be his friend - I_ _**want**_ _to be his friend. I will not go back on my word. If I decide to abandon him, who's the next one I'll have to leave behind?_ Ryou shook her head mentally. _No, I won't abandon anyone. I'll help everyone - that's the way I've chosen to do this._

"Hey, Sunohara," Okazaki piped up, no doubt simply trying to break the difficult atmosphere Sanae's bread had created. However, his discussion with the blonde caught Ryou's attention, bringing a halt to her thoughts. "Mei's coming over at Nagisa's tomorrow. Just thought I'd let you know."

"Huh? Wasn't she there a few days ago already?" he exclaimed with a worried tone in his voice.

"Oh, we're perfectly happy having her, Sunohara-san," Nagisa responded with a smile. "Mei-chan has wormed her way in all of our hearts, really."

"She called ahead and let your parents and the school know," Okazaki said, shrugging. "Apparently, she's worried about you."

"Huh?"

"Yeah. She told us that she can't stay home with you being the way you are: A senior in the second semester, but still totally clueless about what to do in life." The blonde crossed his arms behind his head, leaning backwards with a disgruntled expression. "She said she wants to have a good talk with you later." He looked like he was about to say something back at Tomoya's lecture, but Nagisa intervened before he could open his mouth.

"Sunohara-san, do you have a goal or something you want to do?"

"Mmh, I've never thought about it," he admitted after a moment of silence. "I can't go to college, so I guess I'll find some job and start working." Both Tomoya and Nagisa, as well as Kyou who was listening to the discussion gave him a flat look - Kotomi was too busy poking the malformed bread on her lap to pay attention. Maybe somewhere deep down they had thought that the irresponsible blonde would've had at least an idea what to do after he'd leave the high school, but now it seemed certain that his attitude was bound to follow him to the society as well. "Don't give me that look, sheesh," he defended, sighing in a frustrated manner. "Easy for you to talk, Okazaki; If I had a level-headed girlfriend too, I'd bet my sister would rest easier."

"That's it!" the raven-haired delinquent exclaimed, standing up abruptly. "We'll just show her that you have a girlfriend you've sworn your life to! I'm sure Mei-chan will stop worrying that way."

_Ah yes, it was about time for this to happen,_ Ryou thought silently.

"Uh, I don't think you should tell her a lie," Nagisa tried to protest meekly, but the two men ignored her. Kyou, who seemed just as disturbed and far more disgusted than the brunette was about to stand up, no doubt planning to tell them - probably quite vocally - what she thought about the whole plan. However, she found out that her younger sister had taken a hold of her arm, keeping her still. She stared into her sister's widened eyes and shook her head slightly. Kyou clenched her fist and the look in her eyes spoke of protest, but when the look in her sister's eyes didn't falter, she succumbed and turned her gaze on the ground.

_Sorry, onee-chan,_ Ryou thought as she rested her hand silently on her sister's shoulder, trying to put as much gratitude and apology into that small gesture as she could. _But you shouldn't change this. I'll explain you outside, just wait._

"Would something like that really work?" the blonde questioned flatly.

"Just so you know, you're not actually that ugly," Tomoya responded with a grin that Ryou knew all too well. "You've got a baby face that tickles maternal instinct; Yeah, definitely this school's number one baby face!" The delinquent was master in hiding the mischievousness in his voice, and Sunohara's greatest weakness was definitely his ego - in that sense, it wasn't strange to see how his mind began to change under Tomoya's persuasion. "Oh, and you might end up dating your fake girlfriend as a result of this, too!" That did it.

"Oh, Okazaki magic, eh?" The excitement in his voice was obvious as he stood up. "Suddenly, I'm getting really fired up about this!"

"This better be something good, Ryou, "Kyou whispered through clenched teeth. "Because I'm _this_ close of kicking both of their teeth in." She could only pat her shoulder quietly, hoping that she'd calm down, and that the blonde wouldn't pull out anything stupid to provoke her.

"Now, I need to find an obedient girl who'll probably listen to me…"

_Oh, no, no, don't look my way, don't look my way!_

A few fractions of second later, Sunohara Youhei was sent flying, breaking the record of how many walls a man can pierce with the power from a single kick.

* * *

After they had left the clubroom, Ryou had given her sister as detailed explanation as she could remember about the situation between the Sunohara siblings, as well as told her how the problems had originally been solved. Despite her sister's obvious dissatisfaction about the way Okazaki and Sunohara were planning to deceit Mei - and with the aid of Nagisa's mother, no less! - Ryou had insisted that they wouldn't meddle with the events unless the situation would take a turn for worse. She had reasoned that if there was need for the two of them to interfere, it'd be best if she had a clear picture of what would happen. Kyou had agreed, although grudgingly.

"I still don't like that even Nagisa has to take part in all the hassle - and I'd advice even Tomoya to steer clear from the soccer club! He, if anyone, should know that those guys are a bunch of good-for-nothings!" she muttered when they were leaving the school, heading towards the school gates.

"I understand how you feel, onee-chan," she agreed, nodding. "But when Okazaki-kun is involved, there's no talking Nagisa-chan out of it. And Sunohara-kun really needs to settle things with his sister and the soccer club." Sighing, she shook her head. "But there's not much we can do. I don't like that the two have to fight, but I know it's going to take something radical to make Sunohara-kun understand the situation and sort things out with Mei-chan."

"Damn straight," Kyou chorused, clenching her fist. "And if Tomoya can't beat that sense into him, _I_ will do it." Flinching slightly, Ryou was about to protest that there would probably no need for her to get that violent, but her train of thought was cut short by the appearance of a certain other blonde.

"Hello, Ryou-san! Is school over for today?"

"Wah? What are you doing here?" Kyou exclaimed loudly. Ryou, herself, was too surprised to get her mouth to function. Yes, she had agreed that he'd be glad to be on friendly term with Kappei and sure, she had told him that he could come and see her when he liked, but she honestly hadn't expected him to take up on that offer so soon, not after what had been said yesterday. No matter how much he had claimed to have been alright, she had wagered it'd take at least a few days for him to gather his courage. However, it seemed she had under-estimated the blonde - there really was no beating that optimistic attitude of his.

"Ah, and hello to the older sister as well!" he jovially greeted her. "I'm here to see Ryou-san, of course! I have some good news to tell her." The elder Fujibayashi's fingers twitched as she did her best to hold herself from strangling the man. Her sister could tell she was _definitely_ not in the best possible mood to talk with Kappei right now.

"I have a name too, you know," she growled in a low tone, but he seemed unfazed by it, smiling in an embarrassed manner as he spoke.

"Ha-ha, I actually forgot it. Mind telling me again?"

"It's Kyou, you damn…!" With visible efforts, she swallowed the rest of her yell and continued with a more controlled voice. "Anyway, what are you doing here? You got dumped yesterday, so what are you still buzzing around Ryou for?"

"O-onee-chan!" She protested with a pained expression, avoiding looking into Kappei's eyes.

"Yeah, that's true," he said, chuckling, again sounding unbothered by Kyou's hostility. "But she said she doesn't mind me being her friend. It's normal for friends to seek each other out after school, right?" She looked like she was still about to protest, but he turned to Ryou before she could open her mouth. "Besides, it's something really important. Once again, I have something to thank you for, Ryou-san!"

"Thank me for?" she repeated. The blonde nodded.

"Yup. Thanks to talking to you, I was able to find a job! What's more, it's something I'm really good at!"

"I did that?" she asked, dumb-founded. "B-but, I can't remember telling you anything that could've been useful…"

"Oh, no, you helped me a great deal just by being yourself!" he explained enthusiastically. "You see, when I thought back to you and the things you said yesterday, I remembered that you're planning to become a nurse. Then, I got the idea of asking for work in the local health centre - and turned out they were really short on hands on the rehabilitation ward! So today I went to an interview, and after they had a short talk with me and checked through my background, I got the job!" The blonde could barely stand still, so excited he was. "It's all thanks to you, Ryou-san!"

"You're giving me too much credit, Hiiragi-san. I had barely any part in that," she protested modestly with a blush, but soon her mouth curved into a delighted smile. "Still, I'm really happy that you found a job you think suits you. It's good that you're finally rewarded for all your efforts."

"Thanks!" he said, beaming. It seemed her smile had even further raised his spirits. "Now that I have a source of income, I can finally find a place to stay at, too. I've had my eyes on a few good places for a while now, I think I'll go check some of them out tomorrow after work. Oh, here." The blonde dug two cans of soda out of his bag. "I was planning to share these with you, as a way to properly say thanks - but seeing how Kyou-nee-san is here too, I'll give both of these to you guys!" The elder Fujibayashi flinched at the suffix and would've no doubt pummelled the blonde to ground had she not been so surprised. Also, the offered drink might've slightly soothed her temper.

"A place to say at?" Ryou repeated as she took the offered drink from his hand with a 'thank you', and her sister silently did the same, visibly confused on what kind of attitude to adopt with him. "You're… Really serious about staying here in Hikarizaka?" she couldn't help asking, and instantly regretted it as she caught a glimpse of Kappei's frustrated expression.

"Sheesh, why are both you and Tomoya-kun asking me that?" he whined, sounding offended. "Of course I'm serious about this! I've already said I'd do so, and a man doesn't go back on his word!"

"Ah, I'm sorry, Hiiragi-san," she promptly apologized. "I was just a little surprised, that's all." Even though she had always liked her home town, she was also aware that it was pretty normal and average as far as towns went. The man had told him that he really liked the place, but Ryou couldn't fathom for what particular reason. "Well, best of luck with that, too," she said eventually, smiling. "I'm sure your hard work will pay off and you'll find a nice place. I'll toast to your success." She was about to open the canned soda, but her fingers halted at the last moment. "Hmm, this is very cool. Did you just buy these?"

"Yup," the blonde answered with a nod. "I bought them a few minutes ago from a vending machine on the foot of the hill and ran all the way up here. Soda is best served cold, after all!"

_Ran? Oh dear…_ Sensing danger, she was about to turn to her sister who was opening her own and tell her to be careful, but it was too late. Kyou shrieked as a stream of soda hit her between the eyes, soaking her face and obscuring her vision. Kappei jumped and went into a flurry of apologies, offering a handkerchief for her to dry her face with. However, it seemed that the long-haired Fujibayashi's temper had reached the breaking point, because as soon as she got her eyes open, she caught the poor man in a painful-looking neck-lock and began twisting his body down, earning yelps of pain from him as Ryou furiously tried to explain that he, really, honestly, hadn't had any ill will and that it had happened completely on an accident.

Afterwards, as the three walked on, chatting merrily - and with Kappei complaining about his neck - she confirmed that yes; she really wanted to keep Hiiragi Kappei as her friend.

* * *

Author's notes: Despite what I told one of my reviewers about not touching the Sunohara siblings arc, I ended up describing it in detail anyway - call me moody if you like. As I wrote this chapter, it just didn't feel natural to pass on events of such grave importance - after all, Ryou's goal is helping _everyone_.

I draw the line to Yukine's arc, though. That's just too hard, with Ryou playing virtually non-existent part in that one.


	9. Gaining Aid, Losing Aid

Disclaimer: _Clannad_ the visual novel is the property of Key and their respective partners. Likewise, _Clannad _the anime belongs to Key and Kyoto Animation. I'm not making any money with this fanfic.

* * *

A few days passed without anything significant happening. Ryou kept asking Nagisa how Tomoya's plan to find Sunohara a fake girlfriend was progressing and how things were between the siblings, but she only got vague, quiet replies how everything was going 'according to the plan' - which was more than enough to tell her that things definitely going like the brunette wanted them to be. Eventually, she became so troubled-looking when she brought up the topic that she stopped asking her about it altogether, figuring she'd need to ask someone else to get some details. However, Tomoya was just as evasive when it came to the topic, and Sunohara looked so out of it that she didn't even bother asking him. In the end, she started growing frustrated on how secretive the trio were. Sure, they were probably thinking of sparing her and the rest of their friends from unnecessary worries by hiding the issues of Youhei and Mei, but Ryou couldn't really find it in herself to appreciate the gesture. She _wanted_ to help them, why couldn't they see that?

The opportunity to find out some details finally presented itself on the next Sunday when she and her sister along with Kotomi were spending time in the town. They had visited a few shops, and were walking down the street, eating ice cream and enjoying the warm summer day. It was Kyou who first spotted them.

"Hey, is that Mei over there?" she said, pointing at the teenage girl on the street. "I can't be sure from the distance, but is that Tomoya she's with?"

"Yes, that's Tomoya-kun," Kotomi recognized the man who had his back turned at them. "I'd know him anywhere. But," she soon added. "I'm not sure of the third person. He's a blonde, maybe it's Sunohara-kun?"

"No," muttered in turn Ryou, eating her ice cream thoughtfully. "That's a different shade of blond. That can't be anyone else than Hiiragi-san." She hadn't seen the man in a few days, their last conversation being on the way to the twins' home a few days back. That day, he had told her that he might be too busy with his work and apartment-hunting for the next few days to come and see her.

"You can't be serious," Kyou muttered, taking a better look at the man. With a frown, she confirmed that it was indeed the man she had ran over a few weeks ago. "What's he doing, talking with Tomoya and Mei?"

"He is friends with Okazaki-kun, after all," her sister reminded her patiently.

"Ryou-chan, Kyou-chan," Kotomi addressed them. "Who are you talking about?" The sisters exchanged glances quickly, apparently both debating whether they should tell the genius about the man. It was Ryou who talked first.

"Come on, Kotomi-chan, I'll introduce you to him," she told her with a smile and began leading her towards the two men and the grade-schooler, with Kyou protesting in the background.

"Whoa, Ryou, are you absolutely sure about this?"

"Trust me, onee-chan." With an assuring smile, she turned to Kotomi. "Don't worry, he's a nice person; I'm sure you'll get along fine. Just remember your introduction."

"Ah, you have such a well-behaved little sister, Tomoya-kun, and she's cute, too. This makes me so jealous; I don't have any siblings at all!" The approaching trio of girls raised their eyebrows in silence as they begun to hear the conversation between them. Tomoya's sister? Surely, he couldn't be _that_ lost.

"I'm telling you, you've misunderstood it, Kappei!"

"Onii-chan, is Mei not good enough to be your little sister?"

"No, that's not-!"

"Tomoya-kun, don't give your sister an inferiority complex! That's not at all like a man should behave!"

"Mei isn't my sister! I'm a single child, too!"

"Huh? But, here she is, calling you onii-chan… You mean she's mistaken you for your brother? Oh man, I'm just confused now…"

"Onii-chan, don't turn Mei away!"

"Hey hey, don't be so cruel on me!"

It seems Kyou couldn't hold herself back any longer. A sound that was a mixture of disbelief, shock, and disgust escaped her lips, causing the three people to finally become aware of their presence. Mei and Kappei looked at the trio - the latter mostly at Ryou - with a happy smile on their face as they recognized their friends. Tomoya, however, looked at them with something akin to horror, and for a good reason: Kyou looked at him as if he was some filth that had crawled out of a sewer, Ryou's eyes were wide as saucers, and Kotomi looked utterly confused.

"You… You guys…" he managed to creak out. "How, how long have you been standing there?"

"We heard Mei-chan calling you onii-chan," Kotomi said in a colourless voice.

"And it didn't seem like you minded it… Oh man…" Kyou continued.

"Oka… Okazaki-kun…" Ryou muttered, not being able to say anything more comprehensible. She recalled that the first time this had happened, she had been about as bothered as her sister, but now she was simply _vexed. Is this how you're patching the relationship between Mei-chan and Sunohara-kun?_

"No, no, this is just a misunderstanding…" he tried to explain, but the blonde next to him saw this a good opportunity to butt in, destroying his opportunity to explain.

"Hello, Ryou-san, Kyou-nee-san - imagine meeting you here! It was big enough of a surprise to even run into Tomoya-kun and her little sister, and now even you guys! This is proving to be a really great day." It was not a surprise Ryou hadn't recognized the blonde immediately. The old teal, long-sleeved vest the man had been wearing all the time was now nowhere to be seen. Instead, he wore a light yellow t-shirt along with old jeans and sneakers. She stared in surprise at the blonde's form. Sure, she had always known that he had a lean body, but what she saw now was more than that; the slimness in his arms and torso went to the border of underweight. There were traces of toned muscles, but most of their mass had already vanished, leaving behind only hints that he had at some point exercised quite a deal. If she had to guess, she'd say the blonde had either been starving or struck with an illness that had burned most of his fat and muscles away.

"Hiiragi-san," she greeted her with a small nod, breaking out of her reverie. Now was not the time for something like this. "Nice to see you, too. I'm sorry, but right now I have something urgent to talk with Okazaki-kun about - I'll talk with you in a while," she couldn't help the slightly cold tone in her voice as she spoke, and from the corner of her eye, she could see how Tomoya flinched slightly. _I've worried myself sick over what you have been doing, and I find you spending time in a town with Mei-chan?_ "In the meantime, I'd like you to introduce yourself to a friend of mine. I'd like you to be her friend too, if possible." Kappei, however, didn't either detect or care about the slight undertone in her voice as she brushed past him, giving her a smile and a nod.

"Sure thing. Hello, my name is Hiiragi Kappei…" the blonde's voice trailed off as she walked a little distance from the rest of her friends, motioning the delinquent to follow. He complied hesitantly.

"Really, Fujibayashi," he spoke up. "The whole thing's a big misunderstanding. I made a joke of how great sister Mei was, and then she sort of adopted me as her big brother, calling me, well, you heard her… But, it's really no-"

"Okazaki-kun," she spoke in a steady tone, the edge in her tone clear for him to hear. "You're supposed to be helping Sunohara-kun and Mei-chan sort out their problems. Why do I find you here, spending time with Mei-chan, her calling you onii-chan like you were some paedophile seducing a grade-schooler?" The man could only stare at her, horror and shock written all over his face. She didn't care. Right now, she was too angry to even try hiding her frustration. For a long while, neither spoke a word. Ryou could hear how Kotomi and Kappei exchanged greetings merrily in the background.

"It… Didn't exactly go as we hoped for," he muttered eventually, casting his eyes down. "Finding him a fake girlfriend and easing Mei's mind, that is. She became even more worried, not to mention suspicious." Sighing deeply, the delinquent put his hands in his pockets and looked the other way. "Besides, it turned out Sunohara is an even bigger idiot than I thought him to be. He's head over heels over Sanae, not seeing how Mei's worried sick about him - no, _refusing_ to see it. So, she tried to put him straight with shock treatment, telling that she had come here to see her boyfriend who was much older than her. Of course, there's no such person," he added swiftly upon seeing her shocked expression. "But, even that failed. He just sat still in his room after hearing that, even though he should've rushed after her sister." Tomoya's expression darkened and he added in a low tone: "That's inexcusable, really."

"I went out with Mei today to make her feel a little more relaxed," he explained, glancing at the teenager who was chatting with Kyou, Kotomi, and Kappei. "She's really strong, but all this stress must be building up on her. I really wouldn't want her to snap under the pressure." Ryou inspected the man with her gaze a little longer, but eventually cast her eyes downwards.

"I see," she muttered, all the anger and frustration in her voice gone as she begun to grasp the situation, all the incomplete details and fractures of memories beginning to fall in place. "I'm sorry I doubted you, Okazaki-kun - I spoke without knowing how things really were." Tomoya made a dismissing gesture to indicate it was okay, but didn't say anything. Ryou, too, fell silent and for a long while, neither spoke a word. _Was the situation really this desperate the first time, too?_

"What…" she said eventually. "What are you planning to do now?" The man didn't respond immediately.

"I was thinking that I'd continue with the shock treatment. Sunohara usually hangs out around here when he has free time - with luck, he might bump into me and Mei. To see her hanging around with a bum like me might be enough of a shake to bring him back into reality." He sighed. "At least I hope so."

"What if that won't work out?" Ryou couldn't help doubting his plan. She didn't dare to voice it out loud, but she had a hunch that the blonde wouldn't take action exactly because it _was_ him - the friendship between the two delinquents, at least from what she had seen, was so strong that he might even accept the fact that Mei was on very friendly terms with him.

"Then I'll just have to beat him up until he takes his head out of his ass and takes a good look around him," he snarled, clenching his fist. She instinctively took a step backwards from the delinquent and his sudden display of hostility. She hadn't really remembered up until now how good he was at suppressing his feelings; Apparently, Sunohara's disregard about his sister worried him a great deal more than he let show.

"Okazaki-kun, please try to sort things out without violence," she pleaded, even though her memory told her that the request would be futile. She remembered well enough the day when Tomoya and Youhei had come to school all beat up, later on learning that even though most of their injuries had been obtained fighting with the soccer club, some of them the two had inflicted upon each other. With things being like he described, she didn't think there'd be a peaceful solution to the situation this time, either. _Why do men always insist on sorting things out with their fists?_

"Don't worry about it, Fujibayashi," he told her, shaking his head. "I'll do my best to talk some sense into him, but if it comes to fighting, none of you guys should be involved. In fact, it'd be best if you didn't worry about this any further - no offence, but it's hard enough with Nagisa and Mei. I'm already worried about them as it is." Even though some part of her stubbornly wanted to protest that she wanted to help just as much as he did, a more rational part of her reminded her that it was like Tomoya said - there really was nothing she or her sister could do.

"Just… Just don't overdo it," she muttered eventually, succumbing to his will. "And make sure Nagisa-chan and Mei-chan will be okay. You're up against the soccer club, after all." The delinquent shot her a surprised glance, and she realized she had blurted out something she shouldn't have in her haste.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ryou swallowed nervously and scolded herself silently. Apparently, Tomoya and Mei hadn't yet planned to go to talk to the soccer club - the details had never been that clear to her, and it seemed that particular idea's time hadn't yet come.

"Nothing, nothing at all," she said, gesturing dismissively and hoping he wouldn't think too much about her blunder. "But really, if you're planning to shock Sunohara-kun, you'd best do it without us around. Why don't you and Mei-chan continue with your walk?" Judging from the look he was giving her, he obviously knew she was trying to change the subject. Fortunately, his suspicion died down soon, and he sighed as he straightened himself.

"You're right, we'd best continue. I trust you'll explain how things really were to Kotomi and Kyou - it was a really embarrassing hassle." Ryou nodded, and a minute later Tomoya and Mei set off to an opposite direction, leaving the trio of girls plus one man standing still on the street. Looking at her friends, she noticed that Kappei was enthusiastically explaining to the girl genius just what the 'life befitting for a man' he was seeking out exactly included, with Kyou looking at the two with an expression that told she was torn between running away and clubbing the blonde's lights out. The sisters' eyes met, and Ryou wordlessly gestured her to come to her.

"What was all that about? What did you talk about with Tomoya?" she promptly asked, and Ryou gave her a summary of the discussion she had had with him. She sported a pained expression after she had finished. "That really doesn't sound good. God, Youhei is such an _idiot!_ Makes me want to go and kick his ass right now!"

"We really shouldn't get ourselves involved, onee-chan," she said. "The whole situation is really messy as it is - we'd only make things worse, I think."

"So you say," she grumbled, shooting her a vexed glance. "But after hearing all that, it pains to me to just sit still and watch, you know."

"I know, onee-chan, I know," she chorused. "I feel the same, but it's just that…" Not finding the right words to properly express herself and soothe her sister, she could only settle with an uncomfortable silence. Suddenly, the atmosphere was broken as Kappei stepped next to them, Kotomi following him suite.

"Hey, you shouldn't hold a secret conversation when you're out in a larger group," he scolded the twins playfully. "Besides, you both look really gloomy. Cheer up a little bit, will you? Oh, I know!" he said, hitting his palm with his fist, unbothered by the stare Kyou shot him. "I know a good café where you can get chicken salad good enough to kill for! Kotomi-chan said you haven't had lunch yet, so how about we head there?" The twins exchanged glances, uncertain of how to handle the sudden change in the atmosphere and whether to accept his invitation or not. Again, it was the younger twin who spoke up first.

"I'd… I'd like that, Hiiragi-san," she agreed, thinking back to how long it had been since she had eaten breakfast. This time her sister seemed to comply with her, because she nodded wordlessly. "Please, take us there."

"Sure!" he said, beaming in his usual manner as he set off towards the town centre. "Just follow me, it's not far! Oh, and I'm not treating - I spent most of my money on the rent and new clothes, so my wallet isn't feeling all that well."

"You should fast, then," Kyou remarked sharply. "Just so you can treat us ladies. You're planning to let the women pay for themselves? Tch, and you call yourself a man?"

"Don't put it like that!" the blonde whined loudly with a pained look on his face. "I'm really hungry, you know…"

As Ryou listened to the spirited discussion of her friends, she could feel how her worries gradually faded into the background and how her mood raised considerably. A voice in the back of her mind noted her that she should be worrying about the Sunohara siblings, but she couldn't help it. Soon, the only thing in her mind was the afternoon she'd be spending with Kyou, Kotomi, and Kappei.

* * *

"Wow, they're really getting at it," Kyou commented off-headedly as she looked down on the soccer yard and the two shapes that were wrestling on the ground. It was late afternoon already, way past the time when students normally left for home, but the Fujibayashi sisters had stayed behind, observing what was happening on the yard from one of the classrooms. They had witnessed with unease how Tomoya, Nagisa, and Mei had been helping the soccer club with their practice, unwavering in their plight even as it had become obvious that the club was simply toying with their newly acquired ball boys - Kyou had been about to rush down at the yard as she had seen how Mei had been hit by a stray ball, but her sister had practically begged her not to interfere. According to her memories, everything was happening like it was supposed to, and the solution to the situation was just around the corner.

Accurately enough, when the gruelling practice was over and the trio had made their way back to the soccer club's clubroom, they had soon seen how Sunohara had rushed there, and shortly thereafter a fight had broken out between the blonde and the club, Tomoya joining in the fray as well. From that point on, it had been only little more than a brawl, with the two delinquents facing off against several members of the soccer club. Ryou had seen how Nagisa and Mei sported horrified expressions and how they did their best to get the fighting to stop, but to no avail. She, herself, had to turn her gaze away, not being able to witness the scene, whereas her sister was loudly cheering the two delinquents to 'kick the ass of the whole soccer club'.

Ultimately, however, the two delinquents had been left lying on the ground of the yard, their bodies covered with bruises and dirt as they were being soaked by the heavy rainfall that had started during the fight. As vigorously as the two had fought, they were no match against several soccer players, even though they had left the scene limping and equally beat up, too - Kyou had vowed that she'd 'accidentally' kick the fleeing soccer club members in their sore spots tomorrow.

"Why are they still doing it?" Ryou questioned in a pained voice, gazing upon her friends on the yard. "They're all beat up, and yet they're still fighting - and each other, no less. They're friends, aren't they?" She winced involuntarily as Tomoya landed a particularly hard blow on Sunohara. She gripped the hem of her skirt tightly, trying to hold herself from crying. "Why?"

"That's just how guys are, I think," Kyou muttered, distaste evident in her voice, too. "At some point or another, they just have to let it out and let their muscles do the talking." She raised her eyebrows in surprise as the blonde managed to topple the raven-haired man, pressing him on the ground and pounding him in the gut sharply. "I can't hear what they're yelling, but they're probably sorting out their issues right now. Like I said, that's just how all of the guys are," she repeated, sighing in frustration. "So stupid." Absently, Ryou imagined Kappei down on the yard, beating Tomoya up while yelling some masculine lines about being a proper man, but soon cleared her head of the image.

_There's no way that would happen,_ she stated determinedly before she frowned slightly. _And why am I imagining him as an example, anyway?_

"Well, it seems it's over now," her sister noted, bringing Ryou back on the ground. Looking down, she could see how the two delinquents had come apart and how Sunohara was being hugged by her sister. "Looks pretty final to me. Do you remember there being anything more, Ryou?" Searching through her memories, she tried to think of something she had initially missed, but shook her head as she found nothing.

"No, Nagisa-chan didn't tell me of anything else. This should be it." The long-haired twin stood up.

"Good, then I'm going home," she said bluntly.

"Onee-chan," she began, about to call her to wait for her, but swallowed the rest of her words a moment later. She was well aware that her sister had never liked the idea of not interfering with the issues of the Sunohara siblings, and her dissatisfaction had only grown upon seeing the events unfurl. She, herself, had been deeply troubled all along, but because she hadn't been able to think of a good way to improve the situation, she had succumbed to letting the things happen on their own weight. Kyou's nature, on the other hand, just couldn't let her do something like that, and she knew that she must've been fighting against herself the whole time. It'd be best to let her have some time for herself right now.

"See you home," she concluded meekly, realizing that her tone of voice made the words sounds more like 'I'm sorry'. Kyou halted and let out a deep sigh, but didn't turn to see her.

"Yeah, see you," she said, apology evident in her voice as well as she left the classroom. For several minutes, Ryou didn't make a move to follow after her, choosing to stay behind instead - her sister wasn't the only one who could use time alone.

_It's so hard,_ she thought quietly as she gazed into the rain outside. _It's so hard to just stand by and watch, I know that well enough. But, there are things that I just can't change - I'll have to pass on those and concentrate on the things that I_ _**can**_ _change. But I don't know if onee-chan can keep up with this._ As painful as it was to admit, even with Kyou helping her, she hadn't actually achieved anything yet. Nagisa's time was running out; Soon would be the time when her illness would kick in again, bed-ridding her for the rest of her senior year, and she couldn't see how they could prevent that from happening. From that point on, she would start working on identifying her disease and devote her time to curing her, but it would get only worse for her sister: She would be powerless, unable to do anything but watch how the feverish Nagisa would miss out another year of her life.

_I went through that once already,_ she thought bitterly. _I know how painful it will be._ She shook her head slightly, grimacing. Witnessing it would no doubt hamper Kyou's life, interfering with her studies and plans for the future. She, herself, had nothing to worry about; she remembered all the exams she would have well enough to pass them easily, but her sister was a different matter altogether. She wanted her to have as good and bright future as she had had in the future.

_If possible,_ she thought quietly as she left the classroom. _I'd like her to stop thinking about it altogether. Onee-chan has her own life to worry about. If it comes to that, I will manage on my own. I_ _**must**_ _manage on my own._

Deep inside, however, she wasn't feeling very confident about that.

* * *

The rain ceased slightly as she made her way home. It was no longer violent, whipping downpour, but instead steady and thick, the one you'd picture when thinking of a refreshing summer rain that gives plants and flowers the much-needed drink between days of harsh heat. As such, Fujibayashi Ryou was not in a hurry as she walked in a leisurely pace, enjoying the soothing and hypnotic sound of raindrops hitting her umbrella. Even though she was still slightly down from today's events, she was strangely feeling better than before.

It was then she spotted him. He was sitting on a bench in a nearby park, completely exposed to the rain that fell from the grey sky. His clothes, soaked from head to toe, pressed against his slender frame and dripped water on the ground under him. Despite all this, he was leaning backwards in a relaxed position, and his face had morphed into a blissful smile as he looked up on the sky with his eyes closed.

"H-Hiiragi-san?" she blurted out, rushing to his side before she knew what she was doing. "What are you doing here? Look at you, you're completely soaked! Are you hurt and can't walk home?" The man opened his eyes and turned to look at her slowly, so slowly that Ryou thought he might've hit his head or something similar. However, when she saw how his face brightened and that familiar optimistic look returned in his eyes, she realized that wasn't the case.

"Hello, Ryou-san. Ah, to meet you here - now my day is absolutely perfect!" he said with a dreamy sigh, chuckling softly. "I know this might seem a bit odd to you, sitting here in the rain, but this is to celebrate a new beginning in my life - and to reminisce on all the days I've spent on the road."

"What are you talking about?" she asked, stepping a little closer and extending the umbrella so that both of them were under its cover. "What do you mean with a new beginning? And how is sitting in the rain going to help you reminisce?" Kappei laughed heartily.

"I got myself an apartment today!" he exclaimed. "A really nice place, and the rent isn't too bad, either. Now that I have a roof upon my head, I don't need to sleep outside in the rain any longer. So, I thought it'd be nice to come out here willingly for the last time." Ryou blinked in surprise. He had been sleeping outside during his travels? In a rain such as this? Had the blonde not continued so swiftly, she would've expressed how shocked she was. "But, now that I think about it," Kappei muttered. "It actually feels quite nice, to have the rain fall on your face… There's something really relaxing about it, don't you think so, Ryou-san?"

"I, I wouldn't know," she stuttered, surprised by the sudden question. "But, I find the sound of raindrops on an umbrella when you walk to be quite nice," she said before she could help herself. _Where did_ _**that**_ _come from?_ The only thing she could think of was that the man's straight-forward way of speech was rubbing off on her.

"Yeah, that's true," he responded with a smile. "But you ought to try this out, too - once you get used to cold, it's very refreshing." Ryou stared at him for a while before shaking her head slightly. The conversation was certainly going nowhere.

"A-anyway," she said, trying to direct the conversation back on sensible trail. "It's great to hear you've got yourself a place to say. Is it close-by?" Kappei scratched his chin thoughtfully.

"Hmm, it's about half a dozen blocks from Nagisa-chan's and Tomoya-kun's place towards the town centre." She stared at the blonde, not believing her ears.

"But, that's at least two miles from here!" she exclaimed. "Why didn't you choose to sit on a bench closer to your place? You're going to catch a cold before you get back there." The man scratched his cheek, blushing slightly.

"Maybe, but this place is special," he countered, spreading his arms at the small park. "Don't you recognize it?" She looked around and was able to tell that yes, the place was indeed familiar; She had definitely been here lately, but what had she done here? Seeing her confused expression, the blonde decided to elaborate. "Here you told me we could be friends, Ryou-san," he spoke softly. "This place is really important to me."

Before she could help it, the timid Fujibayashi had already turned bright scarlet and turned her face the other way. Again, the blonde had taken her by surprise; she had been completely unprepared to hear something like that.

"Is, is that so," she muttered weakly, desperately trying to get her blushing under control as she tried to whip up a good response. "It-it's nice to hear you think so highly of me, but…" But what? The word had left her lips unwilled, and now that she tried to think of a good continuation, nothing came to her mind. 'But it's not really that much of a big deal'? It obviously was, to him. 'But I'm not really all that great'? That had only caused him to go into lengthy defence why she actually was that great, it would probably be no different now. 'But you're supposed to be just my friend'? And it was forbidden of a friend to say things like that? In the end, Ryou settled with a short, all-around answer.

"T-thank you, Hiiragi-san." Judging by the smile that lit his face as she said that, she had chosen the best possible answer. Strangely enough, saying that made her feel much more at ease as well, and she managed to will most of her blushing down.

"Hey, would you like to come with me to get something to eat?" he proposed. "I know a good place, and it's not too far away."

"Certainly," she agreed after determining that she'd probably have time for a quick snack before Kyou and her parents would get worried. Besides, she hadn't talked with Kappei in a few days - it'd be nice to socialize with him a bit more before heading home. "Lead the way."

"Great," he said with a nod, pulling an umbrella out from under his vest. "I'll just set this up and we can go." Ryou felt a twitch on her forehead.

"You had that with you the _whole time_?"

* * *

"Ramen?" she spoke her thoughts out loud as they arrived in front of the small stand.

"You don't like it?" he asked with a worried tone in his voice, but she shook her head and gave him a reassuring smile.

"Oh, no, it's not like that. It just has been a while since I've last eaten it - it's rather heavy on stomach, after all. But, I suppose I might like it again after such a long while." Kappei looked like he was still about to say something, but Ryou had already stepped inside the stand and seated herself, forcing him to follow suite without another word. Soon enough, the two were chatting friendly with bowls of steaming ramen in front of them. Kappei filled her in on how he had been looking through apartments for the last few days - she was shocked to learn the number, and amazed by his willpower to go through all of them - and enthusiastically explained what his first few days in work had been like. Judging by his words, she was able to tell that the work in the rehabilitation ward really suited him - his natural optimism and willpower must've had a tremendous positive impact on the patients.

"Did you have much experience with hospitals before you sought out the job? I mean, you seem to know awfully lot about how things work in there," she pointed out at some point, and was surprised to see how the man flinched, instantly perking up her curiosity. "Hiiragi-san?"

"Ha-ha, something like that," the man replied with a nervous laugh, scratching his neck. "Yeah, I had this illness that kept me hospitalized for rather long when I was a kid. I usually don't tell people about it, it's not something I like to think back to." Ryou tilted her head to the side as she inspected the man with her gaze. There was definitely something he was letting out, but he sounded too bothered by it for her to start asking around. Pushing the discovery to the back of her mind, she continued with another topic, telling the man a summarized and cut version of what had been happening during the time he had been hunting for an apartment, concentrating mostly on Nagisa's and Tomoya's doings, whom he knew. The conversation carried on itself after that, and soon the two found themselves staring at empty bowls. Realizing how much time had passed, she noted that she must be on her way home soon, and he volunteered to walk with her until their roads separated. However, when they set foot outside the ramen stand, the blonde drew sharply breath, his face contorting with pain.

"Hiiragi-san?" she asked in a worried tone, but the man waved his hand dismissively.

"Ah, it's alright. It's my stomach that's acting up, that's all. Ramen really is hard on the stomach after all, hehe," he said with a weak laugh, even though he was obviously in pain.

"Should we go to the health centre?" she suggested, but he sharply shook his head.

"It's alright," he repeated, digging through his pockets. "I have medicine with me." Pulling out a small, brown jar, Kappei quickly opened it and took a single pill from it, stuffing the container back in his pocket too fast for Ryou to see what read on it. Her eyes widened slightly when the man put the pill in his mouth, swallowing it with ease.

"You're used to it," she muttered. Normally, it'd take a long treatment with a daily dose of multiple pills to get so used to medicine one could swallow them without any water. The man gave her a small, bitter smile.

"Yeah, a little, but I still had some saliva in my mouth, so it was mostly thanks to it. Could we sit down for a while and wait until it starts effecting? It shouldn't take more than five minutes, I promise," silently, Ryou debated that it'd take at least half an hour for even the swiftest medicine to work - if the pill had indeed been for gastric ulcer, like she wagered. She couldn't think of any other stomach related pains that could be so strong. Nonetheless, she complied, and the two sat on a nearby bench, waiting for Kappei's pains to diminish. Fortunately, it had stopped raining altogether.

"I'm sorry about that," he said, breathing deeply. "I thought I had already managed to beat this, but it seems it won't leave me that easily."

"Is it the same illness you were hospitalized for?" she asked cautiously, earning a pained smile from him.

"Yeah, the very same." With that, Ryou fell silent for a long while, not wanting to offend his privacy by asking him more about his illness when he seemed so uncomfortable talking about it. He was out of the hospital and had been given medicine for sudden pains, so she had to trust that the illness was under control. Kappei, too, was silent for a lengthy while, his breathing becoming more at ease as the medicine began to kick in.

"Hey, Ryou-san, may I ask you something?" he asked suddenly, his musing, dreamy tone creating sharp contrast to the events a few moments back. Had the medicine been that strong, or was this just another display of his amazingly fast recovery rate? "It's… Something a bit personal, so I hope you don't mind…" The Fujibayashi hesitated for a split second, but soon gave him a small smile.

"Yes, you may," she told him trustfully, but soon added: "I'll try to answer it - as long as I'm comfortable with it, that is. Anyway, just asking won't hurt, so go ahead." He gave her a sideways glance, his eyes looking a little troubled. Then, with a slight blush, eyes turned upwards on the sky, he began.

"I've been wondering about it for a while now," he spoke hesitantly. "But back when we talked, about, well…" his blush gained a deeper shade. "Well, when you rejected me." Now, it was Ryou's turn to blush and look away, almost telling him to stop as the embarrassment and anxiety washed over her before she steeled herself. She had told him he could ask, right? "M-may I continue?" he asked, seeing her discomfort. She gave a weak, wordless nod, and the man pressed on.

"Back then, you told me that there was something you had devoted yourself to so deeply that you couldn't even consider getting a… Well…" Kappei's words trailed off, and he continued after a moment of silence. "Well, that you couldn't return my feelings. E-ever since, I've been wondering… What is it you've dedicated yourself so fully to?" She didn't answer for a while, not even when she felt the man turning his eyes on her. Of course, it was only natural of him to ask why he had been rejected, and Ryou realized that it was only fair to give him an honest answer.

The problem was: What was the exact reason? Silently, gazing up towards the dissipating clouds, she weighed her answer in her mind.

Of course, the first and foremost answer was Tomoya's happiness and Nagisa's survival - those two things equalled each other, really. However, the top-most thing on her mind right now was identifying Nagisa's mysterious illness and finding a cure to it, so her answer might've as well been that, too. On the other hand, her activities these past few weeks spoke of her dedication to the drama club and its success, as well as helping all of her friends get their lives in order. Then again, she had been thinking just a few hours ago how she'd ensure that her sister would have as bright future as possible ahead of her…

Shaking her head mentally, Ryou tried to sort out her jumbled thoughts. It was really hard to give one single answer, and for a brief while, she considered telling Kappei she couldn't give a clear response on such short notice. Suddenly, however, the answer came to her.

"My friends," she spoke without thinking, turning to look at the man next to her. All of the blushing and anxiety was gone now; thinking of her goal had cleared all those confusing thoughts from her mind. "I've dedicated myself for the welfare of my friends. They all have some sorts of problems, and I strongly believe they have many hardships ahead of them, especially Okazaki-kun and Nagisa-chan," she added vaguely. "Hardships that might be impossible for them to overcome on their own… I'd like to help them with that, to make sure that they have a happy future ahead of them. Yes, that's what I've devoted myself to," she finished with a determined smile and a nod. Hiiragi Kappei stared at her with a surprised expression, and Ryou suddenly had a déjà-vu of a dumb-founded Sunohara in front of her, soon beginning to yell about wasting her life for the sake of others. This time, however, this blonde's expression turned into something she could identify only as moved.

"Tha-that's amazing, Ryou-san!" he exclaimed, eyes glistening with tears. Hastily, he wiped the corners of his eyes with his sleeve. "I knew my faith in your determination wasn't lost! That's a really amazing goal, nothing short I'd expect from you!" She blinked a few times in surprise, taken aback by his reaction. Then, slowly, her mouth curved all on its own into a delighted smile as a warm feeling began to spread all over her body. No one, not even Kyou, had ever given her such a heart-felt, honest praise.

"T-thank you very much, Hiiragi-san," she said, giving him a polite bow. Suddenly, the man grasped both of her hands into her own, causing an involuntary yelp to escape her lips. Kappei's slim fingers were warm and held her own surprisingly firmly, but the grip was not strong enough to cause her pain. Before she could ask what he was doing, the man leaned a little closer, nailing her eyes with his own. On such close distance, she could see how awe and enthusiasm practically _shone_ off the yellowish brown orbs. "Hi-Hiiragi-san, what are you…" she tried, blushing.

"Please, let me help you, Ryou-san!" Her mind was wiped blank, and she could only stare into his eyes with a confused expression.

"W-what?"

"Let me help you help them," he said enthusiastically. "I was so moved by your speech that I can't help wanting to aid your friends, too, Tomoya-kun and Nagisa-chan in particular! Both they and you have done so much to help me; This is finally the opportunity to pay back my debt like a man!" Was he really serious? No, Kappei simply couldn't lie about his feelings, she knew that much already even without looking into his eyes; He was practically burning with the idea! Slowly, the full effect of his words began to sink in, and Ryou could feel how something cold got a hold of her stomach.

_No,_ Ryou thought silently, doing her best not to let her horror show. _You don't know what you're hoping for._ Her mind began working on a feverish rate as she tried to think of the best possible way to make him forget the idea; his head had to be turned by any means necessary. He didn't know what a heavy and painful burden he was about to take on his shoulders. Even her own sister had trouble handling it, and someone as cheerful and gentle as Kappei would be no doubt crushed under its weight! She _had_ to stop him!

"No," she told him bluntly as she withdrew her hands from his grip. Almost instantly, his enthusiastic expression morphed into that painfully honest puzzled one so characteristic to him.

"Why not?" She felt a sharp stab in her heart, so broken and disappointed his voice sounded. Never before, not even when she had rejected him had he used this kind of tone. Why now? "I promise I won't become a hindrance, Ryou-san," he pleaded, and she could feel her confidence wavering.

"N-no, that's not it!" she exclaimed, raising the volume of her voice unintentionally. "You, you wouldn't be a hindrance, I'm sure of that. I can see how you'd put all of your strength and willpower into it, becoming really enthusiastic about it and not taking one step back… And I can picture how you would even make some poetic statements of it…" Her voice became fainter and fainter, eventually fading into silence as she became aware of what she was saying. _No, this isn't the time to praise him! You mustn't picture him helping you, you have to reject him!_ Swallowing uneasily, she added: _Again._ However, it seemed that the connection between her brain and her mouth was severely crippled.

"No, like I said, I…" Her thought out words vanished from her head as she tried to speak them out loud. Stammering, she continued talking without thinking of her words. "It's… It's not that I don't want your help," she said, scolding herself as she saw how hope began to live in Kappei's eyes. _This isn't going too well._ She tried to pull herself straight, to tell him as strictly as possible to forget the idea, tell him that she didn't need his help, that she could manage on her own. However, each time she opened her mouth, trying to force those words out, the sight of him caused her to hesitate and remain silent - there was no way she could lie to him, to someone who could sport such an honest expression! For a lengthy while, she opened and closed her mouth repeatedly, until she finally fell silent, casting her eyes on the ground.

"It's… It's just not as easy as you think," Ryou eventually muttered, finally coming to terms with herself - she had to tell him the truth. The blonde could probably clearly hear the sorrow over-lapping her voice, but she couldn't help herself. Even though he would no doubt feel even more sympathetic about her, she couldn't hide the feelings in her voice no matter how she tried. From the corner of her eye, she could see how Kappei's hand twitched - apparently unintentionally - towards her before he pulled his arm back. Had he thought of reaching for her? "It's actually really hard and really painful," she nonetheless continued, sighing.

"Sometimes, you have no other choice but to stand still and watch how your friends are getting hurt - or worse still, how they hurt each other… All the time hoping, _praying_ that they'd come to you and ask for your help, that they wouldn't stubbornly keep their problems for themselves." Absently, she wrapped her hands around herself, trying to hold herself from shaking. How long had it been since she had actually spoken her thoughts out loud? "And, sometimes the only thing you can do is to _lie_ to them, deceit them so that they'd think everything was okay even though things really aren't and you're hurting all over and…" Ryou let out a wavering breath, trying to ignore the tightness in her throat. _Get your act straight, Ryou! This is not the time to fall apart!_

"All the more reason to get someone to help you!" Kappei argued, his voice desperate. This time, he actually inched closer to her. "If it's that painful, let me help you with it! I can see that you're strong, Ryou-san, but that's too much for even you to carry! Let me help you!"

"No," she repeated, her voice on the verge of breaking. _It doesn't matter how many people are helping me, it won't get any easier. It will only make you feel tormented, like onee-chan._ Tears burned in her eyes, begging to be released, but she held herself firm. _Why must you be so determined about this?_ "No, you mustn't worry yourself with this. This is my burden; I'm meant to carry this all by myself. I shouldn't get anyone else involved." _I shouldn't have gotten even onee-chan involved._ "Your own life is far more important than this."

"Ryou-san," Kappei spoke, and the tone of his voice caused her to turn her face at him. There it was again, that deep undercurrent in his voice: The one that spoke of something deadly heavy he was hiding behind his cheerful mask. This time she could even see traces of it on his face, his expression laced with sorrow so deep she would've never expected to see on his visage. He seemed to realize this, too, because he turned his gaze up on the sky. His voice, however, remained just as pained as he spoke.

"I don't… I don't really have a goal in my life. After coming here, I've always had something I've tried to achieve: Finding you, getting a job, getting myself an apartment... But, now that I've gotten all those, I'm again left with nothing." There was a sad smile on his face as he turned his gaze back on her eyes. "A life without a goal, without a dream is really worth nothing. No matter what you say, I know my life doesn't have any importance as it is." The emotions in his eyes were so naked that it _hurt_ to look at them. She could feel how her tears began rolling down, leaving hot trails on her cheeks.

"Please, Ryou-san, let me help you," he repeated, tears glistening in his eyes as well. "No matter how much of a burden it is, I want to do this. I _choose_ to do this." Kappei bowed his head low and with a voice barely above a whisper, he added. "Don't let me have any regrets."

She couldn't think of anything. She couldn't say anything. Ryou's mind was flooded with the memories of the time she had met Tomoya in the hospital after he had lost her daughter, and she recalled the emotions that had surged through her: Sorrow, pain, regret, weakness. Even her eyes were playing tricks on her, so strong were those memories; in place of Hiiragi Kappei stood Fujibayashi Ryou, her head bowed just as low, tears falling down from her eyes in a similar fashion, her voice laced with the same sorrowful determination as the blonde's as she begged to be granted the chance to help her friends.

She couldn't understand how she could feel so over-joyed and so pained at the same time.

No longer thinking of the consequences, the arguments, the logic, she leaned towards the man. Her heart knew what she wanted. Her heart knew what she _needed_. Placing her hands on his shoulders, searching for support, she pressed her forehead against the back of his head.

"Help me, Kappei-san," she whispered between the tears that fell from her eyes. "Please, help me."

At that moment, Fujibayashi Ryou felt like she had just gained something sweet and pleasant, something that filled her entire body with warmth and sense of _rightness_. So over-whelming the sensation was that she could barely register the feeling of losing something very, very precious.

* * *

It was way past sunset by the time Ryou finally arrived home, spending a good time fumbling with the lock of the front door and almost stumbling when she took her shoes off.

"I'm home," she called out in an absent voice, not realizing how dark the house was at first. Likewise, had she paid a little more attention to her surroundings, she would've no doubt detected the strange, ominous atmosphere. Not even when her sister descended from upstairs did she realize that something was definitely off.

"Mom and dad went outside," Kyou told her in a strange, withdrawn tone. "Dinner with colleagues or something like that. They said they'd be back before midnight."

"I see," she muttered in a dreamy tone, humming quietly. "That's nice." The long-haired twin tilted her head to the side, staring her incredulously as it became obvious that she wasn't even listening.

"Ryou, you're not drunk, are you?"

"Of course not, onee-chan!" she protested with a giggle, smiling at her twin as she brushed past her to the upstairs.

"That's what drunk people _always_ say," she retorted, following her. "You know it's illegal for us minors to drink, right? I would've never thought you so bold…"

"I'm not drunk," she repeated as she put down her school bag and began taking off her uniform. "I just…" Her words trailed into silence as she thought about it. In all honesty, intoxicated was probably the most accurate word she could describe herself with at the moment, even though even that was insufficient. The flood of emotions she had experienced after granting Kappei his wish to help her had left her reeling for better part of a minute, and their aftermath had dulled her senses and filled her with profound, over-whelming dizziness and warmth - never had any alcohol given her a similar feeling.

"I just talked with Kappei-san a little," she explained with a warm smile. A troubled look flashed over Kyou's face and she squinted her eyes briefly, as if trying to remember something. Then her eyes flew open and her expression turned into a mixture of shock and anger.

"Don't tell me _he_ got you drunk? Ryou, don't you realize what-!"

"No, no, nothing like that," she soothed her. "There really wasn't any alcohol involved. Besides, Kappei-san isn't that kind of person. We just talked, really." The long-haired calmed down a little, but a reserved remained in her eyes.

"So he's _Kappei-san_ now," she said, arching up an eyebrow. "Nice going, Ryou." Ryou blushed as she realized what the change must've sounded like. However, it wasn't like she could explain it properly: Calling Kappei by his first name felt nothing short of natural, not to mention _right_ now. "So, what did you two talk about?" Despite her obvious reservation, Kyou couldn't hide the curious tone in her voice, nor the budding excitement that came along with her next words. "Don't tell me you've grown fond of him and are considering of taking him as your boyfriend!"

"N-no, no!" she denied, feeling how her heart began beating faster and how her face heated up. "I, I couldn't do something like that, couldn't take something that'd be in the way of my goal. Nothing's changed since I first told you that," she explained with a determined nod, vigorously trying to get her heartbeat under control as she began to elaborate. However, she was so absorbed in it that she couldn't see the troubled expression on her sister's face.

"We, we just talked a little about my goal, and I told him what I want to achieve - leaving all the details out, of course. I really expected him to react like Sunohara-kun when I first told him about it: Telling me that I'm sacrificing myself and trying to talk me out of it - you remember when I told you about this, right? - but turned out I was wrong." Her eyes became slightly shrouded as she stared into the distance. Again, she could feel how her senses became muffled as she thought back to the discussion. Because of it, she couldn't see how Kyou's expression gradually became darker. "He was moved to tears and he deeply praised me - I couldn't really believe my ears. Then - I suppose I should've seen it coming - he asked if he could help me, even though he has no idea what a burden this is. I tried to explain him, tried to talk him out of it, because I know it's hard for even you to carry, onee-chan…" Ryou's voice was becoming thicker. Coughing a few times, she soon continued with a steadier voice. "But he just kept asking me, _begging_ me to let me help him." She turned to her sister, whose face spoke of deep, deep unease.

"I just couldn't say no after hearing all that. Onee-chan, I'm sorry for doing this without letting you know first, but I know that you've been in pain as you've tried to help me - this way, you should have some time for yourself as well. With Kappei-san and you helping me, I'm sure we're able to divide the workload a lot, and…"

"Ryou," she spoke, her distant, confused voice finally alerting Ryou enough to pull her out of her euphoric reverie. "I'm sorry," she said with an awkward smile, turning her gaze away. "I've been really forgetful all this evening… I'm having trouble understanding what you're saying."

"…Onee-chan?" If she had been in cloud nine a heartbeat ago, she was now freefalling towards the ground.

"I… I can't shake off the feeling that I've forgotten something important," she mumbled. "Something about you, Ryou… Something really important about you…" On instinct, Ryou grasped the shoulder of her older sister. Forget ground, she was headed straight for the bottomless pit of despair.

"Onee-chan, please don't tell me such a cruel joke," she pleaded, her voice trembling. "I… Even I can't take such a joke in good stride, you know…" She was expecting her sister to turn to look at her any second now, smiling in her mischievous manner telling that she was just kidding. When she kept avoiding her eyes, however, she could feel how panic was spreading all over her body. "You remember, right? That day, when we discovered that Okazaki-kun had eyes only for Nagisa-chan, I told you why I had been acting so strange for the past month. I told you what I was here for, what I had devoted myself to, how things would end up like if we didn't do anything, what we would be like when we grow up… You remember, don't you, onee-chan?" she rambled, trying to desperately evoke her sister's memories. However, Kyou's expression only became more bothered and she squeezed her eyes shut, desperately trying to recall her memories so that she could give her sister a positive answer. When she opened her eyes again and she saw the deep sadness over-lapping her amethyst orbs, Ryou could feel how the colour drained off her face, and she tried to hold herself from shaking.

_She can't remember anything._

"I'm… I'm sorry Ryou," she muttered, giving her a weak laugh. "I don't know why I'm so horribly forgetful. I've, I've never felt this lost before… I'm a real idiot, right?" She attempted to chuckle, but the sound morphed into a sob half-way out. Her voice was breaking. "I should… I really should remember this, right? This is… This is inexcusable… I'm your, your big sister… I must remember, I must remember…" Grimacing, the long-haired Fujibayashi pressed her temples with her palms, tears running down her eyes. "I mustn't forget something this important about my sister!" Ryou could only stare at her sister's mental anguish, her mind wiped blanked.

_This can't be happening._

"I'm so sorry, Ryou! I, I didn't want to forget!" Letting out an anguished shriek, Kyou threw herself at her sister, wrapping her arms around her stiffened body. She could only stare forward, barely registering how her sister was sobbing against her shoulder. "I'm so sorry! Please, don't be mad at me!" Slowly, her instincts began to kick in and she unconsciously embraced her sister, caressing her long hair silently.

"It's alright, onee-chan," she murmured after a while, finally getting her mouth to function. "You don't have to push yourself - you've already done enough. I'll handle the rest." Giving her frame a tight squeeze, she added: "Thank you. Thank you so much."

However, her whispers were almost entirely muffled by the words that echoed in her mind.

"_Everything you obtain comes with an equal price."_

* * *

Author's notes: You've read about two-thirds of the story now. As we approach the end, the plot will get thicker and the atmosphere heavier, and we're about to learn the true value of the family Okazaki's happiness. Kyou's amnesia, sudden and dark as it is, serves as a herald to the rest of the story.

Speaking of which: Key has always favoured amnesia, using it first as a major plot element in Kanon and later on a tear-jerking effect in Air and Clannad. In Clannad, amnesia's importance in terms of plot was significantly reduced, playing an important part only in Fuko's arc (unless, of course, you count Tomoya's connection with the shadow world and such...). In any case, as you have no doubt noticed, I employ it quite a lot as an effect - and as you will notice in the future chapters, as a major plot element. I didn't intend it to be this way in the beginning, but this is how the story has written itself out - and I don't complain.

In any case, I hope you enjoyed these two chapters. Reviewing is voluntary, but much appreciated.

Until next time.


	10. The Price of Ambition

Disclaimer: _Clannad_ the visual novel is the property of Key and their respective partners. Likewise, _Clannad _the anime belongs to Key and Kyoto Animation. I'm not making any money with this fanfic.

Author's notes: I'm dreadfully sorry for my lenghty absence. Numerous things have been distracting me in the past two months, and I was forced to push the writing of this story later and later, until I had managed to get more pressing matters sorted out. Now, I can finally give this story the attention it deserves. Again, my deepest gratitude to the people who reviewed the last chapter, as well as to my beta-reader, Anya Anthony, for all of her work and support.

Without further delay, here is chapter ten. I hope you all enjoy it.

* * *

The library of Hikarizaka wasn't a very big building. Then again, the town itself wasn't very big, so the library's size was quite adequate to fit the needs of its visitors. More important than size, there existed a tranquil atmosphere one would've been hard-pressed to find in larger towns or cities: The narrow paths between bookshelves, the shadowy, secluded corners, the smell of old tomes - it all created an ambience one simply couldn't ignore. Even now, with the library filled with high school students doing their homework and studying, the building was remarkably quiet, an occasional giggle or laugh being the loudest noises and even they were quickly suppressed.

Fujibayashi Ryou sat in one of the most secluded corners of the library, completely quiet save for a flip of a page or a hastily scribbled note every now and then. She, like many others, was sitting in the murky library despite the warm sunshine outside, choosing to concentrate on her studies instead of having fun on the bright September day. Whereas the rest of the senior high school students in the library were busy studying for entrance exams, however, she had drowned herself in highly advanced pathology - a far deeper subject than was expected of a student of her age. The small desk in front of her was filled with thick books, several tall piles looking like they could collapse on her by the slightest push. Her eyes darted between several open books that were placed in front of her, their language dry and filled with complicated terminology. Occasionally, she briefly looked up from the tomes to write something down in the memo on her lap - only to resume deciphering the medical jargon a heartbeat later.

It was September. A little over a month had passed since Furukawa Nagisa had fallen ill again, and although this time was seemingly no different from her last collapse and absence from school, it was drawing on much longer than anyone had anticipated - save for, of course, Ryou. She was painfully aware that if left unchecked, the brunette's illness would draw on until next spring, making graduation with her friends impossible. Knowing this in advance, almost immediately after Nagisa had fallen ill, the timid Fujibayashi had begun identifying her illness and devising a way to cure it. If she recalled right, she had time until Nagisa's next birthday, the Christmas Eve, to cure her - from that point on, Nagisa's absence count became too high and she would be forced to repeat her senior year again. She had accounted for that much.

However, there was so much she _hadn't _accounted for.

The first thing was that Nagisa's disease, from a pathological point of view, made absolutely no sense. It was easy for someone who didn't understand human physiology fully to claim that her condition was simply due to her being physically weak - but in reality, there was no such disease as 'weakness'. Granted, having frail health tended to lower one's immunity, making one prone to catch a cold or a fever as well as prolonging recovery from them, but to suffer from these common illnesses for as long as a month, not to mention almost half of a year was completely unheard of! Human body either on its own or with the aid of medicine manages to destroy the virus in a few weeks at latest, because prolonged fever will eventually kill the body! However, Nagisa's illness didn't seem to care about these medical facts: She had remained bed-ridden for over a month, and every time she had began feeling a bit better and tried to do something, her fever had gone up again.

Likewise, the results of the tests they had run on her at the hospital - which Nagisa's parents had copied for her after she had told them of her ambitions to cure her - were just as cryptic. The diagnosis of her blood indicated that her immunity system was working just like it was supposed to when one had a fever, but there was no sign of a foreign virus in her body. Judging by the results, the brunette's immunity system was simply acting up on its own, which in turn suggested an auto-immunity disease: A rare and dangerous disease where the immunity system began attacking against itself. However, as they had run more tests on her, they had confirmed that this couldn't be the case - she would've died long ago already if it was. So, the second option had been a rare hereditary illness, but a quick talk with Akio and Sanae hadn't revealed any particular diseases in either of their family line. In the end, the doctors had concluded that Nagisa's body was simply far more sensitive than average, reacting to a stimulus that body normally automatically passed on, something that couldn't be detected in the tests. Thus, their suggestion had simply been to treat her like someone who had been struck with cold until her strength returned on its own.

Ryou knew, however, that that would take far too long.

That was the reason she had spent almost all of her free time nose in books, trying to spot something the doctors had missed. Her friend's illness was not something as simple as 'weakness' or 'over-sensitive body', she was certain of that; Just because the doctors hadn't managed to find a better answer didn't mean _she _couldn't do it. No, she would definitely find out the truth behind her disease and then cure her!

Just who else could do it, really?

Rubbing her eyes, Ryou leaned backwards in her chair, stretching her arms and back the best she could as she let out a small squeak, becoming aware of how sore her muscles had become from sitting still so much. Her research didn't limit only to the library, of course: She carried a thick memo and a pile of notes everywhere she went, spending most of the time between her lessons in school - and sometimes even during the lessons - going through her notes. She read the papers even before she went to bed, and her sleep had ended up short thanks to that more than once already, much to the irritation of her sister.

_Onee-chan, _she suddenly thought sorrowfully. It had been little over a month since their relationship had been turned upside down - and this was the second time already. She didn't think she could properly describe the sense of _loss _her sudden amnesia had caused, not to mention the over-whelming fear that they would return to the awkward, painful situation they had been in for a better part of the spring, when she had tried to hide the fact that she had come back from the future. However, even though Kyou had obviously lost all of her memories concerning her sister's unbelievable condition, her feelings still remained: She was still the supportive older sister Ryou was familiar with and if anything, strived to be even closer to her than before. Needless to say, it had been a huge relief.

Of course, that isn't to say everything was just smiles and sunshine between the twins. Now that Kyou could no longer remember the unfortunate fate of the Okazaki family, Ryou had had to return to giving her sister vague answers that bordered blatant lies when it came to the topics she wanted to avoid. The only thing she could tell with a straight face was that she was attempting to cure Nagisa - but the reasons behind it were something she simply had to keep hidden. To make matters worse, it seemed that Kyou knew exactly that her sister didn't want to share some information with her, because each time she noticed she was approaching the topic, she meekly and awkwardly changed the subject - something Ryou would've never expected her to do, given her nature. It wasn't as bad as the confusion last spring, but it wasn't much better, either.

However, as every cloud has a silver lining, Ryou had eventually found some positive outcome in her sister's amnesia, too. She had seen how much in pain she had been, having to just sit tight and witness the Sunohara siblings' problems from afar without interfering. Being so troubled from just that, she didn't want to even think how she would fare watching Nagisa waste one year of her life by laying in bed, all the while knowing that nothing she could do would help her.

_No, _she stated, determinately. _I will not let onee-chan experience something that horrible. _Even though it pained her greatly, even more than in the first time, she knew that she would have to keep Kyou oblivious of the future - of her little sister's 'condition'. _It was my selfishness and weakness that made me share everything with her. I will not make the same mistake twice._ _Not even if it means I'm all alone in the end._

Of course, there was no way she'd be all alone.

"Hello, Ryou-san!" The jovial greeting caused Ryou to turn around in her chair. Gazing at the direction of where the yell had come from, she pressed a finger to her lips and gave the man standing in the other end of the hallway a slightly scolding stare. Pressing a hand of over his mouth, the said man blushed and looked around him to make sure no one had been disturbed by his loud yell before making his way towards the corner she was sitting in.

"Kappei-san," she spoke softly. "You should keep your tone down in the library."

"Ah-ha-ha, my bad, my bad," he said more quietly, scratching the back of his neck. "Sorry about that, I just didn't want to scare you and make you knock down your books like the last time. Oh, here, I brought you some coffee."

"Ah, thank you very much," she said, receiving the canned drink with a smile. The evening Kyou had lost her memories had been significant in more than just that sense. Starting that day, Hiiragi Kappei had become her support just like he had vowed, doing his best to help her in any way possible with her goal of curing Nagisa. Very soon, however, it had become obvious that about the only thing he could do was to bring her a can of coffee every now and then and keep her company for a few hours between him getting off work and her having to go back home. In a few days' time, Ryou had already started regretting her decision of accepting his help: Hadn't she simply chained yet another person into a gruelling, ungrateful task reserved only for her? Wasn't he just as prone to buckle under its weight as her sister?

However, Kappei never showed even a hint of frustration or restlessness, not even when she had expressed her fears of him collapsing under pressure: He had simply smiled that cheerful smile of his and replied being fine. He sought her out every day he could, care-freely talking about mundane, everyday topics, occasionally rambling about whatever poetic concept he had dwelt on that day. On the days when she was busy or otherwise stressed and wasn't in the mood for conversation he simply sat there next to her in silence, watching her drown herself in the old books without a word of complaint. When she eventually looked up and realized that an hour had passed and apologized, ashamed, he simply replied that it was fine and he didn't mind at all - and every time she knew that he was telling the truth.

"Hehe, it feels like you're going through more and more books every time I see you," the blonde commented, throwing an amused glance at the desk loaded with books. Ryou glanced up at him, temporarily broken from her reverie, and smiled a self-ironic smile.

"Yes, I'm beginning to feel that I really don't know the meaning of 'restraint'," she admitted. "But every time I take a new book from the shelf, I need at least three other books to understand the meaning of all the words there." Sighing, she dared a small, content smile. "I feel like I'm getting better reading them, though."

"As expected, really," he said, sipping his coffee and smiling reassuringly. "You're very smart, Ryou-san - I wouldn't be surprised if you memorized all these books by Christmas."

"Please," she protested, blushing. "I'm not smart like that at all." Then, with a giggle, added: "Besides, there's too much information for anyone to memorize, really. It's plain impossible."

"I suppose," he admitted with a chuckle of his own. The two continued to quietly converse in the corner of the library, Kappei describing what his day in work had been like and Ryou in turn telling what she had done in school that day.

"How's your research doing, by the way?" he asked at some point, eyeing the thick pile of hand-made notes with slight awe. The tone of his voice was friendly and conversational, without a hint of underlying tones or hidden meanings. Had the question come from anyone else, she was certain they'd be trying to probe her psyche, but Kappei lacked the subtlety needed to ask questions with ulterior motives altogether. Because of his sheer honesty, she decided to answer truthfully, too.

"I've managed to get several leads: A few combinations of different kinds of illnesses that I believe were overlooked because of their rarity," she explained, glancing at the top-most paper of the pile filled with scribbled notes. Nodding to herself a few times, she continued with a firm tone: "Yes, they just might be the answer to Nagisa-chan's condition." The blonde once again glanced at the messy notes, nodding sagely. Soon, however, he turned his eyes back on Ryou, waiting for her to finish.

"But," she eventually gave in, sighing and casting her eyes slightly down. "None of them seems to be the match I've been looking for. The symptoms never fit perfectly, plus there's the thing that they are, after all, extremely rare." A hollow smirk flashed on her face. "Almost supernatural, really," she said, realizing a heartbeat later how weak the attempt of a joke had been. _I shouldn't be thinking of something impossible._

Drawing in a wavering breath, she shook her head to rid herself of the negative thoughts her own words had caused. Kappei continued to stare at her, the look in his eyes serious and steady. Slowly, Ryou raised her gaze from the floor, flashing a small smile to him. "However, I'm planning to get to the bottom of all of them nonetheless; right now they're the best clue I have."

"That's the spirit!" he said, smiling his trademark smile. "Don't give up, I'm sure you'll find the answer eventually - someone as hard-working as you can't possibly be left empty-handed!" Leaning closer, the blonde rested his hand on her shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. The warmth from his fingertips seemed to reach all the way to her heart. "Remember, I'm right here to help you. Just say the word!" Upon hearing that, she couldn't help smiling.

"Thank you, Kappei-san."

Her sister might've lost her memory, but Ryou was by no means unsupported. In the short time she had known him, Kappei had already proved to be of great help. Even if his support didn't limit to anything else than keeping her company, it was already enough to lift her spirits. He simply had that strong of an influence.

_Yes, with Kappei-san's support, I can't possibly fail in this. I simply don't have a choice, _she assured herself, doing her best to ignore the budding uncertainty inside her.

* * *

October. Days gradually grew cooler and nights colder, and the gusty autumn wind began blowing golden leaves through the city streets. Two young people, dressed in coats, strolled casually through the town, both ignoring the dance of the leaves around them.

"What would you like to eat, Kappei-san?" The man shrugged a bit hesitantly.

"I wouldn't mind some decent-prized sushi right now," he replied in a roundabout manner, but soon gave the woman beside him a worried glance. "But is eating outside really alright, Ryou-san? I mean, I don't really mind it, since you asked me, but this would make it the third time this week, right?" She smiled before replying.

"I still have some of this month's allowance, don't worry."

"Ah, ah, that's not what I meant! Of course I'll treat you - I mean, you're still a high school student without a part-time job and I have a steady income! Besides, it's only natural for a gentleman to handle the bill; of course I'll be the one to pay for tonight's meal…" The blonde gestured wildly as he rambled on as he tried to fix the misunderstanding which, judging by the amused smile on her face, never existed in the first place.

"That is very sweet of you, Kappei-san, thank you very much," she said, speeding her walking up a little. "So, sushi it is. I know a good place that's nearby."

"Ryou-san," the man protested, trying to match his speed to hers by taking a few swift steps which, strangely, didn't narrow the distance between them very much. "Please, could you wait up a little bit?" He called out, causing her to look back at him over her shoulder with a confused look on her face. Never before had he asked her to slow down or wait, he had always been fast enough to catch up to her on his own. She was about to ask him what was wrong, but soon he was back walking on her side continuing his speech as if nothing strange had happened, and her wonder disappeared as quickly as it had come.

"That's not what I meant," Kappei said, worry lacing his voice. "I mean, you're almost always having dinner with your family, but lately you've been eating out kind of often. Is that alright with your folks?"

"Is there something wrong with wanting to eat dinner with your friend every now and then?" she replied swiftly, her voice slightly pointed. A surprised and startled look flashed over his face, and she immediately regretted her words.

"N-no, no, that's not it! I, I'm very happy to eat with you, Ryou-san, I wouldn't accuse you of-!"

"No, I'm sorry, Kappei-san," she cut in, looking at him apologetically. "I didn't mean to lash out at you. I'm very sorry," she repeated and gave him a small, apologetic bow. Forcing a small smile on her face, she turned her gaze away. "There's nothing for you to be worried about, really. I just…" For a brief while, sadness flickered in her teal orbs as she searched for the right words. Under his glance, the smile she had managed to conjure up fell apart, and she heaved out a sigh.

"I just wanted to get out of the house. I've already told them that I'd be eating out with you, so it's alright." She did her best to give a small laugh despite his worried gaze, but the sound was mirthless, only a shadow of a genuine one. An awkward silence fell. Ryou didn't really want to elaborate more, but she could feel his eyes on her, prompting her to continue. A sudden gust of cool wind blew past them, and she instinctively wrapped her arms around herself, but it did little to ease the chill that seemed to emanate from some part of her heart. "It's," she eventually said, licking her dry lips absently. "It's about me and onee-chan. Truth to be told, it'd be better if we took some distance to each other for the time being." She didn't look at him. She didn't want to see what kind of an expression he might wear.

"… Did she finally notice how badly you've been sleeping?" he eventually asked in a small voice. Ryou smiled slightly, despite herself.

"She must've noticed it right away." Absently, she reached for the skin under her eyes, removing some of the make-up she had spread over the darkened skin. "But she also must've seen how much I tried to hide it and didn't say anything for a better part of a week. I never would've thought she'd manage to hold herself back for that long." Giggle escaped from her lips. "It's a miracle in itself, really."

"Was Kyou-nee-san angry?" Ryou bit her lip.

"It… It would've been better if she had been," she replied quietly, glancing on the ground. "Rather, she's worried sick. She… She pleaded me to think of my health more, with tears in her eyes. I did my best to explain, tried to make her see it from my point of view, but… I'm not sure if she understood." Silence, and again she refused to look into his eyes. "Well," she began soon, with more strength in her voice. "She was already feeling much better about it today. If I give it a few more days, I'm sure she'll be fine."

"Well, I'm glad to hear that," the blonde said, the worry in his voice diluting a little. The two arrived in front of the sushi restaurant a few moments later, and the direction of the conversation took a turn towards more light-hearted topics as they dined. However, every now and then Kappei threw a slightly worried look at her, only to turn his gaze back into normal a heartbeat later. There seemed to something in Ryou's conduct that bothered him, but she was oblivious to both his glances and the cause of it.

Eventually:

"Is it really that bad?" Kappei asked out of the blue, cutting short his explanation of the anime he had watched yesterday.

"Huh?" For a while, she simply stared at him across the table, watching his expression grow more and more worried due to her confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Your chopsticks," he said simply. "Or, actually, your hands." Blinking once, she looked down.

"…" Wordlessly, she stared at the hand she was holding her chopsticks with, seeing how they clattered quietly against each other. Frowning, she tried to ease the hold on them, but to no avail: Her hand kept shaking uncontrollably. Slowly, she lowered the chopsticks on her plate, doing her best not to cause any unnecessary noise, and raised both of her hands in front of her.

"I… I hadn't even noticed…" she murmured, looking at her small, trembling hands. Looking up, she saw profound worry in those yellowish brown orbs. "This has never happened before… Not even when I…" Falling silent, Ryou turned her gaze back on her hands. _Not even when I worked in the hospital and had horrible lack of sleep. But there's no way I can tell you that. _"This has never happened before," she concluded quietly.

"Ryou-san," the blonde said, placing his own chopsticks down and nailing his gaze on hers. Even though his eyes held no hostility, she had to fight herself not to look away. "How many hours of sleep have you been getting lately?"

"Ah, um…" she stuttered, feeling how something heavy settled in her stomach. "That's… Exactly what onee-chan asked me, too…" she said evasively, grimacing mentally as the memory of that question, and the intense debate that had followed, flashed in her mind. As silence drew on, it became clear that he wouldn't be satisfied with just that: The look in his eyes hadn't changed one bit. Swallowing, she continued: "That's… It's not very much."

"How many hours, Ryou-san?" he repeated, his voice gentle, yet demanding. Blush rose on her cheeks as she turned her eyes downwards.

"Three to four hours," she replied in a voice barely above a whisper. "Occasionally, even less." He didn't say anything for a while, and she didn't dare look into his eyes in fear of seeing a similar expression her sister had worn; shock, anger, sorrow, and worry. In the awkward silence, the trembling of her hands seemed to become even worse. _Oh, God, it's really bad, isn't it?_ She braced herself for whatever he would lash out at her.

"… Do you want me to get you some sleeping pills?" he finally asked. She raised her head swiftly in surprise and flinched as her eyes met his. The brown orbs seemed to radiate warmth, holding no condemnation or judgement of any kind. However, there was deep, deep worry, and she wondered if she could drown herself if she stared into his eyes long enough. Not being able to hold the eye contact, she looked away.

"Aren't you angry?" she asked quietly, fighting against the tightness of her throat. _Onee-chan was angry. So very angry and so very hurt._

"I know you do what you have to do, Ryou-san," he replied gently, the tone of his voice almost causing tears to spill out of her eyes. "I wouldn't dream of straying you from your path; I know that you're staying up so late so that you can work on your research. I can only cheer you on and help you on times like this." Then, his tone of voice became a bit more cheerful. "So, just tell me how much you want, and I'll get them for you! I should have plenty at home, and I can always get more from my workplace!" A small voice in the back of her mind told her that she should ask him why he would have plenty of sleeping pills, but she was too busy trying to stop her tears from falling to pay attention.

"Really..." she managed to mumble, casting her eyes down, feeling how the tears burned in them, begging to be released. "Really, than-… Thank you, Kappei-san…" Clenching her fists, she did her best to get the shaking under control, but to her frustration, the hands simply didn't stop trembling. Soon, she felt two slim hands took hold of her own firmly yet gently. As she looked up, she saw the blonde smiling at her cheerfully, not a trace of worry on his face anymore nor a hint of doubt in his voice.

"I know you can do it, Ryou-san. I know you can save Nagisa-chan; I know you can save your friends. Just do your best, alright? Just like I promised, I'll be here to help you."

The trembling stopped, but the tears didn't. Hot trails burned on her cheeks as she cried against hers and Kappei's entwined hands, but she didn't care anymore.

_I'll press on. I'll press on, no matter what it takes._

* * *

November. The leaves fell, one by one, leaving the trees standing barren along the roads and streets. The rain, which had been cool and refreshing up to now, became cold and icy, and the pressure in the air began building up. Winter was near.

"Here, Ryou-san, your tea."

"… Thank you."

"Oh, and help yourself for some sweets, too. Too bad I suck at baking, so you'll have to do with the ones bought from the convenience store, hehe."

"… It's okay."

"Ah, I almost forgot: Today they're airing the first episode of that new anime series I've been telling you about! The manga has reaped a lot of fame, so everyone's looking forward to see how well the anime will do. Would you like to watch it, too? You're always telling me you keep missing the first few episodes of new series and can't get on because of that - this is a perfect opportunity to fix that!"

"… No thank you."

"… Well, suit yourself."

Near silence fell in the small apartment, the only sound being the occasional flip of page coming from one of the open books spread around the indigo-haired girl. Eyes that seemed more than just a little glazed darted between the different texts lazily, every now and then sharpening as they fixed on a particular word or a phrase, only to revert back into the tired look a few moments later. Because she never raised her gaze from her work, she couldn't see the yellowish brown orbs staring into her teal ones from across the table.

"… Your tea is getting cold," Kappei pointed out in a soft voice. She blinked a couple of times before finally raising her eyes, and even then she stared for a long while at the blonde, as if not comprehending what he had just said. It wasn't until he gestured towards the steaming cup in front of her that she finally seemed to grasp the situation.

"… Ah, yes," she muttered, lowering the book on her lap and reaching for the cup and the tray of sweets on the table. "I suppose a small break is needed, right?" The man across the table smiled and nodded vigorously.

"Yeah, yeah. Brain is a muscle too - it needs a breather every now and then as well." Ryou's mouth twitched slightly, as if trying to break into a smile, but the expression died halfway through and she settled with a blank nod instead. Kappei didn't seem to be particularly bothered, for he continued talking in his trademark cheerful tone. "Say, are the new sleeping pills working? Are you getting more sleep than with the last ones?" A wordless nod. "How many hours?"

"Six to seven on average," she replied, sipping her tea. For some reason, she couldn't register the taste at all. The blonde frowned.

"That's strange," he mused. "They're supposed to give you at least eight hours of undisturbed sleep - they're rather strong, after all. Well, I suppose some people are more resistant to them." Suddenly, he narrowed his eyes ever-so-slightly. "Say, how many do you take before you go to bed? Sometimes, it's alright to take as much as two…"

"At least three," she said blankly, and saw how Kappei's eyes widened and an anguished look passed over his face. Frowning ever-so-slightly, she tilted her head to the side, the clouded look in her eyes coming a little apart. "Kappei-san? Is something wrong?" Squeezing his eyes shut, the man drank the rest of his tea - which was still uncomfortably hot - in one gulp. When he opened his eyes again, the cheerful mask was back in its place again.

"Ah, nothing's wrong! Like I said, some people are more resistant to the sleeping pills, so I suppose you just have to take that many. Excuse me, I'm going to pour myself a new cup of tea." With that, the blonde pushed himself to his feet with some effort and walked to the kitchen corner. Ryou stared at his back for a short while, frowning: There was something strange in his behaviour, but she couldn't tell what or how she should've reacted to it. Absently, she reached for the sweet tray with her free hand, bringing her haul to her mouth without even looking at it.

"…" Her chewing came to a halt as a sweet taste over-whelmed her mouth. Even though muffled, the pleasant flavour was still very strong, and she could feel the corners of her mouth involuntarily reaching upwards. Swallowing, she looked down on whatever she was eating, and found herself holding a stick with three multi-coloured globes, of which the third was about half-eaten. Wordlessly, she could stare at the sweet things, trying to repel the haze in her mind so that she could recognize them.

"… Dumplings," she muttered eventually, finding the right word. She could feel how her senses sharpened a bit, the thick mist behind her eyes coming a little apart.

"Yeah, dumplings," Kappei confirmed with a grin as he sat down on the other side of the table. "They're a personal favourite of mine. Do you like them, too?" Upon seeing her nod, he continued with a self-content smile. "If you want to see something nice, turn them around a little bit," he told her in a secretive tone, and she complied. Seeing how her eyes widened, he let out a hearty chuckle. "You recognize what it is, right?"

"… It's… It's…" Words wouldn't come out. The two remaining dumpling stared at her with their long, streaky eyes. Looking more closely upon the tray of dumplings, she noticed that every single one had a pair of eyes painted on them. She felt herself trembling a bit. "… It's a whole family…"

"Yeah, it's the Big Dango Family!" Kappei exclaimed in glee, grabbing a trio of dumplings in a stick and grinning proudly. "I painted all of these today. It was actually fun to grab a brush again - I haven't got to do it since junior high!" Then, blushing slightly, he scratched his cheek. "Although I can't take credit for the idea. This was originally Tomoya-kun's idea, and I heard from Nagisa-chan that he used it to cheer her up when she was feeling down." The blush deepened a bit, and he turned his gaze on his lap. "So, uhm, I thought that this would, well… I thought this would cheer you up a little bit, too - I mean, is there really someone who can hate the Big Dango Family?" Again, his cheerful laughter rang in the air. She could feel how her heart began stinging.

"I'm… Very grateful, Kappei-san," Ryou muttered, gazing down at the dumplings that were becoming blurry; It seemed that even her vision was beginning to fail her now. "Really, thank you so much for this. It means a lot," she said before raising the sweets to her mouth again. _It really means a lot. More than I could ever tell you. _"But, really," she said with a small giggle between her bites. "It's just like you to buy salty ones, Kappei-san." Sting. Sting.

"Uhm, Ryou-san, are you…?"

"Oh, and not that I'm complaining," she said, raising her eyebrow as she bit on a new dumpling. "But what's the idea of soaking them? Is salt water some kind of a new seasoning? Ah well, it's good either way." Swallowing the rest of her dumpling, she fixed her eyes on the blonde - only to find out that she couldn't make out anything in front of her. Slowly, she became aware of the stinging and burning in her eyes, as well as the trails of tears that flowed from her eyes, dripping on the plate of dumplings on her lap. Little by little, she became aware of just how many sad memories were flashing past her eyes. Her hands, which had been remarkably steady ever since she had started getting enough sleep again, began to tremble.

"I… I don't… Understand…" she tried, blinking furiously. "Why am I crying?" If she could convince herself that she really didn't know, the crying would stop. She was certain of that. "This is what made Nagisa-chan feel better, so why don't I…? Why Nagisa-chan, but not I?" But, of course, there was no way she could fool herself. Her hands shook even more violently. "Why, why Nagisa-chan…? Why, why?" she repeated in a hollow voice, her voice breaking. "Why can't I cure Nagisa-chan? Why can't I help her? Why can't I find out what is wrong with her?" With every said word, her voice grew fainter, until eventually it trailed into nothingness. Her lips still moved, forming the word 'why' over and over again even though no sound came out anymore. Her connection to reality grew tenuous, and soon she could no longer register any connection to the real world; there was no apartment, no table, no tray of dumplings, no books around her - she seemed completely engulfed in darkness, accompanied by nothing but her despair.

_Why can't I find out what is killing you, Nagisa-chan? Why am I so helpless?_

"Shh, Ryou-san," a voice, warm and soft, whispered into her ear, breaking through the dark haze. It tickled her earlobe, warmed her skin - she could feel how the vibrations of the speaker's vocal cords travelled all over her facial muscles. "It's alright now. I'm right here. I'm right here to help you." Slim hands wrapped around her shoulders from behind, and she felt herself pulled gently backwards until her back met something warm and firm - it was his chest, she was certain of that. Locks of blonde hair swished past her face as a head was placed on her shoulder, chin resting on her chest. His scent filled her nostrils: disinfectants, deodorant, aftershave, dumplings, green tea. A cheek pressed against her own, more and more of her tears soaking into the hair that threatened to obscure what was left of her vision.

She cried. He was warm. His arms, his fingers, his chest, his cheeks, his murmured words of comfort all radiated warmth across her body, repelling the cold and darkness that had plagued her but a few moments ago. She drank of the sensation of his cheek against hers, leaned weakly against the chest that supported her, clutched the arms wrapped around her as she desperately sought to have more of that warmth. And in response, he hugged her tighter, pressed her even closer to him, breathed more on her skin.

"I know you can do it, Ryou-san. Just keep doing your best."

She just couldn't stop crying.

When she eventually fell asleep, it was for the first time in weeks she did so without the aid of sleeping medicine.

It was also the first night she spent in Hiiragi Kappei's apartment.

* * *

December. The bark of the naked trees grew dark from the continuous moistness and cold, and the few leaves that still flew through the air had long since lost their vibrant colour, morphing into a lifeless brown instead. It was cold now; people's breaths came in small white puffs as they walked on the streets, tightening their scarves and coats as they were struck by gusts of frigid air. The only thing missing was the snow which stubbornly refused to fall down even though dark grey clouds often hovered above the town.

Fujibayashi Ryou woke up slowly, spending a good time simply lying still and staring at the ceiling of her room. From downstairs, she could hear footsteps, speech, and laughter; the sounds of her family. Judging from the tones of their voices, they had been awake for a few hours already. Glancing at the alarm clock, she confirmed that it was a little over noon, but still didn't show any intent of waking up. She nailed her gaze on the ceiling again.

She didn't use sleeping medicine anymore. She was already so used to it that she had to take several pills if she wanted to fall asleep, and the after-effects muffled her senses so much that she could register barely anything the next day. Most importantly, he had insisted her not to, telling her he couldn't stand seeing her all drugged up anymore. He had told her to seek him out instead whenever she had trouble falling asleep.

So, Ryou had ended up sleeping at Kappei's several times during the last month. She often showed up late, sometimes even dead at night, waking him up from his peaceful slumber. He never complained, though, but instead made her some tea before preparing a bed for her, listening to whatever she had on her heart if she wasn't too tired to tell him. Mostly, the talk revolved around how she couldn't find a cure for Nagisa's disease no matter how hard she tried, and she always ended up crying herself to sleep on those nights. And he would always be there, holding her until her shaking stopped, telling her how she would surely devise a way to help her and how everything was going to be alright. She would always sleep peacefully for several nights afterwards.

She threw a glance at the messy piles of books and notes on her desk. Unlike she had originally told him, she had already memorized most of the things she had written down; she could probably read them out loud from her memory, word to word, if you asked her. However, she kept reading them over and over again, trying to find something she had missed previously. Normally, in Sundays like this, she would already be going through her scribbling, stopping only to eat and visit the bathroom every now and then. Normally.

Ryou pushed herself slowly on her feet, finally roused into action, and left her room as she headed for the bathroom. That's right, today wasn't a normal Sunday. Today, she had promised to do something important.

"Morning, Ryou," her sister greeted her as she was about to enter the bathroom. "Although you can hardly call this a morning anymore," she noted a heartbeat later, folding her arms in front of her chest. Ryou did her best to smile, but the expression felt awkward, and a blush rose to her cheeks soon.

"Good morning, onee-chan," she replied timidly. "I'm sorry for over-sleeping." Just how many times had she apologized to her sister during the last few months? She couldn't even begin to count.

"Did you sleep well?" she asked, brushing her apologies off with a shrug. When she nodded, a small, content smile spread on her face. "That's good, then. A few more well slept nights, and I'm sure the rest of the dark under your eyes will disappear, too." Ryou instinctively turned her gaze down, but forcefully raised it up again. She owed as much as an eye contact to her sister.

"I hope so," she replied, daring a smile of her own. Kyou nodded reassuringly, but then the smile she wore faltered a little bit.

"Say," she began hesitantly. "Are you free today? If you could take a break, we could go out to the town, maybe visit a few shops or something like that…?" The timid expression on the long-haired sister's face caused her throat to tighten, and a guilty look flashed on her face briefly before she forced it down. It was too late, however: She had already noticed the change in her expression, and turned her eyes downwards. "I guess that's a no, huh?"

"Sorry, onee-chan," she apologized, smiling softly. "But I already promised Kappei-san that I'd spend today with him. He really insisted." Kyou blinked a couple of times before raising her head. Shockingly, there wasn't disappointment or frustration in her eyes; Instead, she looked positively surprised. She gave a small, delighted laugh.

"Kappei, huh?" she mused, sighing. "Well, it's okay. I'm no match against him, really." Briefly, an urge to deny her sister's words flashed in Ryou's mind, but the words died on her lips. Kyou smiled as she continued. "To be honest, I'm just happy to see you go out for a chance. You really need to take your mind off things every once in a while." The long-haired twin flinched as she saw a despaired look pass over her face; her words seemed to have just the opposite of the intended effect.

"Ah, ah, but you can't really be thinking of seeing him like that, now can you?" she continued swiftly, coming to her side and taking a hold of her arm. Ryou looked up, the surprise overcoming her sombre thoughts. "Come on, we're going to make you look real nice! How would you like your hair? Have you already thought of the clothes you'll be wearing?"

"You, you don't have to help me, onee-chan," she protested meekly as Kyou dragged her towards her room. "I mean, I'll just be going out with Kappei-san, it's nothing special. Y-you don't have to waste your time on me." Her sister scoffed, silencing her.

"Nonsense! Of course I want to make my little sister look as beautiful as possible!" Kyou flashed a wide grin. "It's a date, after all!" The other twin blinked in surprise, the word echoing in her mind.

_A date, huh?_

* * *

Ryou arrived at the designated meeting place fifteen minutes earlier than she had promised. She was fairly certain, however, that Kappei would already be waiting: Normally, he arrived around twenty minutes in advance, and she had long since accommodated to that perk of his by trying to be fairly early as well. In fact, she could be considered being late this time; her sister had taken her sweet time doing her hair and working on her make-up, as well as offering her some advice on what kind of clothes to wear, all the time ignoring her protests of her meeting with Kappei being 'nothing special'. Ultimately, she had succumbed to Kyou's will, reasoning it wasn't much of a sacrifice to make her sister happy for that short amount of time - even if she had ended up being 'late' because of it.

To her surprise, however, the blonde wasn't where they had promised to meet, under the station clock. Ryou looked around her. Despite it being Sunday afternoon, there weren't many people around the station plaza, no doubt thanks to the cold, gusty wind and the ominous, dark clouds. As such, it was easy to see that the shade of blond she had become so familiar with was nowhere in the vicinity.

_There's still time, _she reminded herself, shrugging mentally. _Even if something's holding him up, he should still manage to arrive in time._

A small shiver ran down her spine thanks to the cold weather, and she tightened the scarf around her neck in response. Had it been up to herself only, she would've chosen a set of heavier clothing, but her sister had insisted on wearing something lighter. Even though she shared enough of Kyou's taste to admit that yes, the clothing was fairly pretty, she knew it was hardly a match for this weather. Uninvited, her sister's words sprung up in her mind.

"_It's a date, after all."_

"A date, huh…?" she murmured softly, breathing out a small cloud. Truth to be told, she had never considered her meetings with Kappei as 'dating'. All the occasions when they had met, walked through the town, ate outside, and chatted had all happened in warm, friendly fashion without any particular romantic feelings - just like how it was supposed to be between friends. After all, hadn't they both been in agreement of the nature of their relationship right from the start? They were friends who pursued the same goal. They both wanted Nagisa to get better. That was the reason why they were such close friends.

At least, that's how it had been in the beginning, back when everything had been so simple. Now, with the care-free afternoons in a local café, jovial musings over mundane topics, and the late-night snacks outside far in the past, she had long since lost the accurate definition of their friendship. The more she had whipped herself into her research, the more all-compassing Kappei's support had become, until at some point she had noticed she could no longer tell what their relationship counted as.

As if to prove her point, a memory of a few nights back flashed before her eyes: She was crying against his shoulder again, her fingers clutching his shirt, desperately seeking support even though he had his arms tightly wrapped around her. Closing her eyes, the memory of his scent came back to her; faint disinfectants, deodorant, that mild aftershave he always applied, and almost always some sort of sweet he had eaten with tea that night. She could vividly remember how his hair felt like on her face, how his voice vibrated through her body as she pressed herself against his chest and neck, clutching for support.

_Just what is our relationship? _she questioned quietly, gazing up at the sky as she wrapped her arms around herself. The grey clouds looked like they would start shedding snowflakes any minute now, but she knew better. The first wasn't to come before post-Christmas this year. _Is it that of friends, or that of lovers? _She could find no clear answer to that question, and her words seemed to vanish into the silence of her mind.

_No, _she thought eventually. _It doesn't matter. As long as Kappei-san supports me, as long as we're moving towards the goal, it doesn't matter what our relationship is. I shouldn't be thinking of these kinds of things. _She shook her head softly, trying to shake the questions off her mind, but they stubbornly ignored her efforts. _It doesn't matter what our relationship is, _she repeated, over and over again._ It doesn't matter what we feel towards each other. _The harder she tried, however, the harder the questions stuck to her mind, and the greater her uncertainty grew.

_What is our relationship? How do we feel about each other?_

… _How do I… Feel about him?_

"Aaah, I'm late!" Ryou's teal eyes shot open. Looking up, she saw the familiar blonde walking hurriedly towards her. Almost instantly, a smile formed on her face, and all of her uncertain questions vanished without a trace.

"Hello, Kappei-san," she greeted him, checking her watch. She smirked. As she had thought, he had arrived a minute before the designated time. Of course, to him that was as bad being an hour late.

"I'm so sorry, Ryou-san!" Hiiragi Kappei said, leaning against his knees as he stopped next to her gasped for air. "I didn't mean to leave it this late, but it took me longer than I thought to get here. Please forgive me!" The blonde bowed down far more deep than the situation required, and she gestured dismissively with a slightly abashed expression.

"No, no, you're not late at all, you're just in time. I just got here early, that's all."

"I'm… Sorry," he repeated between his gasps, head still down. She blinked. Had he ran all the way here? Just when she was about to ask if he was okay, he raised his head again. However, this did little to ease her worry. Even though the jog had brought a healthy red on his cheeks, the rest of his face was abnormally pale. Likewise, even though some of the sweat on his face was no doubt caused by the exertion, he seemed to be sweating a little too profusely.

"Kappei-san, are you alright?" she asked, stepping closer and pressing a hand on his forehead. "Are you feeling sick?" With the cold wind and the sweat running down his forehead, it was difficult to ascertain if he had a temperature, but Ryou thought she could detect some warmth. However, Kappei pulled away too quickly for her to ascertain it.

"Ah, it's nothing serious," he explained with a small laugh, scratching the back of his neck. "I think I might have a cold coming. It's no big deal."

"Kappei-san," she scolded. "You really shouldn't underestimate this. Colds can be rather unpleasant and long at this time of year." Rummaging through her handbag, she pulled a small handkerchief out. "Here, dry your face with this. Do you want to call this day off? We could buy something from the convenience store and head at your apartment instead, if you like." The blonde shook his head viciously.

"No, no!" he denied. "I'm feeling fine, I promise!" She gave him a little glare, trying to put emphasis on her previous words. 'If you're not completely honest, we're not going,' her eyes seemed to say. However, he stared back at her with dead-serious eyes. "Really, I'm good," he repeated, handing the handkerchief back. "I just got a little off-balance from having to run so much, it's nothing more. Besides, I would really want to have fun with you today." There was an uncharacteristically stern tone in his voice. Ryou inspected him a little more with her eyes. Even though she was fairly certain that he was not at top notch condition, something in his voice assured her that it wouldn't be fair to turn him down.

"Alright," she eventually gave in, noticing how a smile formed on his face almost instantly. "But tell me right away if you start feeling sick, faint, or something like that. I wouldn't want you to get ill." He nodded enthusiastically a few times, the unveiled happiness radiating off his face. Seeing that, she knew she had made the right decision. After all, he had been very adamant about today, and she owed at least this much for all of the unconditional support he had given her lately.

As the two set off towards the city centre with delighted smiles on their faces, Ryou was completely unaware of how soon her unanswered questions would come back to haunt her.

* * *

"Kappei-san, it's getting rather late, don't you think?"

"Ah, you're right. I didn't realize how quickly time has passed by!"

"Should we start heading back? Both of us have to get up early, after all."

"There's one more place I'd like to take you to, Ryou-san. Can you please stay with me until we've gotten there?"

"Alright, sure. One more place, then."

Ryou's steps felt light as she walked through the dark streets besides Kappei. Despite the fact that she had agreed to hang out with him solemnly for his sake, she had actually enjoyed her time spent leisurely. Thanks to his presence, she had managed to completely forget about her worries, and every time her morbid thoughts had threatened to return, hearing the sound of his voice or catching a glimpse of his smile had repelled her anxiety. Although only briefly, today she had managed to return back to those care-free days a few months ago.

_I wish days like this could have continued for a bit longer, _she mused with a small smile, listening to Kappei's delighted monologue next to her. _I really do. But, I have to do what I have to do._

"Ah, we're here!" he called out abruptly, stopping dead in his tracks. As soon as she realized where they had ended up, she raised her eyebrows in surprise. No matter what she had expected, it certainly hadn't been _this_. "Yeah, this isn't really a place where a gentleman would take a woman to," the blonde explained in an apologetic manner, scratching his neck. "But there's this one machine I really wanted to try with you, Ryou-san!" She turned her eyes at her, and for some weird reason, he avoided looking into them, choosing to turn his gaze to the side instead. His cheeks, which were still slightly pale, had now been lit up by a slight blush. His voice was hesitant. "Would you… Please try it with me?" For a while, she didn't know how to respond to this sudden change of mood, but eventually:

"Sure, Kappei-san," she agreed, smiling. "If you really want to, of course I'll try it out." Some of the blush died down, and a delighted smile took shape. With that, the two stepped inside the arcade.

She followed him through the gaming centre, navigating past the rows of blinking, beeping consoles and the horde of teens keenly staring into the monitors. Absently, she thought that it had been quite some time since she had last visited the arcade - she had never been one for video games, after all. _The last time I was here was with onee-chan and Okazaki-kun, _she thought to herself. _It was in the first semester this year, when we dragged Okazaki-kun out of his room and went outside with him, and then we…_ Her train of thought came to a sudden halt at the same time with her steps. Deep in thought, she hadn't noticed that Kappei had brought her to a very familiar place in the arcade.

"Here we are." In front of them stood the fortune telling machine of the arcade, the very same she had used with Tomoya back then. Uncertain of what kind of a facial expression to make, she simply stared at the machine with widened eyes. "Um, if it's alright with you, can we go in?" he asked hesitantly, no doubt startled by her expression. She turned to look at him, unvoiced questions written all over her face. Why had he chosen this place? Did he know what kind of machine this was? Did he know what significance it held to her? His gaze gave her no clear answers; instead, the seriously pleading look only further fuelled her anxiety. For whatever reason, he _really _wanted to try this machine.

"I promised, didn't I?" she replied eventually with a small smile and saw how his expression turned into a deeply grateful one. "However," she continued a moment later. "Why did you take me here?" A blush rose on his cheeks again, and he visibly struggled to maintain the eye contact.

"Oh, I just found out about this thing when I was here one night," he explained. "And when I remembered that you had a knack for fortune telling, I immediately thought that you might like this thing. Besides, I've never been in a fortune telling machine before, and its description sounded pretty interesting…" His voice trailed off in the end, and his blush deepened a bit. Ryou blinked in surprise a few times, and then let out an amused giggle.

"I see, I see," she said with a genuine smile. The nostalgic machine had stirred up some distracting thoughts and memories, but his reply had eased her mind a bit. She shook her head slightly. _I really shouldn't be over-thinking things. We're here to enjoy ourselves, aren't we?_

"Wow, you can really feel the atmosphere in here!" Kappei said, gaping at the scene as he brushed past the small curtains covering the monitor, Ryou following him, soon sitting on the seat next to him. The space-like, mystic ambience was much like she remembered, and another wave of nostalgia washed over her as she set her eyes on the screen, where particles of purple, blue, and white swirled around the non-enigmatic 'insert coin' text. The blonde, too, peered at the screen for a short while before rummaging through his pocket, soon pushing a coin inside the machine. The screen went black for a short while, and then a circle of syllables appeared seemingly out of nowhere.

"So, how exactly does this work?" he asked, wonder and excitement lacing his voice as he poked the screen. "It says to choose a name, but I can't really get this to work."

"You're supposed to use the controller, this one," Ryou pointed out, gesturing towards the orb-like device embedded half-way into the machine before proceeding to wipe his fingerprints off the screen with a handkerchief. "This isn't one of those touch-screen devices," she said with a giggle.

"Ah, I see, I see," the blonde said with an embarrassed chuckle, putting his hand on the controller, guiding it towards the swarm of syllables. "So I'll just choose it like this, right? And then, my gender… There we go."

"… That's a symbol for a girl."

"Uh, yeah, yeah! I, uhm, I'll fix it right away… There we go! It's your turn now, Ryou-san." Giggling, she reached for the controller, but her smile died half-way through. Resting her hand on the smooth orb, she seemed to become fully aware of her situation.

_What am I doing? Why am I here? I know full well what kind of a machine this is, don't I? _She snuck a glance at the man next to her, who had his eyes nailed on the screen, waiting for her to insert her name. _Does he really not know what's going to happen next? Just what did he read in the machine's description?_ Slowly, she began choosing the syllables for her name, her thoughts at disarray. _No, he couldn't have known; there's no way he would've insisted me to come if he had known what's going to happen next. There's no way he could've wanted to be stuck in a situation like this! _She selected the final syllables, and her full name lit up on the screen.

"I'm done," Fujibayashi Ryou said quietly, withdrawing her hand from the controller. As she had expected, her name vanished a few seconds later, and a different set of text appeared in its place. _This is going to be nothing but a useless piece of torture._

"The couple's… Relationship?" Kappei read out loud, looking at the screen, and she nodded mutely in response. Below were three words, every one of them a different colour. The emerald 'Friends', the ruby 'Lovers', and the sapphire 'Married' shone on the screen. For a few seconds, neither said a word nor looked at each other, fixated on the screen instead. Eventually, he spoke up: "Are we supposed to make a choice?" His voice was quivering a little.

"Yes," she responded quietly, still not looking at him. "Based on the choice, it will tell us our future." She clenched her hands into fists, hoping that he wouldn't notice it in the dim light. What would he choose? Would he stick to her words from months ago, when she had told him that she could accept him as a friend only, and choose 'Friends', even though they had long since passed that level? Or did he see their relationship as something deeper; would he choose 'Lovers'? How did he define their relationship? How did he feel about her?

Did he still love her?

_It doesn't matter, _Ryou thought sternly, trying to repel the growing anxiety. _He and I both know what I must do. No matter how he feels about me, he won't come between me and my goal. He'll continue to support me no matter what - I'm sure of that. _She managed to reassure herself for a few seconds, but then a single thought formed in her mind, shattering her newly-built confidence and rousing her anxiety.

If it really didn't matter, didn't that mean she would have an option to choose? If so, what did she want him to feel? If she could choose between Kappei who viewed her as friend or between one who viewed her as a beloved, which would she choose?

Did she want him to love her?

... What did she really want?

_It's not a matter of what I want! _she exclaimed silently, desperately trying to force the questions out of her mind, afraid of what she might answer. _I can't be thinking of myself, I can't consider my happiness! Didn't I come back to help Okazaki-kun? Didn't I come back to save Nagisa-chan? _She bit the inside of her cheek furiously, feeling how the coppery taste of blood began spreading in her mouth. _Didn't I give up on my happiness in order to save theirs?_ she thought, feeling how a wave of sorrowful determination washed over her. That's right, she wasn't entitled to happiness; even having Kappei as her friend was more than she deserved, more than she was supposed to have. She glanced at the man next to her with apology in her eyes.

_I'm sorry, Kappei-san. I already know my future. I can't possibly accept what you're about to give me, no matter what it is._

"Well, then," he said with a cough, bringing her back on the ground. "I suppose a choice must be made, right?" He threw a hesitant smile at her, at which she dared to look back at him. The expression on his face was familiar. He had sported a similar expression all those months ago, back when he had confessed to her for the first time. Just by looking at that expression, she could tell what his choice was going to be. She couldn't help smiling. It seemed that his feelings hadn't faded one bit.

Ryou reached out for the controller, placing her hand upon his.

"It says on the instructions to put our hands on top of each other," she explained softly to the slightly startled blonde. "Go ahead," she urged him, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. _But... Even if I can't accept the future, I can't stop you from offering it to me. _She turned her eyes back on the ground, a sad smile on her lips. _I know this is going to be painful to the both of us, but I have to do what I have to do. Just like you are honest with your feelings, I will be honest with mine. I owe you nothing less. _She could feel how he moved the controller to the right, towards the middle choice. The machine let out a small, bright tinkle as a choice was made. Slowly, Ryou raised her eyes, prepared to meet the glowing ruby 'Lovers' on the screen.

Right-most choice. Sapphire. 'Married'.

Her eyes widened. She couldn't have said anything even if she had wanted to - her tongue was paralyzed. Her body was struck by simultaneous waves of hot and cold, draining colour off her face in an instant and painting it rose-red the second. She wasn't able to form one single coherent thought, and the only function her brain had was to keep her gaze fixated on the glowing text on the screen.

Sapphire. 'Married'.

She blinked. Several times. Slowly, her lips began moving, trying to form words even though no sound came out. Her hand, which was still firmly on top of his, began trembling slightly, along with the rest of her body. With her free hand, she grasped the hem of her shirt, trying to hold herself steady.

'Married'.

She read the word over and over again, repeating it so many times in her mind that the word began to lose its meaning, eventually reducing it to nothing but a jumble of consonants and vowels. She couldn't comprehend it. She couldn't comprehend his choice no matter how much she tried. She couldn't comprehend her reaction over it. And most of all, she couldn't comprehend her jumbled feelings at all. With his choice, the blonde had destroyed all of her well-thought, determined reasoning, leaving behind nothing but confusion.

She didn't know how much time passed as they sat there, eyes glazed on the screen, their hands on top of each other. At some point, she absently registered the sound of a print-out coming from the machine, but neither reacted to it.

"Ka-Ka-Kappei-s-san…" she eventually broke the silence, daring to turn her head ever-so-slightly at his direction. He didn't meet her eyes. "W-wh-what…?"

"Ryou-san." His voice caused the little coherence she had gathered during the silence to vanish into thin air. It was there again, that deep undercurrent she had detected traces of every now and then, the under-tone that spoke of something heavy and dark he had hidden. Only this time, it wasn't just a faint feeling, a ghost of a presence: It over-lapped everything else, suffocating the faint traces of his usual cheerful voice until nothing but that broken darkness remained. His eyes, unmoving from the glowing text, were just as sombre as his voice, the sorrow and distress in them so tangible that she could feel her throat tightening from simply looking into them.

"Ryou-san," he repeated, and some of the darkness in his voice seemed to dissipate. "I don't know how many opportunities like this I have left anymore. In fact, this might just be my last one." Slowly, he turned his eyes upon her and smiled, but it was only a spectre of his normal expression. "Anyway, with those opportunities, I have to do my best to display my true feelings. A man could do no less."

_It's not a matter of what I want…_

"Wh-, what do you…?" she tried, but her words died halfway through as he reached out for her, pressing his hand on her cheek. His slim fingers were awfully cold, but they still left a burning sensation on her skin.

"Ryou-san," he said again, and more warmth leaked into his voice, into his eyes. "Do you remember what I said when I confessed to you all those months ago? I said that I want to get to know you, to become close and precious to you, to end my travels here and live so that I can see you every day." Smiling, he closed his eyes and leaned a little closer. When he opened his eyes again, his yellow orbs glistened with tears he didn't even bother holding back. "And, you know, that's exactly what I've gotten!" His laughter that rang like a silver bell seemed to repel the rest of the sorrow lurking in his voice. "Ever since that day, I've gotten to know what you are like, become closer to you, been able to support you with all my might. Everyday I've spent with you has been more meaningful, more special than my entire life so far." Tears were running down his cheeks, dripping on both of their shirts.

She could feel his breathing on her lips. "And, during those days, I've come to realize something."

_A matter of what I want…_

"What is it?" Her voice was but a whisper. There was nothing but his words going through her mind. Absently, she realized that tears were starting to fall from her own eyes, too. Kappei leaned even closer, so close that their noses brushed against each other. A shiver ran down her spine, and she could feel how the hair on the back of her neck stood up.

"I've realized that I don't want those days to stop - ever," he breathed. "I want to always stay close to you."

"I love you so much, Ryou-san."

He was trembling as he pressed his lips upon hers. So was she. The contact was faint at first, so faint one might've thought it had happened completely on an accident and that both of them would draw back almost instantly, abashed and embarrassed. However, as both of them continued to sat still, their trembling lips merely brushing against each other, he softly pressed himself closer to her, covering her mouth completely with his. His lips were abnormally cold, but soft beyond anything she could've imagined. His tears melded with hers, and some of them leaked in between their lips, bringing a taste of salt to her mouth, merging with her saliva. His fingers quivered against her cheek, caressing her skin in small, tender motions, and she could feel how strands of his hair stuck to the wet trails on her cheeks and chin. His scent overwhelmed her nose, the sight of his face was burned against her closed eyelids, she heard nothing but his breathing, which came out in short breaths through his nose. He occupied all of her five senses completely.

_What I want…_

Ryou didn't know how much time passed like that, but when he finally pulled away, she had stopped crying. Slowly, she opened her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Ryou-san," he whispered, withdrawing a little more from her, a sad smile on his lips. "I'm sorry for being so selfish. I, I know that you have your goal, and that you can't afford to be strayed away from it." Kappei squeezed his eyes shut, grimacing. "Even still, I can't help loving you. I can't just keep my feelings bottled up!" He said through clenched teeth, the tears falling down from his eyes again. "I'm so sorry, I'm sorry for-"

_What I want is…_

This time, she pressed her lips on his. There was no hesitation, no trembling in their contact anymore - she didn't even bother thinking of anything anymore. She took his face between her hands, noting with shock how cold he was. The warmth from her hands, from her lips, from her cheek radiated all over his face, and slowly she could feel how the cold began to leave his features. Gently, Kappei wrapped his arms around her small frame, pulling her body close to his. She didn't resist. Her hand began to gently caress his blonde locks, running strands of hair between her fingers, and she could feel how he did the same for her.

They broke apart, gasped for air, and then simultaneously pressed their lips together again - and then did it again. And again.

All this time, there was only one single thing running through her mind.

_I promised you. I promised that I would be honest with my feelings._

"I love you too, Kappei-san."

… _This._

_

* * *

_The following day, when she arrived at his house after school, she found him collapsed on the floor of his apartment, feverish and drenched in sweat, clutching his left leg in agony.

Osteosarcoma, they identified it as. In other words, bone cancer.

And it had been diagnosed almost a year ago already.

* * *

Author's notes: I feel horrible. With one hand, I give Ryou some happiness - and I take it away with the other a hearbeat later. The future chapters are going to be such a pain to write...

Reviewing is voluntary, but much appreciated. Until next time.


	11. Shaken Resolve

Disclaimer: _Clannad_ the visual novel is the property of Key and their respective partners. Likewise, _Clannad _the anime belongs to Key and Kyoto Animation. I'm not making any money with this fanfic.

Author's notes: Long time no see, everyone. Before I say anything else, I must offer my sincerest apologies due to the horribly long pause between the chapters. I will not make any excuses to try to justify my absence, simply because there is no reason good enough to do that. Instead, I offer you these two new chapters, which - I hope - will make my long silence at least slightly more acceptable.

As usual, a big thanks to the people who have reviewed, as well as to my beta-reader for her assistance.

Without further ado, here is chapter eleven. Enjoy.

* * *

Fujibayashi Ryou's ears were filled with rhythmic, familiar sounds. The quiet hum of the air conditioning and the steady beeping of numerous machines surrounded her from all sides, causing her mind to wander its usual, learned pattern. Here she was again, in a hospital, checking on yet another sleeping patient, going through his file to remind herself of what was wrong with him. In a minute or two, she would ensure that his vital functions worked as they were supposed to and leave the room without any further thought. Eventually, her shift would be over, and she would return back to the apartment she shared with her sister, stopping by at the convenience store to buy ingredients for tonight's dinner. By the time she got home, she would've forgotten about the patient altogether.

But things weren't like that anymore.

Blinking a couple of times, Ryou was brought back to reality. That's right. She wasn't a professional nurse any longer, nor did she work in a hospital; she was eighteen again, still in high school, still living under her parents' roof.

And most importantly, the man whose bed she was sitting next to wasn't just a nameless, foreign patient. He was the man she loved.

Hiiragi Kappei laid quietly on the hospital bed, completely unmoving save for the rise and fall of his chest. His breaths came out in short, shallow huffs, and every now and then a grimace of pain passed on his face. The white blanket that covered him seemed to emphasize the paleness of his skin, and the loose, striped hospital gown he was dressed in revealed just how abnormally thin he was for a man of his size and age. Despite having an IV tube strapped to his arm and being injected with a dose of antibiotics and painkillers, there were still several small beads of sweat on his forehead. According to the doctor who had treated him, it was no wonder; with the condition his leg was in, sudden pains and fever were to be expected.

Ryou's eyes traced downwards. His leg - the cause of his condition, his pains. Osteosarcoma. A type of cancer that caused the bone cells to multiply uncontrollably, forming tumoral bone in certain parts of the body - in Kappei's case, it was around his knee where the tumour had appeared. She was familiar with the disease, of course; she knew the symptoms and she knew the most common treatment - if memory served, she had even attended to a patient with the disease once. The few details that had been unclear she had brought back to her mind with Kappei's file.

She traced her fingers absently over the brown, half-open file on her lap. Normally, patient's files were exclusively for the treating doctor to see, but upon arriving at the hospital, Kappei had insisted the doctor to give the file for her inspection. With a shaking hand, he had penned his autograph on the document that permitted such transaction of private information, and shortly thereafter fallen unconscious. In the three silent hours that had dredged on painfully slowly, she had had plenty of time to dwell upon the file's content. Most likely, he had planned for the file to give her the explanation of his condition he couldn't give in his pained state, but truth to be told, the file wasn't of much use: the basic personal information, medical details and doctor's notes gave birth to more questions than they answered. More questions weren't exactly what she needed at the moment.

Ryou closed the file and glanced at the clock on the wall, not surprised to see its hands pointing towards the late hours of the evening already; it had been late afternoon by the time the ambulance had come to take Kappei from his apartment, and the drive to the neighbouring town's hospital had been lengthy, after all. Absent-mindedly, she noted that she would soon have to take her leave; there was a limit to how late the relatives could stay with the patient, after all, and she knew that even staying for as long as she had was really pressing against the rules.

Ryou sighed. She felt exhausted, drained even, and more so than she had felt in months. It had been just yesterday when Kappei had confessed his love to her - and this time, she had been able to respond to that feeling. It had been just yesterday when she had had no worries about anything, blindly believing that everything would turn out fine and happy - when she had gotten home last night, her sister had commented on how a completely different person she had become. Ryou could honestly say that yesterday had truly been the happiest days of her life in a long, long while.

It had been today when she had been brought back on the ground, hard. Despite all of her training, all of her experience about sudden shocks, she had been paralyzed with horror upon arriving at Kappei's apartment and finding him lying on the floor in feverish, pained delirium. Even though she had quickly gotten a hold of herself and called the ambulance, that brief sensation of utter fear had been vividly burned within her mind. During the drive to the hospital, as well as the time the doctors had attended to him, her fear and worry had formed into a tight ball of cold dread and nestled into the bottom of her stomach, sapping her strength away as she patiently waited on his side for him to open his eyes.

With a sort of detached, weary wonder, she couldn't hep marvelling what a bundle of rash ups and downs her life had become.

Ryou let out a soft sigh and rubbed her eyes briefly. She had already informed her parents that she would take the last train back to Hikarizaka and be home some time after midnight, but now that the time was slowly but surely approaching that moment, she found her spirit wavering. Despite what she had said, she knew she couldn't leave before Kappei regained consciousness; there were so many things she wanted to say to him, so many things she needed to ask him. With a desperate look in her eyes, she glanced upon his sleeping features for the umpteenth time, silently begging him to regain consciousness.

"Hngh…" As if on cue, the man groaned quietly, frowning. As he shifted uncomfortably on the bed, she could clearly see how he was unconsciously battling against his body, forcefully trying to wake himself up from the medicine-enhanced stupor. Instinctively, she took his hand between her own, doing her best to will the pained frown marring his face away via the touch. Slowly, like even the fluttering of his eyelids would've caused him pain, he opened his eyes.

"Ryou… San," he muttered weakly, and she noted with worry how hard it was for him to focus his eyes on her form. "Is that… you?" She gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

"Yes, I'm right here," she spoke softly, slightly startled at how weary her voice rang in her own ears. Ignoring that, she put on a warm smile, waiting patiently for him to wake up completely and fix his eyes on hers. "How are you feeling?"

"… I'm alright." A ghost of his usual smile passed on his face. It was such a blatant lie, but she couldn't help feeling a bit better hearing it; perhaps it was simply his voice that she had longed for to hear, no matter the words. Kappei closed his eyes briefly and sighed. "Well… I feel better than earlier, at least," he admitted soon with an embarrassed expression, not being able to hold the façade up. "And it won't hurt if I stay still, but…" His voice trailed off, and he cast his eyes to the side. Involuntarily, she did the same, and for a lengthy while, neither spoke a word. It was no wonder he had trouble talking about it; up until now, he had gone to great lengths to keep his condition hidden.

"I know," Ryou said eventually, breaking the silence. "I read your file. I know about it now." _I know how painful it must've been to lie. _A pained expression flashed on his features, and he turned his gaze down.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, keeping his eyes nailed on his lap. The broken tone of his voice caused her throat to constrict painfully. She found herself gripping the hem of her skirt so hard that her knuckles were turning white. "I'm sorry that I lied to you."

"Don't be!" Her vigorous response came out without any thought.. "Don't be," she repeated to the startled man, struggling to keep her voice steady. "Sometimes, you don't have any other choice but to lie. You just… You do what you have to do. I understand that, so…" She let out a wavering sigh, and squeezed his hand. "So please, don't be sorry." Kappei raised his gaze, his eyes displaying his unspoken protest that he clearly wanted to speak out loud; a man with his ethics couldn't leave it without apologizing.

The profound unease on her face, however, prevented him from saying anything. _If you start apologizing, what am I going to do? _In a flash, several painful occasions of her half-truths and even blatant lies floated past her eyes._ How am I going to properly apologize for all the lies I've told you; for all the things I've left unsaid? _Shaking her head slightly, she put on a weary smile. "Please, Kappei-san," she repeated quietly, aware of the strain on her voice. "Don't be sorry."

He didn't say anything for a while, torn between his principles and her wish. Then, slowly, she could see how the objection in his eyes vanished, replaced by a sort of understanding acceptance, and he gave a weak nod. With a small smile, he reached out for her, placing his hand on her cheek without a word. She, too, dared a small smile, snuggling her face against his hand softly. The two remained like that for a long while, completely silent. Just like Kappei understood her request of not apologizing, of not asking why, she understood his request of not talking about his illness. There was no need to repeat the things she had read.

The file dropped on the floor from her lap, its content spreading beneath the bed, but she paid no attention to it. An orphan, the first reports read. No known parents. Abandoned in a park and found by a passer-by. Raised in an orphanage, educated in communal schools. The early health examination reports spoke of 'well developed leg muscles' and 'good overall physics', and the later ones mentioned several times his success in running races. And, eventually, they began to describe 'formation of tumoral bone around the left kneecap', later on 'diagnosed as osteosarcoma'. She leaned a little closer towards the man, taking his hand in her own.

"It must've been painful," she muttered softly as she recounted the file's content silently, all the while caressing his hand. "To be diagnosed with that."

"Yeah." The short reply and the wistful smile that accompanied it caused a sharp sting in her heart. 'The patient has shown signs of severe depression. As a result of the loss of appetite, the patient's weight, mostly muscle mass, has begun decreasing rapidly…'

"Have you been eating painkillers all this time?"

"Yeah." Again, with the smile. Another sting. 'The patient has been given a supply of codeine for sudden pains, but as the symptoms become worse, the medicine will prove to be insufficient. Surgery is the only option…'

"And you…" she said, her voice quivering a little. "Intend to go on like this… Until the very end?" She closed her eyes, not being able to witness the expression he had; the same carefree, wistful smile.

"Yeah." His words carried a sense of finality. She felt herself shaking. It was just like she had read. 'Despite being informed by many doctors of the eventual outcome of the cancer, the patient has continuously refused the surgery…'

"Please, Kappei-san," There were tears glistening in her eyes as she opened them. "Please, reconsider. Please, take the surgery." His eyes, even though laced with sadness, held firm determination.

"No, I won't." Tears threatened to spill out. His words, which carried both an apology and his stand with them, were a wall she couldn't get over. She had no arguments, no reasoning she could use to steer his decision; she simply didn't have the power to make him chance his mind.

Osteosarcoma was a type of cancer which had one of the highest survivability rates. However, that required the patient to take the surgery for removal of the tumoural bone as quickly as possible. For Kappei, who had been diagnosed with it almost a year ago, the surgery should be performed immediately. Otherwise:

"You'll die, then," she said in a voice barely above a whisper. It was not a means to try and scare him - no, she couldn't possibly do it even if she wanted to - but simply _pleading _him. A flicker of sorrow flashed on his face, but it was replaced by that same wistful determination in a fraction of a second.

"I know." She couldn't help it. Her eyes pressed shut on their own and she tightened her grip on his hand as her tears began falling.

"Is your leg more important than your life?" she asked in a broken voice, even though she already knew what the answer was going to be.

"Yeah." From the tone of his voice, she could tell that he had that familiar smile on his face. He must've worn it all this time despite knowing that this day would eventually come. She felt how her throat constricted still. "It really is." Kappei fell silent for a while, and soon let out a sorrowful sigh. "Really… Losing my leg equals losing my life. I can't take the surgery." Determination, that familiar determination entered his voice again, pushing the melancholy aside. "I can't have my leg amputated."

"It doesn't necessarily have to be amputated," she countered, her words leaving her mouth before she knew what she was doing. Whipping up her head, she locked her eyes with his. "There are other ways to treat this type of cancer, too, with good survival rates! For example, treatment with-"

"Liquid nitrogen is a good alternative, I know," the man cut in. "But, unfortunately, it won't work for me. I've made certain. It's the same with other alternative treatments; they're impossible for me to choose." He gave her a small smile. "You should know too; you read my file, after all." Ryou had to turn her eyes back on the ground. That's right, she had read an accurate description of the nature of the tumour, and could've even without the doctor's notes deducted that anything other than amputation was not an option. The small amount of ridiculous hope that had sparked within her was gone as quickly as it had come, replaced in an instant with a throbbing darkness that threatened to engulf her entire being. Her whole body shook as she tried to withstand the emotional intensity of his decision.

_Why? _She wanted to ask out loud. _Why are you so determined about this? _However, that was the _only _question she couldn't ask him. Throughout these months, he had never, not even once, questioned her motives behind her unshakeable determination to cure Nagisa. He had never attempted to talk her out of it, not even when she had been physically affected by the horrible stress and lack of sleep. And just like that, there was no way she could try to talk him out of this; doing that would betray all of the trust he had placed upon her. Just like that, there was nothing she could do to make him take the surgery.

There was nothing she could do to help him.

"Ryou-san," she heard him say, but she couldn't respond. She could feel how a hand was pressed against her cheek, obstructing the continuous flow of tears that fell on the white sheets. "Ryou-san, please don't cry." His words, the silent apology behind their gentle tone, had just the opposite of the intended effect. She tried to protest, tried to tell him how impossible his demand was, but her words slurred into a muffled sob as they futilely tried to pass through her tightened throat. Kappei, too, seemed to realize this, for he soon grew silent and only caressed her cheek instead.

She didn't know for how long she cried. Time lost its meaning in the cold whiteness of the room, where his touch was the only source of warmth. And, eventually, even that warmth disappeared.

"That's enough," he said, withdrawing his hand. Ryou opened her eyes with great effort, fighting against the uncomfortable sensation of her reddened eyes rubbing against her eyelids. Upon seeing the smile on his face, she wished she wouldn't have opened her eyes at all. "That's enough tears for someone like me. Don't cry anymore." Slowly, however, the smile twisted a painful grimace as he desperately tried to keep his mask from faltering. "Really, that's… More, more than enough…" Leaning forward, Kappei wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him. She felt how his form quivered from the repressed sadness that was threatening to break through. His breathing was short and shallow, and even though she couldn't see his face, she heard the tears in his voice clearly.

"Thank you, Ryou-san." She didn't trust her voice enough to respond. Instead, she tightened the embrace between them, and for a few more moments, it was warm again.

* * *

It was silent.

She sat still in the familiar place; the corner of the library she had become so accustomed with in the last few months. Like a robot, she had taken a course towards the library without any further thought, her actions automatically repeating the pattern she had become used to. Before she noticed it, her worn-out notes, filled with scribbles and side comments laid open before her again, accompanied by the thick hard-cover books she had read through so many times already. She was ready to begin her work again.

But it didn't quite go as she had expected.

Hours passed, yet she did nothing but stare at the first page of her notes, not being able to comprehend the content within it. Even though she should've fully memorized their information by now - and she could've sworn she had done exactly that a couple of days ago - her hand-made notes were now nothing but incomprehensible jargon. She would get stuck on one single sentence, reading through it over and over again, and when she finally got past it, she would forget it in a matter of seconds. Granted, it had been weeks since she had experiences _any _sensation of progress, but currently, she felt like nothing was being recorded in her mind.

Something was wrong. Something was definitely wrong. She stared intently at her notes, desperate to understand just _what _was wrong with them, with her, and slowly, slowly, she could feel dread creeping into her.

The silence, previously so blissful and serene, now felt oppressive and ominous, circling around and sticking to her like some dark, oily substance. In the hollow emptiness, her notes seemed to grow even more cryptic, the snake-like trails of lead and ink dancing in an incomprehensible fashion on wherever she laid her eyes upon, mocking her efforts to try and decipher their meaning. The artificial light of the table lamp seemed to wither away as the looming shadows of the surrounding bookshelves stretched further upon her as if trying to engulf her entire being. Slowly, her own heartbeat began growing in tempo and volume, thundering in her ears like the drums of a galley, shaking her sight and arms alike. She tried to take a deep breath, but her lungs refused to carry out their task, taking in only a fraction of the air they were supposed to. Panicking, her hands involuntarily flew to her collar bones, knocking down several pages of her notes and a few books in the progress as she desperately tried to gasp a lungful of air through her tightened throat. She pushed her chair back violently and attempted to stand up, but her legs failed her, and the abrupt motion ended up knocking down both her and the chair she was sitting upon.

Fujibayashi Ryou collapsed on the floor, wincing in pain as her shoulder collided with the hard floor, but made no effort to stand up - _couldn't _makeany effort to stand up, her muscles refusing her silent orders. For the better part of a minute, she could do nothing but to simply lay still, desperately trying to get her breathing under control. A more primitive part of her tried to make her cry out, alerting the librarians or the other people of the building of her distress, but her sense of dignity held her at bay; she would die of embarrassment were someone to see her in this condition. Besides, it was unlikely for anyone to hear her voice from behind the mighty bookshelves, anyway - even as she was struggling to breathe, she could feel how the silence curled up around her, bent of snuffing out her every sound.

Slowly, so painfully slowly, she began to get a hold of her again.

_A… A panic attack, _she was able to note silently after her breathing had eased down a bit. _I… I never thought I'd get one… _Her mind fell into silence as she twitched her limbs slightly, trying to determine whether she could try to stand up yet. The response of her body, however, wasn't encouraging, and she fell motionless once more, enveloped by the silent dimness.

_When did it become like this? When did the silence become this awful? _Her fingernails scraped quietly against the floor. Her musing was hollow, emotionless wondering, devoid of interest. She did not expect an answer, nor did she care for it. That said, when the understanding dawned upon her, it was far from a pleasant surprise.

_No. _The small movements of her fingers came to a halt, her nails pressing against the floor painfully hard. She could feel how at least three of them fractured. _It has always been like this. The silence has always been like this. I simply haven't noticed it up until now. _She didn't want to continue. She honestly didn't want to continue with the next thought, but her mind was acting on its own. _I haven't noticed it because of him. He has always been there to conceal it. Even when I've thought it to be silent, he has always been there, hiding it with his presence. _Her hand shook again. As did her whole body. _This is… This is what it really feels like._

_This is what it feels like to be truly alone._

Again. She was crying again, the translucent beads running down from her eyes without control. She hated it, hated that she cried so easily and so often. However, no matter how she tried, she couldn't steel herself; not against the terrible revelation that drowned her in such deep despair.

_I can't do this on my own anymore._

* * *

She was standing in front of the door that led to Kappei's room, her eyes staring past the white board, unseeing. She had rushed straight for the train station as soon as her lessons had ended to catch the earliest train available, brushing off her peers and twin sister with a haphazard explanation and a rushed apology, and dashed for the hospital immediately after her arrival. However, as soon as he had arrived in front of the door to his room, she had halted entirely, hesitating. Despite being there for at least a minute already, she hadn't made the slightest movement to open the door.

She hadn't said she wouldn't come to visit him again. He hadn't told her not to come to see him anymore. Saying such hurtful words wasn't necessary; it had been _obvious _she wouldn't, shouldn't seek him out anymore. Their last meeting had been their final.

He wasn't able to support her anymore, not in his condition. Just over one night, he had changed from her support to her burden, threatening to drag her down and hinder her progress on the path she had chosen, like she had initially feared. Now, she was supposed to leave him behind and press on alone like she had vowed she would right from the start. She had been aware of this all along. They both had. Right now, there were no other options left.

She shook. She couldn't do it. There was no way she could've done it. She didn't want to turn her back to him, to leave him alone with his suffering. Even if she couldn't change his mind, couldn't help that his conviction was to die along with his leg, she wanted to at least be there with him, to make him feel more at ease as the inevitable approached. She couldn't leave him alone.

But more than that, she still needed his support, his presence. _She _couldn't be left alone, either.

She pushed the door open.

"Ryou-san?" She was almost immediately greeted by the occupant of the room who sat up in his bed. His tone was full of that genuine wonder of his, without a hint of anger or disappointment. If anything, she could detect faint traces of delight, hesitant as if he was doubting whether she was real or just an apparition.

"Hello, Kappei-san," she responded, smiling as warmly as she could, the genuine expression forming on her face with ease as she closed the door behind her. "How are you feeling today? Do you still have a fever or sudden pains?"

"Ah, I'm feeling fine - much better than yesterday, at least," he replied, flashing a quick smile. However, as the man begun to grasp that she was indeed real, the enchanted disbelief in his eyes vanished, replaced instead by a sort of melancholic acceptance. With a sigh, his gaze drooped down a bit.

"Why are you here, Ryou-san?" Then, a few heartbeats later, his habits kicked in, and he begun flailing his arms wildly. "I mean, it's not that I'm not happy to see you, that's not what I'm saying! It's just that you really shouldn't be wasting your time on me here, because there's a number of more important things to do, like your research and school and studying and-!"

"I know," she told him gently and let out a giggle - she could've never guessed how unfamiliar it sounded, coming from her lips. She could've never guessed how hard it was to produce that sound outside the room. "That is exactly why I am here." He stared at her, blinking in wonder, as she reached for her bag and pulled out a thick pile of paper: her notes.

"Kappei-san," she begun hesitantly, placing the pile of notes on the nearby table. "I'm terribly sorry for asking this, seeing that you're a recovering patient; if anything, you need rest and relaxation, not disturbance from others. However…" Ryou instinctively turned her gaze on the floor. Then, realizing what she was doing, she steeled herself and forcibly laid her eyes upon his. "I, I really need your help with my research." She did her best to hide the hesitation and fear in her voice. "Would you please help me again?" The wonder didn't vanish form his eyes; if anything, he looked even more lost. Slowly, however, a wistful expression crept on his face, and he shook his head softly. She could feel her throat tightening up, but when he opened his mouth to reply, it wasn't to reject her plea.

"… How… How could I possibly be of help to you?" he asked in a melancholic tone, chuckling mirthlessly. "I can't do anything to support you anymore: I can't take you out to eat, I can't offer you tea and sweets, I can't help you take your mind off your worries." Again, he shook his head. "I can't do anything. I'm just a hindrance now." _Just like you said I would. _He didn't say it out loud, but she still thought she could hear the words in his voice. A protest rose on her lips without any further thought.

"That's not true," she countered swiftly, causing him to look at her with raised eyebrows. She saw the surprise, but didn't bother calming herself down. "It's true I've enjoyed myself by doing those things with you, and that they've helped me a lot with my work, but…" She shook her head, trying to find the right words. To her silent amazement, they came to her mind with ease. "But, the most important thing is that you've always been there. It doesn't matter what we have done, as long as you have been with me." She reached for his hand, intertwining his fingers with her own, smiling.

"It's you that's the most important thing; not the dinners outside, not the tea, not the relaxation - you. As long as you're still willing to support me, it doesn't matter even if you're stuck to bed." She fell silent and caressed his hand, her eyes leaving his as her previous hesitation kicked in. _I can't do this without you_, she finished mentally, careful not to let it slip out between her lips. If she said that, he would whip himself into helping her no matter what, and she couldn't have that; she wanted him to make his decision entirely on his own. No matter how much she needed his helps, she didn't want to force his decision.

"So, if you still want to help-" Her words were cut short as two hands were placed on her shoulders, causing her to turn her eyes on his again. The yellow orbs practically _shone _of unveiled emotion, once again wiping her mind clean of further thoughts.

"Of course!" he exclaimed, his voice shaking. "If there's any way I can still help, I will do it! God, I was so ashamed of myself for letting you down like this; How could I, a man, do something like this? I could barely get any sleep last night thanks to that!" Ryou's eyes widened. He had been this bothered, and by the measly thing that he was _letting her down_ and not his approaching _death_? "Thank you very much, Ryou-san, for both your words and for giving me this opportunity!" With that, the man bowed his head as deep as he could while sitting in the hospital bed. She didn't respond. She was too taken aback by the blunt reminder of what his nature was really like.

Just how much of himself was he willing to sacrifice for the sake of helping his friends?

Not being able to control herself, she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close, burying her face in his hair, altogether ignoring his surprised yelp, and when she became aware of what she was doing, she found out that she didn't want to let go.

* * *

Kappei's apartment changed into his hospital room, the tea changed into soft drinks bought from the vending machine in the hallway, but the two continued on nonetheless with their work. Ryou brought along books and tomes as much as her arms could carry, turning the small room into her own personal library every time she came to see him, with him saying not one cross word – on the contrary, he seemed excited to help, if anything. Like that, the two turned the few available hours they had together into a re-enactment of their last few months; they discussed and pondered over her notes and observations, chit-chatted and joked on mundane topics, and sometimes fell into a peaceful, warm silence as she immersed herself into her research and he simply looked upon her with a content smile on his face. Those few hours they had together energized and strengthened her, making it possible for her to continue her work independently at home and school until she was able to come see him again.

The happiness of those days was faint and tiny, but considering the circumstances, she valued them as much as the days from before.

And then there were the days when she would arrive to his room and find him laying in fitful slumber, beads of sweat on his forehead as he tossed and twitched on his bed, a groan of pain escaping his lips every now and then. During those days, she wouldn't – couldn't – conduct her research, but simply sat next to him holding his hand, praying that his fever and pains would go away. During those days, she did her best to fight against the immense anguish rising within her, trying to hold it at bay, because when he would eventually wake up he could spot right away if she had cried, and that would result in only more tears.

During those days, she was reminded of how brittle her happiness actually was.

Like that, most of the December passed quickly by, and eventually those days of makeshift serenity came to an end.

* * *

"Kappei-san?" she called out as she stepped inside. "Are you here? I brought some juice and snacks with me, but we ought to eat them in secret, otherwise the nurses will…" Her words trailed into silence as she laid her eyes upon his sleeping form. Closing the door behind her, careful not to make a sound, she made her way next to his bed, placing her presents on the table next to him as she sat down.

She could immediately tell something was different. The blonde was sound asleep, his chest rising and falling in a peaceful, steady rhythm, the undisturbed, painless rest displaying clearly on his face. She reached out for his forehead, brushing his sand-coloured locks aside as she gently placed her hand on his skin. He didn't have a fever; his temperature was as normal as it could be for someone with his condition. Withdrawing her hand, she sat there quietly, drinking on his sleeping image with her eyes.

She should've been content that he wasn't in pain. She knew she should've been happy to see him get some undisturbed rest for a chance, but for some reason, she couldn't feel at ease at all. Something was different, and she didn't know what or why.

"Ah." Eventually, his eyes opened, and Ryou was brought back to reality. Just how much time had passed? "Ryou-san…" he muttered sleepily.

"Kappei-san," she called out to him, trying to get him to focus his gaze on her. "Did you sleep well? How are you feeling?" She took his hand in her own and gave it a squeeze, but strangely, he didn't seem to react to it. His eyes retained their confused, lost look, looking everywhere and nowhere at the same time. "Kappei-san? What's wrong?"

"Ryou-san," he repeated, finally seeming to get his eyes to look at her general direction. His voice was groggy and bleary, far from its usual brightness. Even his smile seemed muzzled and damped. "Good… To see you…"

"What's wrong, Kappei-san?" Her voice was shaking a bit.

"It's… alright," he muttered, trying to smile again. "Everything's… Alright…" His eyes closed suddenly, and it took him several seconds of excessive blinking to pry them open again. She was still holding to his hand, not daring to let go in fear that he would lapse into sleep again. "They…" he began after a while, struggling to get the words out of his mouth. "Gave me… Morphine… To help with… My pains…" She tightened her grip unintentionally. "And something else… To make me… Sleep well…" The drugged ghost of a smile appeared on his face again. "Sorry… I'm not of… Much company… Today…" With that, his eyelids slid shut again, but it didn't seem as if he had fallen asleep again. Yet.

_Has it advanced this far already?_

"It's alright," she told him softly, trying to ignore the anguish inside her. She was almost proud for how steady her voice sounded like. "It's alright, just get some rest. We'll talk some other day."

"No," he spoke up suddenly, prying his eyes open again. "I can… At least talk… With you…" He tried to sit upright, but his body didn't seem to listen to his commands, slumping back into the bed. "I can… Talk…" He tried to sit up again, but was stopped by two arms wrapping around him.

"Okay," she told him, mumbling the words into his ear. "Okay, we can talk if you want. But only for as long as you can without falling asleep, alright? You need to sleep to recover." She could feel him nod, and began to pull away, but he stopped her.

"Could we… Stay like this…?" She stared at him for a brief while, unblinking. Then, without hesitation, she climbed into the bed next to him, all the while keeping her arms around him. She buried her face into his hair, enjoying the ticklish sensation of the strands of hair against her skin. He smelled of disinfectants, of the unnatural cleanness of the hospital, but she could still detect some of his distinct smell under all that unfamiliarity. Breathing in deeply, she snuggled closer to him.

"Are you comfortable?" she whispered, receiving a wordless nod. His eyes were closed again, but she knew he wasn't asleep. She knew he had something to say. "What do you want to talk about?"

Kappei began. His words came out slowly and uncertainly at first, but the more he spoke, the more easily the words seemed to leave his lips. He spoke about his past; about his life in the orphanage, the things and events that had taken place during the long years there, about the hesitation and doubt every child there had had about living without a family. He spoke about the friends he had made, about the bitter-sweet happiness to see some of those lucky friends to get adopted by foster families while the rest of them stayed behind. He talked how running had eventually become his way to escape it all, to gain self-esteem and repel the doubts of his existence. He recounted on the wonderful sensation of winning a competition, of becoming known by his merits, of being noticed by people despite being an orphan.

As he got to the part where he had been diagnosed with cancer, Ryou instinctively hugged him tighter and didn't let go until he got past it, recounting instead how he had begun travelling around the country, the numerous places he had visited and the different people he had met. With quiet laughter and jovial chuckles, he described both his happy encounters and hardships, his cheerful tone never once faltering.

Eventually, his voice became more and more unclear and his words began slurring together. Even so, he continued talking, his vocal cords vibrating warmly against her skin as she pressed her face closer to him. His voice grew hoarse and he let out dry coughs, but he still continued talking. She could no longer understand the words, but the warm, serene tone of his voice was enough to tell her that he was closing on to the present day.

Finally, he stopped. The silence rang unfamiliar to her ears, being absent for so long. The man's rhythmic breathing suggested that he had fallen asleep, but she could tell better. He hadn't yet said everything he wanted. He wasn't finished yet.

"The doctor said…" he rasped after the long pause, struggling to make his words intelligible. "I have three… Three days to… Take the surgery." Swallowing, he continued. "After that… It won't be of… Any use. And… And I'll… Spend the rest… Of my days… Sleeping like… This…" For a while, she said nothing. Then, with a voice thin like paper.

"Will you please take the surgery?" It was completely silent at first. From that silence she could hear it grow, the sound of battered, broken weeping. It racked through his entire body, shaking him from head to toe. His tears fell on her face, into her hair as she stubbornly hung to him with all her might. His answer was clear.

"Forgive me," he whispered out, his eyes clenched shut. "Forgive me… I didn't… I didn't fall in love… With you… Just… Just to… Just to do you this." His whole body clenched as his face contorted with suppressed anguish and grief, up to the point where it must've caused him physical pain. She didn't say anything. There was nothing she could say, nothing that would make him feel better. "Forgive me," he repeated once more, his voice growing fainter with each said word. "I truly thought… We would have… A happy ending…" She could feel how his body was again drifting into unconsciousness, the muscles relaxing and his breathing becoming more and more at ease.

"I know," she said as she gave squeezed him once more. "I know." His eyes were sliding shut, but his mouth was still forming near-silent words. Had she not been so close, she would've missed them altogether.

"I love you, Ryou-san."

"I love you too, Kappei-san." With a wistful smile on his face, he fell into a deep slumber.

She laid there for a while longer, to ensure he had fallen completely asleep, before climbing out of the bed, careful not to make a sound. Wordlessly, she covered the sleeping man as neatly as she could, straightening the wrinkles on the part of the bed where she had laid on. With her handkerchief, she dried the tears away from his face and set his hair in his usual half-neat, half-natural fashion. By doing this, she noticed that he was clutching weakly to a crumbled piece of paper with his other hand, and without further thought, took the paper gently from his grip and stuffed it inside her pocket.

With that, she stood up, gathered her belongings and quietly stepped out of the room, throwing one more glance at his direction before turning off the lights and pressing the door shut in her wake.

Leaning against the door once outside, she turned her gaze up on the ceiling and breathed heavily, trying to gain control of her swaying vision. Her hands threatened to shake, but she did her best to control her muscles so that she wouldn't drop her bags. She didn't think of anything. She didn't even try to think of anything. Nothing good would come out of it, not now.

For several minutes she stood there, until eventually she was beginning to feel confident in the thought of setting for home on her own two feet.

However, when she reached into her pocket for her gloves, her hands caught hold of the piece of paper she had taken from Kappei. Taking out the worn-out, crumbled paper, she straightened it to the best she could and begun reading it.

By the time she realized the paper to be the print-out from the fortune telling machine, it was already too late to stop reading.

_Fortune for the Married Couple: Hiiragi Kappei and Fujibayashi Ryou_

_A passionate man with an unmoving sense of ideals and a bright view on the world; a gentle woman with a heart of gold and a particularly strong sense of sympathy. A match made in Heaven, there is little possibility you will find a person more ideal for you! However, your strong convictions may become an obstacle for your relationship; in the worst possible case, they may even destroy it entirely. Honesty and compromises are the keys to happiness._

The paper fell from her grip, as did all of her belongings. Collapsing on the floor like a puppet with all its strings cut, Fujibayashi Ryou wailed from the bottom of her anguished heart, weeping bitterly with tears she thought had long since ran dry.

Three days. Three more days until the Christmas Eve.

* * *

She had been wrong. She had been wrong about everything. She had been wrong in accepting Kappei's resignation to his fate. She had been wrong about how she had spent the days of his hospitalization. Most of all, she had been wrong about her feelings.

She couldn't let him die. No matter how much of a hypocrite it made her, no matter how thoroughly she would betray his trust, she would have to turn his head. She would have to make him take the surgery even if he were to hate her afterwards.

She couldn't let him die. She loved him far too much to let him die.

But the initial problem still persisted: she couldn't do it on her own. She alone didn't have the means to make him change his decision.

That was why, two days before the Christmas Eve, she arrived in front of the Furukawa bakery.


	12. Even Scales

Disclaimer: _Clannad_ the visual novel is the property of Key and their respective partners. Likewise, _Clannad _the anime belongs to Key and Kyoto Animation. I'm not making any money with this fanfic.

* * *

It was cold outside. The chilly December wind blew through the empty park, causing the swings to creak quietly under the grey clouds. It whirled around her, every now and then grasping a hold of her indigo locks, twirling them in front of her eyes for a brief moment and then letting them fall down again, lifeless. The gusts of cold air penetrated easily through the thick coat she was wearing, sending shivers down her spine as she stood completely still on the edge of the park. She could barely notice the cold, however, her eyes fixated on the glowing sign-post above her.

'Furukawa Bakery' it read in bright, thick letters, radiating an unmistakable impression of warmth; it was soothing, almost, to bathe in the artificial light of the sign. Likewise, the light that shone through the display, illuminating the small shop, seemed to speak of serenity, and most important of all, happiness. Indeed, a passer-by would be undoubtedly left with an impression that all was well within those walls.

Ryou, however, knew that first impressions could be deceptive; not everything was as it first seemed. She knew; she had devoted herself to helping this family, after all.

The irony that she was now coming to ask _them _for help was not lost on her.

"Excuse me," she called out as she slid the door open and stepped inside, immediately surrounded from all sides by the smell of bread. Looking around, she saw no one behind the counter or in the near vicinity. "Excuse me," she repeated a tad louder to the unattended store, keenly listening to any kind of a response. Finally, from behind a curtain that she wagered to lead to the living quarters, she could hear signs of life.

"Hey, old man, you've got a customer, see to it."

"I'm busy playing this game. Just stay quiet and they'll go away."

"What? You're going to let them just stand there?"

"Brat, if it bothers you that much, why don't _you_ go there?"

"That's not something you should ask me to do!"

"…"

"… Fine, play your stupid game, I'll go." With that, Ryou could hear footsteps approaching from inside the house, and soon, a familiar face peeked from behind the curtains.

"Welcome… Oh! Fujibayashi!" Okazaki Tomoya said, sporting a surprised expression.

"Hello, Okazaki-kun," she greeted him politely with a smile and a small bow, bringing her hands together in front of her. "We haven't had a chance to talk with each other in a while, how have you been?" It was amusing, almost, how little they had interacted with one another lately. Despite that the two were in the same school, in the same class even, both had been too preoccupied to even talk with each other much – for obvious reasons.

"Huh? Well, I've been okay, I suppose," he responded, rubbing his temple. The awkwardness of the situation was almost tangible, and it didn't get any better when she suddenly remembered that the earlier conversations she had had with him had never been, as far as she could recall, on particularly light-hearted topics.

This time, she noted with some bitterness, wasn't going to be an exception.

"That's good to hear," she managed to say heartily despite her morbid thoughts, doing her best to continue on with the friendly chatter. "I can see you've even lost some weight." However, as soon as the words left her mouth, she realized her err. As Tomoya winced slightly, she understood that the cause of his loss of weight must've been for no other reason but his constant worry over Nagisa's health, and that she had poked right at the sorest subject possible. "Ah, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it in that way!" The man simply made a dismissive gesture in response to her haphazard apology, indicating her not to worry about it. The damage had already been done, however, and the two fell into an awkward silence again.

"Ah, but never mind me," Tomoya said eventually, more to break the silence than out of need to continue their discussion. "How have you been?" Then, as if remembering something, the look in his eyes sharpened, and he arched up an eyebrow. "Oh yeah, come to think of it… You've been up to something in the last few months, haven't you?" Involuntarily, she took a step backwards. "I know I'm not one to say, but you've been awfully… I dunno, absent, lately. It's like you constantly have your mind on something else, even during lessons. That's something I'd expect from Sunohara, not you." She winced mentally at his observation, but soon managed to calm herself down.

_Well, it's to be expected, _she reasoned. _I haven't really been trying to hide it. _"You could say something like that," she replied evasively, and continued with a statement that bordered a blatant lie. "But I've managed to get by, more or less." Judging by the silence that followed, the man clearly wasn't satisfied with her answer, but didn't press further, letting out a sigh instead.

"Well, as you say." The awkwardness threatened to return, but she did her best to fight against it. By her initiative, the two exchanged a few more polite lines on everyday topics, but it soon became obvious that both had something of greater importance they wanted to ask from each other. When all the pleasantries had been exchanged and neither of them could think of anything more to say, they fell back into that expectant silence again. And then, finally, she tentatively approached the sore subject.

"How, umm, how has Nagisa-chan been?" A sorrowful look passed on his face before he managed to will it down, but traces of sadness remained in his eyes as he spoke. She tried not to let it bother her, but wasn't very successful.

"The same as usual: she's still too weak to do anything outside her room. Every time she feels better and tries to do something, house chores or some other small things, she is struck by weakness and fever, and can't leave the bed for a day at least." The raven locks swung from side to side as Tomoya shook his head. "From the look of things, it's almost certain she'll have to stay behind a year again." She found herself clenching her shirt, her stomach pulsating with the sensation of helpless despair she had become so familiar with in the last few months – hearing this all straight from him only made the feeling worse. "Fujibayashi? Are you okay?" he asked, peering at her with worry.

"I see," she managed to say. "I'm sorry to hear things haven't gotten better." Even though she had been fully aware of how things would turn out without her doing something, it didn't make her feel any better about it. She hadn't expected anything less. "And yes, I'm okay," she said eventually, sighing as she relaxed her hands and turned her eyes on him again, trying to steel herself.

However, his next question really shook her resolve.

"Oh yeah, how's Kappei? He hasn't popped up in a few weeks, what's up with him?"

Her body instinctively stiffened, and she was barely able to stay on her feet, seeking support by leaning against the nearby wall with her hand. Her vision swayed along with her footing, and she could hear how her heartbeat thundered in her ears, temporarily drowning out all other noises. With great effort, she managed to hold herself stable, and slowly, slowly seemed to regain her touch to reality after taking several deep breaths. The first thing she realized was that Tomoya had closed the distance between them, towering over her as he called out her name.

"Fujibayashi! Hey, Fujibayashi, do you hear me? Is everything okay?" He placed a hand on her shoulder and peered at her face, his eyes wide with worry. "For a split second, it seemed like you could fall down from the slightest push. What's wrong with you?" She chose to ignore his cries, however, focusing on the one thing that had caught her interest.

"What do you mean… Popped up?" she breathed out. "Do you mean Kappei-san has been visiting here?" The worry still laced his features, but he nodded nonetheless, causing her confusion and surprise to grow.

"Yeah, he has been a regular customer here, coming in at least once a week to buy a load of bread and ask about how Nagisa has been doing. Me and her have chatted with him several times."

"I had no idea," she muttered, lost in thought. "I mean, he never told me…" Then, her head shot upwards as a horrible presentiment entered her mind. He wouldn't have, would he? "What did he talk about? Did he tell you about what I've been doing lately?" The man's cheeks became tinted with red, and he looked to the side.

"Well, it's kind of embarrassing, actually," he mumbled, the blush spreading. "The thing is that… Well, he'd almost always talk about what you two had been doing together, going into long ramblings I couldn't really make out no matter how I tried. Still, just the tone of them was enough to freak me out big time; he could talk for several minutes straight about how his heart _fluttered_ when you…" With a troubled expression, the man clamped his mouth shut and looked to the side, trying to avoid her gaze. Now, it was Ryou's turn to blush, the red colour spreading across her face as she recounted on the nights that must've given him inspiration. "Well, I think you know what I mean." Turning her gaze on the floor, she could only nod wordlessly.

"D-did he mention anything else?" she asked as soon as she got her voice working again. "Any word about a research or something?" As he shook his head, she let out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding.

"Nope, nothing like that. He did tell that you were working on something big, but the only detail he would tell me was that he was proud to be part of it." Her relief was covered almost immediately by her shame for doubting the blonde. She had never encouraged him to secrecy, but obviously he had known the need to keep her doings hidden from other people – especially Nagisa and Tomoya. Silently, she berated herself for her lack of trust.

"Anyway, from what he told me," he continued with a small smile on his face, cutting her mental scolding short. "I can tell he really loved helping you out. I can't really say for certain, but at times, it sounded like helping you was the only thing that kept him going." She felt like falling again, this time because her body threatened to buckle under its own weight. Also this time she couldn't fix her balance in time, butc plummeted straight against Tomoya's chest instead, feeling how the man shook slightly.

"Woah, Fujibayashi! Something IS wrong after all! Hang on in there! Do you want me to call an ambulance?"

"No, don't," she denied vehemently, desperately trying to regain her footing. She could feel how tears gathered behind her eyelids, begging to be released, but she held herself firm. She had to. "I'm here to talk to you about something important," she said sternly despite the fact that she could hardly control her own limbs. She pushed herself away from him just enough to turn her deadly serious stare upon him. "You and Nagisa-chan both. Can you take me to her?"

Facing her eyes, there was no way he could've refused.

* * *

"Ryou-chan!"

She hadn't seen Nagisa since the first days of her absence, when she along with her sister and Kotomi had come and paid her a visit. Back then, it had been such a heart-wrenching sight to look upon her fever-stricken form, that she hadn't been able to muster the nerve to come and see her for a second time. Instead, she had vowed that the next time she could see her dear friend again, it would be when she had fully recovered and was able to attend school again. Needless to say, having to go against that vow filled with a bitter after-taste that closely resembled that of defeat.

To further sink her spirits, she could see the brunette's health had improved very little during the last few months: her hair was in an unruly state and looked weary, as if she had slept for several days and just woken up, not yet having had the chance to comb her brown locks. Her plain pyjamas, their bright yellow colour dulled through the years, stuck to her like they were her only set of clothing, the only piece of garment she could use. Her skin was pale, paler still than what she was used to see, having the look of a worn-out sheet that hadn't been aired properly in weeks.

But, surprisingly, her eyes had a healthy, spirited look in them, the brown irises gleaming as they fixed upon her own, their owner pushing herself into a sitting position from her futon.

"Nagisa! Don't over-exert yourself!" Tomoya protested like a startled mother hen, sitting down on her side. "Weren't you feeling weak just yesterday?" She flashed a small, reassuring smile in reply.

"Don't worry, Tomoya-kun. For some reason, I'm feeling really healthy today!" Then, her eyes turned on her again. "Besides, I haven't seen Ryou-chan in ages! It won't do to welcome her lying on my bed, right?"

"Please," she said, chorusing his protests a bit hesitantly. "It's like Okazaki-kun said: you shouldn't press yourself. You're still recovering, after all." Part of her uneasiness about Nagisa's condition had been wiped away by her display of healthiness; this was clearly one of her better days. However, the roots of her anxiety were far too deep to be mended with just that, and she was painfully aware how clearly it rang in her voice. Trying to summon a more cheerful tone into her voice, she continued with a smile. "But it's good to see that you're feeling better, Nagisa-chan." The frown that appeared on her forehead, however, told her clearer than any words that she had failed miserably. For a brief while, the bed-struck woman inspected her with her eyes.

"Ryou-chan, is everything alright?" she questioned, the worry in her voice so profound that she struggled to keep up the eye contact with her. "Something bothering you, I can tell." She swallowed nervously and tried to summon some strength in her voice.

"Ah, it, it's nothing, really. I just slept a little badly yesterday, that's all." Nagisa didn't say anything, but simply continued staring into her eyes, clearly not believing a word she had just said. Under that gaze, she could feel her façade of strength quickly falling apart.

It was unnerving, frightening even, how easily she could see through her. Of course, Kyou had seen through her immediately as well, but that was to be expected – she was her _twin_, after all. However, there was something in her friend's eyes that pierced through her masks, digging up the truth behind her sentiments if she were to approach her with even the slightest hesitation. If she had to hazard a guess, it was that honest genuineness in both her thoughts and conduct that gave her such ability. But that wasn't so much as a guess as it was an observation; after all, Kappei's eyes were just the same.

_Oh God, Kappei._

With that seemingly innocent, stray thought, Ryou's feeble control over herself fell apart. She threw herself at Nagisa, wrapping her arms around her small frame in a gesture that was an answer to her question, an uncontrollable need for comfort and a desperate cry for help all at once. Clutching her surprised friend in the fit of her primitive sorrow, the shreds of her self-control were busy making sure she wouldn't break her already weak, thin form, reducing everything else in her mind into a swirling mass of morbid colours of _hurt _and _ache_. Just like she had cried uncontrollably against her twin last night when she had returned home from the hospital, she now cried against the very same girl she had sworn to cure and save.

And just like her sister, the brunette embraced her warmly, caressing her indigo locks as she muttered words of comfort into her ear. She didn't, _couldn't _know why she was crying against her, but it didn't matter to her: she didn't even try to ask for an explanation, concentrating solemnly on mending her broken psyche via her touch. Just like Kyou had silenced their parents who had come rushing over, alerted by her broken wail, Nagisa quieted her own family – first Tomoya, then her parents – with but one gaze, telling them very sternly to leave the matter to her hands. And just like with her sister, Ryou drank on the comforting embrace, on the feeling of security and warmth, drank until she was full and had cried her tears away.

After that came the words. They were hesitant and abashed at first; stuttering, blushing apologies for losing control of herself, but soon morphed into a thorough explanation of the reasons behind her breakdown: Kappei's condition and his current state. By then, she had withdrawn from Nagisa, and was now sitting next to her futon, both her and Tomoya listening intently to her tale.

"Dying?" Nagisa breathed out as Ryou stopped talking. "He's dying? Is it certain?" She nodded mutely in response to the horror in her voice.

"It's definite," she told her in a small voice. "Unless he takes the surgery, he won't survive."

"Why won't he?" Tomoya asked, his voice hoarse and full of incredulity. In his own way, he was probably just as horrified as Nagisa. "Why won't he? Even after what you told me, Fujibayashi, I can't understand why he would want to lose his life instead of his leg." Absently, the man reached for his right shoulder with his good arm, but soon realized what he was doing. Clenching his fist, he let his arm fell. "It's not more important," he muttered, the raven locks obscuring his face. She couldn't tell to whom he was talking to; them or himself. "A limb is not more important than your life. No matter what."

"Tomoya-kun is right," Nagisa spoke up, reaching for the man's hand. Grasping it in her own, it seemed like a wave of serenity washed over him, the ghost of his past leaving his features. "I don't like to speak against Kappei-san, but his decision can't be the right one. There's nothing more important to him than his life. He must be made to see that." She was right, of course. Her words were the words that should be relayed to him; they were the ones she should've told him right from the start.

"Yes, you're right," she agreed, nodding, but the hollowness didn't leave her voice. If anything, her tone became even more desperate. "But I can't do that. I can't say that to him."

"What are you saying?" She winced slightly at how disappointed his voice sounded. Whether it was intentional or not didn't matter; his words were condemning her nonetheless, and she had no right to complain. "Of course you can: all you have to do is to walk up to him and speak to him. If he listens to anyone, it's you, Fujibayashi."

"No." Her gaze fell on the floor. Under their shocked eyes, she could feel her helplessness to its full extent. "I can't do that," she repeated, shaking her head in a hopeless manner. "I don't… I don't have the right to talk him out of this. Even if he's wrong, even if I don't want him to die… I can't go against his conviction." With a voice barely above a whisper, she added: "Not after what he has done for me." To Ryou's horror, the room fell silent. The words had rolled from her lips without further thought, and although Nagisa and Tomoya had no means to know the full story behind them, her tone of voice was enough to tell them that it was something important – something she had deliberately held from them and had now slipped out by accident.

"Ryou-chan," Nagisa eventually began with a voice that couldn't be denied an explanation. "What makes you say that? What has Kappei-san done for you?"

_This isn't the way this was supposed to come out, _she thought desperately. _I didn't hide my efforts up until now just to blurt them out like this! _She looked up, into her eyes, pleading for her to forget what she had just said. _I was supposed to present you with a solution that would make it possible for all of us to graduate together! I was supposed to find you a cure! _Nagisa's brown eyes held firm. There was no way she could walk away from this without explaining _everything_. _If I could've done that, it would've made all my efforts worth it. _Her eyes fell back on the ground again, a foul taste invading her mouth. Defeat, that's what it was. She hadn't made it in time. And now, all of her deceit and lies would be exposed.

She had been utterly defeated.

Driven to the corner, she began recounting the events of the last few months in a monotone voice. The two were surprised and even awed at first, astonished by the enormous task she had set upon doing. The more she spoke, however, the more disturbed and unsettled their expressions grew, until eventually she had to turn her gaze on the ground, not able to stand the look in their eyes as she told them of the effects her research had had on her health. Even though she left many details about condition during the worst weeks out, it did little to ease the atmosphere of the room, which she could feel weighing down on her without mercy. Worse than that, however, were her own thoughts.

_I wasn't able to do anything, was I? All that effort; all that sweat, blood and tears - and the only thing I succeeded in was hurting myself. _

"All that," she could hear Nagisa speak up as she had finished her tale. "All that… Just for me?" Raising her head, she could see tears glistening in the corner of her eyes, and felt as if something sharp had just been thrust into her heart. She wasn't disappointed or angry - it would've actually been better if she had been. Instead, she could recognize the fearful, self-loathing expression that she had worn during the near-tragedyof the drama club's performance last spring. She didn't know all the details behind the accident, but it was obvious that it was related to her crushing lack of self-esteem - and, right now, she had managed to strike at that exact same spot.

_No. Not only myself. _

"Yes." The worst thing was, there was nothing she could say to her that would make her feel better. It was almost visible on her face, her struggle against the abnormal sense of guilt and self-doubt that threatened to engulf her. With apologizing eyes, she looked at her silent distress, praying that she wouldn't fall into that ghastly, bleak depression that had almost ruined her performance back then. Ryou clenched her fists unwillingly, feeling how her fingernails dug into the skin of her palms. If only she could _see _that there was nothing for her to be ashamed of, that she had taken this burden upon herself willingly and without hesitation!

Besides, the efforts of these past few months were only the tip of the iceberg. She didn't even dare to think how Nagisa might react to the whole story - if she were to believe it, that is.

To Ryou's relief, her bed-ridden friend eventually gave a weak nod. She had accepted, no doubt more or less grudgingly, her efforts without breaking down. Tomoya, who had observed her ordeal with a deeply worried expression, let out a small, near-silent sigh. Not even he had been certain of the outcome, it seemed - even more reason for her to feel grateful towards the strength of character she had acquired.

Or perhaps Nagisa, too, had realized that this was not the hour to dwell on her own issues.

"Now you know why I can't do anything," Ryou spoke, returning to the matter at hand. "I don't… I don't have a right to tell him what to do. I owe him far too much to do that." Before they had a chance to say anything, she shifted a little backwards to make some space between her and her two friends and bowed as low as she could, pressing her hands and forehead against the floor. She heard a small, surprised gasp from Nagisa, and thought she could see from the corner of her eye how Tomoya shifted uncomfortably, but paid it little heed.

"Please, help me," she begged them. Her voice didn't have any of her earlier hesitation anymore; she had bled it all out first with her tears, second with her confession of the research she had conducted without Nagisa's consent. Instead, her voice rang with sorrowful determination. By any means possible, she had to save him. "Please help me persuade him to take the surgery. You're the only ones that can help."

"Don't, Ryou-chan!" Abruptly, she could feel how she was pulled into a sitting position, and found herself staring into a familiar set of brown eyes. "I don't want to see my friends bow in front of me!" She was surprised by the intensity of her demand, and more so because of the shock written all over her face. Even though she had been shaken to the core by her tale of her research, she now looked - if possible - even more uneasy. Soon, however, her expression melted into a smile, and the tone of her voice softened. "You wouldn't have had to ask so humbly; of course I'll help you. After all, Kappei-san is my dear friend as well."

She was crying again, so over-whelming was her gratitude.

So over-whelming, in fact, that she didn't realize that Nagisa had never asked for her reasons for putting so much work into trying to cure her.

* * *

They arrived at the hospital in the afternoon, when the daylight of the short winter day had already begun to diminish. Throughout their journey, Ryou had kept asking on short intervals how Nagisa fared, assuring her that they could turn back home any moment she started feeling faint. Each time, however, she had assured that she was feeling fine and that there was no need for her to become worried. As far as she – and Tomoya, who had naturally kept an even closer eye upon her – could tell, she had been entirely honest, and the mysterious illness hadn't reared its head during their trip. In fact, she seemed the most vigorous of them all, keeping up a brisk pace all the time.

"What's his room?" she inquired, minding her voice as they walked through the hospital halls. Ryou guided her onwards with the bare minimum of spoken words, a bit taken aback by her newly-found determination.

"Fifth door on the left." When they approached the said door, however, they could make out noises coming from the room; noises that were awfully loud for hospital environment. In fact, it sounded almost like shouting.

"What's going on in there?" Tomoya asked out loud with a frown, putting words into the question all of them were thinking about. As they moved closer, it became clear that there was indeed someone shouting in Kappei's room, and that whoever the yeller was, it was a woman. As they moved a few more steps closer to the room, Ryou's eyes widened as she finally recognized the voice.

"Onee-chan!"

"Kyou-chan? Is she here to see Kappei-san, too?" She couldn't answer Nagisa's question. Right from the start of Kappei's hospitalization, Kyou had stated quite sternly that she didn't plan to go and see him, claiming the hospital to be a place too morbid for her. She had insisted upon seeing him when he got released instead, when she could give him 'a decent pounding' again.

But despite what she had said, she was clearly here now, and from the tone of her voice it was clear that she definitely wasn't in the best possible mood; no matter how Ryou tried, she couldn't fathom why. She was about to reach for the door-handle and confront her twin, but was stopped by the hand that landed on her shoulder.

"Don't," Tomoya said, shaking his head. "I say let them finish." She looked over her shoulder at him, arching up an eyebrow. "It's not smart to interrupt her when she has that tone in her voice." She blinked in surprise, but then, as she paid more attention to the noise, understood what he was talking about: her sister wasn't so much angry or vexed as she was _hurt_. This was probably the worst possible mood for her to be in – after the lust for bloody murder when someone had severely wronged her little sister, of course. But how could've Tomoya known that? "It's something you pick up after being in the receiving end of her swings – both mood- _and _physical – for three years," he explained with a smile that was just a little fearful upon response to her inquiring gaze.

Then, as the voice from the room rose in volume again, all three of them fell silent.

"Shut up! Shut the Hell up! How could you let me down like that? And no, I don't give a damn for any of that crap you are spouting: only a coward would resort to something like that! She came home crying last night, you hear, crying a god-damn river! How could you do something like that?" Ryou's face lost some of its colour. Her, they were arguing about her!

"That's not very surprising, actually," Tomoya commented off-handedly, sensing what her thoughts must've been, but was immediately silenced by Nagisa, who shot him a scolding glare. From the room, they could hear a sound of something being hit, and her hand twitched towards the handle again, but she managed to hold herself still.

"Don't you try! I already told you I don't care for any of that! You broke the promise you gave me! Didn't you swear you'd never make her cry? Didn't you swear it over your own body?" Again, the sound of something being hit, louder this time. "You broke that promise! You broke it!" With that, the room fell completely silent, and the three eavesdroppers became aware they were actually holding their breath. Ryou placed her hand on the handle, ready to pull the door open, but was stopped short when she heard her sister speak up again, in a voice that was entirely different from before.

"I trusted her to you." It was broken, drenched in sorrow as much as it was in disappointment. Suddenly, she was struck with an impulse to rush to the room and embrace her sister, explain to her how it wasn't his fault, how it wasn't anyone's fault, how it couldn't be helped. However, she found that she couldn't move; Kyou's words had nailed her to the floor. She was speaking of something she had no knowledge of, something both her and Kappei had intentionally kept hidden from her – and she simply had to know what it was. The more her twin spoke, the more petrified she felt.

"I trusted her to you. I trusted that you could support her, that you could continue where I couldn't." A small pause, and a wavering breath. "Do you… Do you have _any_ idea how hard that was? Do you have any idea how painful it was to give up on something I've carried with me all my life? Do you know how hard it is, giving up on your _other half_?" Ryou could feel her hands shaking again, her face becoming ashen-coloured. She hadn't wanted this. She hadn't wanted her sister to be in pain again. Yet she hadn't been able to see any of this.

Just how blind had she _really _become in these last few months?

"Ryou-chan," Nagisa spoke quietly, hesitantly reaching for her trembling shoulder, but Kyou's voice paralyzed her, too.

"But, despite all that… I trusted you. I trusted you because I could see Ryou was happy that way, much happier than she could be with me. I… I trusted my most important thing to you. And you… You let me down." There was no audible reply. Ryou could imagine Kappei sitting in his hospital bed, silently taking on the verbal beating her sister was giving him, all the while wearing that heart-breaking wistful smile. She could feel how the spell of petrify was wearing off, and how her hand was once again seeking to grasp the door handle. Those two weren't supposed to fight; it was _her _who was supposed to be the unhappy one! Once more, however, Kyou's voice interrupted her.

"But, you know what's funny?" The dry chuckle that came from behind the door, however, didn't sound the least bit amused. "That's not actually what's worst. The worst thing is seeing you like this and to know, _to know_, that you're not going to get any better!" She could hear a pained sound, something between a gasp and a sob. "I don't want you to die, either! I don't want to lose this stupid brother of mine!" Ryou couldn't take it any more. She flung the door open, immediately dashing for her sister.

"Onee-chan!" she wailed, throwing herself at her surprised twin. Her widened eyes glistened, on the verge of spilling tears, but she didn't care. Instead, she pulled her sister close to her, trying to cover the distance that had crept between them without her knowing. "I'm sorry, onee-chan, I'm sorry! I didn't know, I didn't know about any of that!" Various degrees of shock were plain on the elder Fujibayashi's face; Ryou's sudden appearance, the realization that she had heard everything, as well as the continuous flow of apologies drowned her in confusion she couldn't get out of for several moments. Eventually, however, she began to regain her touch with the reality, and the previous sadness in her voice seemed to return on her face.

"…!" With a pained grimace, she wrapped her arms around her twin, letting her held-back tears fall. She, too, was trembling. There were no words spoken between them; there was nothing that could be said right now. Words would come later, but now the two concentrated wholly on one another, mending the hole in their relationship in a way that was instinctive to them; with the warmth and closeness they had nurtured throughout the years.

For a long while, everything around the twins was downright ignored and in the end, neither of them took the initiative of returning back to reality. The door opened again.

"Tomoya-kun!" Kappei's surprised and delighted cry rang through the room, shaking the two indigo-haired girls.

"Yo, Kappei, how's it going? Looks like you've gotten the noisiest room in the hospital, eh?" Tomoya said as he stepped inside, giving a small wave.

"T-Tomoya!" Kyou startled, desperately trying to wipe away the traces of tears on her face. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Visiting a friend, of course. Sorry that I didn't bring any flowers," he told her with a grin, taking visible pleasure on inflicting embarrassment on her – probably payback for numerous past occasions, Ryou wagered. "Oh, and I'm not alone." On cue, the petite brunette, clad in heavy winter clothing, complete with woolly mittens and a long scarf, stepped into the doorway, beaming a warm smile. Kyou and Kappei both sported expressions of disbelief.

"Hello, Kappei-san, Kyou-chan," she greeted the duo with a tiny bow and a slightly troubled expression. "I'm sorry that we eavesdropped, but we didn't want to interrupt your… Conversation." Both of them looked away with an embarrassed expression, but soon recovered, the incredulous look returning in their eyes.

"Nagisa! You shouldn't be here; aren't you still sick and supposed to be resting?" Kyou, the more offensive of the two spoke up first, with the man chorusing her with furious nodding and a serious expression. "And you," she continued, pointing a finger at Tomoya, who took an unintentional step backwards. "Aren't you supposed to make sure she will get better? How could you let her come here?" Then, thinking she had caught the meaning behind the scene, the older Fujibayashi's eyes flashed red as she clenched her fist, taking a step towards him. "Wait a minute… This is all your doing, isn't it? You're responsible for bringing her here, aren't you?" Sensing danger, Ryou was about to step up and deny his involvement, claiming that she was here entirely because of her, but Nagisa spoke up before she had the chance.

"No, Kyou-chan, this isn't Tomoya-kun's fault," she denied with an uncharacteristically stern tone in her voice, causing the anger in Kyou's eyes to vanish immediately. "I'm here on my own decision; he was, in fact, against this. But, after hearing about Kappei-san, I just couldn't stay put." With that, she turned her eyes upon the said man, taking a few steps closer to the hospital bed.

"Me?" the blonde asked in a voice full of puzzlement, pointing a finger at himself.

"Of course!" Nagisa exclaimed, a scolding tone entering her voice. "We were very shocked when we heard about your condition, and to hear you've been here for over two weeks now! You didn't even send word to us; both of us have been worried sick about what might've happened to you." The man looked ashamed and slightly surprised. With a speck of blush on his cheeks, he cast his glance on his lap.

"I'm sorry about not telling you guys," he muttered, fiddling nervously with his blanket. "I just thought that… Well, since you were sick and all, that I shouldn't needlessly worry you. But, well, it looks like that did just the opposite. Sorry." The scolding look remained in her eyes for a tad longer, but then it vanished, replaced by delight.

"Ah, it's okay, it's okay," she said, smiling. "Just send us word the next time, okay? We were really concerned about you - even dad was getting worried because no one was there to buy mom's bread anymore." Further back, Tomoya rolled his eyes as if to say 'no wonder he got sent to the hospital', thankfully unseen by Nagisa, who continued in a jovial tone. "Looks like you're doing good today, though! I heard you were feeling ill yesterday, so I was worried if you would be sleeping today, too."

"Yeah, well," Kappei responded, a bit hesitantly, avoiding looking at Ryou. "That's, um, that's because I refused the medicine they were going to give today. I said I didn't wanna be that drugged up anymore. It just doesn't feel right, you know." She could feel a sharp sting in her heart, imagining what kind of pains he might be in right now, but didn't have any time to voice her concern. The earlier worry in his voice resurfaced. "But, Nagisa-chan, are you really feeling okay? Kyou-nee-san is right, you shouldn't come here if you're still sick – definitely not just to see me!"

"You don't have to worry about it." It was Tomoya who answered his question. "If she really wouldn't be feeling well, I wouldn't have let her step out of her home, and would've definitely carried her back the instant I thought something was wrong." As if putting more emphasis to his statement, he stepped behind his girlfriend. "Besides," he continued, his eyes narrowing a bit. "What we've come here for is something really important." Kappei blinked, not grasping the meaning of his words at first. Then, slowly, understanding dawned on his face, and his eyes fell on the ground again.

"Ah," was the only thing he said in a long while. Then, with a resigned sigh, he raised his gaze back up, a smile appearing on his face as he spoke. "Well, I suppose that's alright. Okay, I'm listening – just pour your heart out!"

"Don't do it," the black-haired man spat out, causing the smile on his face to falter. He hadn't probably expected him to be this blunt about it. "Don't sacrifice your life over your leg. Take the surgery. This isn't something worth dying over." Pushed off-balance, Kappei could only stare at him, wordlessly. Tomoya's gaze was heavy and unyielding, crushing the protests he might have said even before he had the chance to form them into words. "You might think your leg is invaluable, something you can't live without..." His hand travelled up on his injured shoulder, grasping it sharply. "But it really isn't. Sure, it's painful at first, not being able to do everything you used to be able to, but it'll get better eventually, and you'll find others ways to get around it." Sighing wistfully, Tomoya's hand fell. For a brief while, a spectre of sorrow - a ghost of his past - flashed on his face, but then it disappeared, and his gaze was diamond again.

"It definitely isn't worth dying over. This is not a good way to go. Take the surgery." It was like he was trying to pour all of his physical strength into that gaze to further back up his argument, to convey through everything he had gone through, both physically and mentally, that his decision to die was not the correct one. The intensity of his will was such that even Kyou was staring at him with awe. For an instance, Ryou thought she could see his friend as he had once been: Okazaki Tomoya, the captain of the basketball team. The man who had once had big dreams and high ambitions and the strength to make them come true.

However, Kappei was not so easily convinced. If he would've been, he wouldn't have come this far.

"Ah, but I can't do that," he said with a small laugh, scratching the back of his head. With that small gesture, with that display of his genuine honesty, he nimbly evaded all of the taller man's arguments. He could no longer stare at him with the same intensity as he had before, and the illusion of the headstrong captain vanished. In his place stood Okazaki Tomoya, the delinquent, whose will had just been bested. However, some of the blonde's strength had vanished as well - his voice didn't ring as convinced to her ear as before. "Y'see, you might not know, but this leg," he said, patting the limb softly. "Is more important to me than my life."

"We do." The smile slipped, replaced by surprise as he heard Nagisa speak up in turn. Where her boyfriend had fallen, it was now her turn to continue. "We know the story behind it. We know what it means to you, and why." His eyes darted on hers, seeking confirmation for this claim, to which she responded with a steady, straight stare and a small nod. The surprise was replaced by a different wonder, wordlessly asking her how she had got to know. Ryou's heart skipped a beat: this was the moment where her disloyalty would be brought to light. This was the point after which Kappei could come to hate her - and if he did, she had no right to complain. She unconsciously held her breath, preparing herself mentally to face his stare, but to her surprise:

"They wrote an article about you in the sports magazine dad reads: 'Hiiragi Kappei – The Tragic Runner', wasn't it? I couldn't believe it was you at first, but I soon realized it couldn't be anyone else. They revealed your whole story there, how you were even running up for the Olympics before you were diagnosed with this… Bone cancer." She could only stare at her friend. She had never expected Nagisa to cover up for her; she had been ready to take full responsibility for telling them the story Kappei had kept hidden for so long. More than that, was she whipping up such a complex lie on the spot? Glancing at Tomoya, she could tell he was as surprised as she was, but there was no fear or shock in his eyes. Likewise, the expression on Nagisa's face held no hidden meanings; she wasn't lying – she probably couldn't have lied even if she had wanted to. No, such an article really did exist, and she had read it. But how long ago? And how come she hadn't told Tomoya about it? She had no time to dwell on the matter, however, because Kappei spoke again.

"Hehe, I didn't know they'd do something like that, it's kinda embarrassing to hear." He let out a small laugh, and the smile on his face didn't disappear even as his expression grew wistful. "Well, that article probably doesn't cover everything, but I'll trust it has given you the general idea." Then, with a sigh, he continued: "Anyway, if you know all that, you should also understand why I'm doing this, right?" It was that expression again: both resigned and determined and drenched in wistful conviction. She could recognize it immediately now, so many times she had witnessed it form on his face, and every time it twisted her insides in a knot and squeezed them so painfully that she could barely stand. It was that expression that robbed her of her words each time she considered talking him out of his decision, destroyed her thought-out arguments why he would be better off living. It was an obstacle she couldn't get past no matter how she tried.

After all, it was the exact same expression she, herself, wore when it came to her goals.

"No." It was frightening. It was down-right frightening how strongly she could speak that one word, how she could defy his reasoning so thoroughly. Nagisa's eyes shone with a level of determination she couldn't recall seeing ever before as she locked her gaze with Kappei. The poor man looked utterly bewildered and was probably feeling as equally shaken as Ryou – after all, this was Nagisa; the gentle, docile Nagisa, fiercely defying his conviction. "No, I don't understand. I don't understand at all."

With that, she launched the longest speech Ryou had ever heard her speak; not even her solo play had contained as much words as her performance now. She spoke with strength and heart-felt determination one would've considered impossible coming from a woman of her size. It wasn't just Kappei that stared at her with widened eyes, but everyone in the room had their eyes nailed on her, unable to tear them away.

She spoke of happiness. She spoke of sadness. She spoke of the value of life, of how it was incomparable to every other thing. She spoke of ideals, how they betrayed one, diverted one's gaze away from the things one should've actually concentrated on. She told him, told everyone, how weak she had been, how close to giving up on many things she had been just because she had been afraid to take one small step. She recounted personal experiences no one in the room had ever known about, vowing them into a consistent, complete tale that wasn't pre-thought but instead spontaneously erupted from her lips, from her heart. She poured more and more of her feelings into her words, up to the point of tears appearing in the corners of her eyes, but never once stopped, never once faltered.

All this she spoke, but in reality, there was only one thing she was saying. 'Do not die.'

As she listened to the sound of her voice, Ryou suddenly remembered everything. Every detail of her past efforts, every reason she had had for them came back to her crystal clear. In a flash, she re-lived everything that had happened so far: from the night in the hospital she had found Okazaki Tomoya in the pit of depression, to the mysterious shop and the deal she had agreed to, to the second take of her school life, all the way to the scene that was now unfolding in front of her very eyes. Looking at her friend speak, her entire being filled to brim with genuine, heart-felt determination, Ryou remembered every ounce of her conviction.

She couldn't let her die. She couldn't let Nagisa die. Even if things had become unlike anything she had expected, that one truth still remained. Saving Nagisa's was her sole purpose of being here.

But there was something else, too. Turning her eyes on the man sitting in the hospital bed, another flashback came over her, bringing every occasion she had spent with Kappei back into her mind. She could vividly recall everything, from their first accidental meeting all the way to the last time they had held onto one another, remembering her every thought and emotion like they were upon her right now. In the blink of an eye the analepsis lasted, Ryou was reminded of the second thing that she had set herself upon.

She couldn't let Kappei die. She had met him completely on a chance, having no preceding knowledge of him. He hadn't been a part of her plans, and she had seen him as an obstacle at first, but he had eventually proved to be her greatest source of strength, and she had ultimately ended up relying entirely upon him. She had ended up loving him. There was no way she could let him die.

Ultimately, Ryou couldn't let either of them die. Even though she had initially dedicated herself to only Nagisa's survival, she now had to find a way to save both of them. No matter how impossible it was, she had to do it.

… But, why did it feel so deceptively easy?

"What, then?" Kappei's words brought her back to reality. She realized, with a startle, that Nagisa had stopped talking several moments ago already and that it was his turn to respond now. His voice, however, was devoid of its previous strength and determination, and sounded lost and confused instead. "You have… All of you have… You've told me to take the surgery; that I should live no matter what. But… What, then?" The difference to his usual cheerful tone was enormous, even Nagisa, a moment ago full of determination, seemed taken aback by the change of his voice.

"What am I supposed to do, then? Without this leg, I'm nothing. There'll be no 'Kappei the Runner' anymore; I'll go back to being the miserable, unknown orphan I was before." Her speech, in all its rightful conviction, had robbed him of his previous mindset, a mindset he must've hold onto desperately throughout his life. Now that it was gone, taken away, there was nothing left in him, and she could hear the terrible void echo in his voice. "Without this leg, I'm nothing - nothing at all." In a flash, Ryou was reminded of the first time he had confessed to her, how he had pleaded for her to give him a chance to help her - pleaded her to give him a _purpose_.

It was the same now. He was pleading, begging to be given a purpose, a reason to live. And she was the only person who could do that.

"That's not true," she heard herself say, her first words in a long, long while. She could feel how each pair of eyes in the room turned upon her, but she was interested in only one of them. She locked her gaze with the man whose eyes she had avoided ever since she had stepped inside the room, out of fear and shame for revealing his secret. Those emotions didn't matter anymore. The only thing that mattered was saving him.

"That's not true," she repeated with more strength in her voice. "That's not what I've seen you as, Kappei-san. I never saw you as an orphan. I never saw you as someone whose only worth in life was running, whose leg was the only valuable thing in him. That's not what you were to me. That's not the Kappei-san I got to know." Pressing her hand to her chest, she took a deep breath, trying to ease the emotions swirling inside her. He was staring at her with wonder in his eyes as if he had never seen her before; it was as if he was silently, anxiously, waiting for her to speak, subconsciously waiting to be rescued by her words. She didn't feel hesitant. If anything, his gaze seemed to further strengthen her resolve. Her words came out smoothly and fluently, as if she had been waiting for a chance to speak the words all along.

"To me, you're someone who can smile no matter what hardships you face, someone who won't let anything keep him down for long. You're someone who can say whatever is on their mind without the slightest bit of hesitation, no matter how silly or awkward it may sound. You're a person who will do anything to help his friends, and when you've set your mind on something, you won't stray from it." The more she spoke, the more comfortable she felt, the more relieved her consciousness became. Why had she not spoken these words before? Why? "You're silly, serious, idealistic, gentle, and a bit of a poet. You're so honest that you can't speak a proper lie no matter how small, someone who can't keep his emotions bottled up no matter what. And, most important of all," she said, a genuine smile appearing on her face as she gave him a gentle, warm look. "You're my support, my strength. You've selflessly supported me for so long without a word of complaint, all the while keeping a smile on your face. You're someone I love from the bottom of my heart. That's the Kappei-san I've got to know." With that, her eyes fell on the ground, sorrow finally creeping into her voice.

"I don't care what your past is - I don't care what you were before, I really don't. What's important to me is what you are now, that you _are _now." Falling silent, she reached into her pocket, pulling out a folded piece of paper, and cast one glance on it before pressing it against her trembling chest. His yellowish brown eyes widened as he recognized it; the printout. A strange sensation was creeping into her: embarrassed, awkward, _warm _hesitation. It was something she was not supposed to feel anymore; she had already grown out of that mindset several years ago. She had become an adult. Yet still, the feeling enveloped her, pulling her deeper and deeper into that sweet, sweet nostalgia.

"I never told you, but… That day, when you took me out, was one of the happiest days of my whole life. And… And when you took me to the fortune telling machine… I was v-very happy when you chose that option - so happy I couldn't even believe it." With a glowing blush on her cheeks, she raised her gaze forcefully to meet his eyes. She was only barely aware that she was beginning to stutter again, her habit from behind the years resurfacing. "And… I w-would really like to make this fortune come true." She took in a deep breath, trying to ease the pounding in her chest.

"I… I… Want to get m-married to you." She could _feel _rather than _hear _the shock coming from her sister and from her two friends, but could've cared less. The feelings that she had never even dared to form into thoughts were now all taking shape at once, coming out from her mouth with no restraint. There was no holding back anymore. There were no second chances anymore.

"Ryou-san," Kappei breathed out in a small voice, wondrous disbelief colouring his words. It was like he had just heard exactly what he had wanted to hear, but couldn't bring himself to believe it. "Are you… Are you absolutely sure? I can't support you like a proper man anymore, not with just one leg – it'd be more like you supporting me! Even still, are you sure you want to… To get involved with someone… Someone like me?"

She didn't say anything. Words were inadequate to properly express her response. Instead, she answered him with a smile; the warmest, most reassuring smile she could muster as she stepped next to his bed, taking his hand in her own. With the touch, his doubt started to fade away, leaving behind a spectrum of naked emotions that were almost painful to see, so raw they were. But then, one final shred of argument appeared in his eyes.

"Ryou-san, what about your research?" Time seemed to stop as his words echoed in her ears. Everything in the room, herself included, became absolutely still as his words sunk deep inside her mind.

_Yes, my research, _she noted, her musing void of any kind of distress. _My research to cure Nagisa-chan. That's what it's all about, isn't it?_ It was like her mind had been detached from her body, separated from all her emotions, and she could see everything from a completely objective perspective. She couldn't understand the sensation, couldn't understand how calm her mind could suddenly become in a situation like this. The confusion, however, was drowned by the questions that boomed within her mind. _That's what I've sacrificed myself for, isn't it?_ _Didn't I give up on my own happiness to save hers?_

She snuck a glance at her friend, who was petrified just like everything else, and let her eyes rest on her tiny figure, covered from head to toe in warm clothing. A wave of sympathy washed over her, and she could feel a sting in her heart. She hadn't been able to cure her in time; she had lost the first battle against the mysterious disease, and her condition now was a painful reminder of that. The war, however, was far from over, and she knew that if she were to cure her, she would have to do much, much better with her research than the last time.

He must've known it as well.

She turned his eyes on Kappei again, upon his pale skin and sickly thin body. He was right: there was no telling whether he'd be actually able to support her as well as before in his new condition. He would do everything in his power to make sure that wouldn't happen, she knew, but would it be enough? _Will I really be able to cure Nagisa-chan if I hold onto Kappei-san? Can I be sure he won't hinder my progress? _A part of her protested loudly, horrified by her detached way of thinking, but she was able to ignore it - for now. Right now, she was supposed to make a choice.

_A choice? _The word had sprung up in her mind uninvited, seemingly from out of nowhere. And, even more strangely, she knew it to be true. _But I… But I don't want either of them to die. _She could feel how a part of her became paralyzed with horror, but even that felt remote, dislocated. Her thoughts remained clear, as if something was enforcing her. _There's… There's no way I could choose one over the other. I can't rank… I can't rank the people I love. _Emptiness. Void. There was nothing, no trace of emotion or idea within her that would hint her of what decision was the right one. There couldn't be.

… _What am I supposed to say…?_

The thought wasn't her own, she was certain of that. The idea, the inspiration came from a place outside her mind, relayed to her by someone or something else. She couldn't understand it, couldn't understand its content or its nature, but it was the answer given to her. She knew, instinctively, that it was the answer she was supposed to give.

And so, as the time lurched forward, breaking from its temporary stillness, Fujibayashi Ryou opened her mouth to say the words she was given. The words she knew were true.

"You're more important, Kappei-san."

It was there again, that familiar, sweet nostalgia she had felt before, but this time it wasn't only a tentative feeling. It washed over her, drowning her consciousness into that sensation she had lost years ago, covering all of her thoughts and senses completely. Hit by the flood of emotions, she collapsed forward, unconsciously pulling her arms around him in seek of support. The tears she didn't realize she was holding back were flowing down her cheeks now and she couldn't do a thing to stop them, not even if she had understood why she was crying. Absently, she realized that he was crying as well, his thin frame shaking as he returned her embrace, sobbing something she couldn't make out into her ear. There were simply too many things happening all at once for her to keep a track of them all.

So, she did the most instinctive thing, and hugged him even closer, closing her ears and eyes to everything that was happening around her. He was here. That was the only thing that mattered.

"Well," Tomoya said in a quiet tone, careful not to disturb the embrace between the two. "I suppose we've done our job. Don't you think we should give them a bit of privacy for a while?" The two girls gave a wordless nod; surprisingly, even Kyou agreed to his idea without any kind of protest, being the first to leave. Tomoya turned around and was about to follow her suite, but his movements came to a halt after a few steps.

"Nagisa?" he called out to her back. She didn't reply for several seconds, but then, looking at him over her shoulder, the small woman gave him a reassuring nod and a small smile but still said nothing, indicating him to go on ahead. He blinked once, but complied nonetheless, leaving her standing there for a tad longer.

Furukawa Nagisa looked upon the pair on the hospital bed with a small, wistful smile on her face. Nodding silently as if agreeing with someone in her head, her smile widened a bit and she let out a small, content sigh. Turning around on her heels, she walked out of the room as well, leaving her last murmured words hanging in the air behind her.

"Yes, it is as it should be."

Ryou couldn't hear those words, for her mind was in too much of turmoil. The last thing she could make out before she was covered entirely in a warm, muffling darkness was said to her inside her own head, but not in her own voice. Just like the answer she had given, the words came from a place remote in time and space, carrying an ominous echo which meaning she could no longer understand.

_Now, the scales are finally even._

* * *

Author's notes: Reviewing is voluntary, but much appreciated.


	13. Splintering Happiness

Disclaimer: _Clannad_ the visual novel is the property of Key and their respective partners. Likewise, _Clannad _the anime belongs to Key and Kyoto Animation. I'm not making any money with this fanfic.

Author's notes: Words can't properly express how regretful I am about the slow pace of updates: over a year since the last chapter. There are no reasons good enough to explain the unreasonably long silence, so I'll refrain from naming any excuses. The only thing I can give you, my dear readers, is my honest, heart-felt apology for the wait I've put you through. I am truly sorry.

I realize I have probably lost some readers due to the lengthy wait; not everyone, who read the first chapter, has probably had the willpower to put up with me. Despite that, I still hope as many people as possible will enjoy the few final chapters of this story, which I seriously intend to have uploaded over the course of this upcoming summer.

But enough talk. Here is the thirteenth chapter of _Vive, Vale, Gaude_. Read and enjoy.

* * *

The sound of the alarm clock pierced the morning air, the narrow hands pointing eight am sharp. For a long while, nothing stirred in the small room despite the continuous ringing. Then, slowly, a hand wriggled out from under the heavy blanket laying on the nearby futon, groping the mats beneath it as it blindly tried to find the source of the sound. After finally getting a hold of the clock, the hand quickly withdrew back under the blankets with its prey, and the alarm was abruptly turned off. A few heartbeats later, the clock was sent tumbling towards the far corner of the room, accompanied by a sigh of blissful realization; it was not yet the time to wake up. In a few moments, the blanket was steadily rising and falling again, its owner showing full intention to sleep until lunch - and, if possible, even beyond.

Of course, it wasn't going to be that simple.

The second time a different kind of alarm could be heard, this time outside the room, in a more distant part of the house. The snoring bundle under the blankets wasn't aware of this at first, the remote electronic cry not nearly enough to penetrate the newly-acquired sleep. However, as the sound began to rapidly get closer, the dream began to dissipate as well. By the time the ringing was behind the door leading to the room, the man under the blankets was already uncomfortably awake. The door was slid open.

"Onii-chan, the phone!" The high-pitched voice caused him to instinctively tighten the blankets around him, but to no avail: the sound just got closer - both of them. "Your phone is ringing! You left it in the kitchen again! Come on, pick it up!"

"It's my day off," came the muffled reply from under the blankets, desperately trying to hold onto the fragments of sleep in hopes of falling asleep again. "I don't have to pick it up."

"Yes you do! What if it's your boss, calling to say you're fired? That wouldn't be very wise to miss, now would it?" The man didn't even try to fix the logic of his younger sister, but instead responded by curling into a ball, displaying resistance that was doomed to be futile; the ringing phone was pressed against his ear through the blanket in response. "Come on, onii-chan! Pick it up!" The sound threatened to pierce his ear drums. Why, oh why had he set the volume to be so loud?

With the last traces of peaceful slumber leaving him, the man eventually had to succumb to the fact that the battle was hopelessly lost. Now that nothing was left to salvage, he decided with bitterness that he might as well find out who wanted to disturb his peaceful morning. With a frustrated sigh, he sat up and threw the blankets off himself.

"Fine, Mei, give it here." Grinning victoriously, the younger of the Sunohara siblings did as ordered, dashing out of the room as soon as the still-ringing mobile left her fingers. Throwing a vexed glance after her, he answered the phone without checking who was calling.

"Yes, this is Sunohara-"

"_YOUHEI! What the hell took you so long!" _The phone almost flew off his hands. He wondered briefly if mobiles had a safety switch that made it impossible to lose one's hearing when talking through it, and if there was, how quickly could this particular person break it? Holding the phone in an arm's reach, he still felt that the volume was far too loud. _"Do you have any idea how long I waited? Don't you have a cell so that you can be contacted quickly anytime, anywhere, hmm?" _

"K-Kyou?" he managed to mumble in response, the initial surprise soon giving way to rightful frustration. "What are you calling me for at this time? It's my day off, I get to sleep late!"

"_That's exactly what I'm calling you for!" _He could've sworn the mobile was shaking from the force of the reply. _"If I didn't call you, you'd never get up! Are you planning to be late from our New Year's party?"_ His heart skipped a beat as the words reached his ear. Today was New Year's Eve - and he had planned to sleep in? For a split second, he felt a tiny fragment of gratefulness towards Kyou's wake-up call, but her flat tone swiftly crushed that budding feeling. _"… You forgot, didn't you?"_

"O-of course I didn't!" he tried, trying futilely to hide the lie in his voice. "I was just about to wake up, just so you know!"

"_Uh-huh, sure you did." _Needless to say, she didn't sound the least bit convinced. _"Anyway, now that I've saved you from the embarrassment of sleeping in and showing up late, you should show your gratitude by picking me up at one o'clock sharp from the Hikarizaka bus station. It's the least you can do to repay this enormous favour!"_

"… If I had been awake, you would've still asked me that, right?"

"_Yup!" _The reply came without a moment's hesitation. Sunohara felt his brow twitching and strained to keep his voice steady.

"This ain't the first time you're asking for me to be your chauffeur. I'm not your slave or anything, you know?"

"_Sure you are," _she stated matter-of-factly. _"Tomoya transferred his ownership over you to me when he moved together with Nagisa. He said to use you however I please._"

"He did _what_? I mean - there wasn't such a master-slave relationship to begin with!" Despite his claim, the memories of his past experiences with the said man proved him otherwise. The pitying silence from Kyou's end of the phone further drove the point through. "Damn that Okazaki!" he wailed bitterly, suddenly feeling like he was on the receiving end of all his pranks back from their high school years again; he could practically _feel_ how the dignity he had gained during this year and a half went gushing down the drain.

It was a surprisingly comfortable feeling.

"_Whatever,_" Kyou piped in from the other end of the line, breaking him out of his nostalgia. _"Just be there at one, okay? Or else," _she added with a tone as clear as day: there would be no further discussion on the matter.

"Yeah, yeah, sure. I'll be there," he muttered sullenly, hanging the phone as soon as he heard her delighted 'Bye'. Letting the mobile drop from his hands, Sunohara fell back on his bed and tried to relax in the newly-found silence. However, the magic of the morning had already been utterly destroyed, and he couldn't find the peaceful feeling that always made his mornings worthwhile anymore.

Kicking off the bed-sheets with a grunt, he grabbed a near-clean towel from the nearby pile of clothes and headed towards shower, ignoring her sister's persistent demands to know who he had just talked with. Kyou was right about one thing: he really didn't want to be late from today's gathering of friends - not even when it now seemed that he wasn't allowed to drink even one cup of sake.

* * *

"You're late," was the cold greeting he received upon arriving at Hikarizaka. Without further word, Kyou sat inside the car, pulling the door shut behind her.

"Only by fifteen minutes!" he protested, moving a bottle in gift wrapping to the back seat to make room for her. "I had to stop by the store to get the New Year's gift, and it wasn't easy to get my parents' car _ex tempore_, you know. I originally told them I was going by train!"

"What, don't you have your own car yet? Aren't you supposed to be working your butt off and making money?" She asked, arching up an eyebrow in a pitiful manner.

"I've told you a million times already; I'm still _in-training_ - my salary is almost non-existent. It was thanks to the taxi company's training that I managed to get my driver's licence as early as this!" Kyou scoffed lightly and waved her gloved hand dismissively, dropping the subject.

"Fine, fine, whatever you say. Let's just go." Then, as nothing seemed to happen, she turned back to him. "Well? Why aren't we moving yet?" Sunohara sported a surprised expression.

"Huh? Just the two of us? Isn't Fujibayashi coming?" She stared at his clueless expression for a few seconds and then pinched his cheek, causing tears of pain to spring up in his eyes. "Ow ow ow! Wha' ar yu doin'?"

"Has your idiocy finally crippled your hearing, too? I told you to pick _me_, not _us_ up, didn't I?" She let go of him, and he furiously rubbed his reddened cheek with an angry expression. With a small sigh, she explained: "Ryou is coming by foot with her boyfriend. I told them you could pick them up as well, but she said they'd rather walk. They're not living that far to Tomoya and Nagisa's apartment. Now start driving already."

"Boyfriend?" he repeated, starting the engine. Then, a look of remembrance flashed on his face. "Oh yeah, now I remember. This ex-runner guy, wasn't it? This… What was his name again…?" He frowned as he turned the driving wheel, looking around to make sure no pedestrians were nearby as he crossed the street. "Ippai, right?"

"_Kappei_." Kyou corrected, giving him a hard look.

"Hey, I can't get everything right! I haven't even met the guy, how am I supposed to remember?"

"Well, that'll change today, since he's also coming to the party," she stated, eyeing his reaction from the corner of her eye. "So you better remember from now on."

"I guess," he answered with a shrug as he stopped the car in front of a red light, earning yet another look from her.

"What's with that lack of reaction? Don't tell me you're not interested at all?" Another shrug.

"I've never liked prying into you guys' personal lives, you know," he answered, keeping his eyes nailed on the road. Kyou leaned a bit closer, scrutinizing him with her gaze. Soon, a small smirk appeared on her lips.

"… You sure you're not just bitter because you don't have a girlfriend yet?"

"Shut up!" he wailed, the brittle façade of disinterest falling apart. "You're still single, too!" There were no books around, so Kyou simply threw a punch at him, causing the car to sway slightly. "Ow! Don't hit me while I'm driving!"

"That's why I punched you with only a fraction of my strength," Kyou retorted, crossing her arms in front of her. "If I had wanted, you would've flown right through the window. Anyway!" The indigo-haired woman scoffed, tossing her hair back. "Don't lump me together with someone as miserable as you! We're single for entirely different reasons; I could get a boyfriend or two any moment I wanted!" Sunohara Youhei rolled his eyes, but took great care not to let a sound escape his lips – he wasn't feeling suicidal. It wasn't before a long moment of silence that he opened his mouth again.

"Truth to be told, I'm a little surprised," he admitted, causing her to throw a curious look at him from the corner of her eye. "I would've never expected Fujibayashi to get herself a boyfriend." As soon as the words had left his lips, Kyou threw a second punch at him, notably harder than the last time. "I told you not to hit me while I'm driving! What did I say this time?"

"No one insults my little sister!" she seethed, holding her fist up to further prove her point.

"I didn't mean it like that at all, dammit!" The offended tone of his voice caused the older Fujibayashi to lower her fist, the look in her eyes softening. "I meant that I never would've thought she'd find some time to dedicate all for herself – I sure as hell wouldn't have thought she'd actually get herself in a relationship with someone!" He turned the wheel with a little bit more vigour than would've been necessary. "She was always too busy looking after other people to properly see to her own welfare. For example, this one discussion I had with her…" The words died on his lips, a frown marring his face. For some reason, putting into words his discussions with the younger Fujibayashi suddenly didn't feel like a good idea at all. "I mean, I always got the impression that…" he began with different words, but again his voice trailed off, the uneasy feeling returning: talking to Kyou about it didn't feel _right_, not at all.

Not able to get rid of the anxiety, he uncharacteristically decided to let the whole matter be for now.

"Eh, just forget it." He half expected Kyou to start investigating on the matter, but to his surprise, she didn't protest his sudden change of topic at all. Nodding curtly, she turned her eyes forward, avoiding his gaze. He shook his head in an attempt to rid himself of the uneasy feeling, but it seemed that even the atmosphere was affected by it. Silence reigned.

"So," he began after a while, trying to change the mood. "How's your school going?"

"Same as the last time you asked," she replied, making a face. "The lessons are so _boring_ – child psychology, behaviour patterns, dull lectures on teaching methods and some theoretical mumbo-jumbo this or that dry professor has researched for the last twenty years. I wish we'd get to the _practical_ training already - I've already passed the psychological exam with flying colours!"

"I still can't believe they're going to let you take care of little kids," Youhei commented dryly. She shrugged.

"I've had plenty of practice. After all, dealing with you and Tomoya was harder than a bunch of kids can ever be."

"… You're gonna traumatize them for life," he muttered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"It better be nothing," she responded, and then continued in a neutral tone. "Anyway, what about you?" He gave her a quick glance, wondering briefly what kind of a response he should give. Should he tell her about how his training was doing, how he would've gotten a perfect score on the city navigation exam had it not been for a drunkard falling asleep in front of him on the driveway? Should he tell her about how he was planning to rent his own apartment, moving away from his parents' house? Should he tell her how much he missed the carefree days of his high school life back in Hikarizaka, and how many times he had wanted to just run away from his daily life and all of his responsibilities?

"The usual," he answered shortly, ignoring the nagging feeling to pour his heart out as he pushed the floating thoughts out of his mind.

"Are you still doing stupid things?" she asked without looking at him. He couldn't help grinning.

"Whenever I can." Kyou gave him a vexed glance, but he thought he could see strange kind of satisfaction in her eyes.

"You're an idiot, you know that?" Her voice was warm. Nodding, he let out a hearty chuckle.

"Yeah, I know." They spent the rest of the trip in comfortable silence.

* * *

"Their apartment is on the second floor. First door," Kyou instructed as she stepped out of the car, Sunohara still inside, trying to reach for the gift bottle he had placed on the back seat. "You should be able to read the kanji on the nameplate, right?" He scowled and slammed the door shut, locking the car.

"I'm not a _complete _idiot." There was amusement in her eyes, but she didn't say a word, tightening the scarf around her in response to the chill wind outside. "Aren't you coming?" he asked when it became obvious that she wouldn't move from the car. She made a disturbed face.

"I don't want them to have their first image of me in a long time to be knocking on their door together with_ you_, thank you very much," she said bluntly, making a small shooing gesture. "I'll be a few steps behind you, don't worry – just enough to save you from total embarrassment if I need to. Go on." He frowned and was about to argue that they had come here together and that separating at this point wasn't going to fool anyone about it. In the end, however, he decided to let the matter be; nothing good would come out of arguing with her, especially right before the party. Grasping the bottle in one hand, he began ascending the stairs to the Okazakis' apartment.

To his surprise, he found himself rooted on the first step on the stairs. Sudden hesitation had snaked inside him, stilling his movement. Gazing up, towards the door that led to his friends' apartment, questions and doubts he didn't recall having before entered his mind.

"What's wrong, Youhei?" Kyou called out, mild irritation and concern mixing in her voice. She was closer than he had realized; just a few steps behind him, like she had promised, peering at him with puzzlement. "Why did you stop?" He didn't answer at first, keeping his eyes fixed on the door.

"Kyou," he began in a musing tone, not turning his head to face her. "Tell me, has Okazaki changed much?"

"Huh?"

"You know," he said with a subtle frown, trying to find the right words. "Has he… Become someone I can't recognize anymore? I mean, the news about him actually doing proper work was shocking; I never would've thought he'd actually become a proper member of the society one day." The same applied to himself, of course, but he didn't feel the need to voice it. "And when I heard he went and got Nagisa-chan pregnant, and that the two of them are going to become parents… I just felt like they'd gone to a far away place. You know, like they were years ahead of me or something. And then it got me thinking how much Okazaki must've changed, and what kind of person he has become?" He turned to face Kyou, whose expression was unreadable.

"Is Okazaki still the same old Okazaki?" There was no need for him to explain himself any further. Kyou, if anyone, should understand just how important their friendship back in their high school days had been. She, if anyone, should know just how anxious he was about seeing him after such a long while, after both of their lives had changed so much. And, judging from the look in her eyes, it seemed that she understood perfectly.

"I don't know," she said with a sigh, letting her gaze fall a little bit. "I've thought about it myself as well – after all, I haven't met either of them in a long time, either, so I can't tell for sure." She shook her head a bit. "Like you, I feel that they've gotten a head start at this 'game of life', and are somewhere far away already. Just like…" she didn't finish her sentence, letting her words fade into silence in an uncharacteristically hesitating manner. He had heard enough already, though.

_Just l__ike Ryou, huh?_ Sunohara frowned slightly. Because of her brash manners and needlessly overt demeanour, he had never been able to tell for certain, but obviously the separation of the twins had affected Kyou more than she was willing to show. He made no sign of voicing this notion, though, choosing instead to remain quiet while she gathered herself. Like he had said, he didn't like poking into the personal affairs of other people.

Still, he would've lied if he had said it didn't bother him.

"Anyway," she finally said, regaining her usual barefaced tone. "The way I see it, Tomoya can't have changed that much. After all, the two of us are still much the same: you're still a bumbling fool, and I'm still my glorious, beautiful self. You must be over-thinking things, as impossible as you _thinking _sounds."

"You forgot that Okazaki is already married, whereas the two of us are still single," he said, ignoring the jab in her voice. "That's gotta make a difference."

"I told you before, don't lump me together with you," she retorted, snarling. Then, she whipped her arm out, pointing towards the apartment door. "Now hurry up and go!" Sighing, the man did as ordered, rising the remaining steps with heavy feet. He stopped in front of the door, ready to ring the doorbell, when Kyou's voice interrupted him. "Don't tell me you're going to greet them with that kind of a face! Where's your usual grin? That's the kind of face Tomoya and Nagisa want to see, not some gloomy, wanna-be adult face!"

"Wanna-be?" he repeated, throwing a frustrated look at her. Frowning, she stepped a few stairs down, her head out of view.

"Whatever," she muttered. "Just do it, okay?" As much as he hated to admit it, Kyou was right. He should be greeting his friends with a smile they remembered back from their high school days, not with an expression weighted down by the everyday worries and troubles of an adult. Here he was, fearing how much his friends had changed, whereas he, himself, must've gone miles ahead as well. The irony was _almost _funny.

Pushing his doubts out of his mind, he rang the doorbell, hearing how it echoed faintly on the other side of the door. The few seconds he waited for the door to open felt like hours, and despite his psyching, he found himself sweating a bit.

However, when the door opened, and the familiar face of Okazaki Tomoya popped into view, the grin sprouted on his face entirely on its own.

"Yo! Long time no see!"

"Who are you?" The flat look he was given caused his eyebrow to twitch.

"Oi, we went through this last April already!" he protested in exasperation, gesturing wildly despite the warm feeling of familiarity spreading through him. "And even back then, this joke about my hair colour wasn't funny!"

Judging by the tinkle of amusement in his eyes, his friend hadn't changed at all.

* * *

Five minutes into entering the Okazakis' residence, Sunohara had already cast most of his anxiety away. Tomoya and Nagisa were still definitely the same people he had left behind to Hikarizaka when he had moved back to his hometown in search of a job. Nagisa's smile was as warm as ever, and although her progressing pregnancy made her motions slower and more laboured, it seemed to bring forth a sense of profound, calm happiness in her that he was certain wasn't there the last time he met her. For the first time ever, the former blonde began to see his friend as a mother – a notion both mysterious and slightly frightening.

Tomoya, on the other hand, had lost the remaining traces of the nonchalant scowl that had been his trademark expression in high school – most of it being erased by Nagisa during their last year already. Instead, he had gained a much more mellow presence, making him seem far less hostile and actually giving him a dignified touch, something he wouldn't have expected during their high school years.

However, that was just the first glance. As soon as the two men exchanged a few words, Tomoya's usual demeanour: his blunt way of talking, dry humour and even the facial expressions he was used to seeing came forth, breaking past the thin layer of adulthood he had obtained. Of course, there was still no telling how much the approaching paternity had _really _changed his friend, but it was far too early for him to start poking on that particular subject, especially when not all of the guests had even arrived.

Kyou had appeared at the door a few moments after him, yanking him from the collar of his coat just as he had been about to touch the miracle of life with his own two hands. He wouldn't have felt so bitter about her sudden interruption had it not been for Kotomi's appearance a few seconds later, who, according to some mysterious rule he wasn't aware of, was apparently allowed to feel up Nagisa's stomach all she wanted. Of course, when he had re-queued for a second try, Kyou had informed him - along with a painful tug to his cheek - that the rule didn't apply to him.

The five of them had entered the small apartment after exchanging greetings, and were busy covering up the last year while they waited for the missing two guests to make their appearance. When Youhei asked about them, Kyou curtly replied that they would be there any minute now. And just a few moments later, the doorbell rang again, Tomoya once again rising up to do his duty as the man of the house, Nagisa following him suite.

Sunohara had to fight his curiosity to not to turn to the door as he heard it open and two voices – one familiar, one unfamiliar – apologizing in a flurry for being late. Ironically, the pair wasn't late, but actually early; the rest of them had simply gotten here more in advance. He noted how Kotomi was openly stretching her neck as she tried to catch a glimpse of the new guests without a sign of embarrassment or hesitation – it seemed she still possessed some of the child-like openness in her manners despite her high-level university studies in America. Kyou, surprisingly, didn't so much as cast a glance at the door, instead looking anywhere but that direction. As for himself, who had his back to the door, he couldn't get even a proper glimpse of the approaching people without it looking ridiculously awkward. So, he bid his time, waiting for them to get their shoes off and properly enter the room.

But, just like he had admitted, he was curious – very much so. He wanted to see for himself just what kind of person the younger Fujibayashi had ended up with, especially with the fragments of information he had gotten from Kyou during the last few months of his high school life - which had, in all honesty, been more like teasers than actual info. Like he had said, he didn't like prying into peoples' lives, but this much he could explain as natural curiosity. Another one of his friends had managed to find her significant other; of course he would be interested! If things progressed as they did with the Okazakis, one more of his friends would be becoming a parent soon, and he would be left even further behind!

However, more than about the relationship between the two, more than about her boyfriend's personality, he was more curious about Fujibayashi Ryou herself – and he knew he couldn't call it off with simply natural curiosity.

The younger Fujibayashi had been, for the first two years of his high school life, one of those characters he wasn't interested in and who weren't interested in him, thus eliminating almost all forms of interaction between the two. It wasn't until his third year when his interest had suddenly peaked up, and no, it had nothing to do with the fact that they were put to the same class and she was made the class representative. No, it was due the strange happening that somewhere between the end of their second and the start of their third year the girl he had condemned as hopelessly timid and seriously lacking in self-confidence (and also having a complete opposite of her as a sister who was more than enough to make his life difficult) suddenly grew a spine, which immediately put her into a different category altogether.

Surprised as he was about her change, he had to admit it did wonders to her self-esteem and general conduit. Although he didn't particularly dislike weakness, there was something about people succumbing to their submissive demeanour just like that that simply brushed him the wrong way. So, as far as he could tell, the younger of the twins had been going to the right direction. His interest in her would've probably dropped off if she had continued like that, too.

Then, out of nowhere, had come her sudden determination about giving up on her dreams and ambitions for the sake of others, flaring up both his interest and frustration. Sunohara Youhei had never understood people with such a mindset – Nagisa, with her crippling shyness, was tolerable, and even she had done her best to grow strong and seize her dreams. However, Ryou had displayed such strong determination over her stupid, ridiculous outlook that even _he _had had to succumb in front of her resolve. How had she obtained such strength of mind? And where had she pulled off such an idiotic goal?

In due time, he had grown to understand the foundation of her resolve. She had put all of her strength to helping Nagisa obtain her dreams, and although he didn't fully accept it, he could tolerate it, as long as it didn't further affect her future. The last proper conversation he had had with her, however, had not fully convinced him that she would from now on set out to seize her own happiness, which was why the case of Fujibayashi Ryou had never properly left his mind. And then, as their third year progressed, it seemed she had finally resolved to have her some happiness of her own as well, and had found herself a boyfriend. Needless to say, he had concluded the case as his victory, minding his own business for the rest of his high school life.

The interest had never properly left him, though.

However, as it happened with the family Okazaki, most of Sunohara's thoughts were pushed aside as the pair made their way to the living room and exchanged warm greetings with everyone. The mysterious boyfriend, a blonde with crutches and a carefree, honest smile, introduced himself to him as Hiiragi Kappei – to his surprise, everyone else knew the man already, even Kotomi. It turned out he had been more in touch with the group than he had known during their last year in high school. For a brief while, he felt himself an outsider, but the moment passed as Ryou apologized with a deep bow for not introducing him before, explaining the matter with Kappei's health and her own studies. He brushed the matter off with a shrug, earning himself a very odd – and slightly disturbing in its long-windedness – praise from Kappei for being so open-minded. As he looked around for support, the gazes he received from Kyou and Tomoya told him that he should not be troubled and that this was normal. His interest peaked up again. Just what kind of a person had she ended up with after all?

Yet, as the evening progressed with good food, drink – none for him, because he was driving – and laughter, the rest of the doubts and anxiety vanished from his mind. As he finally got to address his raven-haired friend on the topic of his approaching paternity, he was given a grin and a clueless, spirited answer along with a shrug. He couldn't help laughing; Okazaki Tomoya hadn't _really_ changed at all.

As for what came to the younger Fujibayashi twin, there were no doubts about her state of affairs, either. Although the blonde on her side proved to be far more eccentric than Kyou had even described, his presence alone seemed to bring a sense of completion to Ryou's behaviour, and she seemed a lot more radiant than he could recall; similar to Nagisa, minus the waiting mother's calmness. As far as he could tell, she had really obtained her own happiness, and the thought filled him with a sense of content finality. He wouldn't have to worry about the matter any longer.

For the rest of the evening, Sunohara Youhei was able to fully enjoy the warm atmosphere of the small room.

* * *

He shouldn't have called out to her.

"Hey, Fujibayashi, do you have a moment? I've got something I want to tell you." The party was over; everyone was leaving. Coincidentally, they had been the first to go and put their shoes on, the narrow hallway too cramped up for more than two people to stand in at the same time. She looked up at him, her teal eyes gleaming with wary curiosity. She cast a quick glance at the living room, where her boyfriend had managed to accidentally poke Kyou in the gut with his crutch. Of course, the older twin lived by the rule 'An eye for an eye', and was now whacking the blonde over the head with the other crutch. Ryou gave a quick smile before turning back to him, nodding.

"Sure."

He wasn't sure why he had called out to her. Perhaps he had been drunk on the atmosphere, drunk on the warmth and happiness of the room, and got carried away. Perhaps, although he doubted it, he somewhere deep inside wanted to gloat to her about his victory, the tiny, miserable troll that was all his negative emotions rearing its ugly head. Or maybe, maybe, a fragment of doubt still remained inside him, the tiniest remnant that he wanted to get rid of but couldn't. He couldn't tell for certain.

Either way, it would've been better if she had declined.

"We didn't get to talk all that much inside," he commented as they stepped outside, the cool, fresh night air flowing in to the apartment from the open door. "How have you been?"

"I've been well, thank you for asking," she answered politely, her voice taking a smaller tone than inside. Was it the night, or was it because Kappei was no longer on her side, supporting her? "I really like my school, all the lessons are very interesting and fun. I'm a bit nervous about practical training, though... I wonder if I will do as well there." He couldn't help laughing.

"Man, you're so different from Kyou," he said, still chuckling. "She hates the lessons and is itching to get her fingers on the kids. I feel kinda sorry for them."

"Really? I hadn't heard about that. Although, now that you tell me, I think I can imagine it," she said with a small laugh, which she concealed against her gloved hand. He looked at her, puzzled.

"Whaddya mean, you hadn't heard? Don't you guys talk to each other a lot?" A small, sad frown appeared on her face.

"W-we don't talk as much as we used to," she informed with a hint of sorrow in her voice. She was stuttering again; apparently, the subject was more tender than he had thought. Yet, she was still speaking. "We're not fighting or anything like that," she added in hastily, and then made a vague gesture with her hand. "B-but it's just that… We keep drifting apart, no matter what we do. And there are… More and more things we don't tell each other." With that, she threw a small glance over her shoulder, back at the man who had by now retrieved his crutches, and a small blush flickered on her cheeks. Not liking where the conversation was going, Sunohara decided to steer it to its proper course.

"That's life for you," he commented in a round-about manner. "But, in any case, I'm glad for you." She turned her puzzled eyes at him again, but he was looking up, at the starry, cloudless night sky. "It turns out you seized what was rightfully yours after all. I'm glad I was worried for nothing." He let out a soft sigh, not seeing the confusion written on her face, swimming too deep in his nostalgia. "It must've been a night like this…"

"I'm sorry, Sunohara-kun," she admitted in a lost voice. "But what are you talking about?" The cheerful tone didn't leave his voice despite her discouraging answer.

"You know, this one conversation we had, when we talked about goals and happiness. Oh, it was the one we had the night when we celebrated Nagisa-chan's play, remember?" There was no recognition in her eyes, only ever-deepening confusion. He didn't see it; he was looking at the sky again. Yes, it had been a night just like this. "Back then, you said something that… Well, something that really made me mad, so mad that I really tried to turn your head." He chuckled, pausing briefly.

"I wasn't really sure if you understood what I was trying to say; I was afraid that you'd end up giving up on your happiness for the rest of your life. But, looking at you now, I'm glad to be proven wrong. You've really seized your own happiness, Fujibayashi!" With a grin plastered on his face, he looked down on her, searching for the signs of recognition _that weren't there_. She looked up at him, her face a display of helpless confusion and shame. Whatever it was he was searching for, she couldn't provide. Not being able to look into his eyes, she turned her gaze away.

"Fujibayashi?"

"I-I'm sorry, Sunohara-kun," she stuttered with an ashamed blush, her voice shrinking. "I… I have some holes in my memory. I w-was under a lot of stress before the Christmas last year, a-and the doctor told me it must've affected my long-term memory. I, I remember that we had a discussion that night, I haven't forgotten that," she said hastily in desperation. "But… What you said to me, or what I said to you, or anything else… I can't remember. There are also a lot of other t-things I can't remember, so…" Her voice trailed off. Her last words before her departure with Kappei were barely audible.

"It turns out I've forgotten something important again. I'm sorry, Sunohara-kun."

* * *

"What's gotten into you? You haven't said a word since we left the party."

"… It's nothing."

"My ass it's nothing! You were in such high spirits back there, it's like you've taken sedatives now!" She leaned closer to him, peering at his face. "… You've not actually taken any, have you?"

"No, I haven't, and you're drunk." She scoffed and withdrew back to her seat.

"That's bull. I drank the sake only to get the taste in my mouth." Sunohara rolled his eyes.

"I wouldn't call three whole cups 'tasting'," he muttered under his breath.

"What's that?"

"Nothing."

"Better be nothin'." Silence, which was eventually broken by her sigh. "No, really, Youhei. What's eating you?" He didn't say anything for a while, keeping his eyes nailed on the road.

"You really wanna hear?" he asked.

"I wouldn't be asking if I didn't." He frowned slightly, trying to choose his next words carefully.

"I talked with Fujibayashi a bit before she left." Kyou's gaze immediately gained a keen edge to it, the faint traces of intoxication vanishing from her posture as she heard his words. At once he regretted voicing the matter, and the thought of dropping it suddenly became dangerously inviting. Then, steeling himself, he pressed on, ignoring her pointed eyes. "She told me she's had some trouble with her memory." Another instant change in her eyes, different this time. He couldn't tell what it was.

"… Yeah, that's true," she spoke after a moment of silence when he didn't continue. "Because of the problem with Kappei's leg that almost killed him, she went through a lot of stress last year. I didn't mention it because she's very uncomfortable about it; she thinks it's her fault. That's nonsense, of course, but she can't help thinking that way." Her tone was exceptionally wary, even for the usual defence of her younger sister. "What about it?"

Youhei shifted his hands on the driving wheel, unsure of what to say. Yes, what about Ryou's amnesia? It had been explained to him by both of the sisters, and both of them had indirectly expressed that the matter shouldn't be pressed any further, and he had got the message. He didn't really want to look like an inconsiderate jerk to his friends; a fool he might be, but that still didn't mean he'd have to become an ass. Yet, even though he was fully aware about the sensitivity of the subject, he just couldn't let it be. Why was he so bothered about it?

Of course there was the fact that he was hurt because Ryou couldn't remember one of the most meaningful discussions with him, and by the looks of it, she had probably forgotten the rest of them, too. Up until now, he hadn't realized how highly he had valued those conversations, but now that she could no longer remember them, he felt that he had lost something very important. He hadn't had very many happy memories about his high school life, and now he had lost even some of those few. It would've been easy to explain his unease with that.

However, the feeling of loss was something he could shoulder. No, it was the unexplainable anxiety about the memory loss itself that weighed down on him, plaguing his thoughts. For reasons he couldn't understand, he simply couldn't accept the notion of the younger Fujibayashi suddenly losing so many memories just like that, no matter how many times it was explained to him. Granted, he might've not been the top-notch neuro-physicist in Hikarizaka, so he couldn't exactly argue how memories could not be lost just like that, but his gut feeling just screamed that it was _not right_. There was an unexplainable sense of _wrongness_ that he couldn't quite grasp in his mind, let alone put to words.

Of course, that didn't stop him from trying.

"I don't know why," he said with a frown. "But it's bothering me. I just…" He made a vague gesture. "Feel like the entire thing is messed up, you know? Not just the amnesia, but… Whatever's caused it - and I don't mean the stress. I feel like it's something… Agh, I don't know!" The man threw a punch at the wheel, frustration rising up. He just couldn't get a hold of the feeling, no matter how he tried. "This thing is really driving me up the wall!" Disappointed in himself, he expected Kyou to give him a pitying gaze and a pointed question about him being on drugs or something, or maybe even a slap for his ramblings.

Surprisingly, none came. The woman beside him was looking out of the window, the reflection of her eyes displaying a look he couldn't place. "Kyou?" He dared a small question. "Whaddya think? Am I going crazy or what?" The slight humour in his words, however, was completely ignored. Her voice was strangely detached as she answered.

"Hey, Youhei?" She didn't turn her head to look at him. "Didn't you say that you didn't want to poke your nose into other peoples' lives?" He was taken aback by having his own words thrown at him, too shocked to get mad at her for her cold response. "You should mind your own business." More than hearing the words, it was disturbing to hear Kyou use a tone so void of her usual, vigorous emotions; it would've been better to hear her get mad instead, throwing punches and insults at him in a frenzy. That kind of response he could've handled.

"Well, true…" he admitted hesitantly, not sure of how to proceed with this kind of Kyou. "But…" he began, but couldn't find the right words to continue. After a long silence, he spoke the only thing that came to his mind. "… Are you sure?" When she replied, a sliver of emotion had made it to her voice, an emotion he could finally recognize - not that it made him feel better to hear it.

"Yeah. This isn't something you should worry about." Guilt. There was guilt in her voice.

"Who, then?" She didn't answer. He didn't have the words to continue, either.

* * *

"Here is fine," she called out abruptly, pointing at a nearby bus station, lit by a single streetlight. Her voice was back to normal again.

"You don't want me to drive you home?" She made a face.

"And show you where my house is? No thanks, I'd rather not."

"You really think I'd enter a house with a rabid guard-dog?" On reflex, Kyou threw a quick punch at him. "Ouch! Okay, sorry!" She pushed the door open and stepped outside, straightening her coat. Taking a hold of the door, she prepared to slam it shut, but hesitated. Slowly, with a bothered expression that bore just a hint of embarrassment, she leaned down inside the car.

"You managed to drive me around without hitting anything or anyone. That's worthy of a praise, but don't let it get to your head. I'll call you again when I need a ride."

"That's not what you're supposed to say! And it doesn't go like that, anyway!" he vented, shaking his fist at her. A small smirk appeared on her lips.

"You wish." And then, in a more friendly voice. "Thanks, Youhei." The door slammed shut before he had a chance to say anything back at her. Through the window, he watched her back as she walked under the lamppost, not looking back at him. He bit his thumb lightly, hesitating. Despite her appearance now, he found that he couldn't get her bothered expression out of his mind. Similarly, her words and their tone, so alien to her lips, continued to echo in his mind as if teasing him. Yes, he didn't like prying into the lives of his friends, he had said that much.

But leaving the matter like this, _like this_ couldn't be right, either - it just couldn't be!

Just when she was about to walk past the border between light and dark, he pushed the door open, yelling at her back.

"Kyou!" She turned back at him, puzzled. He stepped out of the car, coming into full view. "Hey… If you think I'm going to just let this be, you don't know me at all. I ain't satisfied with this kind of treatment!" Her look darkened. "Whatever's going on isn't my business, I'll give you that," he pressed on. "But I'll be damned if I just pretend like nothing's happened! I can't just turn a blind eye to all this, you know? Not when something's this much off!" He could tell from her posture that she was preparing to hammer him down with her response. He wasn't going to give her that opportunity.

"I'm not saying you should tell me everything; I probably can't understand even half of what's going on here, and I bet I don't even want to know. But that still doesn't mean I can't be a part of this somehow!" There was a small silence as he tried to catch his breath, but she didn't say anything. Her expression was unreadable, partly covered by the darkness.

"Just…" he said, spreading his arms. "Let me help you in this somehow. Call me when something happens, when you need my help or something. I don't know if there's anything I can do, but… That doesn't stop me from trying - that's never stopped me!" His arms fell, and he let out a depleted sigh. "It's just that… You're not the only one that's worried, you know." She said nothing, standing half in the shadow, her eyes cast down. For a long while, neither of them spoke, the cold winter air filling the distance between them.

"… Just calling you is fine?" There was something fragile in the atmosphere, something so weak and brittle that he feared moving too abruptly would end up shattering it. Or perhaps it was just a side of her he hadn't seen before. "Just a call?"

"Yeah." Her eyes were still cast on the ground, but he could see them now. Purple glass, frail and beautiful. How could he even look at them without a fear of breaking them? "Just a call is fine." The silence seemed to stretch on endlessly, but he didn't mind.

"… Okay, then. I may call you if something big comes up, but don't count on it." She looked up into his eyes. Glass had become diamond, hard and radiant. He smiled.

"Right." And then, as if just remembering it, he added: "Happy New Year, Kyou." She smiled, too, and there was warmth in her voice as she replied.

"Happy New Year, idiot."

Yet her voice wasn't enough to repel the chill that seemed to come with the wind. A chill that felt of white, white snow.

* * *

_The price for Okazaki Tomoya's happiness will be an equal amount of happiness taken from you._

Fujibayashi Ryou's eyes shot open in the darkness. Her sweaty hand grasping the front of her nightgown, she gasped for breath as if she was drowning, the repercussions of her sleep coming to a screeching halt vibrating throughout her body. Her heartbeat thundered in her ears, replacing the nocturnal silence that surrounded her with intensity only she could hear. Silently, trying to steady her shallow, frantic breathing and ease her pulse, she kept her gaze nailed on the ceiling of the small room, desperately trying to remember the words that had woken her up again. Yet, just like every other time she had woken to this feeling, the words had already faded from her mind, leaving behind only lingering anxiety.

After the New Year's Eve, her sleep had become more and more restless. It was not a novel sensation; she had experienced similar sudden wake-ups even before, but during the two weeks that had followed their gathering of friends, the interruptions to her sleep were almost frequent. What's more, the dream was always the same.

She was in a shop. She didn't know how she could tell it was a shop; there was nothing indicating it being one - the room looked more like a lobby in its spacious whiteness. In the middle of the room was a table with two high chairs, and one of them was occupied by a woman, beautiful and mysterious with raven-black locks that cascaded down, down, all the way to her hips. She would talk with the woman. She would plead her with words that she couldn't remember when she woke up anymore, words that always filled her with profound sorrow that never seemed to lessen. And the woman would always say the same words, words that caused her to instantly break free from her slumber, filling her with unease that prevented her from falling asleep again for a while. It was not a scene she could recall seeing ever before, yet the dream was so clear and filled with such fine details - she couldn't have conjured it all up!

However, as she tried to think back to the possible origins of her dream, an unexplainable, almost nauseating anxiety surged through her, forcing her to abandon her train of thought. No matter what, she couldn't think what could be the reasons for such a reaction. She was deeply bothered and more than a little frightened.

Ryou sat up silently, casting a glance at the man sleeping on the futon next to her, her worry vanishing almost instantly. Kappei's chest rose and fell in a peaceful rhythm, a trail of drool running down from his open mouth in a comical fashion. A relieved smile appeared on her face; at least one of them was still sleeping soundly. Without a sound, she cast her bed-sheets asides, making her way to the kitchen for a glass of water, her troubled thoughts resurfacing as soon as she left his side.

She knew she shouldn't be worrying about her disturbed sleep too much; both her sister and Kappei kept reminding her that she had been under some serious pressure during her third year, and it wasn't all that surprising that it would haunt even her dreams until this long. She knew she should be focusing on her studies at the nursery school - which was going well, all things considered - and simply put all the past troubles behind her. At least she wasn't suffering from amnesia anymore.

Ryou fiddled nervously with her half-empty glass of water she had poured for herself, staring through its bottom. She hadn't fully realized just _how much_ she had actually forgotten, and how many people she had ended up hurting because of it. The bothered look on Sunohara Youhei's face flashed in her mind, accompanied by a sharp pang of guilt in her heart. She had tried, she had really tried to remember what they had talked about, but she just couldn't have brought the words into her mind, even as she had seen how utterly disappointed he had been.

She placed the glass down on the counter with a tad more force than she had intended, wincing at how loud the noise sounded in the silent apartment. It was there again, the nauseating anxiety. She had tried to tentatively remember, merely tried to brush at her foggy memories of her discussions with Sunohara, yet the unease had immediately re-surfaced, forcing her to drop the subject again - just like it had done at New Year's Eve. A stray connection between the discussions with Sunohara and her amnesia popped in her mind, which she quickly brushed off. She didn't want to even consider the possibility that her friend could somehow be connected with her own mental issues. Shaking her head, she made her way back to her futon and laid herself down, trying to fall asleep again.

"You woke up?" A soft voice from beside her. Had it been anyone else's, she would've probably been frightened to death.

"Yes," she said in an equally quiet voice, nodding. Hiiragi Kappei laid facing her, his face barely visible in the darkness. Even so, she could see the worry in his eyes.

"That dream again?" Silently, she nodded for the second time. He didn't say anything, but his sombre expression was enough to express his helpless concern.

"I'm sorry for waking you up and making you worry," she said after a while, causing the usual cheerful, accepting look to appear on his face. It was okay. "How's your leg?"

The question was almost always on her lips. She was aware that she must've appeared as overly concerned, but she couldn't help herself. Not when the said limb had almost claimed his life.

"It's not in pain," he responded, softly touching the leg. He never grew annoyed by the question, no matter how many times she presented it. "I don't need to take medicine, I think." It had been nothing short of a miracle that the amputation surgery could've been avoided. On the day the leg was supposed to have been cut off, a visiting doctor, who specialized in osteosarcoma, took one final look at his leg and announced to the two of them that the leg could be treated with liquid oxygen after all, thus avoiding losing it. The treatment, however, was going to be long and rather painful because the disease had advanced so far and would require constant monitoring. Needless to say, she had volunteered on the spot.

"That's good to hear," she said with a smile. If everything went as planned, his treatment would be over in three years' time, and neither of them had any intention to let him sit in the hospital bed for that long. The two trekked to the neighbouring city's hospital for regular check-ups and treatments at least once a month, more if they deemed necessary. They participated in rehabilitation in the local health centre, as well as took a lot of walks for Kappei to keep the muscles of his leg healthy. It was tolling, and together with her studies, it made a rather hectic lifestyle, but every part of it was necessary for him to live a normal life, free from the confines of the hospital.

And, although she was far more occupied than other people of her age, she treasured every moment of her life. It was the kind of lifestyle she had chosen for herself, and she paid the adequate price for it, for her happiness, gladly and without regrets.

She was happy.

As she reached for his hand, a wave of calm serenity washed over her, and she felt herself falling into peaceful slumber again.

For now, she was able to ignore the rising anxiety within her.

* * *

There was something she had to do.

The thought had come to her as she and Kappei had been strolling through the streets of Hikarizaka, talking merrily despite the chilly January wind blowing around them, the town around them grey and lifeless. They had been talking about some mundane topic when it had come to her seemingly out of the blue. It didn't feel like any sudden revelation or realization, but more like a recollection of something that she had forgotten for a lengthy while. She couldn't remember what it was.

Ryou was silent for the rest of the evening, a thoughtful look on her face as she tried to recall her lost fragments of memories. She gave up more than once, trying to focus on other matters and enjoy her time together with Kappei, but each time the matter came back to haunt her. What was she supposed to do? What had she forgotten?

He had noted her change of mood, of course, but hadn't pressed it save for a single inquiry if something was wrong, to which she had shook her head and replied to be 'just thinking'. She had considered sharing the matter with him at first; after all, he had been of tremendous support when it came to her memory problems, often reminding her of things she had said or done that she had forgotten about. However, for whatever reason, she hadn't been able to get the proper words come out of her mouth. Something inside her, be it her gut feeling or something else, strongly protested against the idea of asking Kappei if he knew what she was supposed to do, clamping her lips shut against her willing when it came to the topic. It only added to her confusion, but she didn't feel like further think about the reasons behind it.

Night came, but she made no progress with her lost thoughts. She was already dressed in her nightgown, sitting on her futon staring outside of the window as Kappei was brushing his teeth in the bathroom. Her eyes were locked towards a certain part of the city and she couldn't tell why, her mind was strangely void of feelings save for the puzzlement.

"Kappei-san," she called out as she heard him approach his bed. The footsteps stopped, and soon continued on an altered path. Wordlessly, he sat beside her, minding his semi-disabled leg.

"What is it?" He didn't start asking about her troubled silence today, nor did he try to pry into what thoughts had bothered her so. His tone was friendly and supportive, lightening the weight on her mind a little.

Ryou was silent for a long while, feeling how he kept his eyes patiently upon her. She had called out to him on a whim, perhaps more to say his name out loud rather than for anything more meaningful. Yet, there was something she wanted to ask him about - she just didn't know how to word it.

"When was Nagisa-chan's date of delivery estimated to be?" The words rolled out of her mouth without further thought, surprising even herself. Why had she suddenly chosen that particular topic? Kappei, too, turned to look at her in puzzlement, but answered nonetheless, scratching his head.

"Three weeks from now on, I think." From his tone, she could tell that he was expecting her to go on. She didn't know how.

"I hope it all goes well." A strange feeling overcame her as she looked over the sleeping Hikarizaka. She felt her mind becoming hazy, clouded by the peculiar sensation.

"Yeah, me too," he agreed, and for a long while neither of them said anything.

"I keep having this feeling that I've forgotten something important," she said quietly, finally able to get the matter off her mind. "That I'm supposed to do something, and I can't remember what it is."

"… Not anything?" he asked, and although his voice was the same as usual, there was something troubled in his presence. The fleeting notice left her mind as quickly as it had come, though, her fuzzy mind not able to keep it in its grasp.

"Nothing." He looked at her, worry in his eyes. "Save for the feeling that it's really, really important." A pause. The sound of his breathing was the only thing she could hear. She cast her eyes down, a hint of sorrow entering her expression. "I wonder if I'm going to end up hurting someone's feelings again if I can't remember it."

"Don't worry too much about it," he muttered quietly in her ear, resting his head on her shoulder. Warmth travelled all over her body from where his breath contacted her skin. "It'll come back to you in time, I'm sure. And when you remember what you have to do, I'm sure you'll pull it off perfectly." She leaned against him, enjoying the feeling of his hair against her cheek. When he spoke again, there was something in his tone she couldn't identify.

"And remember, if it turns out to be something hard and rough, you have people around you who will support you. Don't be afraid to lean on them for support, alright?" Suddenly, a touch of cold dread touched her heart, and she couldn't fathom why.

"And you'll be there as well, right?" she asked, unknown fear entering her voice as she sought for confirmation. There was just a tiny pause, just a fraction of hesitation in his posture before he replied.

"Of course. I'll be there for you." Despite his cheerful voice, a small part of her remained touched by the dreadful feeling, unable to shake off the fear that had merely brushed her.

The dream didn't awake her that night, but something was still bothering her, making her sleep restless.

One week later, she would remember what she had set to do.

* * *

That morning dawned dark. Ink-grey clouds filled the sky, darkening the streets below it and making everything look like it had been touched with a shade of grey. Fujibayashi Ryou could feel the oppressive weather weighing down on her right from when she woke up, and even Kappei was uncharacteristically silent.

"Looks like we're going to get some snow." His neutral statement sent shivers down her spine, and as much as she wanted to blame it on the thought of approaching snowfall, she felt there was something else as well.

"Ryou-san." They had just eaten breakfast. He hadn't had much appetite; most of his food was still untouched. His voice lacked strength. "It's a few days early, but do you think we could go for this month's check-up today afternoon? I'm not feeling very well, I fear my leg is acting up a little."

She had immediately dialled the hospital and reserved a time. They departed half an hour later, making their way to the train station under the darkened sky slowly, Kappei paying extra attention to his leg as he swung his crutches. The pains had started shortly after they had left.

The train was running late, and the afternoon was already changing to evening as they finally arrived to the hospital of the neighbouring city, barely in time for their reserved time. Not that their reservation mattered; during the train ride, Kappei had broken into a fever which had rapidly drained the colour off his already-pale face and caused him to shiver all over despite the many layers of clothing on him.

The doctor who they had an appointment with took one glance at Kappei and instantly called a nurse to prepare a room and a bed. He kept asking finer, specific details of the symptoms of his sudden illness and the development of his health in the last month as he examined him, to which both of them replied as profoundly as they could in the stressful situation. The news that the fever had broken so quickly made the doctor frown and he wanted to have a set of more specific tests as quickly as possible. Naturally, both of them agreed immediately; all three of them were well aware of the weight of the situation.

By the time night had fallen, Kappei's condition hadn't improved at all - on the contrary, the fever was still rising. The doctor had identified his injured leg as the source of the problem: the body had begun rejecting the liquid nitrogen treatment violently, the remnants of the substance causing the immune system to activate uncontrollably. The odds of such a thing had been near zero, and the treatment had proceeded for the last year without any kind of problems, so the treating doctors were rightfully puzzled. One thing, however, became certain very soon: if the fever didn't come down or at least stop rising, his life would be in jeopardy.

At some point, snow had begun falling from the near-black sky, blanketing the earth with a thick layer of snow. Ryou learned that the snowfall was so hard that all means of transport had become paralyzed: trains, cars, even bikes couldn't trudge through the heavy whiteness. The matter soon passed from her mind, though. Kappei still didn't show any signs of improvement.

"If the fever is going to rise still," the doctor told them. She was sitting beside his bed, clutching to his feverish hand, unable and unwilling to let go. "No, even if it stays at its current level, the results to both the leg and overall health will be devastating. The antibiotics obviously aren't bringing the fever down, and at this point it seems uncertain that the fever will lower on its own."

"What do you suggest, doctor?" she asked in a strained voice, throwing a worried glance at her boyfriend, who seemed just barely able to hold on to consciousness because of the fever and the medicine running through him.

"My colleagues and I, we've reached the conclusion that surgery is the only viable option in bringing the fever down. Our tests show that tiny fractions of nitrogen in the leg muscles are causing the high fever. Because the body appears to be unable to remove them on its own, we will attempt to remove them by surgery. If all goes well, the immune system should quiet down as soon as the last remnants are gone." A subtle frown appeared on his face. "However, there still exists the possibility that this will not lower the fever. So, we have to inform you of the option we are bound to take if this doesn't work."

"What's… That?" the blonde croaked, trying to focus his gaze on the man in white standing in front of the bed. Her grip on his hand tightened. She feared she knew what the option would be.

"Amputation." The word caused her to flinch slightly. "If we can't remove the remnants in time, or if it looks like the surgery will have no effect, we are forced to amputate the leg in order to protect your life." The doctor narrowed his eyes a bit. "I've understood that you've been very adamant on not having your leg amputated, but at this point, refusal is no longer an option. We will do what we have to in order to save your life. There will be no further discussion on the matter."

Ryou sneaked a glance at Kappei, fearful of the expression he might have. A year past, she and her friends had managed to talk him into having the surgery, and he had ultimately agreed to let go of his leg. Now, however, when he had been given hope that it could be possible for him to continue walking on two legs, she was afraid that his earlier determination had re-surfaced. She was afraid of how he might react to having to his leg taken for the second time.

If he still possessed his determination, would she be able to talk him out of it again, on her own this time?

"That's not… A problem, doc." Her fear, however, was for naught. "Do… What you… Have to do… Aight?" The expression on his face was of one who had succumbed to his fate, yet had done it willingly. "The life I have… Right now…" He turned his yellowish brown orbs on hers, giving a radiant smile. "Is too important… To lose." He made an exaggerated, chopping gesture at his leg, mirth in his eyes. "Cut if off… If you have to."

"I'm glad to hear that," the man replied, a ghost of a smile on his stoic features as he turned to leave. "A nurse will come and prepare you for the surgery shortly."

"Are you absolutely sure?" she asked after he had left, not being able to help herself. She wanted confirmation, desperately so. Again, he smiled.

"Of course." Slowly, weakly, he reached out his arm, placing it on her cheek. She supported it with her own, caressing his skin softly. They didn't say anything for a long while. They didn't need to.

"Hey, I've been… Thinking," he began weakly after a lengthy pause, concentrating his eyes on her face. "After this… No matter what'll… Happen." Another vague gesture towards his injured limb. "I'd really… Like to see you… Use a different… Name." She tilted her head to the side, curiosity written on her face. "I'd really… Like to see… These two kanji… Together." With his free hand, he began writing the characters in the air in front of her. She followed his finger, but his movements were too sluggish for her to make sure of what he was trying to convey.

"There," he said, smiling self-contently at the invisible kanji floating between the two of them. "'Hiiragi… Ryou'. What do you… think?" Her eyes widened as his words sunk in. She could only stare at his expression, so full of warmth and cheer despite his high fever. She felt herself trembling and held dearly onto his hand, trying to hold herself steady. The rush of emotions was so enormous and over-whelming that for a long while, she simply tried to regain the control of her mouth again. Tears were running down her cheeks, falling on his hand, but he didn't pull it away. It was warm, the only warmth in the world.

"When I… Get out… Of the surgery." His smile was wide and bright enough to light the entire room. She knew she wouldn't need anything more in her life save for that smile. "Will you… Marry me?" She shook. She didn't care for her self-control anymore.

"Yes." Her voice was but a whimper, thick of emotions she couldn't control. "Yes, I will."

She didn't know how he managed to lean over from his bed to kiss her lips. Nor did she know why it filled her heart with both joy and sorrow at the same time.

* * *

Ryou heard the door close behind her, but didn't turn back to look at it. She instinctively wanted to, but her head simply wouldn't move. Likewise, she looked around the wide, white room in a far too slow manner for her liking. She wasn't in control of her actions anymore.

It was that dream again.

The sliding doors on the far side of the room opened, and she entered: the tall, beautiful woman in an ornate kimono, her pitch-black hair falling down low, low. The slow smile on her lips was full of righteous insolence, all-knowing and all-seeing. Ryou felt herself holding her breath for a split second, mystified by her presence, just like every other time she entered this dream.

The woman made an inviting gesture towards the high chairs, her archaic eyes flickering with the same kind of knowing as her smile. Her legs moved on their own as she complied with her wordless order.

"You have a wish you want me to fulfil." It was a statement, not a question. Her dark eyes looked right through her own. She nodded, and her words were the same as always.

"I want my friend to find happiness. I want Nagisa-chan and Ushio-chan to stay alive. I want happiness for that family, for that man." Her forehead almost touched the table, so low she bowed. "Please, fulfil my wish!" The woman's voice was without emotion as she spoke, but more than her tone, it was the words that filled Ryou with dread.

"The price for Okazaki Tomoya's happiness will be an equal amount of happiness taken from you." It was coming in waves now, dread so cold and soulless that it chilled her to the bone, filling her with primal, uncontrollable fear. "Do you accept?" She wanted to jump up and dash out of the shop. She wanted to yell out her declination. She wanted to hold on to her happiness with everything she had. Not to give it away. Not.

Yet, to her horror, the words were the same as always. Same as back then, in the future.

"I accept." Slowly, she raised her gaze up, prepared to meet the woman's unreadable expression that always followed.

Her eyes, however, had a touch of sorrow and pity within them. And it was worse, so infinitely much worse than anything she had seen so far.

"Do you understand now what the price of happiness truly is?"

* * *

Ryou woke up with a startle. The hallway around her was empty, and the coat she had pulled on herself to repel the cold had fallen on the hard floor. The red light above the door in front of her told her the surgery was still going on. Looking to the side, she noted that the hands of the clock pointed at three am. Six hours had already passed, and she wondered briefly how much longer it would take until she saw Kappei again. Yet that wonder was pushed aside as a flood of memories entered her mind all at once. Her hands flew on her temples as she tried to withstand the sudden recollection.

She remembered now. She remembered what she was supposed to do. Her eyes turned towards the window, towards Hikarizaka. Towards the snow.

_Nagisa-chan_. _Nagisa-chan's labour. I have to save her. I have to make sure she doesn't die. _And then, slowly, her gaze turned back on the doors behind which the surgery was still going on. She began to feel it: the dread, seeping through every fibre of her being. Mortified, the only thing she could do was to stare at the small red light.

The price of happiness.

It couldn't be true. It simply couldn't be. She must've mistaken it, must've mistaken her words, must've misunderstood the terms she had stated. She had paid the price for the deal already; she had given up on her happiness, her future in order to gain the opportunity to help her friends. That had been the adequate price, hadn't it? That had been the price she had agreed to pay, right?

The red light reflected from her glazed eyes, her thoughts echoing coldly inside her mind. She sought for confirmation, desperately tried to find a way to prove her dreadful doubts wrong. Yet she found nothing, nothing to repel the horror lurking in the darkness that was her heart. Fear. Dread.

Panic.

_No, __I couldn't have possibly agreed for this! _Her throat constricted shut, the colour draining off her face. Her hands gripped the hem of her shirt tightly, shaking. _Not this, not this, anything but this! Take whatever else away; my future wealth, my job, my training, my dreams, hopes, anything! Anything else but this! Anything else but HIM!_ The red light glowed in her eyes, its artificial shine unflinching under her fixated gaze, under her flurry of pleas. Her vision swayed, forcing her lungs to drag in a shallow, instinctive breath to keep her from fainting. Yet in her furious, desperate panic, she didn't even notice. She shook her head violently.

_I didn't wish for this! _

At that final thought, Ryou's panic vanished. That single thought brought forth a new kind of comprehension, something that had been sealed deep inside her mind, something that was supposed to be kept from her for all eternity. A profound wave of sorrow and sympathy that was not hers washed over her, but it was pushed aside almost instantly by darkness deeper than any night could ever be.

Despair. Bottomless despair, swallowing her existence into its never-ending abyss without remorse, ignoring her silent cries of the horrible, horrible realization.

This was exactly what she had wished for.

Under her lifeless eyes, the light went out. A few moments later, the doors opened, and the familiar doctor stepped out, removing his cloth mask and displaying an expression of detached regret. She wanted to run away, but found out that she couldn't move her legs, couldn't even tear her eyes away from that dreadful expression. The despair raged inside her like a dark sea, threatening to drown out the doctor's voice.

"Fujibayashi-san." His tone was quiet, sympathetic. She could detect a detached note in his voice, the kind which spoke of emotional withdrawal. The kind doctors used when it came to death. The black crescendo inside her reached its peak.

_Death._

She didn't need to hear anything more. Her mind didn't register his words anymore, not those that offered her his condolences, nor those that asked if she would want to see Hiiragi Kappei one more time. Her mind shut down, only one word echoing in the darkness that surrounded her from all sides, endless.

_Kappei-san_.

She fell on the hard floor like a puppet with its strings cut, the doctor reaching out for her to keep her head from hitting the floor. She didn't feel his touch, didn't see his worried face. She didn't even hear the anguished wail that left her mouth entirely on its own, squeezing her eyes shut as tears ran down from her eyes like a river.

In Hikarizaka, Okazaki Ushio was born safely, her first cries of life indistinguishable from Ryou's cries over the life she had lost.

* * *

Author's notes: Reviewing is voluntary, but much appreciated.


	14. Gathering the Pieces

Disclaimer: _Clannad_ the visual novel is the property of Key and their respective partners. Likewise, _Clannad _the anime belongs to Key and Kyoto Animation. I'm not making any money with this fanfic.

Author's notes: I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed from the bottom of my heart. I'm very glad to notice that my lengthy absence didn't drive everyone away, and that even some of my oldest readers are still sticking around, bothering to read my story. Thank you very much for your kind words, everyone.

Regarding reviews, I have something more to say. Back when I started browsing this site, there was no such function as 'review reply'. If the author wanted to give the reader a reply for their review, they often included their message in their author's notes, which sometimes meant the notes could take up to third of the chapter's length. As such, I never really got into replying for reviews. When the reply feature was introduced, I tried to make use of it for a while, but the makeshift habit never really caught wind and eventually died down.

So, if you are wondering why you have never gotten a reply for your review, it is not because I disliked your review or considered them unimportant - quite the contrary - but simply because it has never really stuck to me. Besides, I believe the best reply for readers' reviews is to keep on writing the story with a decent pace. Well, that hasn't been top notch all the time, either...

Anyway, enough babbling. Here is chapter fourteen, for your reading pleasure.

* * *

The world was without colour.

Everything around her looked the same: dull, colourless. Different shades of bleak upon one another, without so much as a speck of life anywhere. Even darkness was not really dark; when she closed her eyes, it was like a muddy blanket was pulled over her, the dirty shades of black swimming, swaying across her vision. It was a bleak woven of infinite shades of drab. Just like everything else in the world.

The world was grey.

The sky was grey, filled with grey clouds that floated through it in a lifeless fashion. The grey hills towered in the distance, encasing the cluster of grey rooftops below the grey rays of sun and sometimes falling grey rain. That view, the only view she saw, was framed by grey curtains and grey walls that surrounded her from all sides, protecting her world. There was a grey bookshelf, a grey table resting against the wall, and a small, grey television that was sometimes open, its lifelessness gaining another shade to it as grey tunes and pictures poured out of it. She was sitting on her grey futon that she knew was supposed to be white but wasn't in the middle of it all, draped in her grey pajamas which had small grey animals on it. She rarely wore anything else.

Grey. Her little world was grey. She, herself, was grey, her ashen reflection greeting her with an empty expression whenever she brushed past the mirror in the bathroom. Grey lips, grey eyes, grey hair.

Same shade of grey as her sister's when she ran a grey comb through her grey hair, speaking her grey words.

* * *

"Alright kids! Your mother is here to pick you up; it's time to head home!" she told the two children - twin sisters - who had not yet left the kindergarten. The girls protested, reluctant to leave their games and toys behind, so absorbed they were in them. With an amused smile on her lips, she gently but firmly guided the squirming children towards their lockers, countering their persistent pleas of not leaving with friendly reminders that there were plenty of opportunities to play tomorrow and the day after. That thought calmed the girls slightly, although they were still pouting when she helped them get their shoes and outdoor clothes.

By the time they reached their mother, however, the frowns had already disappeared. As soon as the two women had exchanged bows and a few words about how the twins had behaved - regarding which she had a few words to say about their habit of not eating vegetables - the mother and the two girls set off, the children waving as they departed. She waved back in response and watched their distancing backs for a while before heading back inside.

"Another long day over, eh?" commented one of her co-workers, gathering the toys the children had left scattered on the floor. "It must've been particularly rough on you, Fujibayashi; those two girls can be quite a handful."

"Ha, all in a day's work!" she replied with a self-satisfied grin. "Those two are easy to handle, really, compared to some of the _adults _I have had to deal with." The older woman let out a chuckle.

"Well, you sure have a knack of dealing with the most troublesome ones, so I guess whoever you've been handling has given you some good practice, right?"

"You don't know the half of it!" Laughing, she reached for the broom from the cleaning cupboard, but was stopped by another of her co-workers.

"I can handle the cleaning today; you said you were in a hurry to head home, didn't you?"

"Ah, yeah, that's right!" Kyou replied, stepping away from the door. "I need to visit the store for fresh meat and some vegetables, and I need to cook and clean when I get home… You sure it's okay?" The woman nodded, and even her older colleague seemed to agree. She grinned.

"I'll take you up on that offer, then! Thanks a lot!" With that, she went for her own locker and swiftly changed her working clothes for her casual attire, gathering her belongings in a handbag, humming in a cheerful tone. With a delighted 'bye' to both of the women still remaining in the closing kindergarten, she left through the back door.

As soon as she heard the heavy door close behind her, the smile she had had a heartbeat ago fell instantly apart, revealing a mirthless, drained expression beneath. As shegazed up at the sky past the branches of the leafless tree shadowing her, there was no sign of the usual high-spiritedness in her amethyst eyes, none of the self-confident fervour she had expressed to her colleagues just a few minutes ago. Her eyes were hollow and strained, tired of keeping up the usual sparkle in them, the sparkle that had become so dishonest, throughout the whole day.

Still, they knew. She was certain of that. No matter how much she tried to keep the façade up, no matter how convincing her act was, she was certain that everyone in her workplace knew. Word got around fast in a town as small as Hikarizaka, and nothing could be concealed well enough to keep it a secret - certainly not from gossiping housewives and their daughters.

She could see it in their eyes, hear it in their words; the tremors of sympathy and pity they tried to keep hidden but couldn't, their hearts betraying their thoughts. Choices of words and topics they made throughout the day around her, trying to avoid bashful words or phrases that could be interpreted as hurtful. Actions and deeds that felt like genuine kindness - such as letting her go early home today - but in reality displayed their sub-conscious and conscious pity they felt towards her. That's what it was, she was certain of that!

She unclenched her fist and let out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding, trying to calm herself down. It was no use getting angry, no; getting angry or punching people or throwing dictionaries around didn't solve anything, not anymore. No, she simply had to put up a convincing performance that in reality, there was nothing wrong with her, that there was no need to give her any sympathy or pity or _anything_. She had to keep her mask on, keep it on until everyone would realize that she was just as strong as she had used to be if not even stronger. She nodded to her thoughts furiously. Yes, that was what she had to do; she was certain of that.

Shaking her head, Fujibayashi Kyou tightened the grip on her handbag, bringing herself forcefully back to reality. She still had things to do today. She still had to go home. She had something to take care of at home.

She still had to keep her mask on.

* * *

She wasn't sure of the date anymore.

The thought had come to her at some point during some idle wondering, and she had realized that she had thoroughly lost the track of time. Still, the thought didn't mean anything to her, didn't evoke any kind of reaction. What difference did time make?

Every day was the same, anyway.

She woke up, was served breakfast, and was left alone in the apartment, laying or sitting on her futon, gazing at the ceiling with empty thoughts. The passage of time was not recorded in her mind; it wasn't before the door was opened later on in the evening that her reverie was broken and she was served dinner. It was also at that point she was ushered to rise from her bed, to take a shower or to visit a bathroom or some other small tasks which had long since lost their meaning in her life. She was often talked to and sometimes even touched, having her hair combed or nails clipped, but she couldn't remember if she ever replied or reacted. Sometimes, her sister left the apartment in the evening, but she didn't care for her departure, already laying on her bed, waiting for the unconsciousness to carry her into dreamless sleep.

Every day was the same. Nothing ever changed. Nothing ever happened. Nothing ever stirred her from her hollow existence; nothing ever left its mark on her memory.

It was better this way.

* * *

She halted her scooter in front of the familiar shop. Stepping off and locking her vehicle, Kyou took her helmet under her arm and walked in, giving a wave and a spirited 'hi' to the shopkeeper. The store wasn't the cheapest, nor was it the closest to their apartment, but the shopkeeper wasn't one to idly gossip with his customers. What's more, Kyou knew that this shop wasn't frequented by any of her friends or aqcuintances.

She navigated past the shelves briskly, choosing the items and ingredients from their familiar places, determined to set for home as quickly as possible. Although the possibility of running into someone she knew was small, it did exist. Besides, she would have to have the dinner ready by six o'clock; they always ate at six o'clock.

At the counter, the shopkeeper gave her a brief nod as the only means of greeting her, running the merchandise through the reader in an automatic fashion. After having stuffed the purchases inside her bag and paid, she set off with a wave - only to be stopped as she was about to exit by a familiar ringing sound.

"Hey!" the shopkeeper's voice rang over the mechanical ringing. "You dropped your cell!" With a swift 180 degree turn, she dashed back at the shop, finding her phone ringing in the shopkeeper's outstretched hand. She realized it must've dropped out of her bag without her noticing when she had dug her purse out.

"Oh, thank you so much!" she told the man behind the counter as she retrieved her mobile. "I can't believe I was clumsy enough to drop it and not notice!" She gave herself a soft smack on the temple with an embarrassed grin. "I would've been in real trouble tomorrow if you hadn't-" As soon as she took a look on the name that shone on the display, her words were cut short, and the grin fell apart.

Mother. Their mother was calling.

She stared at the display for a good few seconds, until eventually clicking the mute button.

"You ain't gonna answer it?" the shopkeeper asked, suddenly reminding her of his existence. She turned to her with a strained smile.

"Oh, it wasn't a number I could recognise - probably a salesman. I'm better off not answering it." The man looked at her with a quizzical expression that told her how weak of a lie her response actually was. He had seen the name on the screen as clearly as she had. "Well, thanks a lot for picking it up, anyway! Bye-bye!" Not able to withstand the look in his eyes much longer, Kyou dashed out of the shop, practically jumping on her scooter in her haphazard escape. A few heartbeats later, she was already racing through the town, the scene far behind her. Her thoughts, however, remained chagrined.

Their mother had tried calling her again.

Why? Hadn't she talked with her just a month ago? Didn't she understand how annoying her constant calls were? She would call her under whatever silly, mundane reason she could think of, and every time the _real_ reason would be so painfully obvious in her voice - their mother was a poor liar. And, sure enough, every time she would eventually ask how _she _was doing, was she eating and sleeping properly and if there was any improvement to her condition.

Kyou's scooter speeded through the narrow, darkening streets of the residential area, her knuckles long since turned white.

Why? She had promised to send word as soon as something changed! Didn't she _trust _her? She had promised to take care of her, vowed that she would nurse her back into health - and she thought she had done a great job so far, all things considered. So what if it had been over a year so far? Healing was a slow process, and things like this took their own time; she wasn't about to start pushing her, no way. Why couldn't their mother see it like that, too?

The scooter's wheels screeched as she brought the vehicle to an abrupt stop in front of their apartment, the bag of groceries swinging dangerously on the handle. The late afternoon sun coloured the world in different shades of yellow and orange, but she found no warmth or delight in those colours. The neighbourhood was silent, but she couldn't tell it over her own raging thoughts. For a long while, she stood there with her scooter in the middle of the driveway, lost in her silent debate.

Slowly, slowly, the churning inside Kyou subsided, and she let out a deep sigh, hopping off her vehicle and starting to push it towards the bike shed.

Tomorrow. She would think of a proper excuse and call their mother back tomorrow, when she was better prepared for it. It wouldn't do to keep her waiting much longer, anyway. Yes, it would be tomorrow.

Kyou took the bag of groceries in her hand and firmly pushed her previous thoughts out of her mind. She couldn't allow a speck of distress stain her face in the place where she was going next. Nothing was wrong with her. Nothing could possibly be wrong with her.

She was her sister's support now, after all.

* * *

Sometimes, just sometimes, she wondered why she was here.

She did not know of places other than her little grey world; there existed no knowledge of other worlds in her clouded mind. Despite all that, she sometimes couldn't help wondering if there were places outside the four walls: warmer, more vibrant, more interesting worlds. And if there were, why was she not there, but instead confined in this grey bleakness?

Had she been at a warmer place before?

She couldn't remember. She couldn't remember there being anything before the greyness; her memories reached a dead end whenever they tried to trail through the haze in her mind.

As far as she could tell, she had always been here.

As far as she could tell, she was always going to be here.

She always fell asleep with a sort of vague satisfaction after that thought.

* * *

"I'll be right back!" Kyou yelled inside the apartment before locking the door behind her. Swinging her helmet on, she descended the staircase two steps at a time, rushing for the bike shed as soon as her feet touched solid ground again. A couple of seconds later, the familiar scooter was speeding through the darkened streets.

Sweets! She couldn't believe how she had forgotten to buy some sweets to go with the evening tea! Silently berating herself, she navigated as quickly as she could towards the closest convenience store. She thought she had once caught a glimpse of one of her mother's acquaintances visiting it and had decided to avoid the place since then, but right now it didn't matter - they had to have some sweets to go with the tea before going to bed, she had promised her so!

She jumped off her vehicle as soon as its wheels stopped, not even bothering to lock it as she dashed inside the store, ignoring the startled look the shopkeeper gave her. Heading towards the shelf with sweets, her eyes scanned quickly over its contents. Yes, dumplings would do.

A minute later, she was already outside the store, rummaging through her pockets for the scooter's key, a packet of dumplings in her hand. Then the worst happened.

"Kyou?" She froze. She had been spotted. She could practically _feel_ a horrible scenario fleshing itself in front of her eyes. Talking with _any _of her acquaintances was always a horrible strain, and it would be particularly bothersome right now. As soon as the instinctive shock passed, her mind began to feverishly formulate a quick way out of the situation. If she wanted to get back home in time, she would have to quickly brush the speaker off. Fighting back her anxiety, she nodded to herself and resolved to tell the speaker off as efficiently as possible - even if that meant stepping on their toes a little bit. That was, until she recognized the approaching voice.

"Kyou, it's you, isn't it?" Suddenly, every ounce of her determination vanished and a sensation of raw panic ran through her.

"Tomoya," she breathed out in a quivering voice without turning to him. "Okazaki Tomoya." As the sound of footsteps drew close to her, she somehow found the strength to turn to face him.

"Hah, who else?" The second her face came into his view, her mask was already in its place. With a pose that was practically dripping with self-confidence, Fujibayashi Kyou flashed her old friend her trademark grin. "I mean, there's really no mistaking me, is there, Tomoya?"

"Heh, guess not," he agreed, stepping into the light that shone through the glass door of the convenience store. Dressed in the uniform of the electricity company, the raven-haired man looked older, more mature than she remembered. Having worked at the company for only a few short years, the way he carried himself in those work-stained clothes already spoke of his experience as a man who knew his craft. His eyes, although tired from the labour of the day, held within them a glint of tranquillity and profound happiness.

She had to struggle to keep the warm grin on her face.

"Fancy meeting you here at this hour," she said, trying to erase the black cloud from her mind. "I would've wagered your day long since over, but here you are, in your working clothes, no less!"

"I could say the same to you," he retorted with a small smile, and pointed his thumb at the direction behind him. "I got caught in some emergency maintenance a few blocks from here, and we just finished. I figured I'd buy some dessert to bring home as a way of apologizing to Nagisa."

"Oh, how has she been?" The expression she wore felt painful to uphold. "And Ushio, what about her?" The smile on his face grew a little warmer.

"Both of them have been just fine. Nagisa has been taking care of Ushio with her parents when I've been working. She's growing up real fast, you know; she took her first steps not two weeks ago!" he explained enthusiastically, his eyes lighting up with delight and pride. His hands went to his pockets, searching for something. "Um, I'd show you some pictures, but I'm afraid I left them in the pocket of my jacket at the workplace." A small part of Kyou wanted to laugh at the antics so unlike his usual character; having a child really changed a person.

And then there was the part that was trembling with unexplainable rage that she so desperately sought to keep under control.

It was like this every time they met. Even if their conversation was nothing than an exchange of a few friendly words, she would be quivering with burning anger and loathing she couldn't understand no matter how she tried. Catching even a glimpse of her friend's smiling face was enough to light her irritation, and when she came face to face with him, she would have to use all her willpower to hide her true sentiments.

She was frightened, deathly frightened of her self-control failing her and her mask coming apart, revealing the open hostility to the man she considered her dear friend. She was afraid of his shock and disgust if he were to find out the truth. But his repulsion for her, even in that horrible scenario, was nothing compared to the loathing she directed towards _herself_. How could she be feeling such unbridled hatred towards him, after everything they had gone through together? How did she have the nerve to consider herself his friend at all?

Yet, despite the disgust she felt towards her irrational rage, Kyou couldn't help feeling that Okazaki Tomoya had, somehow, severely wronged her sister.

"Anyway, how about you? How has work at the kindergarten been?" She returned to reality with a slight startle, the churning ever-present inside her. She struggled to put up a confident grin.

"Oh yeah, it's been a piece of cake!" She gave a victorious thumbs-up. "Those kids are nothing compared to handling you and Youhei back in High School!" The man before her took an involuntary step backwards, an uncomfortable expression passing on his face as certain memories re-surfaced. Despite herself, she felt a shred of genuine amusement. "I went to buy some groceries earlier today, but I just had to forget something, so here I am again. I was just about to head back home for some tea and snacks."

"I see," the man said, nodding. "Well, I won't hold you back any longer, then. I don't want to be any later as I already am, either. Anyway, it was nice to see you again, Kyou. I hope we have a better opportunity to talk the next time." She breathed out a voiceless sigh of relief as Tomoya walked past her, grateful for his hurry. "Have a nice evening." She didn't look back at him, didn't see the smile or the wave of his hand.

"Likewise," she muttered out of habit, jumping on her scooter. Soon, she was driving through the dark streets again, praying for the night air to cool her thoughts before she returned home.

* * *

When she arrived, she noticed that she had unconsciously smashed most of the dumplings.

Every now and then, something came back to her.

Most of the time, it was nothing significant; a ghost of a memory of something mundane she had used to say or do. A short phrase, a small gesture, a chore which resembled something she had seen her sister do. At such an occasion, her mouth formed the words or her hands moved slowly about as they tried to carry out the recollection from muscle memory, even though she could not remember their significance anymore.

This was such an occasion.

She was suddenly vaguely aware she had stood up and crossed the width of the living room, stepping into the kitchen corner. Her gaze rotated on the kitchen workspace, from the dishes in the sink to the stove where the leftovers of her dinner were cooling and to the array of kitchen utensils around the cutting-board. She watched her hands move, reach for a knife, and then turn around, groping for the dish of various fruits which she couldn't tell apart from each other. Seemingly in random, her fingers tightened around one and brought it to the cutting board, her other hand pressing the knife against it.

She wasn't doing this. She wasn't here in the kitchen, slicing up a fruit for whatever reason. This was not her, these were not her hands. This was someone from the past she couldn't recall, doing something which had long lost its meaning to her. She could only watch, with detached interest, as the person carried out her chore before she could lay back on her futon, to lose herself in the void, colourless wondering again.

Suddenly, an unfamiliar sensation forced her attention back to her body. The hands, unused for months, didn't manage to press the knife past the fruit's slippery peel, instead causing the blade to slip to the side and cut the hand which had been holding the fruit down. The knife clattered into the sink as her muscles, working on automaton, jerked the injured hand immediately away, and before she realized what had happened, she was already pressing the wound with a piece of cloth.

Slowly, she withdrew her hands from each other and stared at the flow of blood that trickled down her hand and soon threatened to stain her pyjamas. The novel, stinging sensation was beyond what she could grasp; what she could include in her small, unchanging world. Unlike the hazy, everyday sensations, this one was sharp and distinct, forcing itself through her thoughts and idle wonderings, mercilessly grasping hold of her attention.

Staring at her hand, Ryou could feel some of the haze lifting. And because of that, she managed to turned her eyes to the direction of the doorway, her gaze locking with her sister's, who had just stepped in.

"Ryou." She could hear the wonder in her words, her voice pushing past her clouded thoughts. "Ryou, what are you...?" Her words trailed off as her eyes travelled down, on her crimson-stained hands, and the packet of sweets fell down from her fingers. Not bothering to even take her shoes off, she rushed to her side and took her hands into her own, turning her palms up.

"W-w-what happened?" Her words, as well as her hands, were shaking, the vibrations of her panic transferring to her eerily steady posture. "No no, wait, I, I, I've got to stop the bleeding! Got to stop the bleeding!" Pressing down on the cut, she rummaged through the kitchen drawers, knocking down cups, forks and knives in her desperate search, muttering to herself. "The first aid kit, the first aid kit!" Ryou followed her sister's distress with empty eyes.

A few minutes later, her hand was wrapped in a crude bandage. Sitting in the living room, she faced her sister, whose panic had subsided. Instead, she was now looking at her with worry in her eyes.

"You really scared me, Ryou." Her voice was still slightly quivering. "If the cut had been any deeper, we would've had to go to the hospital. I hope it doesn't leave a scar..." She let out a deep sigh.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, but there was no real emotion in her words. Her sister flinched subtly. "I just..." Her voice faded off to silence as she tried to remember the words she needed. Her hands twitched on their own, imitating gestures she couldn't clearly remember. "I tried... I tried to cut... A fruit." She could feel her eyes upon her, waiting. "But... I slipped. My hand, slipped." When was the last time she had spoken like this, in more than one-word sentences or murmured half-phrases? She couldn't remember past the haze. "My hand slipped," she repeated, as if seeking confirmation that her short sentence carried any meaning.

"Why?" The worry was mostly gone, replaced by high anticipation. Her posture was tensed, waiting, thirsting for her words. "Why did you try to cut a fruit, Ryou?" She sounded almost desperate to get her speak more.

However, she didn't answer her question, choosing instead to fall into silence again. How could she answer? How could she explain what had happened when she didn't know it herself? She couldn't find a way to put into words that it hadn't actually been _her_ walking into the kitchen, cutting the fruit, accidentally slicing into her flesh; she had been merely a spectator to the whole episode. She didn't know why this ghost of a memory had done so, couldn't grasp the meaning or even the mechanics of such a chore. She was as oblivious as her sister.

"I don't know," she said, a hint of confusion on her face. Her sister's expression had changed, but she couldn't tell what it meant.

She was ushered to bed shortly after their discussion. It was earlier than normally, but she didn't mind. Laying down on the futon, she stared blankly at the ceiling, waiting for the unconsciousness to carry her to dreamless sleep, just like very other evening.

For a long while, however, the sleep didn't come, and her consciousness lingered. In the dim light of the room, she wordlessly raised her bandaged hand in the air in front of her, staring at the crude bindings. The stinging sensation was long gone, replaced by weaker but continuous aching that seemed to grow in volume as she looked at her injury. Her sister had told her it would feel much better already in the morning, and that in a couple days' time, she wouldn't even notice anything had ever happened. Her hand fell back to her side. Yes, she could forget about it altogether.

As long as she did, she wouldn't remember she had ever been in pain at all.

With that thought, Ryou felt the sleep gradually getting hold of her, not seeing how her sister quietly slipped out of their small apartment.

* * *

The sound of the car door slamming shut rang through the dark, silent parking lot. A moment later, it was followed by the barely audible click of the doors being locked and distancing footsteps echoing off the asphalt. Navigating amidst the motionless vehicles, a figure headed towards the lights shining off the lampposts, display windows and shop signs of the city centre, tightening his scarf in the cold night air.

The man walked through the streets without even a glance to the shops and restaurants around him, brushed past slower pedestrians, and made brisk turns and crossings as he headed away from the brighter, wider streets and towards the part of the town poorer in both appearance and reputation. Had it been in his power to decide, he would've probably stayed back in the bright glow, among the finer restaurants and night clubs, but he had no say in the matter. He never had when he was called back to Hikarizaka.

Then again, he wasn't here to have fun. He was here to help a friend.

The door bell jingled softly, its sound quickly dying off in the heavy, smoky air of the small bar. A few pairs of eyes turned lazily to look at him - out of habit than any genuine interest, he wagered - but were turned away a heartbeat later, falling back upon the sports newspaper, game of solitaire, or into the bottom of the glass, whatever was laid out in front of them. He walked towards the familiar corner of the bar without looking at the slumped figures in the tables around him.

There, in the furthest, darkest corner, he found a figure just as silent and slumped as everyone else in the bar. Only, the figure was smaller than the rest, and on the table in front of her were two glasses next to a bottle instead of just one.

"You're late, Youhei," she stated bluntly, giving him a pointed glance.

"Nice to see you too, Kyou," he scoffed, taking off his gloves and scarf. "Just be glad I even managed to come. I've told you I need to know about these things a few days in advance so that I arrange my shifts, haven't I?" Grumbling, he folded his jacket on the back of his chair. "What if I had had work tomorrow, huh?" She shrugged, running a finger on the brim of her glass idly.

"Big deal; I would've just drank all this myself." He rolled his eyes as he sat down.

"That's the worst case scenario, right there." He half-expected her to snap back at him, but no retort came. He sighed softly; she was in _that _kind of mood tonight. Silently, he reached for the bottle on the table and filled his glass, but left it untouched, folding his arms on his lap instead. He had come to know her palette of different moods well enough to recognize which approach was the most efficient one in different situations, and right now he could tell that the 'I'm-not-drinking-until-you-talk'-approach worked best. Seconds dragged on slowly in the heavy silence as he kept staring into the distance, seeing from the corner of his eye how the ambience began to press down on her.

"Did you come by car again?" she eventually yielded, giving him a quick glimpse of her amethyst eyes before letting them fall down again.

"Yeah," he answered in a relieved tone, reaching for his glass. That had been one long silence. "I left it in the twenty-four-hour parking lot. It should be fine."

"Where will you be staying?"

"The motel. I called and reserved a room on the way here." He frowned as he felt the alcohol burning in his throat. She had ordered something strong again.

"I'll pay you back half of the costs, as usual." She sipped from her own glass. "Just show me the receipts later, alright?"

"Sure." She paid for the booze and half of his bookings, he paid for gas and the other half. He thought it was a fair arrangement, considering who he was dealing with. With the formalities aside, he turned to face her with a small smile. "So, how have you been?" Her scoff lacked strength.

"Do you even need to ask?" The self-ironic, bitter grin that appeared on her face was weak. "Can't you tell it just by looking at me?" He leaned closer, making a show of carefully peering at her face with a concentrated expression.

"No?" he tried, earning a soft smack from her.

"Piss off, idiot," she muttered as she pushed his head away, a hint of amusement creeping into her voice. He celebrated silently for that tiny improvement. Now, with the ice finally broken, Kyou began recounting the events of the past few weeks of her life. It was slow and lazy at first, but grew more spirited and intense as the tale progressed. Taking a sip from his glass, Sunohara leaned backwards as he listened to her rant of her patronizing co-workers, her overly-meddling mother and the gossiping housewives and their daughters that seemed to lurk at every corner of the town. Her arms flailed wildly, chorusing her enthusiastic and bitter fuming of how people took everything by face value, how they couldn't mind their own business, how dishonest they were and how much they enjoyed making her life difficult. The more she spoke, the more she drank - and the more she drank, the more of her thoughts she poured out. Listening to her in silence, adding in only a few nods and agreeing hums, he lost both the track of time and the count of his own refills, drowning his consciousness in the sound of her voice.

When she finally stopped, the silence practically yelled for a response. He lowered his empty glass.

"Glad to hear you've been fine," he commented dryly. She nailed her eyes upon his, her fingers pressing down hard on the wooden table. The grin on his face, however, stripped her eyes of all the hostility and menace. Her posture trembled as realization and self-irony begun sinking in, and after a few seconds her feeble self-control and mask of dignity fell apart, throwing her into a burst of genuine laughter. His grin grew more radiant, and soon he, too, was laughing loudly.

"Idiot," she managed to say after the worst fit of laughter had passed, wiping a lone tear off the corner of her eye. His grin remained. That's right; he was still the idiot - and he was damn good at it. As soon as the smile on her face disappeared, so did his grin, and a silence even more pronounced that the previous one fell over the table.

Sunohara leaned back in his chair and sighed. The fun part was over.

"What's wrong, Kyou?" he asked eventually, his voice a curious mixture of genuine worry and routine-like hollowness. "What are you leaving out this time?" The indigo locks swayed as she looked uneasily to the side, avoiding his gaze. He hated and loved that look; hated how unlike her usual self was, loved how it brought forth a frail, beautiful side of her. He drank on the view greedily, waiting for her to answer.

"I met Tomoya today," she muttered after a long while. He tapped on the rim of his glass, his expression uncharacteristically solemn. "It was a freak accident: I had to stop by the convenience store, and he just happened to pass by. We didn't talk for long, but…" her voice trailed off.

"But you found out you still hate him," he finished.

"I don't hate him!" she exclaimed in response, slamming her fist down on the table so hard that the bottle threatened to fall down. A few other customers threw startled glances at their directions, but neither of them paid any heed. She drew in several deep breaths. Her eyes were still burning, but the strength in them was draining off rapidly. "I don't hate him," she repeated, turning her eyes away from his. "He's… He's my friend; I don't hate him." Both her expression and her words had no conviction in them. She drew in one more wavering breath, and spoke in a pained sound.

"I don't… I don't want to hate him - I just don't. But I can't help it, can't help it at all!" He was silent for a while before responding.

"Is it still because of the same reason?" he asked with a sigh. He didn't like this particular topic, for several reasons. "Do you still think he has done something to Fu-"

"Yes," she cut him short, nodding. "I still do."

"Maiden's inspiration, huh?" He tilted his head to the side, his tone sceptical.

"Don't start with me, Youhei," she warned him, the tone of her voice doing an almost full turn. Itchy as always, he noted. "I've never been wrong about this before, not once. Besides, you said you agreed with me, didn't you?" He pulled a little back with an uncomfortable expression.

"Again you bring that up," he muttered as he recalled the conversation they had had, months ago. He had been drunk - they had both been drunk - and he had spoken too freely about a subject too touchy for his tastes. Up until a year ago, he hadn't believed there would've ever been a subject like that. He shook his head. "Look, let's just drop it, okay? Talk about something else."

"You did agree with me!" She leaned against the table with both hands, peering dangerously close to his face. He could smell the alcohol in her breath. "Don't you dare take that back now!" Instinctively, he pulled back, noticing with growing worry just how explosive the combination of her current mood and heavy drinking was.

"Okay, okay!" he yielded, putting his arms up. "I did say I have a similar hunch; I still do!" He wasn't lying. Just like Kyou, he had a tiny suspicion - mark the word 'tiny' - that the condition of the younger Fujibayashi sister was somehow connected with his best friend. How he had this suspicion or how those two were connected, he had no idea of. However, despite all the loyalty he felt for his friend, he just couldn't shake the feeling off, and it bothered him deeply - perhaps even more than Kyou.

"Look," he said again. She was still awkwardly close. "That's about the last thing I want to talk about right now. Can't we leave it until we're sober?" She remained still for a few more seconds before pulling off, sighing.

"When are we ever sober?"

He fell silent, not wanting to voice the answer both of them already knew.

"Is there something else, Kyou?" he asked after a while, trying to pick off where they had left. As far as he could recall, she hadn't said a word about the touchiest subject yet. "Is there something else you'd like to tell me?" Again, she was looking to the side with an empty expression. Her complete lack of reaction was an answer in itself.

"So… How is she?" he asked, unable to identify even himself what the tone of his voice was. He could see how shivers ran through her frame; how her entire body tensed violently and then relaxed all at once, tensed and relaxed. Keeping her eyes nailed on the ground, he could not see the emotions that must've flashed on her face as she desperately sought to regain control of herself. The only thing he could do was to wait without sound, without giving her any kind of comforting words or gestures - she would hate him if he did, would lash at him if she detected any kind of pity. She was strong, she would say, and didn't need any false sympathy or pity or anything, and would storm out of the bar, leaving him there stunned and aching. He didn't want that to happen, not for the second time.

So, he patiently waited for her to get her bravado together again, even though it hurt him every time so much to just sit there and watch.

When she finally raised her head, the expression on her face was hollow. When she spoke, her voice was devoid of all emotions - even her usual bitter undertone was gone.

"The same as usual: she doesn't talk unless I speak to her, doesn't eat unless I feed her, doesn't shower or bathe unless I order her to. She doesn't do anything; when I come home from work, I find her in the same position I left her in the morning. Even if I put the TV on or loudly drop something, she doesn't react to the noise. She doesn't seem to react to anything." She let out a wavering breath. There was a crack in her voice as she continued. "Why, just today, when I had to visit the store and came back home, I found her in the kitchen, bleeding - she had cut herself while trying to peel a fruit. And do you know what she did? Nothing!" He noted how her hands trembled as she brought them in front of her. "She just stood there and watched her hand bleed! She would've bled to death if I had been away any longer!" Another crack in her voice.

"Why did she do that?" he asked, not able to hide the worry in his voice - but the worry wasn't directed at the younger sister.

"That's just it!" she exclaimed, her voice growing shrill. "She said: 'I don't know', and looked so… So lost! Like she would've just woken up from a dream or something!" She buried her face in her hands, letting out a sound between a sob and a growl. "I have no idea what's happening to her anymore!"

"Calm down, Kyou," he said, leaning closer. "Don't lose your head over this, you hear?" She whipped her head up, the despair in her eyes morphing into anger in a span of two heartbeats.

"Of course I won't!" she hissed. "Who do you think you're talking to? There's no way _I _would let this get the best of me! That's not even an option!" He wasn't sure who she was trying to convince more, him or herself.

"See, that's just what I mean," he pointed out in a careful tone, trying to gently guide her mood back to a non-flammable status. "I think you're pushing yourself just a little too much. You should give yourself a chance to a breather every now and then." Her expression remained irritated, but was no longer openly hostile. Encouraged, he continued. "Give yourself a weekend, or even a day completely free of work and daily chores. Maybe make a short trip or something, let someone else take care of Fuji-"

The moment the words left his mouth, he realized he had made a decisive blunder. Without a single word of warning, Kyou leaped upon him, her hands closing around the collar of his shirt so fast that he couldn't even raise his arms up in defence. The chair clattered on the floor loudly as he was lifted off it and slammed against the wall, causing him to wince in pain - she hadn't lost any of her strength. As he opened his eyes again, he found himself staring into her flaring orbs, their faces only a few centimetres from each other. She was breathing heavily, the thick smell of alcohol invading his nostrils and making him even dizzier than he already was. From the corner of his eye, he could see that they had got the attention of the entire bar, the bartender and other patrons looking at them with mixed expressions of fear, worry and expectation.

Oh, now he had really done it.

"You... You..." She hissed the words out between her gritted teeth, her eyes having trouble focusing on his face. Her arms trembled as they gripped his shirt even tighter, holding him still under her burning eyes. "You have any idea what you're saying? The hell, a free weekend? A trip? _Leave her?_" She slammed him against the wall again. "You asshole, I'm the only one who can take care of her!" Another slam. Pain erupted from between his shoulder blades as the head of a lone screw dug into his flesh. "I'm the only one she has anymore! And you dare, you _dare_ say I should take a friggin' _vacation_?" She slammed him against the wall one final time, and as icing on the cake, punched him in the stomach so hard that he could not breathe for a good couple of seconds.

"How _dare _you?" Her shoulders shook heavily as she spit out the words. Opening his eyes, he found the familiar amethyst eyes flaring with unchained, crazed frenzy. However, he made no effort to look away. Instead, he hold his gaze steady, trying to catch his breath as he did his best to ignore his aching back. Against the flame in her eyes, he pitted his own unyielding gaze, silently waiting for her anger to cool down. Words wouldn't do any good now, not after what he had blurted out. No, he could only wait for her to snap out of her rage on her own. The longer it drew on, however, the more painful it became to behold, and a horrible realization began dawning on him.

Had it really become this bad already?

The anger in her eyes took a long, long while to subside, but when it eventually did, it was gone almost as quick as it had come. The amethyst eyes blinked once, then twice, and then they suddenly widened as she realized what she was doing. The vice-like grip on his collar disappeared, and he fell back on his feet.

"Back on Earth?" he asked, but his voice sounded empty even to himself. God, now he remembered how much he had hated being the punching bag. She wrapped her trembling hands, which had been gripping him just a few heartbeats ago, around herself, but the shaking wouldn't cease. Instead, it seemed like her whole body would give in under her. "Sit down, before you fall," he told her as he pulled his chair up and sat down. She complied without a word, her eyes staring vacantly off to the distance. He muttered curses under his breath, rubbing his offended stomach. He gestured to the bartender, who looked ready to throw both of them out, that everything was alright now and no further commotion would happen. Needless to say, the gaze he got back wasn't entirely convinced. That was, however, the least of his concerns right now.

"Wh-wha-... What did I...? What did I just...?" Kyou muttered, her lips moving sluggishly.

"Well, to me it seemed like a recollection of a normal day back in high school," he replied, but the humour was lost even to himself. She twitched in response, but didn't raise her eyes.

"Youhei, I... I'm..." She attempted slowly, trying to find the proper words of apology. Her voice, in all its unfamiliarity, made him cringe.

"I don't wanna hear it, alright?" he snapped before she managed to finish, earning a startle from her. Her eyes, as they finally looked up to him, were round with fear. Again, he cursed. "Why do you look at me like that? You think I'm angry at you? I'm not, I'm not!" The fearful look in her eyes persisted. "Look, you used to do this to me all the time back when we were in school! What's so different now?" She didn't seem to register his words. Her voice sounded like it would shatter at the tiniest impact.

"I just... I just lost it. I was, I was talking with you, and then everything, everything just went _red_, and suddenly I couldn't see you or hear you or think of anything, and then I was suddenly holding you in the air and realized I had just punched you and-"

"Shut up!" He slammed his hand on the table, and she pulled back so quickly that her chair threatened to topple over. "I said I don't wanna hear it! I don't want you to even think about it!" Suddenly becoming aware that he had raised his voice, he had to force himself to take several deep breaths. Times like this, he really wished he smoked.

"Look," he said after a while, trying to ignore her still-shaken look. "Look, you said it yourself, right? You just lost it. Hey, that happens, what's the big deal?" He tried to put on a reassuring expression for her to see, but wasn't sure how well he succeeded. "Stress gets to people, everyone knows that! It's gonna happen to all of us sooner or later! And you, hey, I never even dreamed you'd be the type who'd go cry in a corner when it happens. No, I've always known you'd fight it out of yourself." He made an exaggerated gesture. "And that's exactly what happened, you know. You weren't beating me, you were taking a shot at your own stress!" He shrugged and managed to push a grin on his face. "And hey, if I managed to help you out at that, I have nothing to complain." He cast his eyes to the side in a carefree manner, but from the corner of his eye, he kept looking at how her expression would change.

Seconds passed on in silence as she digested on his words, the look in her face flashing between doubt, guilt and confusion. Slowly, slowly, the look in her eyes began to regain some of its usual firmness. He had to fight himself not to sigh in relief. When she finally spoke, her words were still shaky, but the worst seemed to have passed.

"You... You're sure?" He nodded vehemently, throwing his trademark grin at her again.

"Hey, I said I'd help you out, didn't I? Just consider this to be special service and stop worrying about it!" She was motionless for a few seconds, but eventually gave a nod, strength returning to her features. "Yeah, that's the way to go!" Under his spirited words, however, he was throwing curses and accusations at his own stupidity. Of course, there was the massive blunder he had made by bringing up the idea of leaving her sister's side, but more than that, he was _raging _at himself about how he had missed the stress building up on her - he hadn't noticed at all how bad her state had become!

He had known all along how hard she was straining herself: constantly tearing herself apart between her work, taking care of her sister and keeping up the appearances she was too stubborn to let go. He had known all this for several months now, yet still he had let it slide! And now, look at how bad it had become! She must've been running on only willpower for God knows how long now, and from the looks of it, she was finally reaching the breaking point.

How could he have let this happen? Was this his idea of _helping _her? And, most importantly, how was he going to fix this mess?

Problem was, there was only one thing he could think of.

He grabbed the bottle on the table and poured its contents into the two glasses. Raising the other one, she pushed the other into her still-hesitant hands and gave her a firm look.

"Hey, enough talking! We're here to drink, aren't we - let's focus on what's important, alright?" She looked at him uncertainly, but upon seeing his grin, the anxiety was pushed aside, and she grasped her glass.

"R-right," she tried, and then with more strength, repeated: "Right!" He forced his grin wider and poured his drink down his throat, trying to wash off not only her hesitation and fears, but also his own self-loathing and doubts.

_Is this really everything I can do to help her?_

* * *

He had no idea what time it was when they left the bar. The streets were empty and cold as they stumbled towards the general direction of her apartment, him trying to hazily navigate out of memory and her slurring near-incoherent directions from his side.

"So... Ya take the left turn at the next street... Or maybe it was the other left, or the other street..."

"I know where I'm going, Kyou," he muttered in response, tightening his grip on her shoulder as she reeled dangerously to the side.

"But I've never told ya..."

"I just know, alright? Don't ask." Her long hair swished in front on his face as her head swayed from side to side. He pushed them away, trying not be affected by her feminine smell.

"How much did we drink... This time?"

"I'll show you the receipts later," he responded, trying to make out a particularly fuzzy street name. "Tomorrow. You can pay me tomorrow, I'll visit you before I leave."

"Thanks, Youhei," she slurred, her lips curving into a smile. "You're a real friend, ya know?" Thankfully, the alcohol seemed to have mercifully erased all her memories of how she had man-handled him at the bar, and she had reached a state of mind similar to the beginning of their makeshift counselling session. She rambled on as they walked, at first about how good a friend he was, listening to her worries and sharing a drink with her - there was no one else who could do it, she insisted several times - and how grateful she was every time he showed up. He listened with other ear as he navigated through the dark streets, nodding and giving her short responses to ensure her that he was listening. He was half-aware from the tone of her voice that she had moved back to the topic of how hard her life was, and from the jerky, violent gestures she made with her free hand he concluded she had traced back into ranting about her co-workers and the other people she was surrounded by in this town.

Her abrupt silence brought him back to his senses, and he turned his head to glance at her face.

"Hey, Youhei?" There was a vacant look on her face as she spoke. Even through the alcohol clouding his mind, he could tell her voice was out of place. Was she going to regress back to that heart-wrenching state she had been in just a few hours ago?

"Yeah?" She didn't respond for a while. Just when he was about to shake her, she spoke again in that same, ominous voice. His heart skipped a beat.

"If... If something happens to me... Ya... You've gotta take care of Ryou. She can't be left alone, ya know?"

"Oh, shut up!" he growled, pulling her back straighter, his fears erased by irritation. This was about the only kind of drunken nonsense he didn't tolerate. "Nothing's gonna happen to you! There's nothing in this world that could harm you!"

"I'm serious!" Her eyes flashed, but he didn't care.

"So am I! I ain't gonna hear you talk this kind of crap!" Her free hand, the one that he hadn't draped over his shoulder, gripped the front of his coat, and she suddenly leaned forward so that their faces met. He leaned backwards, desperately trying to keep both of them on their feet.

"No, Youhei, I'm serious!" she repeated with a look on her face that couldn't be denied. "I've really, really thought about this! Accidents happen all the time, don't they? I could, I could be caught in a car crash, uh-huh, or a shoot-out or a... Or under falling construction debris! Even I could get pretty hurt in something like that, ya know - I could even die!" Her hazy eyes had trouble focusing on him. "And, and if that happens, Ryou will be left all alone! I can't let that happen, even if I'm dead!" He was about to yell at her again, but the look in her eyes stopped him.

"Promise me, Youhei! Promise me you'll take care of her! You're the only one I can trust anymore!" Under all that drunken haze, there was desperation, the similar kind she had displayed back at the bar - the similar kind he hated to see in her.

Who could blame him for wanting to wipe that all away?

"Alright, I promise." His response came out so fast, it surprised even himself. Her eyes widened, unbelieving. "I promise I'll take care of her," he repeated, and watched contently as the desperation and disbelief in her eyes faded away, replaced by a kind of warmth he recalled seeing only a few times before. "But, in turn, you'll stop spouting such bullshit. I don't wanna hear anything like that anymore." He turned his gaze away from her eyes, trying to fight off the glow that was creeping upon his cheeks.

Suddenly, an idea sprang up in his mind, an idea so drastic and unheard of that he wondered even himself where it had come from. The more he considered it, however, the more confident he grew, and soon motivation had flared him up entirely.

_Yeah. That's the only way I can help her. And if she's gonna hate me for this, well, tough luck. _

"We're almost there, let's go. I ain't gonna leave you until you're safely tucked in bed." He felt how she stumbled.

"H-hold on! Ya think ya can walk into my apartment just like that!" she exclaimed.

"When you can't even stand on your own, I ain't gonna take any risks," he told her with a sense of finality, ignoring her infuriated objections as he led her up the stairs with firm steps, towards the small world she had constructed for her sister.

The confidence over the foreign idea was so strong that it seemed to even push the drunken haze out of his mind.

* * *

Her sleep had been restless throughout the night; the throbbing of her hand was constantly pushing through her brittle sleep, keeping her teetering on the threshold between dream and reality. As such, even the faint rattle of keys was enough to stir her awake.

"I told ya, ya don't have to do this!" a slurred voice from behind the door insisted. It was familiar. "I'm fine, really!"

"Like I said, I'll leave as soon as you're lying down on your bed," another voice, unfamiliar, replied. There were more words, but they drowned under the rattle of keys. The door was pushed open, and cold night air flowed into the small room. She wanted to pull the blanket more over her, but an unfamiliar feeling forced her to stay completely still with her eyes shut, pretending to be asleep. The door closed soundlessly.

"Just… Just, don't wake up Ryou. She's sleeping; she must have her sleep." The hushed voice lisped so strongly that she had trouble making out the words.

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry. I'll set your bed - where's your futon?" There was a soft, definite sound of something heavy landing down on the floor. "Hey, hey!" the deeper voice ushered. "Try to hold yourself up for just a minute! Actually, go drink some water in the kitchen while I set things up!"

"Yeah, good idea." Something was dragging itself up against the wall. "The bed's… Over there, in the closet." Heavy footsteps strode past her head, and then there was sound of running water. Something heavy was landed down right next to her. She clenched her eyes shut ferociously, quivering. The sounds surrounded her from all sides, destroying the quiet tranquillity she was used to. The nightmarish cacophony settled down in the pit of her stomach, pushing up an emotion she could not name that shook her all over, raced her heart and made her breathing quick and shallow, threatening to bring tears to her eyes. She couldn't remember feeling the cold grip of fear in a long, long time.

Something heavy crashed down next to her, and an unwilling, quiet 'eep' escaped from her. She immediately tensed, in fear of being caught, but it seemed her outburst wasn't noticed.

"You ain't gonna change?" The unfamiliar voice asked, closer than before. The reply that came from next to her was a slurred, vague growl, but even its tone was enough to make the hair of her neck stand up. Thankfully, the voice wasn't directed at her. "Right, right," the voice appeased. "Sorry." For a while, she could only hear the sound of breathing next to her.

"Remember, Youhei," the voice eventually spoke, half-mumbling. "Remember what ya promised." It was thick with alcohol, but it was also drenched in emotion - emotion even she couldn't help noticing. It stirred her, stirred part of her she couldn't identify, couldn't remember. "If somethin' happens to me… Take care of her. Take care of Ryou." The barely audible words tightened her chest, gripped her harder than the primal fear just a few moments ago and brought the stinging sensation of unspilt tears into her eyes again. Several painful shivers ran through her, shaking her all over. She couldn't understand why.

"Right." The answer was soft, warm. Silence fell again, this time stretching on for several minutes. Slowly, carefully, she pried her eyes open and turned around on her bed. The familiar form of her sister laid next to her, her chest rising and falling in peaceful rhythm under the blanket. She hadn't changed into her nightgown, instead lying on the futon with her everyday clothes - she had not even undone her hair, her long indigo locks framing her face in their usual style. In the dim light, she could make out the glittering trails of tears that had fallen down from her eyes before she had fallen asleep. Again, her chest tightened under that painful sensation she couldn't name, and for a long while, she could only stare at her sister's face.

And then she saw the pair of blue eyes that gazed at her from the darkness. Like a deer caught in a spotlight, she stilled entirely under that intense gaze.

"That's right," a voice spoke, as stern and intense as the eyes. "Look at her. Take a good look at your sister." For as long as her memory reached, she hadn't heard the voice of anyone other than her sister. This deep, unfamiliar voice was entirely unlike her sister's soft, comforting murmur: it was rigid and unrelenting and burned with frightening conviction. She felt how her body shivered with every syllable he spoke.

But perhaps more frightening than the voice were the eyes: two clear, blue eyes that gleamed in the dim light of the room. Like the voice, they burned with a sort of grim determination, digging deep into her own eyes. It felt like they tried to drag a part of her soul out, tried to see into her mind and reveal her deepest thoughts. They evaluated her, weighed her, every now and then casting a glance at the sleeping form of her sister, after which the flame within them would grow in volume. She found she couldn't turn her eyes away no matter how she tried. A cold bead of sweat travelled down her brow.

"Look at her," the voice repeated, and she was partially released from the spell, only to do what he told her. "You saw, didn't you? How she cried herself to sleep? What do you think that is for? _Who_ do you think that is for?" The eyes were turned on her again, and she wriggled under the intense gaze without knowing exactly why. The voice sighed, and the eyes closed briefly. "She's pushing herself to the limit, all the damn time. She's straining herself and it's only a matter of time 'til she breaks down. Do you know why? Do you know why she's whipping herself on like this?" The eyes burned. She couldn't reply; she even hardly understood the words. He must've seen that helpless look as well, for there was another frustrated sigh. The figure stood up, and her eyes followed.

"I'll show you," the dark figure muttered as he gazed down at her. "Stand up," he ordered, but she only blinked. There was a sharp gesture she could barely make out in the darkness. "Stand up!" Hesitantly and without a word, she pushed herself up from her futon. "Come here." The figure was standing in the doorway of the bathroom. She did as ordered, but kept a cautious distance to him. Stepping aside, he gestured her to go inside. "Stand in front of the mirror." The bathroom tiles were cold under her bare feet. She shivered.

The light flashed on, and she instinctively squeezed her eyes shut. Slowly, as her eyes became accustomed to the light, she managed to open them.

In front of her was her usual ashen reflection; the familiar lifeless eyes deep in their sockets, her usual pale face framed by her messy, uncombed locks. There was nothing out of the ordinary in the way her skin drooped, the lack of direct sunlight giving it a sickly tone, or how thin her arms had become, being unused for so long. Her pyjamas, worn day after day, had worn out a little more again, the fabric growing thin and stitches threatening to tear at several places. The mirror displayed nothing novel in her appearance.

Yet, the sight petrified her. Her widened eyes - the only part of her that moved - travelled all over her reflection, finding more and more details of degeneration in her appearance with every glance. Her arms and legs trembled, as if she subconsciously wanted to dash away from the bathroom or at least clasp her hands in front of her eyes, but a mixture of morbid realization and repulsion hold her muscles still. A foul taste began spreading in her mouth, but she barely noticed it over the shocked confusion that rang in her mind.

_Is this… What I really look like?__ Is this really me?_

"This is what your sister is sacrificing herself for." The answer to her question came from the doorway, reminding her of his presence. Tearing her eyes away from the mirror, she finally got to see the face belonging to that frightening voice, but as she laid her eyes on him, her initial fear dissipated. She couldn't recognize him, of course; couldn't recall the shape of his face or his sapphire eyes, but for some odd reason, seeing his appearance soothed her. A faint ghost of a memory flashed in her eyes, almost too fast for her to notice, but it still made her knit her brow ever-so-slightly, made her lips twitch subtly as they tried to repeat a name she had forgotten.

"You think she's happy with what she sees?" Ignoring her stare, he pointed at the mirror. When she focused on her reflection again, she found her appearance even more repulsive than before, and she had to fight not to turn her eyes away. "Are _you_ happy with what you see?" Before she realized what she was doing, she was already shaking her head vehemently. "I thought so." His voice sounded satisfied. Without another word, he walked back to the bedroom, leaving her standing in front of her sickly reflection in confusion. Flipping the lights off, she followed him, glad to be away from the painful truth in the mirror.

When her eyes adjusted to the darkness again, she found him in his initial position; sitting next to the sleeping form of her sister, with his back turned to her. She wasn't sure whether it was the sight of him or her sister that stilled her, forcing her to silently keep her distance. It was a long while before he spoke again.

"You know," His voice was careful and soft, entirely devoid of the frightening intensity it had had a moment ago. "It's okay to take your time to sort things out. It ain't anything small you went through." She blinked at his words, unable to comprehend. "But, enough is enough." Slapping on his knees, he pushed himself up and turned to face her. The conviction had returned on his face, and although she was no longer afraid of him, she still found herself swallowing uncomfortably. "This doesn't concern just you anymore; it's becoming a problem for all of us. I can't just stand around and let that happen, you know." He stepped closer to her, nailing his eyes upon hers. She took an involuntary step backwards, but her back hit the wall. She could feel her knees beginning to shake again.

"Don't you think it's time to wake up already, Fujibayashi?" His words were formed like a question, but his tone was demanding. Still, there was a tinge of tenderness in his eyes, his face, and concealed sorrow in his voice. She could feel her throat tightening, but the sensation had nothing to do with fear. "I don't want to keep watching you both go wrong like this." The constriction was moving down towards her chest as she kept looking at his expression which seemed to grow more and more pained. Seconds dragged on in awkward, painful silence, and although it looked like he still had more to say, he didn't manage to push the words out of his mouth.

Eventually, he pulled himself away, sighing deeply. Even without his eyes on her, the atmosphere felt heavy.

"Well, you think about it, alright?" His voice sounded exhausted as he moved towards the door, clumsily putting on his shoes. Her eyes trailed after him. "I'll visit you guys tomorrow, but she probably won't let me in anymore, so I don't get to see you." As he pushed the door open, cool night air flowed into the apartment again, but this time she didn't notice the cold. He sighed once more as he stepped out, and then turned to face her. There was a smile on his face, a smile that looked so familiar it was almost painful. "So, I hope the next time I see you, you'll be feeling much better already." His eyes turned on the sleeping form of her sister, and the look on his face grew warmer. "And when that happens, make sure you take care of your sister, alright? She isn't nearly as strong as she pretends to be." With that, the door was pressed shut, and the familiar, comfortable darkness returned.

She stood still for a long while after he had left, her mind desperately trying to grasp everything that had happened in the span of the last few minutes. The words the man had spoken, the expressions he had used, the gestures he had made kept repeating themselves in her mind, tugging the strings of her clouded memory. Why had he been so frightening at one second and then become so mellow and soft at the other? What did he mean by having to wake up? And _why_ was he so painfully familiar?

Her thoughts bounced back and forth, pressing against the thick veil of haziness that clouded her mind as it furiously tried to process everything she had witnessed. She could recall everything from the disruption of her sleep to the profound repulsion caused by her reflection in sharp detail, more distinctly and clearly than anything before, and it both amazed and frightened her. Her mind, usually so serenely devoid of any meaningful thoughts, had suddenly become overrun with notions and details she had never thought of before up to the point that nothing made sense anymore.

She shook her head in a futile attempt to clear her jumbled thoughts and let herself slide down against the wall. Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to withstand the stampede within her head that threatened to trample over her very conception of the small world around her. Even her body shook as the mental bombardment continued, forcing her to wrap her arms around her as she tried to steady herself.

_What... What is happening to me? _

Eventually, the shaking subsided, as did the rush within her head. The muffled silence that returned into her thoughts felt similar to the one that usually reigned, but there was something novel in it now, an aspect she had not felt before. As she raised her gaze from the floor and looked around the dark apartment, her eyes fell upon her sister, and a rush of emotions flashed through her and sparked within her an irresistible urge to be at her side. Slowly, hesitantly, she moved next to her, sitting down on her own futon. Looking down at her sleeping face felt incredibly soothing, yet at the same time, it surfaced entirely different feelings within her: unexplainable anxiety and unease that constricted her chest painfully, bringing tears to her eyes. She had a sudden desire to reach out and touch her face, but held herself still despite the almost physical pain it caused her; she didn't want her to be touched by the person she had seen in the mirror. Her hands shook again, and she had to bite her lip not to wail out loud.

It hurt. It ached. The reality that she was now able to see was almost unbearable to behold. Looking down at her trembling hands, she felt the stinging pain of the wound behind the crude bandage, but it was nothing compared to the pain that seemed to arise from some deeper part of her heart.

_You... You hurt __too, don't you?_

That night, Fujibayashi Ryou cried for the first time in over a year, cried over the pain that she now realized was not only her own.

* * *

The next morning dawned clear, clearer than any morning she could remember. Right from the first ray of sun that hit her face, everything around her was clearer and more precise. The view over the town outside the window stilled her; she had not realized how many details the scene could bear. When she looked around their small apartment, she found the pictures and photos on the wall of their apartment much more vibrant and cheerful than she could've ever thought. Finally, when she turned her attention to her sister, who was still sleeping next to her, her heart threatened to burst, so beautiful and serene she looked. For a long, long while, she laid down on her bed, trying to take in everything she saw, heard, felt, smelled. Information about her surroundings she had not realized before were being flooded into her brain all at once, and she could do nothing but lay down in silent wonder and awe.

Why had she not realized all this before?

When she finally rose up, her feet guided her towards the bathroom, her hands unbuttoning her pyjamas. She did not resist, letting her intuition carry her.

She had not realized before how soft the flow of warm water could feel on her skin, how revitalizing the sensation was. As such, she ended up spending a long time in the shower booth, losing herself in the newly-found sensation. When she finally stepped out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her, she was unconsciously humming quietly in a cheerful tone. However, the sight that greeted her abruptly silenced her.

Her sister was standing in front of her, leaning against the wall with her other hand and staring at her with wide eyes.

"Ryou," she muttered, and she could distinctively smell alcohol from her breath. She froze, as if she had been caught red-handed from some prank or mischief. "Ryou... What did you...?" Her expression bordered between shock and disbelief, and she blushed unwillingly.

"Oh, I'm... I'm... Sorry," she managed to respond to her older sister, realizing that speaking was much easier than before. "I... I took a shower. I really needed one. I'm sorry," she added as an afterthought: she knew she needed to apologize, she simply didn't know what for. The older sister was still staring at her, but now her expression had changed, and there were tears glistening in her eyes. Trying to desperately think of something to say to remedy the situation, she blurted out the first phrase that came to her mind.

"G-good morning... Onee-chan." At those words, it felt like yet another part of her was released and a warm feeling immediately spread throughout her body. It enveloped her, cut through the remaining haze that still resided within her mind and resonated with a part of her heart that she had forgotten even existed. She didn't have time to further analyze the novel sensation, though, for her older sister caught her in a warm, tight embrace, wailing like a child.

"Ryou! Ryou!" As she kept on repeating her name, she could feel the flow of hot tears on her skin, the tears she realized had been held back for an unreasonably long time now. Trying to ignore the crushing feeling of guilt within her and the sensation of tears pricking in her own eyes, she wrapped her arms around her sister, returning the warmth. Her murmured words were muffled in her sister's shoulder.

"I... I think... I've finally woken up, onee-chan."

* * *

Author's notes: Reviewing is voluntary, but very much appreciated.


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